Going by your user name, would a beautiful flowering shrub or tree that you could plant in your yard and enjoy every day be something you would like? You could make a day of it - go to a nursery to pick out something really special and then go out for a nice lunch.

Or, how about a spa day - you could get a massage, facial, have your hair done, etc.

I agree with Texas_Gem, could you not arrange a caregiver for a short getaway?

Sorry that I can't help. I'm in the same boat... there's just nothing that I really want so when I try to come up with dsomething, its more about what he would be happy to give me. Last time i got another tiffany style lamp, he got a new putter.

Feed a family or find a special charity and do a volunteer event or make a donation. If you have no special wants or needs, do something in honor of your 40 years to make someone else happy and it will, in turn, make you happy.

It is difficult for us to give gifts to each other. Well-intentioned generally means "oops, that wasn't quite right!"

Janie has good ideas. Plant a tree (or more) somewhere.

What if you each got some time away on your own too? I know that is not a romantic ideal, but getting some rejuvenation away from home could be helpful when you are at home.

I love the idea of planting a couple of trees. Doing something special for families in need seems like a fantastic idea too.

I don't have ideas, I empathize with your situation. There comes a time when we just don't need another thing.

I have to agree with Texas and PKPonder. Would it be possible to make arrangement for your son so you can get away for just one night?

Massages aren't just for women - maybe your husband would enjoy one.

I echo the "get away for a few days" suggestion, hopefully you can find a way to make it work.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I don't mean to be difficult. Also, he wants to give something that he can wrap. Moonie, you are right. It is more about what would make him happy. I just keep drawing a blank on what to suggest.

We would love to get away but have no one that can stay with our 33 YO son. No close family or friends. As a matter of fact we were "disowned" by some family members who didn't want to be stuck with him someday (as they put it). Most of our friends gradually disappeared and seemed to be busy all the time when we called. We know what it is like to be 'ghosted'.

We give to several charities and I have done volunteer work with special need children for the last 25 + years. Also have volunteered at the library in a reading program for young children and use to volunteer with the SPCA. DH works with Habitat for Humanity and has for the last 30 years. Yes, we could do more but just don't have the energy.

I always tell him not to buy any rose bouquets because I have over 30 rose bushes. I can pick my own. Not to mention all the other flowers I have planted over the last 31 years on the 2.5 acres. Though I look forward to the day when we live in a condo and I don't have to take care of all of this.

DH did buy me a gift certificate to a day at the spa for my 50th birthday. That was 15 years ago and the gift certificate is still sitting on the desk unused. I guess I am not a spa person.

He use to buy me expensive chocolates, but years ago I was told I am pre-diabetic so can't have those. Wish I could, because I love good chocolate. And haven't drank good wine or liquor for the last 15 years because I use to get severe headaches. Sometimes it seems life's a b***h.

Your a year ahead of us. Congrats on the anniversary!

Anything in the kitchen you'd like to upgrade to?

I was born in San Antonio and I remember as I grew up my parents would send off for smoked hams/turkeys/bacon at the New Braunfels Smokehouse. They also make gift packages so a small something is sent every month, a pound or two of sausage or bacon, etc.

If that is not to your liking there are similar 'all year' gifts of other foods by other companies from popcorn to steak..

Buy a new car? So both of you guys can enjoy. Get a Mercedes! :-)

caflowerluver, have you checked into respite care? Everyone needs a break sometimes.

For a gift, how about piece from a favorite artist?

A hot tub, a porch swing, new patio furniture, a fluffy robe, a new sewing machine, fabric, new bedding and pillows… Oh, this is supposed to be about what you want, not me! Ha. Happy Anniversary!

I do not know how large of a city you live in, but check with your adult care facilities and see if they would keep your son for a few days. We did this for my mother with ALZ whenever a break was needed. They charged by the day, but it was certainly worth every cent! The tree/shrub idea sounds good too...and please use that spa gift certificate...it will make you feel good and make your hubby happy to see you use it.

You mentioned a hand tremor.....is it essential tremor?...I have that also and makes me so disgusted that I can not do what I want to do!

I hope you enjoy your Anniversary no matter what you decide to do.

Maybe you need goldfish and a water feature or a simple birdbath.

I know this is totally old fashioned, but maybe a new watch. It's jewelry, but it's not. You can wrap it and engrave it.

I can always appreciate a nice new purse I have plenty but I love purses. I don't wear jewelry much anymore either but I do like having a variety of watches. Some very casual or sporty some more dressy no rediculous prices. We have enjoyed our clock with indoor outdoor temperatures and lots of extra features plus they never need setting. I hate setting clocks.

A nice photography studio session for your anniversary and a beautiful frame.

A new tablet or chromebook or something like that, easy to use and enjoy since you like being here with us. I don't want to ever think of not having my tablets. I read a lot too.

A pretty gazing ball for your garden.

By the way congrats on the big day! We are following behind you lol.

Since this is more for him than you, a small piece of jewelry. I love hearts and one year DH surprised me with a small heart from David Yurman. I especially like it because he picked it out, usually, I take part in jewelry shopping.

But enough about me. A pendant of a shape you enjoy? Since you like roses, a rose? A paper weight? Again something of significance for you. I have a brass horse paper weight my dad gave me over 40 years ago. It has followed me every where and is currently on my desk.

A paper weight? Again something of significance for you. I have a brass horse paper weight my dad gave me over 40 years ago. It has followed me every where and is currently on my desk.

A really special vase for you to put your roses in? Even if you have 100 vases already, this one will be special because it will commemorate your 40th.

Do you like poetry? Do you have a private joke or saying that you and your DH share? You can type it up but have him pick out a frame and you can display it.

ETA, Raven and I posted at the same time. I like the idea of a clock too. We just bought a small wooden clock from our Sedona vacation. I am fussy with clocks and so when I saw this one I grabbed it. When I look at it, I think about our trip.

Linen sheets for your bed?

Is there something that annoys you when you're working in the kitchen? In the bedrooms, laundry room or bathrooms? In the yard? Get him to give you the gift of removing that annoyance. I would vote for a laundry chute and a dumbwaiter as my top fix it annoyance here.

I'm sorry that your relatives are being a tad uncaring about you and your son, their nephew, cousin etc. I've learned a new to me phrase that says, don't let it in. Find others to make your family and also pay for help. You deserve a break. :)

My 35 year old son's disability is mostly invisible and doesn't affect much of his mental functioning but leaves him physically disabled for weeks and months at a time. He can't live alone but we can go away for a week or 2 without much difficulty. It keeps me sane.

40 years is a long time to put up with one person. Don't go cheap, buy something expensive! :-)

Happy anniversary!

Have you ever looked into organizations that provide respite care (sliding scale?) for parents (caregivers) of disabled adult children in your area? I can imagine having your son stay somewhere else would be too traumatic for him, but would it be totally out of the realm of possibility to bring someone trustworthy into your home?

A very happy anniversary to you both!

Happy Anniversary. (forgot the most important thing. :) )

Lots of great suggestions. I will write some of them down and look them up online. I think I am getting stressed because he wants an answer right away in case he has to order it. I understand that, but don't want to pick anything off the top of my head for such a milestone occasion. Thanks again everyone.

phoggie - My hand tremors are supposedly caused by Parkinson's. There isn't a test so don't know for sure. I hate it. I used to do so many things like photography, glass bead and jewelry making, and other crafts that are very difficult now.

adellabedella_usa - I would love to have a goldfish or a 20 gal aquarium but I am afraid that would be vetoed. I had one for 10 years when I was a kid.

summersrhythm_- LOL! I like the way you think.

I told him what I really wanted was a clone of Elvira but $50,000 was a little more than he wanted to spend.

Thanks all for the anniversary wishes.

Wow, we just celebrated our 18th and I thought that was a long time! LOL Congrats!

I know this may sound kind of corny, but if you haven't already, have you considered having a professional portrait of you and your husband done turn key, framing and all?

How about a lovely bath robe satiny or terry depending on your style, along with microwave heating pads made from something fancy, a big new fluffy towel set, bath gel, essential oils. All things that are supposed to help stress go away. Things that are maybe more a bit more indulgent than you would buy yourself. Little things that you could use each day and remind you that your husband loves you and wanted to pamper you. Congrats 40 years is something to be proud of.

What about a nice little summer car? You can find used Miata for a few thousand, and there are Miata clubs cross the country in every city, they meet and drive once a month, really cute and fun. Miata people are the most friendly people on earth, when they drive by each other, they always beep and wave. So get a Miata? :-)

i agree with phoggie., look into respite care for your son and get away for a couple of days. a change of scenery can do wonders!!!

my mom would use respite care for my grandmother and it was good for both of them! a break from each other was well-deserved and needed by both. no shame or guilt in that.

I enjoy pretty but comfortable robes and matching slippers. Light weight for summer and warmer for winter.

If you would love to have a 20 gallon fish tank, why not ask for that? Why do you think it would be vetoed? Perhaps he would get you the tank and all of the things that go in it, accessories, etc. I actually have three fish tanks, of which my 20 gallon is the smallest, and they are so peaceful and addicting. I can't imagine why he would veto it but there must be a reason. However, you can certainly mention it and see if it flies.

Oh, there are so many Amish people here, so many robes and slippers ideas! :-) It's not easy to make to 40, plus they are still talking to each other after 40 years, that's very rare these days and priceless! What about a new dining table set? Get something solid and will last for a long time. Give the old set to the kids, start something new and fresh......and what about a solid wood canopy bed? 4 poster bed? Two people on the same bed for 40 years, it must have some cracks somewhere, it's time for a new one!

I second linen sheets for your bed, and pillow cases too! You'll both enjoy the gift. Hell, get the entire set, including an essential quilt. Happy Anniversary.

Happy Anniversary, caflowerluver. How about a piece of jewelry with your birthstone, as well as, your husband's and son's? Though it can't be wrapped, a nice garden bench might be nice to provide another spot to sit since you have 2.5 acres.