disengaging : I did like your presentation. I wish I can present my case just like that. There are times words won't come under lots stress. People such as yourself open up a door, I see it as wow, that is polite way to put it in... Great that tells me what I try to say it... In that aspect I do appreciate your letter. I really I have friends such as yourself, where I can discuss something of this nature, get a unbiased opinion. I was little bit frustrated with other posters, It is possible I was under stress, I am the one going through the good and bad, these people are not going through I am going through, at the same time trying to trap me, and make me look bad than worse. I understood my fall and my raise. I am trying to get a second opinion, because I do not want to run into the same path which was devastating path which caused me lose the person who loved me so much when we were together, now she is on the other side, it is gone. I am trying to recoup the loss and trying to get my head straight. When a baby trying to walk it falls few times, we try to help them out, rather finding faults that the baby should have held to the chair, if the baby did not, who to blame. That kind of talk is not help at least me. There were times, I try to type fast, lots of typos, irregular sentence formation. I am not a writer to impress everybody here at the same I have to present my case here so that some one is humble who could point out misbehavior and suggest possible solution. That is all I need from people such as you and others. I never thought I would come to a message board to discuss my issues. When things were rocking and rolling, never thought about there is a message board of this sort. Time and place, my action brought me here. I am still proud myself for seeking help, instead become alcoholic or drug addict or living a low life for ever and never get a break. We open up the opportunity, we shut the door. It is always we. What meant is that individual. Thanks for reading, I am not here to pi.ss people off, I learnt a lot from this message board. I would say I added more knowledge coming to this board. I will continue search for help if and when I needed it.

What happens when they go to Jr.High or High school? What would be best for them? I have no clue. Any thoughts on that would be appriciated. i dont know if she ever will tel them or live openly gay. I really have their best interest at heart. What you are not understanding, or are refusing to understand, is that you are not in a position to help them or decide what is best for them. You are not in a position to have an opinion that matters in terms of their well-being. It does not matter whether anyone here thinks you are a wonderful loving person, or a horrible husband-stealer with no morals. The only opinions that matter in respect to the particular subject of your relationship with the children is the childrens' opinions. And the kids are going to have a horrible opinion of you, and the reason they are going to have that opinion is because of the choices that you and your BF made. You made the choice to get into a relationship with a married man with 3 pre-teen kids; the kids not wanting a relationship with you is an entirely foreseeable consequence of that decision, and it is a consequence that you need to accept now. The councelser just told him last week that we should put off "the girlfriend thing" for a while. Is there anybody with similar situations that has any advise? Every single person who has responded to this thread, regardless of the amount of sympathy or condemnation they've expressed, has given you the exact same advice; listen to the counselor. Lay off the kids. Give them time. They are not going to forgive you any time soon. They may never forgive you, but it is theoretically possible that years down the road they might. But if you make things harder on them now by trying to hurry them through their grieving process, pushing them to have some kind of relationship with you, or imposing your own opinions on their behaviors on them, it is only going to make it less and less likely that they will ever accept you. If you are telling the truth that you really have their best interests at heart, then listen to the counselor and to all the moms, stepmoms, and stepkids here who have given you the exact same advice and give them time and space. That is what they need, and none of the "but mom's a lesbian", "but the marriage was dead" "but I can be a good role-model", will change that. None of those things matter to the kids.

If you are going to school full time, AND working part time...do the hours add up to less than working full time? Just wondering... I do understand that you want/need to finish your degree since you are very close to finishing. I also understand that you now have a home for your children, that you may or may not be able to provide without his help. I also understand how valuable it is to have someone to share your life with, and help you raise your children, instead of trying to raise them alone. Especially since he is a good man, who treats your children well. And "I get" that his children have a choice in their behavior, and they are making your family life miserable. However...as a parent, do you understand that if he turns his back on his children, he has failed in his role as a father and a parent? That these next 6 years are the most crutial years in the development of his kids, and will determine who they will be as adults? That as he chooses you and your children over his children (both he and his children will understand that he chose you over them) that will in and of itself create "issues" for both he and his children. Raising teenagers is enormously difficult for ALOT of people, even those with intact families. His children are acting out, of the anger and pain of what has happened in their life... I understand that you feel that they should not "win" and ruin what you and your fiancee' are trying to build...that their bad behavior should not be rewarded by getting them what they want...which is you and your children to leave. However, as a father and a man of integrity and honor...he must fight to hang in there and finish raising his children...whether he feels like it or not. Perhaps they do need to live with their mother...I don't know. But he should not give up on them because it is hard. And he is right in demanding that they treat others with respect, and that includes you and your children...but it also includes their teachers and others, or life will be hard for them...because in life, we must treat people we work with, and for, with respect, whether we like them or not. This is tough because their mother is teaching them one thing...but he needs to teach them what he sees as important...and do his best. The rest will one day be up to them. I wish you the best as you try and do what is right for you, your children, and your fiancee' (and his children). He is in such a tough spot because he loves you, and does not want to lose you...and yet his own children need him...but their behavior is destroying everything he wants, and the life you two are trying to build. But as the kind and good man you know him to be...which makes him a man of honor trying to do what is right...by both you and as a parent. What a hard, hard spot to be in. He will need to be strong, wise and walk through this. I wish you both better times ahead.

yes unfortunatly alot of people are selfish. It shows with how they think and how they act. But each stepfamilys situation is very different and all must be handled differently. I can understand you anger. i see alot of BS wheni got married to my dh. He has two kids that come EOW. And yes, they are visitors. And it bothers me that my son doesn't see them everyday. My son has a brother and sister that 'visit' EOW..try and explain that to him in a few years. ITs AWFUL I dont' agree with your feelings on your #1 friend. Her son is 19, an adult and is a visitor to her house. BUt your friend is absolutely WRONG in saying her 3 year old son is an only child. That is disgusting! And your #2 ex friend sounds like a selfish lazy B*tch to try to get her dh to sign away rights. What does she think kids are property??? They are God sent gifts! not somethign to be shuffled around! No not all stepparent situations are bad. Mine is pretty good and i love my stepkids. They are great.