Way OTT IMO. We exchange token chocolate eggs or rabbits between whatever adults are around/want to do so, give an egg or two to the one child in the family and call it good.

A canoe for EASTER???

I have never heard of giving gifts for Easter and a canoe? Really? Easter egg hunting and Easter baskets are for kids and if no little ones then why do it? I can see one large basket for company to nibble on if they would miss the candy but otherwise a nice Easter dinner should be fine. JMO.

What I was saying is that I buy the presents for all of them from our family. My in laws buy stuff for everybody, too and hide it. My side of the family is in Germany, but we were never that close and never did over the top holidays. I just think it’s weird having a bunch of adults running around looking under shrubs.

I wish you much courage, and a happy Easter as well.

I don't think we ever made a big deal out of Easter. but my MIL insisted on a big family dinner ( pork roast with appetizers, desserts, the works) with all four grand-children in attendance. She did egg hunts, either inside or in her backyard, depending on the weather, first with candy in the plastic eggs, then coins, then folding money. The egg hunt was not a lot of work for her (Though the cooking was) The grand-kids did this long after they stopped believing in Easter bunny. By the way, I never heard of the bunny bringing a canoe. MIL loved this tradition, it appealed to her because she had a hard childhood, grew up very poor,

Jeepers! You do a lot, you’ve spoiled everybody and it’ll take a good sit-down to end it probably. My parents made 3 little Easter baskets and hid them in the house, when we were little. Once we got about 12, that ended. I don’t remember ever searching outside.

I hope you figure out a way to ease your way out of these traditions. Go on vacation and be gone for it all!

This all just reminded me of our Easter mornings.....every kid still at home had an Easter basket, and DH and l shared one. One of DD's boyfriend came in when he brought her home from date and saw all seven baskets lined up. He was sort of appalled! I really don't know why we did it,but it was our thing, I guess. One year we had an egg hunt for all the teen-aged grandkids. We only did it once, but it was hilarious.

Has it ever occurred to you that your husband and daughter are going along with this because they think it makes YOU happy? I can understand the Easter basket because everyone loves chocolate and it's just an excuse to get some, but hiding stuff at this age is a little much.

I would never do that. The one who cares the most should do it. In our family, it's my husband. Gifting at Easter? No way.

Here's one way to reduce your stress. Have a nice family dinner as planned. No hiding things on 5 acres for your husband and adult daughter. If he wants to hide things for his brother's family, fine, as long as you are not providing the things. Let his family provide the goodies and your husband can provide the labor. Send everyone a message right now that you are proposing that gifts for adults should be limited to baskets or candy and small holiday-themed items. Of course, you can get gifts for the immediate family, parents to children. (At 21, your daughter should be reciprocating, too, even in a small way.)

This is just one way to handle it all. Personally, I would enjoy the dinner with family most of all.

Good luck.

I think by now everybody in the family knows how silly I think this is. Is a bit easier when Easter is later in the year. In that case I can get some annuals or vegetable plants for some without worrying they will freeze to death.

Iris good luck with what ever you decide/do.

Moni

My DH gets a bunny and he also gets a box of candy on Valentine's Day - oops guess I'm cutting it close this year

Where did buying gifts for people come from? That seems odd to me. To me, Easter isn't an occasion to exchange (or give) gifts. Perhaps I'm behind the times, but if this was pushed on me I would gently but firmly push back. My goodness - gifts at Easter???

if everyone knows how silly you think it is, then there's your opportunity to STOP doing it!! if deep down you like doing it, then so be it but if you truly do not want to it, then don't. no one can make you do anything.

if they want to continue, tell them "go ahead"... sometimes when people see how much work it is, then they realize "wow, this is a lot of work" and it all stops.

i agree with above, the best part should be the time u spend with the family, not the presents.

and one more thing, i bet you are exhausted by the time dinner rolls around and you are not even enjoying the best part!!??

By the way, I never heard of the bunny bringing a canoe. - vicsgirl

I laughed out loud at this.

Iris, what would happen if you just didn't do it? Don't say anything, and just not do it?

You think it's weird that adults are looking for eggs? Then WHY DO YOU HIDE THEM? They're only looking because YOU put them there. lol

Seriously - stop letting people walk all over you. Say no.

When I was a kid, the big deal about Easter was getting a new spring outfit. Going shopping with Mother the weekend or week before Easter and then showing off on Easter!

They have been doing this for more than 50 years. I doubt I will ever change them. I take my little victories like Valentines Day. Doesn’t mean I am not going to complain.

Iris, please take this in the spirit it's intended.

I know what it's like because I did stuff like this (much smaller scale for not as long, I admit).

When I decided it was just too expensive/too annoying/too inconvenient and that I was just being taken advantage of, I stopped.

There was the expected complaints and whining, but I gave them permission to take over for me. So we don't do it any more, because nobody wanted to do the work....

We have equally as good of a time as before. They love me just the same.

What about if you suggested to pool the resources and take all the goodies off to a women's shelter instead? Nobody would complain about that and the kids would love it.

Best wishes and much strength whatever you decide to do... :)

This year ... you're taking a holiday (as far as getting up at three to hide [partially unfindable] eggs on the 5 acres out back) ...

... 'cause this time it's friend hub's turn to take on that chore.

Or maybe the daughter'll take it on.

Not your turn till next year (or the year after, if they're willing to take turns for the next two years).

But - ya better get moving ... 'cause two days from now's Ash Wednesday!

Good luck with shining a bit of the sunshine of reason into these escapades.

ole joyful

>> They have been doing this for more than 50 years. I doubt I will ever change them.

Then let "them" do it.

Also, "they" haven't been hiding candy for your husband and daughter for 50 years, right? You've been doing that. So if you don't like it, stop it.

Something tells me that although the family states it was from Germany it was originally from Russia where they did give gifts for Easter.

That said it may be too late for this year but at the family gathering gather your courage and state that you are not doing this next year. It will be hard because many will try to shame you into continuing. If you want to make excuses rather than just saying you do not want to continue use the ages of everyone including yourself. Use a concern about husband or you falling when putting all those things out in the dark. The rest of the family can continue if they wish but probably all will be happy to stop.

I understand where you are coming from. I say do whatever makes you happy.

I just remembered this. I think I saw this on here at Christmas. One of my relatives did it at another get-together and said it was loads of fun. If you don't mind the expense, but just don't want to do the 3 am wake call with a full day ahead. Here is a substitute game that might be just as fun. Saran Wrap Ball

I could see wrapped candy and gum, tic tacs, Little Debbies, Pringles cans, Easter eggs with $1 bills, $5 gift cards, and anything else you want. I just showed it to dh. He thinks our kids might enjoy it too. If I do it, they are still getting their gigantic eggs in there.

It sounds like it's your in-laws, along with your gleeful hubby, who are driving this. I have had a tendency to do too much, (well, compared to dh's family who don't really celebrate anything,) and have had to pull back in recent years. You need your dh in your corner--can that happen?

Maifleur, my family is from northern Germany. My mother in law is Swedish, father in law from Austria. Doesn’t really matter what custom it is, they take them all. Before I came to the US, Valentines Day was just for the significant other. Here you have all the cards for it seems every relative there could possibly be in the store. Next thing you know my mother in law “adopted” this custom and got stuffed animals and chocolate for everybody. And of course we had to get her some flowers. I stopped that after a few years though.

Over in Hot Topic's a couple of days ago there was a thread about Russians in it someone mentioned that in their part of the country people would call themselves German rather than Russian. West of here was settled by groups that were originally from Russia moved to Germany and lived there for a couple of generations before moving to this country. This is why I mentioned the Russian connection. In some way it is nice that they acquired the various customs but they may be carrying it too far.

Holidays have gotten totally out of hand these days. Decorating houses for Halloween, Valentines Day. How about JUST for Christmas? And presents for all these occasions. No wonder the general public has very little money saved for college or retirement! They are spending it on decorating and buying presents!

I love the new Easter outfit each year. That was such a big deal in my family. When we moved to KY, I was surprised that no one did that. Then I realized that they buy the new outfit for DERBY, not Easter - the hat for DERBY, not Easter.

A few years ago, I decided I wanted a new Easter outfit. I wanted navy - we always did navy but navy is not popular and hard to find. So I bought some fabric in NYC - wool for a spring coat (Remember spring coats? You won't unless you're over 65!), Lined it in a very small navy/white polka dot silk, and then had a navy/white polka dot silk dress (larger dots) made to go with it. I bought new patent leather pumps (navy is impossible to find and navies often don't go together), had the dressmaker use the extra polka dot silk for a new hatband and bow on a 50+ year old wonderful navy hat (Mr John!). Then I needed gloves. White cotton was too summery - white kid too formal for daytime. I knew what I wanted - white doeskin - but that hasn't been around in at least 50 years.

Well, the Gods were with me! There was a brand new pair (my size!) on Etsy, wrapper and tag intact (from the wonderful old Trimmingham's in Bermuda. They came to me. I had the BEST time with this. DD said I looked like I was channeling the Queen, and I was - she always looks absolutely marvelous - so smart. I had a gorgeous brooch to put on the coat - not quite as nice as the "Granny's chips" the Queen wears, but pretty spectacular. And my triple strand pearls.

Here I am in all my glory!

That's a lovely outfit, Anglophilia. It must feel wonderful to wear with those gorgeous fabrics.

In college, I visited a roommate's and was rather SHOCKED the mother had hidden baskets for everyone there that weekend. Most of her 7 children brought friends home for Easter. Hiding eggs/baskets was a blast when my three were little but since the youngest was in Jr. High I have done one large community basket. Your five-acre hiding extravaganza would not be for me, even if I still had little ones. I wish there were some way we could empower you to write a nice note and let everyone know what to expect this year. Warning them ahead of time would soften the blow. Change is difficult but as already stated--often necessary.

Your Easter outfit looks wonderful. Surprised you found colored shoes in patent. Back in the 70's navy was the color that was found most often on the sale racks at the end of the season along with the shoes that were not sized right. To this day I do not wear navy shoes.

Sort of off topic but I do remember the spring coats. Each season had it's own coat that went along with what women were expected to wear. However winter coats were seldom heavy enough to keep you from being cold.

This is a great looking outfit!

Stunning. Absolutely stunning outfit!

maifleur, I think what you're referring to what's called Volga Germans, communities of Germans who accepted a offer to migrate to Russia that was extended by the Russian monarch in the late 1700s. Many left Russia in later years, some to Germany, some to the US (especially to a few Midwestern plains states). They're not very numerous. They were of Russian nationality but ethnically German in most ways, especially in matters of religion, customs and language.

Elmer the ones west of here are the Volga Germans but I have no idea where the ones that were mentioned in Hot Topics the other day are from. That poster was from Michigan. However the poster did not state how long they had been in this country but if they came any time between the 1920's to 1950's I could see why they would want to call themselves German rather than Russian with the anti-communist feeling in this and other countries.

You know, I always thought it weird, but kind of took it as it has always been. Never questioned why they started it that way. Especially when there are no small kids around. I am going to ask this weekend. They usually drop by.

I don't ever read in Hot Topics so I don't know. Volga Germans called themselves Germans even when in Russia because they lived in mostly segregated enclaves and led "German lives" in much the same way as had their ancestors back in Germany.

I think you're misinformed about what it was like to be of German origin in the first half of the 20th century. Starting with the very beginning of WW1, there was significant anti-German sentiment and discrimination against people and things of German origin. People changed their names, street names were changed, even town names were changed in the US and Canada (Kitchener Ontario in Canada used to be Berlin, Ontario). That continued through and after WW2. Some of German nationality and even those of German ancestry were interned during the war though not to the extent of Japanese Americans.

The McCarthy Red Scare of the late 40s and into the 50s was really more anti-Communist than anti-Russian since there were many different nations with communist regimes in those years.

How does this work? I mean is there a tag on the gifts with the name of the person who should be receiving it? What if someone else found the canoe first, do they get it?

Iris, if it was me I would announce this week, the start of Lent, that Easter at my house is going to be about food and fellowship from now on. Then I would have small Easter baskets foe the younguns.

Elmer I looked the only mention of time was that they came to this country about 100 years ago. That would be during the time that there was much unrest in that part of the world. Since I have mixed ancestry I could say my family came from a dozen or so countries and it would still be true. People coming from Russia at that time did not often want it to be thought they might be communists.

Maddie, yes, there are name tags on the gifts. Most are not wrapped (thanks for small favors) but some might be in baggies if it’s wet or supposed to rain.

I can't imagine hunting Easter eggs as an adult. It does seem like we make so much of holidays that the fun is gone. I remember as a child we got a few things in a basket and my parents hid 6 eggs. 3 for me and 3 for my sister. We had more fun hiding them for each other later in the day, then I have seen kids have finding the dozens of eggs that are hid for them.

"People coming from Russia at that time did not often want it to be thought they might be communists"

maifleur, I've read dozens of books on 20th century US and European history and this narrative you keep repeating differs from what I've read.

The US didn't immediately warm up to the new Soviet Union for geopolitical reasons as much as anything. When Lenin took power in 1917, he withdrew the country from active conflict. That allowed Germany to concentrate its forces on the Western front (where the allies and ultimately the US were fighting). On the other hand, anti-German sentiment was quite strong some time earlier because of the war (started in 1914, renaming of Kitchener was in 1916 just as one of many examples).

The Soviet regime was new and in the early years, few Americans knew much about it. The Germans were severely punished by the Treaty of Versailles and not forgiven by the western powers anytime before WW2 started. If you had a choice in the teens to 40s of being known as having German or Russian ancestors, most would have chosen Russian.

It would be wrong to not mention that Germany (West Germany through the fall of the wall) was the bulwark of the West during the Cold War and has served as the anchor point and foundation of European recovery, peace and prosperity for the last 60+ years. And continues to function as that foundation.

Iris, your relatives may (or may not) be aware that you think this tradition is silly. But since you have been carrying it on for them, they're just going to let you. After all, they don't have to do anything.

I do more than enough for Easter - I still provide one Easter basket for each son-and-spouse-together, and one Easter basket for each of my grandchildren. I don't hide them and I certainly don't go outside to hide eggs or presents. If my grown sons want to hunt Easter eggs, they can darn well hide them themselves. And if they want my grandkids to hunt for eggs, well then they can take care of that too. Not my job.

Enough already. If you truly want to stop, and this is intended in the kindest, most polite way possible: get up off the floor and stop being a doormat. Now's the time to tell them.

Littlebug, they do! They buy stuff for everybody, too and hide it. I thought I said that somewhere here. Thing is they love it. I don’t and I don’t understand it with adults at all. And I hate to be rude, but I do have limited space in the house and hate clutter. So after all these years I don’t need any more stuff to decorate for Easter.

Littlebug has said what I was thinking. When I saw

>>They have been doing this for more than 50 years. I doubt I will ever change them.<<

My first thought was, Yes, you can change them. Just stop doing it. If they're so keen, let them organise it. Let's face it, if you went to meet your Maker tomorrow they'd have to make other arrangements, so give them a head start.

Oh! THEY are still buying stuff and hiding it? That wasn't clear to me - and probably to several others commenting here.

Well, that makes it easier. Just say, "I am not able to participate this year. But you all have fun!"

Sounds like this weekend's get together will be the perfect time to bring it up. And who knows, you might all get a good laugh about it once it's out in the open. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

OK here the real life Russian/German immigrant story. From about a hundred years ago. My father's mother was Russian. She later married a German born German she met in Russia. This would have been around 1911. He adopted my father. They went to Germany around 1917 or so. My dad would have been around 5 or 6. They immigrated to America in the the 1920's. They settled in Michigan because that was where their sponsors were. At no time was my grandmother or father passed off as German even though they had a German last name. Russian people are too proud to hide their Russian heritage. My mother's family were refugees from the revolution. They came by way of Harbin, China. They were married in the 40's. Both in California by that time. Again I reiterate, a very German last name. But never would they consider themselves anything but Russian. There was a lot of prejudice, during the cold war years, even I experienced it as a child, but never would a Russian hide their Russian heritage.

In my family the whole hiding thing is only for the little ones. Sometimes the grown-ups will get a small gift (some chocolate) as well, but it's not a necessity.

For the last couple of years my mom brought up a nice tradition: She always prepares an Easter Brunch and invites the whole family. It's still a lot of work, but my sisters and I always help her, as long as we're home.

If I was in your shoes, I would tell your family that the whole hiding and preparing is too much for you. You shouldn't feel forced to do something you don't enjoy at all. I'm sure your family will understand this and agree to cut off some of the traditions or at least take some of the work out of your hands.