I wish you luck. :-)

I make it a point to only be pleasant and complimentary (not inquisitive) with almost everyone involved in the home building process, and ask my husband to deliver questions, requests, etc. Whether he does or not is up to him, lol.

If I have a million questions, I just research independently... Mostly because I'm afraid of bothering anyone (after all, I'm paying them to construct a house, not to educate me, lol), since I don't want to make anyone's job longer or harder. I also don't want to come across as condescending, or that I lack confidence in someone's ability (not saying that *you* do, just that I am particularly sensitive about these things).

Try not to be too hard on the menfolk. :-) If it were me (and you can totally tell me to get lost, lol), I'd obviously just let the guys work everything out, and save myself (and everyone else) the stress.

*Hides from any of the other ladies on this forum whom I've angered with my post*

lol

I'm not sure you have enough info to chalk this one up to sexism. In my experience the people we use for services like you describe have limited time and are trying to be efficient. They'll also assume both halves of the married couple hiring them are interchangeable unless you tell them otherwise. Your husband was there so he talked to him and moved on with his likely full day. Had you been there he would have talked to you. Sexism certainly exists in the building related trades, but this just doesn't seem to be an example of it.

have to agree with Kristin on this one.

What We did when we started our build was to make it very clear to our GC who to contact for what. If it was a money question or somethething related to electrical, plumbing or mechanical systems talk to my hubby.

Any questiions related to any aspect of design or construction were to be run by me.

We have had no problems with this method. Of course it helps that our foreman is 35 and believes woman are equal to men

That was simply a timing thing. He may also be a sexist, but we can't label him with that simply because he talked to hubby (who was home when he arrived). And...... if hubs knew you needed to be there - HE should have said something.

Echoing Laurie, that's how my parents operated. My mom (a builder's daughter who loves construction and houses and such) was 100% responsible for all things house related. I don't think most of the people who she hired would have even known how to contact my dad to go around her, and none that I know of tried. It was always 100% clear that she was the one they dealt with and to my knowledge she never had any problems (anyone who had problems working with a woman would never have been hired, as they'd have had to talk with her about the project to start). While my parents often talked through options themselves, the decisions always came from her.

My husband and I are much more interchangeable in how we deal with things - whoever is available talks to contractors and such. We make sure the other knows if we want to be involved in a meeting, and we don't make major decisions in which we know the other wants a say without talking to one another. It's not the contractors jobs to sort this out, though. We did have one try to go around my husband to appeal a decision to me once and that got shot down pretty fast.

I understand everyone's point and I totally agree , plus my husband is going to have to come to terms with my conditions. After all, he doesn't really have the same interest or time I have. He is on page with me to build this house but HE also knows that I have done 99% of the work. Not meaning to sound harsh, but he doesn't always think to far ahead when it comes to this adventure . I would love for him to be more involved but he thinks he's too busy and I accept that. I do plan on sharing most of my decisions with him. And there again, good communication from the start is going to need to happen. But you know, you don't know, what you don't know. I'm gathering info from various places. I'm learning alot on this site!

As for the driller, I was actually home 45 mins before our appointment! I was here on time, even early! He is hard to find and get ahold of, so I was pumped to talk with him. Guess I don't expect my doctor or hairstylist to bend to my timing and I feel contractors should honor their time frames. (yes, once building, that is down the tubes, I know!)

Guess I'm just going to have to make some stupid comment each time I talk to a contractor about how they should seek me out first. To please keep my number. The way I look at this is, I wouldn't call the drillers spouse to find out if the water flow is acceptable.

I'm a feminist, and work in what's still more of a man's world, but I would be more inclined, as well, to chalk this up to your husband's being there and you not. And if your husband knew you had questions to ask, then it's his fault, not the contractor's.

My husband and I, too, tend to split up "jobs," so contractors etc. know which of us to talk to. When we built our house, I handled anything legal or contractual (I'm a corporate lawyer), and anything about the building process. Hubby was accountant and secretary of our documents (he's not an accountant, but he's better at that side than I am). Our builder was wonderful to work with, but I did have to be stern occasionally with other people (men) involved in the building process.

Yeah, this seems way more of a husband thing (based on the information we have thus far) and not a contractor thing. Echoing others, if it was clear that one or the other of us wanted to be point on a particular issue, the other stepped aside and made that clear to the contractor.

It's funny - the experience with our contractor was completely the opposite to many - while he wouldn't only speak with my wife, he always returned her calls much more promptly than he did mine, and it wasn't an urgency thing (she probably reached out more often than I did) nor was he some sort of horndog. I think he is more of the 'women care more about the details' than men do sort of guy.

I would also add that there are hundreds of different decisions/processes involved in your home build. I don't think things will go well with any of your subs if you have 'streams of unanswered questions' for them. Certainly you shouldn't be meek when you have a concern, but there is a balance between 'concerned/curious homeowner' and 'PITA' that you don't want to cross. It could be the driller sensed this and was only too happy to deal w/your husband instead of waiting around for you.

I don't think it's a sexism thing either. You husband was there and therefore the project was discussed. Could have just as easily been the other way around.

For the rest of the build I would stress the meeting time (sounds like this one started early, which is VERY odd..LOL), the importance of promptness and ALL participants.

In our last build, along about the drywall stage I figured I had spent the better part of 8 hours waiting for people to show up at previously agreed upon times. 15 minutes one day, 5 minutes the next, 20 minutes the day after that, it all added up.

It didn't bother me so much if I was working there other than I was brought up to believe promptness is a sign of respect but it REALLY bothered me when I came to the site for just the meeting and I'm cooling my heels for 20 minutes after a pre-agreed upon meeting time counting studs in the wall.

So I started making a big deal about being prompt. Concluding a call with "OK. we're meeting at 10AM. Let's pretend you're catching a plane. Doors close and the plane pulls away from the gate at 10:01. Make sure you're on it"

Well two things immediately happened. First, the on time arrival rate went from abysmal to nearly 100%. After my speech I couldn't be late of course so I'd typically arrive a few minutes early and nearly always the guy would be already there. And second, after hearing my speech everyone got real defensive with "That's great! I don't like to wait around either. 10AM it is!!!"

That, and of course if I had to wait a half hour for the plumber it's a wash but if he has to spend the same amount of time on an "extra" it's on his invoice! So equal value is placed on time.

So stress time AND participants when setting up a meeting.

But the best of luck with your build. Exciting times coming up!

Trust me, I hadn't asked the driller one single question, other than what time should we meet, or did he have a map. My questions where totally normal, basic questions. We have irrigation all around us, plus we have been in a big drought in my area. My questions not only pertained to my personal thoughts on this project but about his time frame and so forth. I have gotten my plans from the architect, got elevations from our builder and talked to him in detail about the next steps. Our walk out style of house on this hillside was contingent on whether there is water there OR NOT. No water means a whole new site and possibly a whole new lay out. No, I really did need to talk to him.

Well, a great lesson learned early.

Might be other meetings with a third party involved and everyone needs to be part of the same conversation. For example, to use your experience, it could have been "Ok, I want to set up our meeting at 10AM with me, my husband and the civil engineer"......(Crazy me.......I actually wanted to type "Florist" but thought better of it...LOL!!!)

Absolutely! ~ yea, florist. If we get through this, no one will need to call the florist..;)

I've completed an entire home remodel as a single woman, and now I'm married, starting remodel #2. I'm handling everything when it comes to interviewing and deciding subcontractors.. etc. My husband's phone number isn't given to anyone and only my information is given out. He is very handy, but simply doesn't enjoy it. I've never encountered sexism (I'm sure it's out there, but the people I hire have no issues working with me), and I don't think you're encountering it either.

If you want to be the GC for your project, then you need to set expectations with the subs and your husband. Had your situation happened to me, my husband would have called me the moment the guy showed up and stall until I get home. However, I would have been home in the first place, because if I have any meeting that important as you described, I expect the person to show up early or late. Always plan for the worst and hope for the best!