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Comment on this Forum and on Two Posts

6 years ago

couldn’t think of a good title

I searched for forums for those contemplating marriage to someone with chilluns. Didn’t find anything like this forum. Most were canned advice or one person blogs. Too bad. Though I only spent a few minutes nothing really jumped out at me. More if not all should seek premarital advice in some form. A forum like this for pre marital situations with a variety of responders might work wonders.

I lurk here a day or two maybe every couple three four years. There seems to be a core of responders that know their stuff and get to the heart of the problems with good insight. This time I decided to speak up from two posts. I was impressed because a recent poster actually took the advice and bailed out of a bad scene before compounding it with marriage. The other because one poster thought a marriage with step children cannot work. Well it can too.

Twice I married women with children. The first failed and the children from both marriages had absolutely nothing to do with it. In fact they all consider each other as brothers and sisters and get along just fine.

My wife of the second marriage had three children and I eventually got custody of one of mine. We’ve been together 46 years married 44. Her children are now in their early sixties; mine in their fifties. When her daughter got married she told me she wished it was me walking her down the aisle instead of her father. She drove 200 miles instead of using the phone to tell me she was expecting her first child. Tell me? No. Tell us. Those “kids” are on my side. When I need help they are right there for us with no hesitation. Twice the her oldest son has dropped everything to come to my aid when I was in bad trouble. Etc.

The was no doubt about our commitment since the night we met. Nevertheless we studied many many marriage counseling books. I preferred the books to a human counselor. Wider more varied coverage. Lots cheaper too for sure. Books are king. You can study and re-read and discuss them and cogitate and re-discuss till the thing gets settled. (That’s a good time to jump into the sack). A counselors words evaporate after a few minutes. We lived in separate towns; separate libraries; different sources. We traded books, notes. In short we worked at it. It payed off. Were there problems along the way? Of course. Did they get fixed? Yes. By whom? Us!

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