Wow, I just read all the posts. Thought I'd add my comments to motivatedmother. I'm also pregnant at the moment, so I totally understand the hormonal thing, the size thing, work, all of it. Difference between us is that I'm a little older and married to the most wonderful man. That said I'm sure I'm about to make someone angry but here goes...... Actually I thought Asolo's comments were not mean but helpful and to the point. It may not be something you want to hear at the moment which is another thing. This is a bad situation you're in. I'm sorry, but if you are living at home at this age, and with 3, almost 4 children, your parents are indeed supporting you. You should be grateful for that and acknowledge them for it. They don't have to do it but they do because they love you and your children. If you wanted a marriage like your parents, it was possible, but you chose the wrong person. Actions speak louder than words and you should have chosen someone who is actually in the process doing things to achieve the life you want to live, like an education, greater job responsibility, and so on. Any adult man who plays video games is a HUGE clue on his emotional and mental maturity. Adult men who are emotionally and mentally mature spend their time with their families or doing things that will otherwise benefit the family. They are committed to their family FIRST. I don't mean to say they don't have hobbies or interests of their own because of course everyone does, however, video games as an adult man's "hobby" would be alarming to me. Video games cost a lot of money and take up a lot of time, time away from family. They are a great way for adults to avoid spending time with others, isolate yourself, or to zone out of/avoid reality. I think your husband spends his money on HIS wants (vs needs) because he's immature, another HUGE problem. He is not focused on you or the baby, or the other three children you have. He's focused on himself. This would be very alarming to me. Your parents are in an awful position and I feel for them. They obviously love you and your children and want to help you. From your husband's perspective, they are great because they support him and this relieves him of responsibilty towards you and even himself. It allows him to continue to be immature. There's no incentive to change. If he really wanted to grow up, he'd take this golden opportunity to get some skills which he could evenutally use to better his life, your life and that of your children. A mature man would be looking for ways to build a better life for himself, you and your children, whatever way he could, even getting another part time job if that's all that is available. As wonderful as I'm sure your children are, I hope you will not have any more until you are capable of providing for them yourself so they will have the best chance at a better future. You owe them that. That means more than just food and shelter. Are you saving for their future education for example? Are you saving for your own home? Your parents provided a home for you, and you should provide a home for them. Even if you continue to live at home for the rest of your life, and you work and save for them, you have chosen a difficult path. You are now responsible for 4 lives in addition to your own. It doesn't sound like you will ever have much support from their fathers. You have created a difficult life for yourself, not impossible, but much more difficult than it needed to be. Whatever the past was, you have to make today the best it can be so just do it. I think what you are asking here is how you might change your husband to be the man you want him to be. Well, unfortunately that's just not possible. You can only control yourself. You have no control over him. You can suggest, ask, beg, plead, cry, explain, reason, force, threaten, manipulate, or whatever else you want but you will never be able to change him, only he can do that. That's why we must be especially careful in who we choose to marry and have children with. We can't let emotions rule our head. Teach your children this so you won't have 4 children with their husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends, plus all their children looking to you to provide for them. That's a lot of people. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Words are easy to say, but actions actually require hard work and lots of effort. Don't listen to what he says, look a what he does. If they are different what he is doing is who he really is. That will tell you what kind of a person he is and what kind of life you will have. I truly wish you the best in your pregnancy and with the coming baby. I hope you will work all this out, however it ends, and that you are able to improve the situation for yourself, your children, and your parents. Yes, I include your parents in that because since you live with them which makes them part of your immediate family life. You already know everything you need to do, the answer is in your heart.

bbabers, thank you so much for posting the site. There was one little itty bitty problem, there is no way that I can just order the two items. Already tagged 4 items and called daughter and told her to look at the site. That is a wonderful site for beautiful things for our cuties. You all have lots of fun with you sweetness. Please continue to post pictures. I plead old age , not being able to post pictures.

**disclaimer: The following is my personal opinion and may not have a legal basis. I am not an attorney and cannot give legal advice. If you need advice on how to proceed, please contact an attorney. 38-1337 Chapter 38.--MINORS Article 13.--CHILD CUSTODY JURISDICTION 38-1337. Definitions. (UCCJEA 102). As used in K.S.A. 38-1336 through 38-1377: (1) "Abandoned" means left without provision for reasonable and necessary care or supervision. (2) "Act" means the uniform child-custody jurisdiction and enforcement act. (3) "Child" means an individual who has not attained 18 years of age. (4) "Child-custody determination" means a judgment, decree or other order of a court providing for the legal custody, physical custody or visitation with respect to a child. The term includes a permanent, temporary, initial and modification order. The term does not include an order relating to child support or other monetary obligation of an individual. (5) "Child-custody proceeding" means a proceeding in which legal custody, physical custody, or visitation with respect to a child is an issue. The term includes a proceeding for divorce, separation, neglect, abuse, dependency, guardianship, paternity, termination of parental rights, and protection from domestic violence, in which the issue may appear. The term does not include a proceeding involving juvenile delinquency, contractual emancipation, or enforcement under K.S.A. 38-1358 through 38-1374 and amendments thereto. (6) "Commencement" means the filing of the first pleading in a proceeding. (7) "Court" means an entity authorized under the law of a state to establish, enforce, or modify a child-custody determination. (8) "Home state" means the state in which a child lived with a parent or a person acting as a parent for at least six consecutive months immediately before the commencement of a child-custody proceeding. In the case of a child less than six months of age, the term means the state in which the child lived from birth with any of the persons mentioned. A period of temporary absence of any of the mentioned persons is part of the period. (9) "Initial determination" means the first child-custody determination concerning a particular child. (10) "Issuing court" means the court that makes a child-custody determination for which enforcement is sought under this act. (11) "Issuing state" means the state in which a child-custody determination is made. (12) "Modification" means a child-custody determination that changes, replaces, supersedes, or is otherwise made after a previous determination concerning the same child, whether or not it is made by the court that made the previous determination. (13) "Person" means an individual, corporation, business trust, estate, trust, partnership, limited liability company, association, joint venture, government; governmental subdivision, agency, or instrumentality; public corporation; or any other legal or commercial entity. (14) "Person acting as a parent" means a person, other than a parent, who: (A) Has physical custody of the child or has had physical custody for [a] period of six consecutive months, including any temporary absence, within one year immediately before the commencement of a child-custody proceeding; and (B) has been awarded legal custody by a court or claims a right to legal custody under the law of this state. (15) "Physical custody" means the physical care and supervision of a child. (16) "State" means a state of the United States, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, the United States Virgin Islands, or any territory or insular possession subject to the jurisdiction of the United States. (17) "Tribe" means an Indian tribe or band, or Alaskan Native village, which is recognized by federal law or formally acknowledged by a state. (18) "Warrant" means an order issued by a court authorizing law enforcement officers to take physical custody of a child. 38-1348 Chapter 38.--MINORS Article 13.--CHILD CUSTODY JURISDICTION 38-1348. Initial child-custody jurisdiction. (UCCJEA 201). (a) Except as otherwise provided in K.S.A. 38-1351 and amendments thereto, a court of this state has jurisdiction to make an initial child-custody determination only if: (1) This state is the home state of the child on the date of the commencement of the proceeding, or was the home state of the child within six months before the commencement of the proceeding and the child is absent from this state but a parent or person acting as a parent continues to live in this state; (2) a court of another state does not have jurisdiction under paragraph (1), or a court of the home state of the child has declined to exercise jurisdiction on the ground that this state is the more appropriate forum under K.S.A. 38-1354 or 38-1355 and amendments thereto, and: (A) The child and the child's parents, or the child and at least one parent or a person acting as a parent, have a significant connection with this state other than mere physical presence; and (B) substantial evidence is available in this state concerning the child's care, protection, training, and personal relationships; (3) all courts having jurisdiction under paragraph (1) or (2) have declined to exercise jurisdiction on the ground that a court of this state is the more appropriate forum to determine the custody of the child under K.S.A. 38-1354 or 38-1355 and amendments thereto; or (4) no court of any other state would have jurisdiction under the criteria specified in paragraph (1), (2), or (3). (b) Subsection (a) is the exclusive jurisdictional basis for making a child-custody determination by a court of this state. (c) Physical presence of, or personal jurisdiction over, a party or a child is not necessary or sufficient to make a child-custody determination. History: L. 2000, ch. 171, 43; July 1. In my opinion, the SS should not be allowing his wife to keep the child's mother from having contact. The fact that he can't control his wife is going to reflect poorly on him. It's not going to excuse the fact that the mother isn't able to contact her child. He is the parent and it's HIS responsibility to make sure the child has frequent & continuing contact with the other parent. If the mother wasn't calling, he has less of an obligation to seek her out, but she is trying to call her child and no matter how annoyed he is with her or thinks it's not important to her because she doesn't behave how he would like when she does visit (ie. staying on her cell phone the whole time), that's not up to him to decide. She can act however she wants as long as it's not abusive to the child. There are many NCP's that use their time with the child and sit them in front of the TV and don't 'spend time' with them, but that's not up to the CP to decide. If he doesn't realize that his child's mother has rights, then the court will remind him. And it could cost him custody of his child. Not to mention, the child has a right to speak to his/her parent. A step parent does not have a right to interfere with that. PERIOD.

"But back to money, if money is just money, then the SMs can give it up." Yes, so can the ex wife/husband, kids and all other relatives. As a child, if my dad passes before my stepmom, she will have to be taken care of until she dies. That may very well use up whatever my dad leaves because nobody knows how long she will continue to live. Her children are upset that she lasted long enough for her medical care to use up whatever she came into the marriage with. Her care costs more than her disability income she gets so... no inheritance for her kids. They aren't willing to accept that, they had to take it to court to hear a Judge tell them that there isn't anything left. Personally, the Judge should have told them that they can take over their mom's care and have her income. Oh wait, they were given that option and refused. They actually wanted to see if they were entitled to half of everything my dad has since it's 'community property'. Well, they aren't entitled to jack because my dad is alive and so is their mom. Impatient little buggers. My dad has worked hard for everything he has and if it ends up going to provide care for his wife because that's what is important to him, then he has my blessing. He's taught me what it means to do the right thing and he's taught me to be strong and make my own way in the world. All of his children have fairly successful lives and none of us 'expect' a thing. It's HIS money to do with as HE pleases and if he leaves it to his dog, that's also his business.