We have basically what you've described. Living room, dining room and in our case the foyer open to each other. The kitchen and breakfast room are separate. Our builder suggested a pass thru, but we decided against it. Maybe a pass thru would be the answer for you. Good luck!

Who does the majority of the cooking? If you, then a closed off kitchen. If your DH, then an open kitchen.

We both prefer semi open plan. Something like this: you can't see the kitchen from the entrance or the living; but it's connected to the dining, and, say, family

that was the plan we had last time and it was the best I've ever had..we even had a door to close it off dining(we didn't use it though)

the down side: it being in the back of the house didn't have a window of its own; but since you're building you can plan for it. We just bought it with this layout already

This new house we have is still good in terms that the kitchen opens to the dining, but we enclosed it enough so it's not seen from the living. (was completely open beforehand..and I have that feeling it wasn't always like that, I think they did it for the resale

We switched living and family for that btw..so the downside-I need to drag my tray for longer time when I want to watch TV:) Family is a separate place kinda..entry leads you to the family on one side, living in front of you.

Less ideal to me, but much better that completely open plan.

We like the rooms to have some separation, at least visual and in feel, so one can watch TV, one cook, one do homework or read..everybody's together, and nobody's stepping on nobody's toes at the same time

Also not a fan of people seeing what's going on in the kitchen right away..even though I wash dishes immediately-well I still don't think I'm comfortable with it. If no choice then yes, I'd make do with any plan. But if I'm choosing? no

It'd be harder if each one of us had a very different idea.

I'd try to explain my points, illustrate it the best I can..I believe I'd convince my DH. (since I did about many other things lol)

Some people need pictures of places, plans drawn, seeing other houses..they're visuals. Some are good with explanations given and rationale behind then. Mix of both would be the best.

We both cook, several years ago was mostly me but he helped a lot; now it's mostly him.

I'm not sure how much it depends on who cooks..you need to take into account a lot of things when planning the house..relationship between rooms and all, and how it all will function; kitchen is just the part of that bigger puzzle. Every desicion influences another desicion.

(I did live with open plan for several years..completely open..but then we had just one living/dining space, we didn't have separate rooms for family etc..and I was young, kids were little, bothered me less

I grew up though with a completely separate kitchen

i think semi-open is the best of both worlds, to me

as Anglophilia I can't cook and entertain at the same time..I'm very concentrated on task whatever the task is:) Well I guess if it's something very simple..but usually if we have guests I can't swing it..if it's something like casual breakfast for whoever stays overnight and all then yes; but otherwise-I need my space. And I like things to be clean, whether guests or not, so I clean as I go..not sure how interesting it is for guests lol..

Hmmm, what to do besides either/or? There was the half-way 70's approach with cabinets over a peninsula and the pass-through space under the cabinets. I don't care for it - reminds me of a short order cook in a diner.

Another possibility would be the sliding panels & saloon doors from the old Bewitched TV show:

It's not unusual at all to have opposing criteria that needs to be reconciled. Get an architect who designs homes for an owners specific wishes. Sit down with this architect and in a dynamic, fluid, back and forth, working design session and develop and evaluate both options with your architect. I do these all the time and call them "charrettes". And where both spouses are on the same page for everything is unusual. Have a project right now where it's the "first floor master or second floor master" question.

To give you an idea of what these should look like with your architect, I put one of mine on these boards a while back. It's here, (scroll down to my photo heavy 5/16 post): http://ths.gardenweb.com/discussions/3887104/what-should-i-expect-from-my-architect-long?n=22 and here's some photos of others:

The degrees of separation between a kitchen and other spaces is a wide spectrum. Different degrees of separation can be achieved in different ways. If totally separated is a "0" and totally open is a "10", determine what degree of separation numerically is acceptable (0 thru 10) to the both of you. Share the degree of separation with your architect and your concerns, and see if what they come up with is acceptable to you. "You" meaning yourself and your husband.

It may be helpful to remind your husband of the well founded philosophy of, "Happy wife, happy life".

I don't have images of me working with my clients; I'm ugly.

Who's taking those pictures??

Who's taking those pictures??

My parole officer.

I've been living in an open-concept house after being in a closed kitchen for a while. It does take some getting used to but so far the only thing that I would suggest (if you go open concept) is making sure you have THE BEST ventilation fan possible over your stove. Cooking smell tends to drift about easily and while I don't mind a little, smelling popcorn in the morning in the bedroom isn't pleasant.

Because my home is located on wooded property and has great views, I love the fact that I can see out from the front and sides with the open concept, something I would not be able to do otherwise, so keep outdoor views in mind if that's something you enjoy.

From what I read open concept is on the way out with more defined rooms back in fashion. Yet fashion is fickle. I think a good approach would be to write down what kitchen is for you and for your husband. Who is the primary cook in the family? Who will use it the most? If it is a primary entertainment area it would even make more sense to combine dining and kitchen and keep living room separate. From the practical perspective, keeping kitchen separate allows for work areas with all the smells and messes to be separate from more formal entertainment areas. I would also suggest looking into a book by Christopher Alexander"A Pattern Language". It may help you and your husband see new ideas and reconcile somehow. Very large open areas are usually inhospitable, not cozy.

My husband and I are similar to you and yours; except I'm the extrovert and he's the introvert -- he loves open concept because of the feeling of increased spaciousness (we have a big family), and I love more separation because I dislike cleaning up dropped glasses of tea from three rooms instead of one, lol. (Yes, the kids drink unsweetened tea.)

I like the idea of using doors and/or shutters to separate the spaces, that can either be left open or closed, depending on circumstances/mood. If using doors, I personally would go with either Dutch or French (or any other door with glass; you could always use frosted glass or sheer drapes for privacy), to allow light to pass through.

But that is just one idea... this is one of those areas where a talented architect could come up with something unexpectedly awesome for you. :-)

We've been in our home for one year (and 5 days) now and we have a completely open floor plan, kitchen, LR, office and dining are all one huge vaulted room. The first few weeks were an adjustment in terms of noise - however, we love entertaining, wining and dining, so when friends or family are over, the kitchen has always been where we gravitate. Now that I'm used to having the open concept, I'll never go back. The room is the heart of our home. And those in my home don't ever mind the dirty dishes after I cook them a delicious meal! :)

I'm with nirvana - who is the main cook?

I'm personally a fan of semi open - I can look over the peninsula to the dining table, but the living area is around a wall. Handy since that wall gives me more cab space & artwork space.

As others have said, an architect should be able to help you have a reasonable compromise.

I am with you! This will be our 5th home. We have had one split level with the open concept (oldest was born there through 17 months).

I have a 7,10,11 year old. Since my oldest was 18 months old, we have been in 2 houses (and 2 additional short term rentals). Both the houses we have been in...the kitchen was open to the dining, and the living room could view the dining somewhat. I love it. I am close enough to hear what is going on, but also in my own space to not be so distracted.

I am doing a home very close to a lot of the homes being built now. I keep wondering if I will regret not doing the "L" kitchen with the great big island that views the living room with the other side being the dining room. It would sure make my plan easier and less square footage!

Our last home had what I call a "C" kitchen. It was about 8.5*17. The large island faced the dining table, with a view also to the outdoors. Being in that little C was so cozy. The only thing I didn't like was the mudroom door cutting through a corner of my kitchen. So I am planning a nice "C" kitchen without any doors through it except a mudroom door. The dining table will run parallel to the island. The living room will be open to the dining room. I will be able to stand at my island and still look at the living room fireplace.

The thought that always runs through my head when I think about turning the kitchen into an L and facing the living room is...."why should I have to watch everyone relaxing in the living room while I am working?" I will put a TV behind a cabinet in my kitchen (again I will still be able to see the TV in the living room). My kitchen will have the main view outdoors though.

I am not ready to upload my plans yet, but I would be glad to email you a sketch of my living space.

As far as resale, it really depends how long you live there. Everyone now wants an open concept...but from what I have been reading, new builds are actually getting away from it as people are starting to dislike it. I want to be able to have a soapy sink full of dishes and sit down in the living room without the sink glaring at me! I also want to be able to have several "spaces" for groups to chat when we have a party. Think about it. Guys can watch the football game, and the gals can hang out eating dip!

"From what I read open concept is on the way out with more defined rooms back in fashion."

I think open kitchens are here to stay.

The closed off kitchen is a remnant from the past, before the movement toward gender equality. The open kitchen doesn't sequester the female or females to "slave" over meals and then to wait on the males and guests hand and foot.

Today's open kitchen is an egalitarian place where everyone can participate in meal preparation and cleanup. It is a kitchen for the modern, enlightened man who contributes equally to household chores and rearing children.

B Carey LOL! But the ones in the living room are probably having fun watching you:)That reminded me the saying: "Three things in life, I can't stop looking at: how the fire's burning, how the water's running, and how somebody else's working"...:)

I agree with you and Natalie, who mentioned tendencies are slowly moving away from completely open plan(no wonder since builders and owners started forcing it on everything-leading to inconsiderate to the space planning and execution-the end result often looks and functions poorly -people start to reconsider)

I wouldn't be preoccupied that much with tendencies of course, but rather with how your place works for you both. Yet there are reasons for everything. Some spaces can handle open plan much better than others; but then they should be built in such a way. With everything highly considered. Square footage plays big role too, if you ask me.

I loved suggestions on how figure out the level of comfort with different degrees of separation, that will leave you both content.

This is similar to all of the scripts on the HGTV shows where the spouses are in direct disagreement about the likes, needs and wants at the outset of every episode on every show. The good news is that all the HGTV shows end with everyone is complete agreement and gloriously happy with their final choice!

May your situation end as happily as every HGTV show! :-)

PS: Your architect can help by showing your various alternatives.

We have a C type of kitchen, which is perpendicular to the family room, and I love it. It feels like a separate room, with different flooring accentuating that. When seated in the family room the kitchen is sort of behind you so it is out of your field of vision, yet the kitchen benefits from the natural light and openness of the family room.

What I don't understand is having a forming dining area open to the kitchen - to me that defies the idea of formal dining - it's really just an eat in kitchen. In theory for formal dining one is plating in the kitchen, and then bringing those dishes (whether individually plated or more likely family style) to the dining table. The mess stays closed away in the kitchen, and you enjoy the meal. Of course ideally while you are eating the servants are cleaning the dishes from the previous course and preparing the next! The other nice thing about that is when you have several families over the younger kids can eat in the kitchen while the adults are sequestered away from their noise. Plus the kids usually eat for shorter, so they can finish quickly then go and play while adults enjoy adult conversation.

Maybe as suggested above, a pass-through with pocket doors between kitchen and dining? Here some of the inspiration photos for ours (we added pocket doors with reeded glass between the back-to-back cabinets so that we can close off the pass-through).

From kitchen side:

Idea Cottage in the Hamptons · More Info

From other side:

Idea Cottage in the Hamptons · More Info

My grandma's ranch house had a very bright and large galley kitchen, with lots of windows on one long exterior wall framing a beautiful garden and orange orchard. It also had a large kitchen table. It was sort of a pass through kitchen. You entered off the main hallway. At the other end was a door to the carport and an opening to the separate dining room. I used to sit at the kitchen table and hang out with my grandma while she cooked. We ate our informal meals at the kitchen table. The living room was completely separate, but close to the kitchen. Can you do something like this? Maybe sell your husband on easy access to the kitchen, a community table for gathering (and maybe an island too), and lots of windows to brighten the kitchen.

For the retirement house we built several years ago, we did not want a big space for a big table (because 90% of the time, it's just the two of us), but did need space for a table that could be expanded. And we didn't want an entirely open concept. I wanted to be able to have the radio on in the kitchen while husband was in the great room watching a football game, or whatever. Our end result is a wall that contains the fireplace (not double-sided, due to the location), but does not extend all the way across. It cuts the noise, but allows for conversation if desired, and there's room for lots of people to be in the kitchen. We modified the end result of the plan below a bit during construction; the wall as built does not extend as far as shown in the drawing below.

I have always had a semi-closed or completely closed kitchen. Even with the closed kitchen, it is still the heart of the home - just make it big enough so people can hang out there, if you want them to.

I hope to never have an open kitchen. It seems too Little House on the Prairie to me - this corner is the living room, this corner is the dining room, this corner is the kitchen. Just feels too temporary, too informal to me. "Yeah, we'll get some cabinets and put them here and call this spot the kitchen."

No way do I want visitors standing at the front door (or sitting on the couch) seeing into our kitchen! It has nothing to do with the fact that females are usually the ones doing the cooking. Even if DH was the cook in my house, I still wouldn't want visitors able to peer into our fridge while sipping tea around the coffee table!

yes..in my family men cooked a lot, since I remember myself..and all the kitchens were closed off then..these were eat in kitchens, with a small table inside- still hub for all family and informal gatherings.. you'd spend a lot of time there..would still be a heart of the home:)

you'd have a dining table in the living room though, so you can do some of more formal entertainment for many guests when you had an occassion to celebrate. Otherwise they also wouldn't fit in these small kitchens..))

gender equality had nothing to do with it then..you do what you got to do, either you are taught about that from the young age, or you learn it yourself when time comes, or no open concept will help you.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond. Trying to work through these comments and process.

It may be helpful to remind your husband of the well founded philosophy of, "Happy wife, happy life".

Mark, I like the way you think! And Virgil, I very much hope we are not like the couples on the HGTV shows!

All joking aside, my two biggest issues are probably the noise in an open floor plan, and the visual clutter.

I don't want to have to watch/listen to whatever someone else has on TV. When you have multiple conversations going in an open concept area, with someone doing dishes, or the range hood on, and then I get out the Vitamix...it's a little overwhelming. I'm really intrigued by the idea of being able to go into the kitchen and shut the door (or leave the kitchen and shut the door behind me), but I've never lived with a plan like this and well thought out examples are hard to tour in real life (because basically all new construction in the area is open floor plan...). We are coming from a smaller 1300 sqft home, but plan to also keep our new build fairly modest at 1800-1900 sqft on the main level with a full basement. Therefore, we are not planning on multiple living or dining areas (although I would like some sort of seating in the kitchen). So I think that I would really like the more closed off kitchen, but I'm not sure, and it's hard to be unsure when you're talking about a significant investment for your family.

My other main issue with open floor plans is the visual clutter. Instead of a clean wall you have the visual busy-ness of kitchen cabinets. I know these kitchens look stunning in staged photos when everything is immaculate, but even then I'm somewhat disturbed by the kitchen "furniture" intruding on the living spaces. We are a busy working couple with three young children (maybe more) and it seems that "stuff" just seems to gravitate to our kitchen island. And then there's the toaster, and the coffee maker, and a few water bottles sitting out, and someone's homework assignment, etc., etc. And then I just end up feeling overwhelmed and annoyed by the clutter. If I could just close the door I wouldn't have to feel like everything would have to be "perfect" all the time and I could relax a little. Maybe I'm letting my experience living in a smaller home color my perception of how it could work in a well laid out home with more storage/space.

One idea that has come up in the comments is an L-shaped arrangement, where the kitchen is open to the dining room but the living room is not visible. That may be something I have to think on a little more.

Follow up question: for those of you with the "semi-open" plan (no sight lines to the main living areas, but kitchen is still relatively open to dining with a peninsula or island, and dining is open to living), how does the noise carry? Does it really cut down on the transmission of TV noise and conversation noise? And going the other direction, kitchen work noise intruding on living areas?

Our house is a split foyer, with kitchen, LR, dining, and 1 bedroom and bath on the top floor. The kitchen, dining room, and living room form an L, with dining in the middle; the U-shaped kitchen is open to dining, and the dining room is open to the living room (with the stairwell in between), you can't see the kitchen from the living room. Something like that might make a good compromise for you.

While there is some transfer of noise between kitchen and living room, one can't really hear the TV from the kitchen, or the DW from the living room (at least not after we replaced the 1989 DW).

and I love more separation because I dislike cleaning up dropped glasses of tea from three rooms instead of one, lol.

One Devoted Dame, can you elaborate on this a little? I'm curious if you mean that with a closed kitchen, the kids are more likely to leave their glasses of tea in the kitchen? As opposed to an open floor plan where it feels like one big room so they leave them wherever in that one big room (even though it's actually three rooms)? This is an idea that interests me. Does having a separate kitchen also help to control the spread of the kitchen clutter/food/beverages? Oh, how I despise the never ending battle of the encroaching clutter...

Sometimes when I am in the kitchen I may want to listen to the radio or I may want complete silence while I am cooking. Those things are done unless no one else is home and that never ever happens. I can't stand it when I am cleaning up and the TV volume goes louder and louder as the garbage disposal or water is running. Ack. Noooooooooo.

Autumn.4, sympathizing with this statement 100%.

The other opinion I will share is a rebuttal to the argument: "but then you can be with the family and visit while you are cooking". I do not call them with their backs to me watching TV - visiting with me. If they wanted to visit they would sit at the island and I'd be right there with them but no - they are on the couch watching TV or on the computer watching or reading something. That's not really what I call company. But I suppose they are warm bodies. ;

This is my husbands argument, but I am definitely with you on this one. I think it would create more and better quality time if you could gather in the kitchen together, vs. trying to carry on a conversation while one person is distracted by the TV and the other one is banging pots and pans together in the kitchen.

I can watch TV with somebody else being in the kitchen, or having conversation there,yes. Easily so. But that's a layout thing and how much distance you've got, to some extent

In the previous house TV was in the family-attached to the kitchen. I was fine with watching TV (except for the voice of concience lol). Kids-ahahaaa! kitchen noise doesn't bother them..:) I bothered them, to come and help..

now they could do homework in the dining too..open to the kitchen as well. but that would already depend on how demanding it is. if yes-we'd try to make minimal noise in the kitchen(hm interesting. why we never thought to close that door? silly me!)

(they had their rooms but when MIL joined us for some time I squished them together..and they both had to study a lot..so my DD would usually end up doing everything school at the dining table)

Right now even easier since while kitchen is open to dining, dining open to the living-the TV is in the family..there's literally a wall since family is that separate room.

(I kinda hate when people can see right away what I'm watching too. It's also personal. I always try to keep TV in a way that at least wouldn't be seen from the entrance)

Of course depends on a family, ages of kids, whether people scream a lot..)) I'm often talking like my life depends on it lol..but that's just a cultural thing..being more of a Southern person, you know? DH is from North and he never raises his voice(when he does it's scary though..precisely because he usually doesn't)..so every time I speak he's afraid I'm gonna die on him..)) It's actually pretty funny

Your future square footage is pretty much what we've got now(all the house is main level though its one storey)..right layout is a king..you can have a big space yet dysfunctional..and a smaller one that's thought out well which will work hundred times better.

To clarify my comment (sorry about the vagueness!)....

I'm militant about keeping food and beverages in the kitchen or at the table, and the kids are really good about obeying. However, in an open plan (like our current house), if someone drops a glass, a plate, a bowl, etc., debris flies into every neighboring room. The whole point of my "food and drink in this area only" rule is to keep messes and clutter contained. It's almost pointless with an open plan. But I do it anyway. ;-)

With separation, if spills or broken ceramics/glass happen, they are confined to one room. With more open plans, messes scatter far and wide. We have 7 (soon to be 8) people who wander around the house, so naturally we have a higher risk of incidents, lol.

as for encroaching clutter...that depends on your policy(lol) and how consistent you are with it..less on the plan (we used to have very open plans as well)

I'm pretty consistent..and in all the family actually only DS is my natural level of tidiness..DH goes along with it purely out of unconditional love..he's one of people that just love clutter..thinks it helps him find stuff or something (LOL no it doesn't. having me helps him to find stuff..))..DD..years of being consistent..with result that's not excellent but kinda satisfactory..especially in the common areas. 21 years of being consistent, no joke.

Mary Hillyer, you asked about semi - open plans. Not sure if mine is, but I have a small archway from the living room to the breakfast room and another from the dining room to the kitchen. Sound is not a problem for me, but then it's just two of us most of the time.

Well..."open concept" is a very elastic term, which has many meanings. Thanks to HGTV. we see it in virtually every show on their network. The design and construction stars (you know, the cute gal and the hunky guy) always walk around the dark and dreary house before the remodeling starts, and say, "Let's take this wall down, and this wall and let's open everything up!" Every show. Every time.

So we can thank HGTV for showing up open plan after open plan.

But what does it really mean? It means we only have to "open" the spaces which best fit our life style and living patterns. No more. No less. One persons desirable open plan does not mean it will be another persons desirable plan. There is no common or universal definition of "open plan".

What happens in the "open" areas? Well the spaces combine to give a sense of greater, open space for one thing. There may be an increase in natural light. And folks can see and socialize with one another (and parent can supervise their small children) throughout the open space area. All of these may be desirable benefits.

At the same time there is no visual privacy. Everyone sees everyone doing everything. There's no audial privacy. Everyone hears everyone doing everything. And smells. The smell in one end of the open space pervades all the open space. You like the smell of burnt toast in the morning? It will be everywhere...in the open space.

Teenagers, wanting to avoid their parents, will avoid the open space and find their own private refuge to share with their friend.

Moral: Open space plans can be wonderfully appealing and can also be highly unsuitable. Figure out your life style and priorities for the approach which works best for you!

To add to what Virgil said. The residential "open concept" originated with the Prairie School Architecture movement (long before HGTV). It is also the foundation for Sarah Susanka's "The Not So Big House" ideas.

An open plan can also be a less expensive plan. By sharing space, the same rooms (living room, dining room, kitchen and maybe study) can take up less physical space than if each required their own walled-off box because navigation paths can be shared. The elimination of walls also reduces some material cost.

Interesting, I've always thought of "open-concept" as an extension of "loft living" where open plan was the default because the spaces themselves were initially built as one large (usually light industrial or warehouse) open space. Hence the same infatuation for carrying over exposed brick and and industrial feel even though they have no basis outside of true loft conversions.

I'm also not sure about saving on construction costs - those beams are quite expensive. And while theoretically it can save space, the reality is that homes have been getting larger for the most part. And with walls you only need 6" to separate one function from another. In an open concept you really need a few feet to achieve any meaningful feel of separation.

I have a large, eat-in kitchen with a formal dining room (which we could live without) through a cased opening and a living room off that. I have a sight line into the living room from the kitchen island and can hear the activity in there. I think this separation is perfect for us. We have 3 young kids and most of our life occurs in the kitchen, so it's largeness is important. The other spaces are much smaller. I have a no food or drinks out of the kitchen rule and I think the separation helps- they have to give leaving the room a bit of thought, I notice it in order to enforce the rule and they are also less drawn to the activity in other spaces while eating. I wipe the woodwork between our table and the powder room where they wash hands at least 1 time a day, but rarely have sticky handprints on any other woodwork.

My reference to my beloved HGTV was meant as a reference to all of the contemporary television shows on remodeling and residential design trends. I have a sneaking feeling that these television shows have much more influence on the thinking of today's consumers than looking through legitimate architectural history, more's the pity!

And speaking of the Prairie School (and Frank Lloyd Wright), Mr. Wright tended to feel strongly that the priority of putting space in a house was properly devoted to the "public" spaces which the family shared together and which was shared with guests.

Private spaces, on the other hand, such as kitchens, baths and bedrooms were deemed secondary and they tended to be very small by comparison to the public spaces. Said differently, priority in his house designs tended to be to focus the budget on the public spaces and reduce the budget in the private spaces.

Yet another historical trend which has gone by the wayside, more's the pity!

Now, back to our regular broadcasting and whether or not Mr. OP and Ms. OP can agree on what "open plan" means in their lives...

Cue the theme music...

"Private spaces, on the other hand, such as kitchens, baths and bedrooms were deemed secondary and they tended to be very small by comparison to the public spaces. Said differently, priority in his house designs tended to be to focus the budget on the public spaces and reduce the budget in the private spaces."

Good point. Kitchens were not included in the original "open concept". "Open" combined the living room and dining room and maybe the library separated by large, double doors.

I think we got to our current open plan from a different path though. I think it was the addition of a "family room" and the expansion of the eat-in kitchen into a nook. These three rooms served "the family" and guests were entertained in the formal living room and formal dining room.

As people realized that those two formal rooms served primarily museum duty, they were eliminated. The original kitchen/nook/family room became more refined to serve as both family and guest spaces.

Oh, and entertaining guests evolved too. The kitchens had grown and were outfit with aircraft carrier islands and stadium seating for four or more where guests can enjoy a drink and appetizers while spectating the practice of culinary arts. You don't need to tune into Food Network anymore. It's in the house!

I make fun of the entertainment kitchen, but I'm making fun of myself. We have had this arrangement in our house for almost 24 years and that's just the way we entertain anymore and I think the vast majority of people do as well.

Off the top of my head I can think of one or two solutions. Pocket doors
to close off the kitchen from the dining/living space for example, so
that when you want to be with the crowd the doors are open, but when you
need to be with yourself, the doors are closed.

Exactly what I was going to say.

The other thing I suggest is talking about exactly what it is that you like/don't like about open floor plans. For example, if he doesn't want people to see a mess, it's easy enough to go with a raised bar ... but if his concern is noise, that's a whole different ball game.

Who's taking those pictures??
My parole officer.

ARG, you must be fun in real life.

This is similar to all of the scripts on the HGTV shows where the
spouses are in direct disagreement about the likes, needs and wants at
the outset of every episode on every show. The good news is that all
the HGTV shows end with everyone is complete agreement and gloriously
happy with their final choice!

Oh, that's not the dumbest thing on HGTV. That award goes to the people who sign up to be on a remodeling show, then announce, "Oh, no, I don't want to go through a remodel -- oh, okay, your 30 second spiel has convinced me."

ARG, you must be fun in real life.

Ha! We do have fun in those design sessions the photos show. After many, Mrs. ARG, who is usually upstairs, afterwards says "Wow! You all where really laughing a lot down there!"

"...Oh, that's not the dumbest thing on HGTV. That award goes to the people who sign up to be on a remodeling show, then announce, "Oh, no, I don't want to go through a remodel -- oh, okay, your 30 second spiel has convinced me..."

Actually, to me, the dumbest thing is the scripting for each and every show, no matter the title of the show and the names of the stars.

The scripting is always the same: it has the "consumer couple" who are looking for a new home, always, always, always be in diametrical disagreement over everything...over every single thing: "I like modern...no, I like colonial"; "I like an open plan...no, I like individual rooms", yada, yada.

Then they describe their "must haves". Even newly-weds describe the Taj Mahal that they "must have"...5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, family room, man-cave, swimming pool, large kitchen, yada, yada.

Then the hosting stars ask, "what's your budget?" "Oh, we can't go over $350,000 max, including all renovations!", they always say, after describing $1.5 million in must haves.

It's always the same. Always. No initial agreement and zero understanding of budget.

The stars then take them touring; a bland make-over is found; the renovation begins (without ever looking at or talking about all of the truly expensive renovation elements--foundation, structure, roof, HVAC function and capacity, electrical function and capacity; plumbing function and capacity; and Viola!--the renovation concludes with one of the stars (guess which one) filling the house and the new "open plan" with a custom dining table and a ton of furnishings, pillows and vases from one of their sponsors such as Wayfair or Josh and Main.

I swear the furnishings, pillows and vases that suddenly materialize into the renovation cost more than the renovation construction! But it's never mentioned!

The consumer couple are led on a room-by-room tour, making appropriate comments such as "Oh, wow", "awesome", "Golly, I love the stainless appliances"!

Suddenly the couple Who Could Not Agree On Anything are now "Oh wow" over everything. Everything is good in paradise!

Every show, the script and the performances are same-same! Only the faces and the bland make-overs change. Talk about formula programming...

Watch these shows long enough and one begins to think that they represent reality...! The only redeeming feature is that some of the designs which are produced are actually enjoyable to see. Others not so much...

...OK, back to our regular programming, on with our fun-filled thread :-)

Semi-open to me does not necessarily mean building walls but it does mean not within direct eye sight and basically one square or rectangular room. So the living and dining within a space is okay for me but the kitchen sort of around the corner or offset? Being in the kitchen and seeing the living room from a distance may be fine if its not directly sharing the same space? I think of entertaining too but those are not times I want EVERYONE practically IN the kitchen even though technically they are not it's the living room? or watching ME in the kitchen - ugh no thank you. But in those times say the ladies are kind of gathered in the kitchen at the counter or what have you that's fine - we can chat and not be drowned out by the rest of the multitude of conversations going on or by the game or whatever on the TV. But the ladies, the men and the kids all right there? Pfft. No. Most assuredly no when I am trying to get all the food ready and on the table.

Mary my 2 cents would be stick to your guns. A good architect or designer should be able to
design something that will satisfy you both. I tried to stick to mine
and failed as the design person had an open plan and it was the hub where everyone gathered and blah blah blah - I guess no one heard me or listened when I said "I most definitely do NOT want just 1 large room. I am positive about that. I need some sort of separation." Is that not clear communication? Ah - water under the bridge or as I think to myself - next house if there ever is one I will be more firm.

DH also fell for that HGTV that is what everyone wants - that's all you hear and see the people say. I guess I'm not like everyone else and my opinion should matter more since I will be the one living there and actually using the space but maybe not. ;)

My husband loathes HGTV to the highest degree..we don't have cable, so sometimes I turn the channel on when we're in some motel/hotel while traveling..he can't stand it, he asks me how I can watch it..well what can I say..it's relaxing since it's houses, not news, and I can turn it off any minute without much regret, unlike a movie.

We disagreed a lot about small details..never about the layout or general style. That helps, no doubt. Disagreeing about small details takes enough time and energy as is.

Having third party, like an architect, with great vision and experience, and ability to give different options, and explain the "why" behind each one, must be extremely valuable.

Really appreciating the comments. Thanks to everyone who has contributed.

"..Good point. Kitchens were not included in the original "open concept". "Open" combined the living room and dining room and maybe the library separated by large, double doors..."

This is definitely the direction I've been leaning in.

How do you know what kind of a floor plan will live/work well for you and your family? I have a degree in engineering, so I'm pretty good at visualizing 3D relationships based on 2D drawings, but how do you visualize yourself living in a space? I'm having a hard time with this. And I don't know if my wish list for the new build is being colored by my experiences in our current home. A few years ago my husband talked me into taking down a wall in our home, creating an open concept kitchen. I went along with it, because we had started talking about building a home, and knowing we weren't planning to stay here I wanted an opportunity to live with the open floor plan to see how I liked it (funny, he doesn't remember having that conversation). The kitchen is visible from the front door, which I hate. But easy to avoid if we're building a custom home. There's no "away space" in our small house, except for the bedrooms. As a result almost everything happens at the kitchen island. Kids do homework at the island. I food prep on the island. On days when I work from home I set up my laptop on the island (no office). And there's no where to just get away. We are planning an office space in the new build, and also we will have a more casual "family room" in the finished basement. So again, circumstances will be different in our new home. However, I've done a lot of research, lots of looking at inspiration photos, lots of reading, etc., and I'm pretty convinced that another open living/dining/kitchen area will drive me crazy. On the other hand, I love my husband very much, and of course I also want him to be happy with this big endeavor that we're going to be pouring a lot of our hard earned money into!

That's interesting.

I'm very, lets put it bluntly, dumb in technical things. I'm bad with plans-I need to render for myself, 3 D and all. I don't have a great spatial thinking. When people on Kitchens forum or Building forum read complicated plans in a matter of minutes, and have suggestions in a matter of minutes-I look at them like they're Wizards of Oz or something.

My husband is an engineer. He's amazing with maps and plans and his spatial thinking is great. He enjoys reading plans. It's like an art to him, gives him pleasure. (his degree is not in engineering though..PhD in Physics. Out of all sciences out there, physics is beyond my comprehension the most. My school B grade in physics doesn't even start to reflect the true level of my dumbness)

Yet I-somehow-just know. Often better and sooner than him.

I look at the family..I know everybody..I somehow translate needs and relationship between people into this spatial thing, a plan. Everybody should be considered. Needs (that change) should be anticipated, to the best of my ability, and considered.

An example-that's my second marriage. Our first place in CA was bought to accommodate my kids into this new situation to make the transition as easy as possible. So I passed on a pretty magnificent foreclosure with the view and all (it was 2010..buyers' market lets put it this way) because it had this one big open space for a great room. And went for a more expensive house -less posh, in terms of finishes and all, no view except for the pool-that had this amazing layout..three rooms downstairs, some seen right away fully, some in the back, with the kitchen open to two of them but not seen..second floor had this bridge-hallway..enough distance between the master and kids' rooms and bath..

I had no idea how successful it will be..the relationship.

Yet it was paramount to me to make it work ..and right layout would make it a tad easier..with a stepdad and everybody's figuring out themselves in this new family. Give togetherness but give separation. Would't add pressure would take some of it off. It was just a drop of water in the sea of course..my DH did a miracle, the relationship between the kids and him is much much more I ever hoped for.

But it was a right drop of water in the right time.

Similar with the new place-I already knew the semi open plan works the best..was less worried about relationships, being too close, too distant, since we were already a good family..but: we had to plan for MIL joining us. So. Adding bathrooms-paramount. figuring out where TV goes. figuring out who gets each bedroom. Swiping the doors in her room to a window-more space for furniture for her, more privacy for our master that also has doors outside. Etc, etc.

I'm not sure whether it's helpful or not, me describing it. Just trying to analyze how I'm able to see it. I start with people.

I saw somewhere that there was either twitter or a blog mocking the professions of the couples on House Hunters:

"He's a professional potato carver, and she's a stay at home turtle foster mother. They are looking for a 4 bedroom loft style condo, and their budget if $850,000"

Some of them were PRICELESS!

Mary Hillyer, the place to begin thinking and planning for a new, custom home is not a solution, i.e., an "open plan". That's a solution for a lot of needs, wants and adjacencies. The place to begin is to create a mutually agreeable list of needs vs. wants. It means what it suggests. Then, if you want to take it further before visiting with your architect, you and your spouse sit down together and create several "bubble diagrams". There's an older thread on the subject, which some really witty and talented person here created, which explains what a "bubble diagram" is and the value it has. Don't come to a conclusion that an "open space plan" is your solution just yet (whatever an open space plan means). Good luck on your journey!