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Need help choosing a job/career.

Anna Cunningham
6 years ago

Really struggling here and looking for your insight.


I am lucky enough that at 36 y.o. I have a possibility to choose a job that I want to do. The problem is I do not know what I want to do, or in other words I have too many interests and I have trouble narrowing it down. I have some limitations I want to do something that:

1. would still let me homeschool and take care of my family,

2. would not take away from my busy husband

3. would work with my ADHD, or a need to move or tinker most of the time

3. would enjoy doing a lot


So my questions are:

- if you chose your profession, how did you know that this is what you want to do for the rest of your life ?


- if you did not have much of a choice, do you just grow to love what you do? Does it really matter in the end what you choose?


- what can I do to to make a good decision?


A bit of background:

I am 36, have two homeschooling kids, 16 and 4. I value them being homeschooled. I love on a farm and as a consequence to that, busy a bit with raising chickens for eggs. I haven't been employed for the past 4 years, since the birth of my daughter.


Before that, I was a teacher of English and German in a small country in Europe, called Moldova. Nobody needs my English lessons here in USA. I did not choose to be a teacher. I lived in a small country with VERY limited career options: you can go to school to be a teacher, a psychologist, and accountant and maybe 4 more options, and you ended up being a cashier.

In US, I was a preschool teacher, and I loved it, but would not do that again.

Then I opened my bakery and sold wholesale healthy brownies. It could have gone well with time, but I was about to have a mother child, and chose to stay home with her. It is not something I want to do again.


THE CURRENT JOB CHOICES:

1. Nurse, and ideally nurse midwife. I love the idea. it is a perfect job for ADHD. It involves helping people which I would love. However, the studies (accelerated) and the job would take a toll on my family right now, and therefore is a dream for the future. I could start studying part time right now though. I am just afraid that what if I spend time and money saying and then change my mind

2. Interior designer and/or garden designer. Seeing beautifully designed places gives me thrills and a wish I could do that. I was busy past 2 years designing and reading the entire house. Self employment would allow me to homeschool and would not be too hard on my family. My fear is what is this choice is only because of my current interest to design my own house. What if I would get tired of it.

3. Social worker, couples therapist. Again involves helping people, gives me chance to set my own schedule, brings good income. It does require a lot of experience, to be a good therapist.


Thank you for any input in advance!

Comments (42)

  • greenshoekitty
    6 years ago

    what about being a tutor for German students,or selling bake goods at a farmers market? you could do this while you decide.

  • jim_1 (Zone 5B)
    6 years ago

    You could work at home while creating something - like a diary of what it is like to home school for a non-native American who lives on a farm and has fresh eggs.

    Some might call it a blog, but you need to practice. You could do a thing for several months and then send some of it to a magazine (Outside or Modern Parenting) to see if they have interest as a monthly column. You would be able to add some money (initially, the money would be a minor consideration) to the household without a lot of outside schooling and/or changing your lifestyle much.

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  • maddielee
    6 years ago

    Do you have or are you prepared to get a degree in Interior Design, Landscape Design or Social Work?

  • Chi
    6 years ago

    Your options cover a huge range, and require a lot of education and training. I think you need more exposure in nursing and social work before making that kind of decision.

    Have you considered homeschooling other children? Some parents will pay for a well-organized program. Or start your own home preschool. It's a lot of work but it's good money if there's a demand in your area.

  • H B
    6 years ago

    I'm not sure, but think its possible your local library/librarian may know about aptitude and other tests; they may help narrow down what might suit your needs and interests (obviously you don't have to follow whatever results you get if you don't like them) but it might provide a different perspective, hopefully one tailored to you.

    I've also had relatives who worked very sincerely at jobs they were not super fond of, but that provided what they needed for them/their families, and they chose to get more fulfillment and joy out of what they could do during non-work hours. That's not ideal, but may work depending on how one chooses to view such a situation.

    Maybe there are things you would do for your own children homeschooling, that you could offer to other home school familes?

    As Maddielee pointed out, therapy requires a fair amount of schooling, some can be done long-distance, but not all. Social worker requires licensing.

    I can appreciate how difficult it is to find work that can flex with the needs of children and families, let alone be fulfilling. Good luck!

  • User
    6 years ago

    I would do aptitude tests before deciding. None of your interests are things that you will have much control on your schedule. One thing you have not decided with your midwife idea is that babies are generally not born on your schedule. You may have to upgrade your teaching credentials but have you thought of teaching ESL classes? In some areas the need is not obvious but is there. Both interior and gardening design would require you to attend conferences to keep current on upcoming changes. Social work could require you to be in an office or able to leave your house at any time depending on the type. In many states although the pay is nice it is not a high paying profession and in some it requires and advanced degree.

    One thing to remember there are no guarantees in life. Few people love what they are doing either when they start or later. Employment is there to provide money to pay for your wants, needs, and future after employment life. What you do outside of most employment is for your enjoyment. After the tests you may need to place you youngest in school while you receive any training.

  • phoggie
    6 years ago

    You seem to have tried a few avenues, but you do not want to do those again. Can you share what about them did you not care for? Maybe by knowing that, we might be able to help narrow them down a bit.

  • OutsidePlaying
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    LPNs and RNs are very employable even on a part time basis. If you decide, as my DD did, to go to nursing school, you could start out with going part time and become an LPN which in most states requires a 2-year associated degree. If you could swing a few classes, most of the work and tests are online. There are lots of options for continuing your education for a bachelors degree after that. And many nurses enjoy the night or weekend shift so they can be home with their kids. Something to consider.

    Only you can decide if you want to invest a few years into making this change, no matter what career path you choose.

  • PRO
    MDLN
    6 years ago

    Suggest find people in those occupations/ professions and ask to shadow them for a few days.

  • Mrs. S
    6 years ago

    You have been a teacher, and you have kids; it seems to me like you have great experience to be a teacher! I do wonder however, how you can have a job that requires you to leave the house when you are homeschooling a 4 year old, but I guess you have some way to do that, so my thinking is that being a teacher offers some benefits of helping with ideas and experience for teaching your own children, while giving you access to materials and professionals. Public school teachers may get great benefits, while having a schedule conducive to parenting kids. Maybe you can get your feet wet while being a substitute.

  • User
    6 years ago

    - if you chose your profession, how did you know that this is what you want to do for the rest of your life ?

    I was told that I was incapable of doing what I really wanted to do. (Parents can really screw you up for the rest of your life...). My husband always knew, from when he was a junior in high school, what he wanted to do and he did it.


    - if you did not have much of a choice, do you just grow to love what you do? Does it really matter in the end what you choose?


    No. I went from job to job. I didn't love any of them. My husband loves his chosen career, 40 years later.


    - what can I do to to make a good decision?

    Well, you can take aptitude tests, but they will only tell you what you would be good at and that won't necessarily coincide with what you love....I guess that's part of the decision. Do you want to do what you love, or do you want to do what you're good at (they are NOT NECESSARILY exclusive of one another).

    I would say listen to your gut instinct...sadly, schooling is expensive and life is short and we don't have the luxury of repeatedly changing careers. If you are able to shadow anyone who is in the profession that interests you, then I would do that. As suggested above, you could start small, with a lesser (but in the same general field) investment.

    What about researching becoming a doula?

    Or check out 7 cups of tea...https://www.7cups.com/listener/becomeListener.php  By no means therapy, but can give you an insight into what it's like.

    Make a list (literally) of all of the pros and cons to each of the careers you're interested in. 2 columns on a piece of paper. There are many forums where you can email those in the profession to ask about the best and worst aspects of their careers. Start a topic in the Design Dilemma section asking an open question if any of the professional designers there would be willing to privately answer a couple of questions about their careers. I'll bet you'll get a few who will chat.

    Good luck!

  • yeonassky
    6 years ago

    How do your homeschooling and illnesses affect your choices? You did mention ADHD.

    I have heard that ADHD people become bored more easily and have shorter attention spans. In order to cater to your need for change as well as your need to help other people I think you need more than one choice of work.

    I'm self-employed using the skills I got from raising kids and having pets. I toggled together my skills or lack thereof. I train and walk dogs, garden, clean houses, child mind and pet sit. I do not have ADHD but I do get bored easily. I put an ad in Craigslist and within months I was working full-time. For all sorts of different people in all sorts of different walks of life. Never boring. I no longer advertise as I get enough referrals. I also want to add that I did refuse jobs that didn't look like they fit me or my time constraints. It was all in my control which was really nice and still is.

    If I had any kind of a second language I would find a way to use it. I do speak Danish marginally but I can't read or write it well. Best of luck in your new adventure.

  • sleeperblues
    6 years ago

    I've researched Moldova a bit, it's a lovely country. I would love to visit there.

    I'm partial to nursing, as that is my profession. It is a great field to get into, and with the financial downturn 10 years ago, many people in their 30s and 40s went back to school to become nurses. We have several LPN programs at the tech colleges where I live, and then you could always do your BSN online. There are so many things you can do in nursing that would allow you to continue to homeschool. Working PM shift (3-11) is just the start. There are many hospitals that offer 12 hour shifts with 3 shifts considered full time.

    I would not encourage becoming a nurse midwife. OB is terrifying, pregnant mom's are getting really unhealthy these days with obesity and diabetes, and even the healthiest patient can have problems during pregnancy/delivery. I know my field (anesthesia) now requires a PhD, and I don't know but I wouldn't be surprised if nurse midwives also need a doctorate. And babies like to be born in the middle of the night.

  • sleeperblues
    6 years ago

    OK, I looked up nurse midwife education. Right now it is a master's degree with a certification exam. That also means continuing education every year to qualify to re-certify. I suspect it will become a doctorate program in the future, just like nurse anesthetists.

  • lucillle
    6 years ago

    I'm with Sleeperblues on nixing the nurse-midwife decision unless you want to make it a more-than-full-time career. You might look into the very high costs of liability insurance in the ob/gyn careers, it seems as if those people have a bulls eye on their backs that says 'sue me'. For all the reasons Sleeperblues detailed, careers associated with childbirth these days can be difficult, and issues and emergencies arise with little warning.

    I am an RN, worked at first in psychiatry but when my children were little I switched to school nursing and really loved it and made a positive difference for so many children and families (I'm now retired). The pay was not great, but the rewards are if you are really in it to help others.

  • rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7
    6 years ago

    You're talking about a lot of educational requirements, training, and certification for each of the paths you've mentioned. Is that something you are prepared to do, practically and financially? If so, this is an exciting time for you.


  • Annie Deighnaugh
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I recommend taking a look a the BLS Occupational Outlook Handbook which not only gives an idea of income and descriptions of what each occupation consists of, but an idea of projected demand for the position.

    Best advice I ever got from my FIL who said, whatever you do, be the best you can be at it as someone is always watching...and doors then will open. I found that to be very true in my career.

    My advice would be to then have the courage to step through those open doors.

  • rob333 (zone 7b)
    6 years ago

    Just wanted to say, it is a smaller world than you know! One of my very dear friends has a daughter in-law who is Moldovan. Good luck with your career choice.

  • Anna Cunningham
    Original Author
    6 years ago

    Thank you everybody for so the advice! I really value it.


    Greeshoekitty, I think nobody would want me as an ESL or German tutor because they can hire native speakers for a tutor in the US. I an though teach my native, Romanian, also some Russian perhaps.


    Jim, I like the idea of blogging whatever journey you are going through. I am just not much of a writer to ever submit my ideas a magazine. I really suck at it :)

    I like the idea of homeschooling other kids. My 4 year old would be so happy with a playmate. Yenassky, that is amazing what you do! it is really resourceful

    I do some small jobs now on the side whenever I can, and sell eggs from the farm and get some veggies from the garden. I also plan to raise a bit of chicken for meat this summer.

  • Anna Cunningham
    Original Author
    6 years ago

    However, I am thinking more long term. I want to have a training I can rely on and go back to in case I need to. I know it is hard to like what you do, and people get tired of their jobs, but I am really trying to choose something I think I would be interested in.

    I guess I just lost trust in knowing what I want (so to say).. I thought I wanted to be a teacher, and then I dod not any longer. I thought I wanted to be a baker, and I still love it, but baking wholesale is not what I would do again.

    I am hesitant to choose any and start, because I want to enjoy what I do for work. Quitting would not be an option at 37.

    I love the idea of aptitude tests. It was mentioned several times, and I am going to look for them.

    Maddielee, I am really prepared to do the schooling and training, part time taking it very slowly for nursing, maybe one course per semester, and online for other two. Attending conferences does not seem so bad, since they are probably from time to time.

    Since midwife require a lot of education, LPN and Rn would be a better option at first, and when kids leave the house, I can go on to be a midwife. I do not care if babies are born at night!!!


  • lucillle
    6 years ago

    I like the idea of homeschooling other kids.

    Check your state laws, not every state allows for the homeschooling of children other than your own.

  • rob333 (zone 7b)
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I have another suggestion if you're staying where you are. My cousin runs a dog boarding place. Which you don't need to do, but she also sells eggs, etc. and her latest add-on for funds is chicken yoga. I think it's "interesting", but it's real. See the link...

  • Anna Cunningham
    Original Author
    6 years ago

    The current illnesses or problems that I have is

    - my ADHD that I am trying to treat. It does not only make you bored quickly, it makes staying at a task similar to the feeling of burning in the fire. You feel like you are about to burst. I just work around it. It makes it easier if you are self employed, since you can switch between tasks every 30 minutes or so, or if you have a hectic job that requires your full attention like nursing.

    I guess my next steps would be taking an Aptitude tests and talking to people employed in this professions so I know what it is like to be one of them.


    I will also check the Occupational Outlook Handbook.

    Iam still hesitant to make a decision. Maybe more thinking will help too.

    Thank you so much. Lots of valuable advice!!


    (Btw, I loves teaching, but it requires a lot of time out of the school to prepare the material, it requires usually full time employment and in my case more also schooling here in the US.)


  • User
    6 years ago

    Here ELS classes are taught by people who are bilingual or know several languages. Some may tutor on the side but here it is in a classroom setting sometimes with people from differing countries and languages.

    Since it will be 14 years before your last child is out of school if that schooling goes to 18 you have many years to decide. Do take the tests now to help decide your actual interests. Any career you decide on will take continuing your education in the fields you mentioned some take yearly professional classes that can be expensive. You mention more schooling for teaching and that is one career that requires additional classes every year.

  • User
    6 years ago

    The book What Color is your Parachute was helpful to me years ago. I was seeing a life coach and we started with parts of that book.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I wish you good luck but have to think that the many limitations and constraints you cite will make your quest very difficult.

  • ghoghunter
    6 years ago

    I also think that taking care of a 4 year old and a 16 year old plus homeschooling them is already a full time job. I have no idea how you could handle anything more. Good luck though.

  • PRO
    MDLN
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Anna Cunningham thanked MDLN
  • Anna Cunningham
    Original Author
    6 years ago

    Rob333, its s a really small world. Chicken yoga sounds like fun :) I have heard of horse therapy around here, not with chickens, but I will be coming around soon.

  • rob333 (zone 7b)
    6 years ago

    Maybe you could host a chicken yoga for money? Good luck whatever you choose.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    6 years ago

    I'm not sure if the nurse midwife information was intended to encourage or discourage that as a direction. But if I read the map correctly, as an example, in the state of Texas with nearly 30 million people, there are 110-210 people employed as nurse midwives. Not exactly a burgeoning occupation.

  • Anna Cunningham
    Original Author
    6 years ago

    Rob333, I could do that, if my yoga mates would not run away from the smell of the chicken poop. :)) its s the worst.

  • Anna Cunningham
    Original Author
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Raee,

    I appreciate the concern, I definitely understand it. It is a good point.

    However, I think that does not apply to me.

    Of course, I want to choose a profession that suits my needs and interests. I am the one who is going to be there and do it. It might be a wishful thinking to find a job that you are happy to do, but I know people who did. So I hope I can do it too. I have done jobs that I did not want to do, and it was not the best.

    But.. I considered what I can give myself, and I can give what I have, and I have my interest in these professions. In choosing nursing, and interior design and in social work, I considered my interests: I am interested in people, I like helping, I love babies, I like taking care of old people, I love asking them about their life, dirty work does not bother me. From the traits are: I function very good under stress. I do have to work on not being distracted, but really it is not so bad. I do think I am intuitive and pretty patient. In asking for advice my other trait as a ADD trait is of major concern to me. I know I can loose interest quicker than other people. I do not want that to happen after I finish studying and start working. I was wondering how and what happens to others. Did they know what they are interested in if that is how they chose a profession or job.

    But I think the major assurance in any profession, besides personality is that the person is interested. I feel can offer what is required and more IF I am interested.

    Salary is not my major factor to decide, although it is important.

  • User
    6 years ago

    Since any training is at least 12 years away I would suggest something that might be possible in your area now is to see if you remain interested in caring for people without spending a lot of money. Become a CNA. The training is different in different states but it would allow you to find out if your interest in caring for people is more than just wishful thinking. Some areas have training at night and weekend along with hands on. The nursing home my husband is in offers some type of training and there may be nursing homes in your area that do also.

    As to your comment about offering what is required IF you are interested none of the fields that you listed care if you are interested. They want someone that is well trained and willing to do what is required all of the time.

  • Anna Cunningham
    Original Author
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    No, no, it is not 12 years away. It is maybe a semester away. I want to start studying one two courses per semester at first, so I am done in a 4-5 years.

    I like CNA idea, such a good idea. It is a good way to be around nurses and pay off LPN or RN training.

    Yes, I agree, whoever wold hire me in the future would need to know that I am well trained.

    For now to make a decision, I am trying to consider my interest before I choose a good training. :))

  • sleeperblues
    6 years ago

    CNA is a GREAT idea. It would really show you the tough side of the nursing profession. If you can handle CNA duties, you can handle nursing. Something you said above gave me pause, though, Anna. The reason for becoming a nurse midwife was because "you love babies". I don't think you understand the full scope of what the position entails. You will be interacting with a baby for an extremely limited time, during and right after delivery. 99% of the time, you will be interacting with the Mom, and any significant other that is very involved or even somewhat involved. Your clientele will be young or very young, and pregnancy is not comfortable so many patients will have issues to deal with. You will deal with substance abuse and smoking in Moms, teen pregnancies, diabetes and obesity, poverty, and many more issues I can't or won't go into now. Obstetrics is not all warm and fuzzy and smelling like baby lotion. And I don't believe it is training that can be done on a piecemeal basis. Once you are in a program, it is full speed ahead. Just some facts to help you make an informed decision.

  • hooked123
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    My daughter is a B.S.R.N., the schooling was hard for her. She graduated magna cum laude last year at 22yrs old, she doesn’t have children and told me that many of the moms in the program were struggling to keep up with the rigorous clinicals and classes. She works in the ICU. She finds the job emotionally grueling. She plans to get into a CRNA program as soon as she fulfills the requirements which is one year in the ICU. She talks about cleaning up large amounts of excrement and blood. It’s a very tough job. Working, homeschooling children and taking on coursework is very tough on a mother. I worked at my children’s school while they were young and went to school myself and it was TOUGH. So many balls in the air.

  • raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio
    6 years ago

    I wonder if you would like being a massage therapist? I don't know about the income from that in your particular area, but it ticks a lot of your boxes, and a good therapist has no trouble getting clients. You can be self-employed or work with a group or for a spa.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    The "CNA" job role used to be called "orderlies". Besides doing many of the tedious, unpleasant and thankless tasks that are of course necessary, health care teams in a hospital setting are very hierarchical and the aides are at the bottom of the hierarchy. I mention this only because that baggage is something many would find undesirable. In a convalescent or nursing home setting, perhaps less so but the unpleasantness factor may be higher for some than in a general hospital population.

    It's often a minimum wage or near-minimum wage position.

  • sleeperblues
    6 years ago

    Sabbath, good luck to your daughter. My suggestion would be to work more than 1 year in ICU, although that is the requirement for anesthesia school. I had 10 years of critical care in all areas (peds, medical, surgical, trauma, and burn) before I went to anesthesia school. I know that my varied background definitely helped me in grad school, but it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I had school nightmares for 10 years after becoming a CRNA. Although now, after being a CRNA for 25 years, I can say that I love my job (even the really hard days). Feel free to have your daughter message me if she wants more information.

  • sephia_wa
    6 years ago

    There are lots of resources on-line to help in choosing an occupation/career, etc.

    https://www.thebalance.com/steps-to-choosing-career-525506

    http://www.occupationsguide.cz/en/main/V.HTM

    http://www.occupationsguide.cz/en/kriteria/kriteria.asp

    http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/12/18/this-easy-test-will-tell-you-what-career-you-should-choose-based-on-your-skills/

    https://careertrend.com/how-2093600-choose-an-occupation.html

    These are just a few of all the resources I found.

    "I am hesitant to choose any and start, because I want to enjoy what I do for work."

    Whether you like or don't like your career, occupation, job, etc, is all up to you. Your career is what you make of it. Work doesn't have to be drudgery, something you do to earn a paycheck but hate doing. Think about how long people are in the workforce. Doing something you hate for 30+ years, yikes, I can't imagine that. Actually, I wouldn't do that. I've been at my employer for 35+ years, and while I've held positions I wasn't crazy about, I learned something from it. If I didn't like my job, I transitioned to something that I did like. It was all up to me to ensure that I didn't dread going to work everyday. I could be miserable, or I could shape my employment to be something enjoyable.