Bruce Nauman Quotes
American - Sculptor Born: December 6, 1941

If you really want to do it, you do it. There are no excuses.
Bruce Nauman

I like to use my hands and make things... It might seem pretty stupid or pointless but that doesn't matter... some of the most interesting work is the stuff that starts like that - out of a raw need for activity.
Bruce Nauman

The true artist helps the world by revealing mystic truths.
Bruce Nauman

And then what makes the work interesting is if you choose the right questions.
Bruce Nauman

Generalised anger and frustration is something that gets you in the studio, and gets you to work - though it's not necessarily evident in anything that's finished.
Bruce Nauman

I'll talk. You'll listen.
Bruce Nauman

What I am really concerned about is what art is supposed to be - and can become.
Bruce Nauman

I think humor is used a lot of the time to keep people from getting too close. Humor side-steps and shifts the meaning.
Bruce Nauman

I don't like to think about being an influence. It's embarrassing.
Bruce Nauman

In the studio, I don't do a lot of work that requires repetitive activity. I spend a lot of time looking and thinking and then try to find the most efficient way to get what I want, whether it's making a drawing or a sculpture, or casting plaster or whatever.
Bruce Nauman

In art, the only one who really knows whether what you've done is honest is the artist.
Bruce Nauman

And I don't have any specific steps to take because I don't start the same way every time. But there is a knowing when it's enough and you can leave it alone.
Bruce Nauman

In this case we're building a corner to stretch a fence and hang a gate. It had a real purpose in the ranch here. I needed to do this. But at the same time, it made a beautiful structure.
Bruce Nauman

I've always been interested in what happens in the studio.
Bruce Nauman

If you choose the wrong questions and you proceed, you still get a result, but it's not interesting.
Bruce Nauman

And so I put down some of the things that he said, about keeping your tools sharpened and not letting them lie on the ground where they get hurt or get abused and dirty and can't find them. And some thoughts about how his father used to do things.
Bruce Nauman

But part of the enjoyment I take in it is finding the most efficient way to do it, which doesn't mean the corrections aren't made. I like to have a feeling of the whole task before I start, even if it changes.
Bruce Nauman

But if you can find that spot - I suppose it's like running - I used to be a swimmer and swim laps, and you just have to be there with what you're doing.
Bruce Nauman


Steven Wright Quotes
American - Comedian Born: December 6, 1955


Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus?
Steven Wright

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Steven Wright

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Steven Wright

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright

I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright

What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Steven Wright

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Steven Wright

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright

I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'
Steven Wright

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Steven Wright

They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
Steven Wright

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
Steven Wright

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright

On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Steven Wright

Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
Steven Wright

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Steven Wright

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Steven Wright

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Steven Wright

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
Steven Wright

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright

The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.
Steven Wright

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Steven Wright

If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Steven Wright

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
Steven Wright

Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see.
Steven Wright

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
Steven Wright

I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
Steven Wright

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
Steven Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Steven Wright

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
Steven Wright

OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.
Steven Wright

I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
Steven Wright

So, do you live around here often?
Steven Wright

I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it; it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Steven Wright

It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that's not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It's a gut feeling.
Steven Wright

I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.
Steven Wright

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.
Steven Wright

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright

It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
Steven Wright

When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Steven Wright

To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
Steven Wright

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
Steven Wright

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright

I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright

My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'
Steven Wright

I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
Steven Wright

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
Steven Wright

I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I'm okay. It's like I'm out there all by myself just delivering my lines to nobody in particular without ever trying to notice the audience in front of me.
Steven Wright

Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'
Steven Wright

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Steven Wright

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
Steven Wright

I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
Steven Wright

I invented the cordless extension cord.
Steven Wright

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright

Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright

I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
Steven Wright

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
Steven Wright

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright

When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.
Steven Wright

I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright

I'm addicted to placebos.
Steven Wright

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright

My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.
Steven Wright

I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.
Steven Wright

How young can you die of old age?
Steven Wright

I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Steven Wright

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
Steven Wright

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
Steven Wright

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.
Steven Wright

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Steven Wright