Don't wait, people are already shopping. What about phone calls to the people first? It's a time issue, I think.

PS, we gave up on presents for everyone except small children years ago, and it is liberating. You won't regret it. Sometimes I make spiced pecans or some baked goods for neighbors, and for years a friend and I would treat each other to lunch.... which was funny, but good company, I paid her portion and she treated me!

You are doing a good thing.

I'm sure everyone who knows you knows what you've been through. I agree that you should connect one on one. Call and have a conversation with your loved ones.

As a fellow widow I know the holidays are tough. Especially the first. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through this year.

I understand about the support group. It’s not a happy place but sometimes you might want to talk with others for strength. Or not. Just take each day as it comes. Some will be better than others.

Bless you and your family.

Sorry you've had such a bad year, hopefully next year will be better.

I agree with the phone call suggestion. Stick to the topic at hand lest the conversation devolve in a different direction and be misunderstood as to intent. "I've decided it's best for me to not......and so please don't ... Thanks."

So sorry you've had such a rough time, it has to be so hard. I think a group email will do the trick. Think of the good times and how much you enjoyed those days. We all have our burdens, some harsher than others, but as long as we have choices, we can choose to be happy. Happy thanksgiving to you.

We stopped the Christmas gift exchange years ago and it has been so liberating not to have to worry about shopping and overspending on things no one needs.

If you are up to making phone calls to each person involved, you could simply say that it's been a difficult year and you'd like to opt out of giving gifts this year and that you'd also prefer not to receive any. I don't think I'd bring up the charity/donation idea, but if people insist that they want to give you something, you could then mention the charitable donation to whichever charity and how happy it would make you if they did that instead.

If phone calls are more than you wish to do (although this would also be a good time to send your holiday greetings), then a group email that says the same thing. You'd have to word the donation part a little differently. Maybe something like, "for those of you who for whom it's just not the holidays without giving gifts, a donation to so and so charity in my husband's name is all that I want or need." Then wish them a happy and blessed holiday season and new year.

Best wishes; I hope next year is kinder to you.

The best thing about stopping the gift exchange, all that time you would spend shopping, wrapping, mailing....not to mention the cost, you can spend on the special programs out there during the season. Go ahead and call or send a group E-mail. You might be surprised at how many people you make happy.

I am sorry for your losses. I would just tell them via any way you find comfortable, "I have had a rough year, and am not up to doing the holidays this year. Best wishes to you and yours." Maybe you could say a phone call or some kind of communication would be welcome if they have time, and if that is what you would like. I would not ask for a donation to a charity; I did that only for my husband's funeral, for a student travel fund. But I don't think it sounds right for a holiday gift.

Between 2013 and 2014, I lost my dog, mother, and husband within one year. I have found the widows forum helpful and they have a forum for multiple losses.

http://widowedvillage.org/forum

I was/am not up to meet-up groups but this was just right for me. I hope you can get through the holidays peacefully, healing at your own pace, and not worrying about your former gift-giving.

I Wish I could find a way to say "Let's not exchange gifts at all any longer." Anyone have tips on that?

What you propose is very reasonable. After my mother's family aged, they stopped regular gifting at Christmas time, but wrote letters and sent cards. Occasionally, one sibling might send a special handmade gift or photo to the other siblings. These became family memorabilia. One example, one holiday season, my Uncle gave an oil paintings he had made to his siblings. The objects in the paintings were connected to the family in some way. The painting he sent to my mother was of his son's small commercial fishing boat in Alaska.

They decided to put Christ back into Christmas and sent gifts on a random basis.

Don't feel guilty about taking a break. I lost my husband of 32 years in 2010, my favorite aunt in 2014, and my mother this May, so the holidays no longer hold the joy they once did, although I try, for the kids and grandkids. I'm so sorry for your losses.

andreap, I'm so sorry for your losses, too. I wish you both peace and contentment, although that might seem like a long way off.

andreap, I think what you wrote about not exchanging gifts is just perfect as a way to approach an end to gift exchanges. If you feel you need to say more, you could add that you have everything you need and appreciate the gift of a visit or a phone call so much more than material things.

Thank you mama and Dawn. I should have stopped this 3 years ago but every year spend $$$ sending out packages. So tired of it. I will find a way to deal with it. I told my bro-in law this year, please don't send anything for the anniversary of his death, just call me. He never did. I have a closet of boxes full of knickknacks / ornaments I have no use for. And then there are stale cookies that are sent that I throw out to birds and squirrels. Sorry, this is getting off-topic.

I think people feel relieved at not having to buy gifts, wrap them, etc. When someone in my family suggested we not exchange gifts anymore, I was relieved. I'm busy, I work, and dealing with that is a hassle. We all now get together and enjoy each other's company without having to figure what to get each other. I don't need more stuff and others in the family felt the same way. I doubt anone gets offended when you tell them they don't need to get you any gifts.