This is why I never have house guests :)

I commiserate. I have a SIL that doesn't come up for air. It wouldn't be half as bad if the topics were at least interesting to the rest of us. Then, all the details that make things worse.

My DH gets frustrated and sometimes tells her to get to the point. For example, she lives in one of our buildings and a person who rents the garage gives her the rent to pass on to my husband. DH will say, "Did J stop by with the rent?" "Well, I was getting ready to go to a doctor's appointment and was doing my hair. The doorbell rang and I didn't get to answer it on time. I wasn't sure it was J but........." On and on. Finally, DH interrupts and asks the original question and yes, J gave her the rent!

We have such a small family and it would have been nice for me to actually like my SIL. But, along with this and another personal feeling of distrust, it is what it is.

Since DH manages his properties where she lives, he sees her often enough so I don't feel the need to visit with her. I try to keep things cordial. But, it is difficult.

D_gw, it sounds like yours don't live close so at least it's not ongoing.

Oh, I have one of those, too! Fortunately she lives far away and she and her DH are nearly hermits and don't travel. But don't get her started on the family "genealogy" she's working on.

Donna

I once had to jettison a roommate because she could not pick up on social cues at all. If you tried to break up a conversation with her by going to the bathroom, she would literally follow you to the bathroom and talk to you through the door. I have some relatives who also engage in the conversational detours and it is maddening. I assume that frank diplomatic feedback would be kind and the adult thing to do but I have a hard time not being avoidant.

I did have to readjust at home because husband was out of work and had sleep apnoea for a year, between the two I didn’t get a lot of conversation out of him. Then he got a cpap and went back to school and I had to re-learn how to have conversations at home instead of hanging out on the internet constantly.

Ruh roh, that sounds like me. Not so much that i talk all the time, but the know-it-all-ishness!

Mtn...but in your case it's true ;)

I have guests but invoke the fish rule - after three days it starts to stink. Then however obnoxious the guests are you know it will be over soon.

My late SIL was a nightmare. My DH never spent any time with her and I was stuck with her constant, endless, annoying chatter. My late MIL was the same. I don't miss either of those women. Both very manipulative complainers. Always unpleasant to be around. I was too polite to lay down the law, but I did escape frequently to a private space in my house for long periods of time when they were here. Sometimes I would "pretend" to go to work on a day off just so I could escape my MIL, in particular. I always volunteered to work the Christmas holidays so I had an excuse not to go their place for Christmas. She always thought it was horrible that I had to do that, but never had a clue I did that because of her. His parents' visits were unpredictable and usually a few months. I dreaded them. DH and his father would watch sports endlessly and I was stuck with the wicked witch. RIP.

Eld6161, that sounds exactly like my mother. I now start questions to her with, "Mother, this is question for which I would like a yes or no answer."

I live alone and sometimes when I get an actual person in front of me, a captive audience, I tend to "extend" my stories. However, not as bad as my BF who resembles the OP's person. I used to ignore but lately it's getting harder to do.

One of our best couple friends visited us at our vacation house this summer. They actually invited themselves because they were checking out of a weekly rental and wanted a place to stay for 1 night to avoid the peak traffic home. We were fine with it. However, one night turned into three and my friend's non-stop chatter, along with her extreme political opinions became too much for me to bear. As we all sat around chatting after dinner on the last night she said something and I told her off. I suggested that I hope she realizes that she needs to be more tolerant of the opinions of others. The next day she thanked me and she said she gave what I said much thought and she wonders how others see her. I apologized for being harsh and told her that I still love her and laughed it off!

I think there was some resentment about overstaying and not helping, which I take ownership of.

I am in the middle of distancing myself from a friend who talks nonstop. I feel so much better already. I didn't realize how much hostility I was holding in, until I quit seeing her so much. I try to make it so I only see her in a group and try to not sit next to her. In a group of 4 the other day, I began going through my purse (rude) in order not to have to give her my attention. She will talk slow and act like she is explaining to imbeciles and everyone is too polite to ask her to cut to the chase. No one talks about her because everyone is so polite and nice. They probably thought I was horrid rooting thru my purse. I should have excused myself to the restroom!

When my brother and I were in our mid-50s I realized that he probably has Aspbergers. Later he told me he thinks so, too. Anyway, I started telling him outright "well, bro, everyone has gone, it's time for you to go home, too. Here's your coat, good night." Or "bro, tell me later because right now I have to (fill in the blank) and then I'd just turn and go do it. Worked like a charm, he wasn't offended (probably because he can't read social cues!) and now it's our modus operandi. I even step in when he's overtaking with other people.

Of course, that's not everyone's issue, but sometimes you do have to speak up.

that sounds like me. Not so much that i talk all the time, but the know-it-all-ishness!

What? Someone is like that HERE?!

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I prefer not to interrupt but sometimes you have to or there is no conversation. Of course it helps to keep up the "Yeahs" and "Uh huhs" so an absolute monologue does not set in. Think of these responses as place holders, so when you finally dare to make your own statement it doesn't come as a total surprise.

Or you can just let them grandstand while you do what you have to. Like going to the bathroom. If it appears you really are just Wilson (Tom Hanks' basketball) to them then they shouldn't care too awful much if they don't have your complete attention the whole time.

I've come to see the type of behavior described in this thread as controlling and possibly narcissistic. I was never so happy as when caller ID came along so that I could avoid a certain "friend" who would call every day and talk non-stop for at least an hour. I wish I had the type of personality to have told her (as well as others with similar personalities who have come and gone in my life) directly that this was a problem for me but instead I revert to "non-confrontational" methods such as avoidance.

eld6161, that sounds like my sister. Thank goodness we live in the same town, so no overnights involved. Phone calls are sometimes like fingers on a chalkboard!

I feel for you, d_gw. I would probably be needing bail.

Well, it sounds as if I'm not alone in this world of babbel :-)

Eld, the story about "did J leave the check" is so funny.

BonnieAnn.

The next day she thanked me and she said she gave what I said much thought and she wonders how others see her. I apologized for being harsh and told her that I still love her and laughed it off!

I think there was some resentment about overstaying and not helping, which I take ownership of.

You're a good egg.

My SIL and I have always gotten along but this was the first time in 30 years we have spent four days together with no other distractions. No kids, no holiday, no other relatives. Phew.

She is very controlling and demanding but also very polite and well spoken so it takes a minute to realize that you are being manipulated. And after she manipulates you into something she then prompts you to applaud her superior decision. Wasn't that extra hike across the busy road worth it? Umm, no not really but I am too polite to say.

We put her on the plane this morning and now I can eat what I want, when I want :)

"very polite and well spoken so it takes a minute to realize that you are being manipulated."

Oh, yes! My SIL is considered to be one of the nicest people you'd ever meet but I find her to be controlling and judgmental (in the very nicest way, of course!). I consider myself to be pretty good at reading people; I look and listen. She'll ask very engaging questions (under the guise of being oh-so-interested in you) but before I finish my answers she'll cut me off, changing the subject to the most mundane of topics, i.e. "Oh, look at that bird over there!" (actual example). She'll also store away information you've given and then bring it back in a future conversation in an unflattering way, taking my words or POV and misconstruing them. I've learned to just not answer, avoid, change the subject. DH was totally clueless until I pointed it out to him and now he's extra cautious as well.

Oh, my. We must have the same SIL. MIne does something similar to your "bird" example.

When we are in a group and if she feels left out of the conversation, she will "announce" something like, "Look at that stain on your sleeve." Of course, there isn't a stain, and she will acknowledge it, but then the conversation is interrupted which is exactly what she wants. I have since caught on to this, and when it happens, after her interruption, I said, "okay......now I would like to finish the conversation that we were having and then I proceed."

Another annoying habit. Instead of asking something directly, she asks indirectly with a negative connotation. "I guess you don't see your daughters much, now that they both live in the city." How about asking how they are or what they are up to?

Grrrr.

'"I guess you don't see your daughters much, now that they both live in the city." How about asking how they are or what they are up to?'

Yes!!! And her M.O., which everyone is so impressed with...."Oh, C. is always so concerned about everyone but herself"...is just an attempt to draw attention to herself. Every. Single. Time.

Well, shoot....now I'm all depressed about Thanksgiving! ;)

I have one friend who is a WONDERFUL woman and a wonderful friend. She's smart, kind, well educated, has traveled the world and has had a very interesting life. I like doing things with her - we mostly do cultural things, plays, opera, ballet, etc but sometimes we just get together for a visit. She lives in another city a couple of hours away, so it's easier to have an overnight when she comes to visit.

But she'll start talking and talking and talking, often about her family, which is large and pretty soon she is off on a tangent about her sister's husband's brother's daughter's boyfriend who (fill in the blank). It's never mean or judgmental, maybe something tragic happened, or a health diagnosis or a great job, or something. It would be something I'd be interested in if she were telling me about a mutual friend but the 6 degrees of separation just makes me crazy. Often, I have totally lost the thread of connection to her and she'll be talking, talking, talking about someone I have no interest in or connection to and I just zone out. It doesn't matter, she doesn't notice.

She always wants to go away for the weekend, but the thought of being trapped with her in a car, then in a hotel (I can excuse myself when she's here and just go upstairs to bed) with the nonstop talking makes me cringe. It's awkward to always have an excuse why I can't travel with her.

Reminds me of my late MIL. She'd call DH every day, about 5:15. Just about the time he got home from work. I got so I could tell from the ring tone (not really - we didn't have specialized ring tones then) and I wouldn't answer the phone. DH, of course, couldn't stand to let it ring and would pick it up. And I could always tell it was MIL because he would say "hello" and then nothing else for the next 15 minutes straight. I'm not sure MIL ever took a breath, relating stories about so-and-so at work and their friend/spouse/neighbor/dog/manicurist/parole officer, yada yada yada.

Sadly, many people who talk too much are simply lonely.

Oly, my cousin is similar. She talks about her travels, then we move on to her very elderly husband's trials and tribulations, then his children grandchildren (her steps). Then, maybe I will get 15 minutes of the hour-long conversation.

What I find funny is when she complains about friends of hers who talk too much about boring things. After all, everything she says is very interesting, right?

At one point we had a big falling out and didn't talk for months. It was then that I could decide to cut her out completely or make amends. Again, because my family is small, I decided I wanted her in my life. Our relationship is just not as it was.

OLy, what I do with my cousin is I take a deep breath before calling her. I then sit in front of my monitor and surf the web. I try not to do too much typing as I think she would be able to hear it.

Since you say your friend is wonderful, maybe it pays to have a heart to heart talk? Or, if you feel uncomfortable with that what would happen if you start butting in with humor. "My goodness, my brain doesn't work like it used with so many details." Then, turn the conversation around to something you can both discuss.

I told my SIL when I answered the phone one night "you're the reason I need caller ID". This was before cellphones and before caller ID was widely available. I hated that woman.

I think behavior fulfills needs. Those who monopolize conversations especially in a bossy way, could it be loneliness, or maybe a need to put on a performance to boost their own self esteem?

One approach is to avoid that person. Another is to attempt to guide the conversation. But if it is a valued friend, or a family member that is going to be in your life for some years, perhaps it might be worthwhile to discern the need and help the person fill it. A tall order I'm sure, but if it solves their needs and yours, maybe worthwhile.

Good point Lucille. For me, I don't have too many people left in my life that share a long history. This is why I think it is so difficult to cut loose those you probably would otherwise.

With my cousin, I limit contact and I notice she does as well.

When I realized early on that my SIL would not become a friend, I try to take a back seat. It is difficult to not complain about her but I pat myself on the back each time I handle things with finesse, especially when DH is involved. For all intent purposes, she is the only family. He is not close with any of his cousins.

Behavior fulfilling needs - maybe. Or maybe it's cluelessness or habit that polite people tolerate so the behavior continues and worsens. With two people in my life who are run-away talkers, trying to discern their needs or personality impairments and then come up with solutions is way beyond my abilities.

My poor DD has a new SIL who is a NST. DD’s MIL, who is the sweetest, kindest woman in the world, treated her DIL’s to an overnight trip recently to an event. They were all in the car for about 3 hours to and from the event and overnight. DD was about to lose her mind. She even sent me a text with a clip she secretly recorded to illustrate what she was going through. Every time DD would mention something something, SIL had a comeback. I had to remind her - KSWL.

The last time my "show up unannounced" non-stop talker of a friend visited, I was watching TV, waiting for a favorite program to come on. I normally turn off the tv and give her my attention. Well, this time I decided her tales of woe and lengthy recitations of family history was not going to win out. So I kept seated in my recliner, with the movie "Total Recall" with Arnold Swartz. playing! ha I asked if she wanted coffee, yes she did. I gave her the cup, she said "Did you want to go into the kitchen?" uh......no....not going to be trapped in the kitchen. Me: "No, that's ok".

So the whole time she is talking, she is disgusted at the movie, hides her eyes, looks down, makes remarks about it (she rarely watches tv). Until an ad about Trump came on and she got all animated about him and went on a tangent. Finally, she realized I wasn't going to turn off the TV, made another snarky remark about the movie and said she had to leave! Oh my, I have never acted that way towards a guest. But we actually parted ambically on the front porch, and she called me a couple days later. : )

I wonder what causes people to do this/ One of the women I travel with talks all the time. I get to the point where I am afraid to make a comment because it sets off a torrent of remarks. I say she feels compelled to narrate life -- comment on everything. i wish she would learn the joy of silence and the ability to enjoy a persons company just by being alongside them.

My parents had a friend that never shut up. My dad said she talked both inhaling and exhaling. When you were talking she would be saying mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, until she got her chance to jump in. However, she was a very kindhearted person.

My mother can talk too much and dominate the conversation. I finally had to tell her, as politely as I could, that she might not be aware that she does it but she needed to be conscious of it and try to limit it.

Months later, my sister asked why she was wearing a rubber band around her wrist. My mother replied that I told her she can talk too much so she decided to wear the rubber band as a visual reminder to herself not to dominate the group conversation.

The funny thing is, the rubber band method has not been entirely successful. We were visiting with a cousin and my mother was way too talkative, it was hard for anyone to get a word in. My cousin told me that my mother explained to her how she wears the rubber band to remind herself not to talk so much but my cousin had to say "but you're still talking."

It was difficult to tell her and I made sure to do it in a private moment, not in front of others, but I think it was worth saying. Sometimes I still want to reach over and give the rubber band a snap but she has improved and she wouldn't have if I never mentioned it.

Yesterday I flew to the US from Germany. 9.5 hours. The guy in the seat behind me did not shut up the entire time!!! I wanted to throttle him! I do not like to watch movies on the plane, but decided to watch one just to get a break from his voice. I'm not sure if he knew his seatmate before the flight, but the guy did not try to stop him...at least not in an obvious way. What is the matter with people!!!

"My mother can talk too much and dominate the conversation. I finally had to tell her, as politely as I could, that she might not be aware that she does it but she needed to be conscious of it and try to limit it."

Oh LORD. My mom ALWAYS has to dominate every conversation. Everything has to be about her. And she constantly talks over people, SO rude. It drives me NUTS. But everytime we try and talk to her about it, she gets all upset and starts crying, saying that we are not being respectful and should not talk to her that way...blah blah blah. It's just ridiculous. I mean, I love her, but damn.

hhireno I'd be tempted to reach over and snap that rubber band. ;-)

You all have described to a "T" my MIL. (Step MIL that is.)

She natters incessantly.

My DH used to call his (now deceased) Dad every day on his drive home from work. MIL would stand there and tell him what to say or make comments on the 1 side of the conversation she could hear. His Dad would have to take the phone out to the garage so they could talk.

FIL lost his hearing in his old age, and wore hearing aids. There were times when I'd see him reach up and turn them off when she was rambling. LOL He'd nod his head now and then with an "uh-huh" and she kept right on going.

Since FIL has passed, she removed herself from our lives. Can't say we miss her and her nattering narcissistic ways one iota.

When I first read this: "But everytime we try and talk to her about it, she gets all upset and starts crying, saying that we are not being respectful and should not talk to her that way...blah blah blah."

This is exactly what came to my mind: "...her nattering narcissistic ways".

I believe narcissistic personality disorder can describe much of the behavior described above. I lived with one (mother) and am very familiar with their egocentric and manipulative ways.