I know people who need conflict to survive. They define themselves by their disagreements. It must be very hard to live in their heads.

Some people argue just for the sake of argument. I try to avoid these people.

My SO, who since has passed, could be just the person you are talking about Sylvia. Once I remarked "how blue the sky is today". Yes - he began by saying he didn't regard the sky as blue, why would I say it's blue, etc. etc. Sometimes I dreaded any conversation with him.

My best girl friend, whom we were both in a band together with him for years, noted that he only acted this way towards women. I realized that it was true.

I once knew someone who made a comment about the sky being blue and the guy with her proceeded to tell her that the sky is not blue, and gave her a super complicated explanation about how the blue we see is light reflecting off of the atmosphere or something. Honestly, sometimes it's ok to just let the sky be blue!

My hubby is sometimes argumentative like this and when he does that, I just drop whatever it is and leave the vicinity. Fortunately, it doesn't happen very often. People like this also often have to have the last word; tempting as it is to get into a back and forth, it's easier and less stressful to let them have the last word even though it is a very annoying trait on their part.

Dawn, if you hadn't said "guy" I'd have said that person had met my sister! LOL

My BIL. Drives me insane sometimes.

And blue jays aren't really blue. lol

Yes, I know two like this and I limit my conversations with them. Having the last word is very important to them and even if I agree with what is said, they will disagree about that lol. Funny thing, both are in my social circle and they rarely interact with each other.

My DH and his father love each other dearly, but they communicate by arguing. Every single statement uttered is either a disagreement, a correction, or a one-upmanship of the previous statement. That's just the way they are, and have been for all the years I've known them. I can tell when they've been together for a day or two, because DH adopts that tone with me. I tell him not to talk to my like I'm his father, I don't tolerate it.

I used to be casual friends with a guy who argued with everything

No you weren't!

(I don't watch Amen & wife for very long at a stretch as - along with other medical or financial shows on P.B.S. about what we all should be doing - it can be depressing or frightening)

M: An argument isn't just contradiction.

O: Well! it CAN be!

M: No it can't!

M: An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

O: No it isn't!

The Argument Sketch

http://www.montypython.net/scripts/argument.php

That's funny, pudgeder! There must be more argumentative people out there than I realized! :-)

It was recently pointed out to me that I always have to have the "last word" when texting. I didn't realize I did that. Now I make an effort not to do that any more.

murraysmom, I am sometimes guilty of getting in the last word when emailing or messaging with people. But, it's not that I'm trying to get in the last word, it's more like I'm trying not to be rude by abruptly ending the conversation and not acknowledging what whomever I'm corresponding with has just said. My sister has solved this issue by giving me a visual cue. If we are going back and forth talking about something and the conversation has run it's course, she sends a "thumbs up" gif/meme thingy which lets me know she has all the info she needs and we can end the conversation. Works for us!

A basic positive assertion technique is to always agree that the other party probably does believe what they are saying. This way you aren't committing to their claims being right or wrong, yet you aren't letting anything stick to you either - when they are indulging in a "You know what your problem is" style of outburst. Instead you are putting the focus back on them. That what they are saying is a demonstration of what they think, and not what definitely is generally true - or how you are.

Of course, intimates may require different handling.

Embothrium.....I like that! I have this renter that lies....about everything. Yet, the house looks fine & he's never missed a payment. I usually just say, OK....right...with a question mark on the end & he tries even harder to convince me. I should say, "I realize you believe that". That would leave him hanging there....lol

They define themselves by their disagreements.

That is really perceptive. Not only in terms of describing what is going on, but as a way to help those perhaps unconsciously engaging in that behavior, because who would consciously want to define themselves in that way?

I think it's mean-spirited to bring up forum members who aren't even participating in this thread. If you're going to do it, at least avoid the vague, hinting, passive-aggressive approach and own your behavior.

A long time ago, I worked with an associate who used arguments as a form of his entertainment. We had an open work space. The engineers and technicians desks were on one side of a large room and our work benches were on the other side. The managers were in offices at the far end of the room. He'd find two people having a friendly discussion and enter in briefly just long enough to discover the subject. Then, he would throw out a statement that he knew was false but presented it as fact. Someone would pick up on this and an argument might ensue. As soon as the argument was established, he step away and return to his desk to pretend to do paperwork and watch the 'discussion'. He may have hoped the discussion would become loud enough to attract the attention of the bosses.

I was a newbie in the workforce at the time and got suckered in a couple of times before I caught on. If the group was 3 or more, he was so adept at this that he could start an argument by merely walking by and tossing out a one liner.

jemdandy, that is so similar to the behavior of someone I knew. This woman was a friend of the family's and one day my mother and I had a bit of an argument in front of her- nothing terrible- I was frustrated by what I perceived as my mother not exercising enough (I was wrong- my mother was becoming very ill and we did not know it at the time- the "laziness" was in fact physical.) At any rate, shortly after the argument the friend of the family was with me alone and she told me how right I was to take my mother to task for not doing what she should.

So a few days later, I am back to haranguing my poor mother and I tell her, you know even so and so says I am absolutely right in being upset with you about this. Well, wouldn't you know when that "friend" was with my mother , she told my mother that I had a lot of nerve to speak to my mother so disrespectfully, who did I think I was!

My mother and I then realized that the friend of ours was doing this exact same thing but within her very own family- between her children and her husband no less. I am not sure if she sought entertainment or power or what by sowing this kind of dissension.

It's bad enough someone who has to have an opinion on EVERYTHING much less turned into an argument...UGH!!! Exhausting, aren't they??

Lynn, I wasn't referring to you, sorry if you felt attacked. I believe you used his name, and I think that's fine and not passive aggressive. I was referring to the couple of people who kept hinting at him but not saying it outright. That what I think is wrong - it's like trying to be rude but doing it in a way that can be denied if it comes to it. I don't remember who the people were - it looks like all of those posts have been deleted.

There are coworkers like that and they are not easy to work with. Plus they don't hesitate to throw someone under the bus.

I have a nephew in his late 20’s who gets this way sometimes. I tend to think it’s part his personality and part lingering immaturity.

Always one step, I used to date a guy who always had an opinion on everything. I finally figured out that it was narcissism. No matter what anybody else said, he overrode it. Dolly, you're so right! I think they manipulate situations so that they can throw somebody under the bus (sabotage).

Sylvia, are you talking about my ex? Nah, you would've added something about projection (towards me?!) in there.

;)

One of my employees was just that person but we had a good relationship and I worked around it. One day several of my staff and my one bestie were going to the Boston League of Women Voters house tour. My friend was clueless about this person. When the first incident of "the last word" came up in a conversation between me and the employee, I said to my friend, don't worry about us, we bicker about everything to which the employee said "no we don't." hahahahahah I loved it.

Chi and Lynn, you both handled that misunderstanding really well. So nice to see since sometimes things really get twisted up.

Jemdandy, it would've been interesting for the other employees to catch on and start setting the troublemaker up just to show him that they knew what he was doing.