I should add that what compounds my frustration is that this person (and others I have come across who share her trait) interrupts often when someone else tries to get a word in edgewise. And oftentimes when the conversation is at Point B or Point C, she reverts back to Point A - as though she never quite caught up to what anyone else has been saying. I guess these are strong indications that not only does she talk too much, but she fails to listen too.

Yes, yes I do, and I feel your pain. Sounds like your talker is a co-worker.

And sometimes it seems as if talkers are drawn to me, otherwise why was I sitting in the vet's office listening to a woman drone on about an experience she had finding a home for a dog she rescued SIXTY years ago? Why me????

LOL! Sixty years ago? I guess you just looked like you needed to hear that tale! ;-) To be honest, I have two people in my life right now who fit the description I gave. Both dear, sweet people who would do just about anything for me ... but they both drive me up the wall. I remain in a conflicted state of love/appreciation for them and a strong desire to just throttle them until they shut their traps. And then ... I feel guilty for the negative feelings I have towards them. ::sigh::

I have a friend or shall I say "had" a friend that talked and talked so much I couldn't take it.

People that talk excessively and interupts constantly are quite lonely, which makes it really hard to say anything. And I found myself trying to be even nicer because I felt so sorry for her. She didn't appreicate it and began to talk even more, it made me become even more frustrated and then finally I became invisible. It sounds hard, but for me it became unbearable.

....Jane

My neighbor, and it's so sad! This guy is so darn nice and a thoughtful, kind neighbor. He's divorced and I have a number of girlfriends that I wish I could hook him up with, as he's good looking, athletic, educated, wealthy, sweet, well-dressed, artistic, has a gorgeous home, loves animals and is a great dad to his two dogs. He was very successful in his career and was able to could retire in his late 50's. Gosh, he sounds like the perfect guy for so many women . . . but he NEVER shuts up! He'd love to play golf with my DH, but DH says he'd end up hitting him over the head with his golf club by the third hole. I actually did set him up with one of my girlfriends right after he moved here . . . and she got so mad at me! The sad thing is that at his age, I don't think he'll ever change and I can't imagine mentioning this to him. (Sigh) what a waste! I wonder why some people are like that?
Lynn

I'm not going to say much, for fear of the internet, but I bite my tongue. Literally.

I can not be around people like this. Yes, I have known them but they exhaust me beyond all exhaustion I have known. Other than the chance stranger encounter while out and about, I can not be around people like this. I start feeling sick.

Yes, and it's painful.

Know a couple people who are verbally eloquent and engaging, and are a pleasure to listen to. But the non-stop talkers I find draining. I write a lot, my thoughts are best expressed that way. But like you AJ, I'm on the very quiet, reserved side in person. And non-stop talkers will drop by, and much as I love the visits I'm completely drained when they leave. Often feels like a 'what just happened here?' scenario. They talk so fast about so much I've ultimately not gleaned much weighty content, if any. And I know they've not heard me. The few times I've attempted a response at one comment or topic, they are off on another tangent or interrupting. Sharing a couple passions of mine, they sometimes inquire about something. I'm lucky to get two complete sentences out before they've started again, either elaborating on their own situation or veering off somewhere else. And you can't let your mind wander, because at several points if you don't offer some response you'll get "do you know what I mean?" and then a pregnant pause till they get a response. Then their motor revs up again. They're like that with everyone (3 people come to mind) and I wonder how on earth they are not exhausted at the end of any given day from all that talking.

My brain just can't keep up, as a result I've become conditioned over time to just accept the fact that it is what it is, I say a few "oh really"s and "uh huh"s, which seems to keep them satisfied they have an audience. :/

And I'm horrible at excusing myself and getting away if it occurs in a public place somewhere. I mean sometimes it's just a little old lady that might be lonely, so then I feel a little chunk of my life invested in listening hasn't cost me much and maybe has brightened their day. But other times it's obvious soon enough when someone is a chronic talker that wants to blather on and on. And the longer I'm 'stuck' the more I start to fidget. Extracting myself gracefully is a goal I really want to work on. So I really pay attention to others who seem to be able to extract themselves from those (or most any) situations with grace yet smiles on their part and the talker's. Done without offending or hurting anyone's feelings. It's truly a gift to be able to do that!

I have a friend who fits this description. We see each other socially about once a month and honestly, that's about all I can take. She's an absolute dear, is kind and sweet and loving, but OMG, she just never shuts up. I think she fits in to the "being lonely" category because her husband barely communicates with her and her kids are just about grown and out of the house. I really do like her, but it's very difficult to spend more than a few hours with her.

I have a feeling these 2 people are very close to you; it's a tough situation.

I distanced myself from 2 people in my life who couldn't get enough of me,
and they talked incessantly. I did not have the nerve to tell them outright that they were boring/overwhelming me.

I'm curious if anyone has ever dealt with such people in a successful way that they managed to make them talk less..... can't wait to hear !!

My neighbor (the husband). We normally try to casually head in the house if they're out and about or you'll end up standing there in the yard talking for at least an hour. I'm not kidding even a little.

They're both friendly people but nosey. We don't see them all the time and thank God our yards are big. I'll admit the part that bothers me is they know everyone and everyone's business and proceed to tell us.

Neighbor - "You know so and so..."

Me - "No."

Neightbor - "Yeah, so and so. Their brother is yadda ya and they live out by blah, blah, blah..."

Me - "No."

Neightbor - "Well....blahh fjdsklfjsdlak;fjdfljk..."

I hear it anyhow and I don't know and don't care who he's talking about. It's not as bad when they don't do that crap.

YES! My pseudo ex-SIL! Psuedo becuase although she is my EX SIL she got the house and I see her all of the time.

Ways that I handle her:

Problem: When we worked together (in different departments) she would come to my cubby all of the time rambling away as if I didn't want to work.

Solution: When I would see her coming across the office (or would be warned that she was coming - sometimes via a caring co-worker's phone call or e-mail from across the office on another floor) I would get up and start walking to her. I would then proceed to her cubby w/ her in tow talking my ear off the whole way, get her back in her cubby, deposit her there and go back to mine.

Problem: My first experience w/ her incessant talking was when we all went camping together at a music festival. I got up super early to enjoy the peace and quiet and read my book. She got up soon after and sat down beside me. She kept asking me questions and eventually I'd look at her and ask "I'm sorry, what did you say? I was reading my book." She'd repeat her question or comment.

Solution: I swear it went on for 100 yrs. and 10,000 questions before I said that I had to go to the bathroom at one of the port-a-potties. No lie, I was gone for over 30 minutes (I kept circling our campsite and trying to learn how to say "I'M READING MY BOOK" in 10 different languages since she clearly doesn't understand English) and when I finally went back she says "Oh I thought you got lost.........." ramble, ramble, ramble. Guess it wasn't a very good solution. 'Nope, nope - I'm still reading. What did you say?'

Solution: Before I know she's coming over I have a couple of glasses of wine so that I can relax enough not to kill her.

Sometimes at family dinners (she still attends) I'm pretty sure time stops and I realize that everyone at the table is staring at me. At that point I usually panic and think "Holy crap - did I scream S-H-U-T-U-P! out loud? I thought that was in my head!" then I realize that someone has simply asked me how the kids were or something innocent like that.

Problem: When they were still married, living across the country and he was deployed she'd call all of the time.

Solution: It became ritual to pass the phone to the next person that entered the phone. I was the meanie because I would just set it down on the counter and leave. Surprise! She'd still be going when the next person picked it up.

I have a feeling these 2 people are very close to you.

In a sense, yes. These are people that I encounter regularly, and continued encounters are going to be unavoidable. As for having a close relationship, I can honestly say that no, we don't. Initially I tried to develop a real closeness, but just found it impossible. They're always talking - they're rarely (if ever) listening - I grow resentful and then nurse feelings of guilt when I think of all the nasty thoughts I've thrown their way when they're "doing what they do best" in my presence ... There's no real give and take, which is the only way I know how to become close to someone.

I will admit, since there's nothing constructive going on when the other person is yammering away at me, from time to time I'll amuse myself by just trying to see how inattentive I can be to them before they notice that they don't have my undivided attention. It never fails -- I can fully engage myself in an activity that completely diverts my attention away from them, and they just go right on talking at me. They don't seem to even notice. That fact both amuses and bemuses me.

Pervertedly enough, I'm strangely comforted to know that I am not the only one who has to put up with boors like these. It's not so much a case of misery loving company, but it does make me feel somewhat better knowing I'm not the only one who sometimes wonders if she's about to scream "STFU!!!", Tourette's-style.

Neighbor - "You know so and so..."
Me - "No."
Neightbor - "Yeah, so and so. Their brother is yadda ya and they live out by blah, blah, blah..."
Me - "No."
Neightbor - "Well....blahh fjdsklfjsdlak;fjdfljk..."

That is eerily familiar! One of "my" two people has a terrible habit of telling me something, and within a very short time frame starts to tell me the same thing all over again. I've often said, "Yes, I know. You've already told me" - but do you think that stops the story from being told to me yet again? Oh, no. The story is told again, as though I've never heard it before.

I honestly don't understand what makes a person behave this way. Certainly they aren't aware of what they're doing or of how others perceive them. I wonder if they just grew up not being taught how to properly converse weith others? I sometimes wonder if it's a form of disorder related to A.D.D. I often wonder if they should be medicated, or if encounters with them would just seem a whole lot less torturous if I were to follow Ttodd's lead and drink before I had to see these folks. (Not always an option, but I can dream, right? ;-))

Solution: It became ritual to pass the phone to the next person that entered the phone. I was the meanie because I would just set it down on the counter and leave. Surprise! She'd still be going when the next person picked it up.

Oops - meant when 'entered the room'.

One of my 2 talkers used to tell me extremely long tales/stories/adventures about people I did not know at all, and would probably not encounter the rest of my life.
How interesting. Not. I felt like I was being held hostage.
As for your guilt, auntjen, I would try to let go of it because you are still being patient enough just by being there and there is a lack of consideration from the talkers. They deserve to be interrupted.

I sometimes wonder why we can't just make them aware of the problem;
I know I never had the guts to do it.

With neighbors I would just cut them off, "hey , nice seeing you, we're expecting an overseas call, got to go".

With a friend/relative visiting in your home, not so easy ; can someone come up with cute interruptions, such as " hey, my turn now !!! I read a fantastic book last week, etc..."???

there has to be practical solutions to this problem !!!

We successfully managed my aunt's non-stop chatter. If there is a common theme among the tools in our toolbox, it was to convey the message to the aunt that she was uninteresting and/or rude. A few ideas:

- When in person: someone would start nodding off / looking around the room in a distracted "I'm not listening to you" manner / completely change the topic. The last one is especially infuriating for the chatty cathy.

- When interrupted: Don't stop talking - eventually the chatterer will have to stop OR if she really, really won't stop, then say "excuse me," and if that doesn't work, use a *very annoyed* look when you stop talking. Also, if she interrupted my mother, then I would wait until we were alone later and I would say to my aunt, "Did you notice how irritated [Mom] was when you interrupted her?" or "I would have liked to hear [Mom's] opinion, but she couldn't seem to get a word in edgewise." This is usually met with er, um, uh...

- When on the phone: Abruptly hang up. When she calls back, say "Oh, the doorbell rang and I asked you several times to hold on but you never heard me." Usually, the offender will be completely embarrassed that she was talking to a dead phone for so long without realizing it.

Getting up to leave the presence of the chatty person can be difficult, but I've had to resort to that several times at work. I just grab a notebook and start walking while muttering something about needing to talk to someone...

Good luck!

I have a very hard time being rude to someone once engaged but I avoid the talkers big time! If I see one, usually meeting someone at the grocery store or church, I quickly go in the other direction. Or, if I can't do that gracefully, I walk by them very fast while waving and saying, "Hey! Hope you're having a great day!", while I zoom by.

AJ - People like that are hard to deal with, it's like they never learned how to socialize well.

I'm a very quiet person too. I work from home and tend to stay to myself. When we lived in another state, I knew a woman like this. We worked in an office together and every day, she'd make the rounds telling everyone about every minute of her evening or weekend. The things she'd disclose were so tacky and WAY too much information. I felt terrible for her husband because she did not understand the concept of privacy and didn't care if she embarrassed him. She was so self absorbed in her own life, she'd never think to ask any one how they were doing.

After we moved, she'd call occasionally and I would sit with the phone to my ear for at least an hour not saying a word. I'm not kidding, there have been times that I've put the phone down, gone upstairs and started a load of laundry. When I returned to the phone, she was still talking and hadn't even realized I had been gone. Usually an hour or so into the conversation, I'd say my first words, "Oh btw" and before I could finish the sentence she'd interrupt saying she had to go for whatever reason. This is the tactic I would use to get off the phone.

Call me stupid cause it took a while, but now I just let her calls go to voice mail. I'd send her an email and tell her why I don't want anything to do with her, but she knows how she is, she used to joke about it with everyone. She just doesn't care. Awful...really awful.

I've found that as I've gotten older, I'm not as patient as I used to be but I don't want to be rude either. When I'm in those situations now, I'll just excuse myself with the excuse of a headache. It works every time and no feelings are hurt.

I sometimes wonder why we can't just make them aware of the problem; I know I never had the guts to do it.

I finally did it with my now ex-MIL and was able to change her. It took months of "STOP, you just interrupted me" and other very direct statements.

I'm older now and have less patience for it. To another talker in my life, I say, "[PERSON'S NAME] I'm sorry, your story is not making any sense to me." I find that saying their name gets their attention.

Another less direct coping skill is to continue to talk right over them until they stop talking. And I like to interrupt with, "OH, hold that thought, before I forget . . ." and then take the conversation elsewhere. It helps to hold your hand up while you do this.

And, ttodd, I LOL at your dinner party story. I soooo know about the inner dialogue of the unwilling listener. I once excused myself from a restaurant table and walked outside for a few minutes to give my ears a rest from a constant talker. Only years later did I reach the point where I could say to a young adult nephew at a dinner party, son of a train-of-thought aimless talker, "Oh, please tell me this story has an end somewhere."

You are either the type of person who will confront others or you are not. And I have become that type of person. person.

Graywings, to her "son of a train -of -thought aimless talker" nephew:

"Oh, please tell me this story has an end somewhere."

Thanks for the belly laugh with my first Latte. LOLOLOL! (Getting me to laugh first thing in the morning is saying something!)

Seriously, this is my kind of humor. I would have been under the table if I had been there.

"I finally did it with my now ex-MIL and was able to change her. It took months of "STOP, you just interrupted me" and other very direct statements. "

That's very effective and can be said kindly but firmly. I have a friend who gently butts in with, "Mary, Mary, Mary" (or whatever the name is) until Mary sputters to a halt, usually shocked to be interrupted. Then my friend says, "I would like to speak too." She then follows with a pregnant pause to emphasize the silence, then she speaks as slowly & firmly as possible until she has said what she wishes to say. If "Mary" tries to interrupt, my friend repeats "Mary...Mary...please let me speak." When she gets the floor, she starts with the pause again. She says the real trick lies in the pauses & the change of pace.

re speaking louder, I find the motormouths just try harder to talk over you. The motormouths I deal with are looking for domination & control.

Funny, no one here has admitted to being a talker... hmm

So I will be the first.

Hello, my name is Shannon01 and I am a talker. I don't fit the manner in which most of you are speaking of. I mostly talk a lot and take a long time to tell stories. Drives my dh crazy sometimes. He will just tell me to get to the point.

I think the reason my stories are long is because I tell too many details. I do try really hard though and make an effort when I am telling a story. But I don't just rattle. I am a little hyper so I do have to check myself sometimes to make sure I am not going on and on. I also make sure I stop to let others talk.

My dad is a rambler like you all are describing. But he is a really sweet person so most folks just laugh it off. Sometimes my dh will get "caught" by my dad and he will often times excuse himself very politely to go do something. Then dad will look for his next victim and just continue where he left off. We all joke about escaping and setting up the next victim.

My ds has inherited the gene from my dad. He is like a little encyclopedia. But he is borderline ADD so we work with him on this. Lately I saw him go up to a man passing out things at an event and he raised his hand and waited to speak. I really praised him for that because it is hard for him sometimes when he gets really excited.

Now my sis has lost hearing in one ear recently. It cracks me up because when we are on the phone I don't think she hears me make comments and because she talks over me. I can tell her 5 times that I need to hang up and she just keeps talking. But she is not a talker, just cannot hear as well anymore.

I think it is important when dealing with ramblers to chat for a moment and then remove yourself from the person very politely. I think it breaks up the person's train of thought and helps them stop. If you are stuck at the copier you can simply finish your job and say something like "oops, forgot something, talk to you later".

One thing I find funny is that for me being a talker, nothing is more annoying than getting stuck with someone who is a bigger talker. Makes my head spin, seriously. There is a lady at work who is really hyper, but at least it distracts people away from my hyperness when she comes around me. Sometimes I can use the help.

One thing that makes me know I am not totally annoying is that when I am not around, people miss me. Since I have been off as of 2/10, whenever I pop in to say hi multiple people stop and tell me how boring the office is and how they miss my energy and talking with me. They tell me they need me to get better and back to the office so it won't be so dreary. Makes me feel like my talkativeness and hyperness is not so terrible.

Oops, hope I am not rambling. lol ;)

Well I admit that my first thought was "ME!" Not to the level you all are describing though but once I get started I tend to have a lot to say.

I don't talk constantly or anything though and I think most people who don't know me super well would think I am on the quiet side. But once I get started sometimes I feel like I talk too much.

I have been told by more than one person that it is part of my charm ;).

Though for people who constantly interrupt (which I do not!) I generally say "excuse me for talking while you are interrupting." That usually gets the point across, or at least a pause while they think about what wasn't quite right with what I just said ;)

I have a dear cousin who isn't too chatty at all. However, she will tell tales of her husband's sister's daughter's nephew. OMG :>/
Sooo, I waited for the right moment when none of this was going on, at time when she was rather quiet and others were doing most of the talking( normally). I was able to steer the conversation to pet peeves. Well, of course I related MY pet peeve . She looked sheepish and said, "afraid that may be me sometimes." I busied myself with something and didn't reply. It slowed her down a lot and we remain great friends.

My DD! She drives the rest of us crazy! Sometimes (in car) I have to tell her to stop talking *at* me, I can't concentrate, I need to drive.

Then there are the conversations that go on forever b/c someone's just not getting it. I must have spent 5 minutes at dinner last night trying to describe to my dad where/why I thought they were putting catch basins in on my uncle's street. It started with my dad saying he drove that road around 3pm, noticed surveyor was at lot behind my uncles' (he's on the corner). I said yes, at 4:45 I saw the flags and OBTW they were putting in catch basins on that (short) road. Dad said he saw the patched asphalt. I said well the heavy equipment was there, and I saw the concrete storm drains off to the side of the road. *That* started it - "Where?" "At the end of the road near the land that's for sale" "There's no land for sale, that's the house, they just have the sign on the state hwy so people know it's for sale around the corner." "No, uncle told me last year land was for sale, sign said acreage, but the drains aren't on the hwy, they're on cross street." "Mr. X used to own that house, he sold it, but he owns all the land back behind all the way up to your other uncle, but he sold the house, he doesn't live there anymore, but he always had a problem with water running down the driveway of that house, he dug out so it doesn't run in the road. Maybe the new owner is doing something" ... it turned into a 20-min conversation, both of us getting frustrated, and all I meant was to mention they're working on the road and we shouldn't use it as a shortcut til they're done. Most conversations with my dad end up like the old Abbott and Costello "Who's on First?" routine...

Unfortunately my mom. The funniest time was when she was in the car with my dh and myself, and she talked and talked and TALKED non-stop, then suddenly we looked at her and she had fallen asleep mid-sentence. lol

Ohhh...Shannon! too funny! LOL...

Shannon - I really enjoyed your post and honesty. Goes to show there are 'good' talkers and 'bad' talkers.

My SIL is the bad type. My dear friend is the 'Good'type. Not being a talker myself my friend and I make a real odd couple but I can take her ramblings becuase in the course of them she pulls me in to the conversation. She shows an interest in 'including' me. And sometimes I want to be included and sometimes I don't and that's just fine w/ her. She'll just keep on going and comment that she knows that I don't want to talk and that's okay w/ her.

When she becomes overbearing (usually after 1 too many drinks) I can just say "Alright Susie Q, that's enough talking for now" and she just laughs.

Love the other stories too.

She fell asleep while talking! Too funny!

I have the gift of gab! But, I always listen too and ask them questions, so it doesn't seem like it is all about ME! I am borderline ADD, so my mind goes in a million different directions and I feel I have to talk fast to get my story in before I go "somewhere else". I have to consciously think or I ramble.

So prior to chemo they make me take a steroid. It makes me a little more talkative than normal. I am not hyper, just talkative. This is the only time my dh will comment, yeah you can tell the steroid is active since she is a little more talkative than normal. It is the only time he gives me the room to be talkative. Maybe when all this is done with he will think I talk less....hmmmm.

maybe.