when i'm not up to par... i prefer bring alone, too. if i want help/company... i'll ask for it. NOT being a "B", but not one to be fawned over. i will readily be the "fawner" unless 1) asked not to or 2) i sense unnecessary whining?? a person has to be pretty darn sick to need constant attention?? unless situation involves crutches, most people can manage to go across room to retrieve that box of tissues. if i can do it myself, that's my preference. i'd feel guilty going the "Scarlett O'Hara" route just cuz i might be able to. would feel guilty "ringing" for help and probably resentful being "rung for"??

now CHILDREN... another story. sometimes easier to be preemptive rather than wait till a real "clean-up" becomes required? childhood story... memories a bit gross. probably early 60's... one of those "flu" things that rolled through. brother, sister, dad and i ALL sick as dogs... alternating between looking half-dead in bed to sometime SUDDEN rush to bathroom. grandparents gathered the 4 of us up and we were just laying/lying on couch or in chairs in their little house with ONE BATHROOM. everybody had a "back-up" plan... some sort of receptacle... iykwim!

once we got to point where nana was making weak tea and plain toast... we knew we were gonna "survive"!

I also withdraw, and tend to be snippy if any fawning occurs. What part of "leave me alone" do you not understand?

I want to be left alone except for food. I was just sick for a month and my DH was amazing. He left me alone but fed me, got my meds, changed the sheets etc. I'm finally recovered and heading to Newport today, yay.

Left alone! 100% Unfortunately, hospitals won't ever listen to me. They'll say so and so is in the waiting room, can they come in. I say no, and they still send them back. Ugh. I agree with Mystical. What part of no, do they not understand?

I don't get sick very often. I had a 24 hour bug a little over a year ago. Of course, it was on my day off. :( I kept falling asleep on the couch so I guess I wanted to be left alone. lol My husband was very good at making sure I had something in my stomach even if it was black tea and soup broth. It's all I could hold down.

Yesterday was the first day in two weeks I didn't try to cough up a lung. I had bronchitis. For a few days, I wanted to be alone, but I still went to work (went home early 2 days in a row before I knew it was more than just a cold). I wanted to sleep but couldn't because of the cough. My husband really sucked at taking care of things for me. I even had to yell at him: He's been off work due to a work related injury for 4 1/2 years. During this time, I've cooked and cleaned. Made sure he has his medications. Bought him his OTC meds when he runs low without being asked. Reminded him to make dr appointments. Then he had 4 1/2' of his small intestine removed and I worked 8 hours, then spent up to 2 hours at the hospital with him for a week. Took a week off work to help with is recovery. And last week when I wasn't feeling well, yet still worked my 8 hour shift and asked him to make me something for supper and I got attitude, I let him have it.

Okay, so this turned into a ventfest for me. lol Let's just say when I'm not well, which is rare, he won't do that twice.

I like to be left alone. My DH is not one to fawn over anyone so that suits me fine. My family, growing up, was the same way. When I feel better, I fend for myself in the food department.

When I don't feel well, I've very impatient and not very tolerant. It's hard to be when one is struggling to breath! As one ages, it is also somewhat scary being ill - one wonders if one will fully recover or is this the "beginning of the end". It's not easy and far different than a 40 yr old with a nasty cold.

I prefer to be left alone.

I like to be left alone but my husband is wonderful about making sure I don't starve myself to death or die of dehydration. I don't seem to be able to sleep much when I'm sick so I lay in the bed for what seems like 50 hours a day and the nights are even longer. But he leaves me alone except to bring me sustenance or to take my temperature. Then he threatens me with hospital if I refuse to try to eat. The last time I was sick, they gave me something with codeine in it and it was great, I actually did sleep with that stuff!

I am very seldom sick, but when I am, I do want to just rest and be left alone. Heck, I like to be left alone 90% of the time when I'm not sick.

Left alone....don't bother me, unlike my husband who wants to be tended to when ill.

When sick, changes in:

Behavior - I think yes, in most cases.

Personality - Hard to separate from behavior.

if the illness is long term i've found that most folks like company and not of the hovering sort - occasionally not 100 percent of the time i've put some thought in on this lately as i have several friends who are caring for terminally ill family members and they want someone with the person who is ill 100 percent of the time, i personally would like to have occasional visitors but mostly just peace and quite and as pain free as possible.....please

I am seldom sick, but when I am, DH always pitches in to make sure I am warm, comfy, and have something to eat and drink, according to whatever I want or need. He's really good about that. I have also had a couple of pretty major surgeries (2 ACL replacements) which pretty much threw me for a loop for several days. He and my DD really stepped it up. She made food and brought it to us, had us over several times to eat, and offered lots of other help until I was comfortable to drive. I am usually very independent but those 2 surgeries made me appreciate the help. When it's the cold or flu, just let me keep warm and sleep until the worst is over.

Well, I am sick right now. Nothing serious, just a sore throat and fever. Hoping it won't turn into anything else. I live alone so I don't have much choice! Right now I am kind of wishing there was someone to bring me chicken soup and sympathy. Sigh, poor me. ;)

Most of the time I prefer to be left alone too. If I need something I will ask (in a nice way). I hate to have someone constantly hovering and checking on me. But if I really need help, like when I broke my hip, I like to have someone close by. Though I hated to ask for anything especially after a week or so. But when I tried to do certain things myself, I ended up in trouble and had to ask for help anyway. I wanted to be healed and on my own as soon as I could be.

I want ginger ale with ice, bed, warmth, a book, maybe crackers -- and a bell. If I want help, I'll *ring*. (I feel very fortunate that DH is be here to answer.)

I like to be left alone too although hubby does frequently ask if I need anything and he brings whatever I want. I know I get grumpy when ill so avoid any real conversations until I am myself again.

A few years ago I got the flu influenzeB I think it was. It was the first time I ever had the real deal although I get colds ect that I used to think was the flu, but once you get the real flu you never forget it. I was so unbelievably sick, fever, chills, cough, and every inch of my body hurt..I was down and really for the first time in my life I was completely down. I faintly remember hubs, and all my kids trying at different times to make me drink and take tylenol and they would remove some of my piles of blankets which I needed for the chills. I kept thinking JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE..LOL. I ended up being sick for 16 days with the first half being really bad. But seriously it took months to feel really good again. So when I'm sick I want left alone, just go away, close the door and let me sleep or moan in peace.

Hubs likes me to hover over him which of course I do. My oldest Grand (Tim) likes left alone but Chip the youngest likes constant undivided attention, which I think is mostly do to his chronic asthma, he is scared, not being able to breath is scary so he needs to know I'm there to always save him.

I really, really, really want to be left alone. Unless I want something. Then why the heck isn't he there?!? This is, of course, tongue-in-cheek, but not untruthful.

I find that, *in general*, men want to be catered to and treated like children when they're sick (which means that they sneezed once today). Ok, that's fine "wahhhh, I'm sickkkkk"). That's who they are. Mars/Venus. Whatever.I find a middle-of-the-road solution when it comes to waiting on my "sick" husband. I love him; know who he is, and know what he needs. I won't wait on him hand and foot, but I will certainly do more for him than I might tend to do otherwise (but don't get me wrong; we are very attached and "do" for each other as a general habit).

And when I'm really sick (of course, like most women, I keep going and going through colds and stomach stuff and other; it takes us quite a bit to be down for the count), he's gotten good at knowing when I want him to stay away from me and when I'm irrationally crabby about why he's not there the second I want something. I love that man of mine.

It's been said that when an older person becomes ill, they can think only of themselves and their ailment. Believe it to be true as the pain overshadows everything else.

"A recent thread lead me to ponder whether people's behavior and personality change when they are ill."

Some folks use "I'm not feeling well" as an excuse for a myriad of behaviors.

Each of us has to decide what behaviors we forgive in others when other people are ill. I am happy to forgive some grumpiness for a few days. All sorts of behaviors in children are forgivable by me, they may become very cranky if they they feel bad. At the other end of the spectrum, I would not forgive, for instance, murder because the person did not feel well.

And people are so different. When I am ill I want to be left alone and I don't talk much at all, so there is not much opportunity for my behavior to really affect someone else. If I am forced out of my bed to go to the store or the pharmacy, I try to be kind to the cashiers or pharmacists who help me, but I'm not very chatty, I just want to get back home to bed.

Mostly I want to be left alone, and especially not touched, if I'm sick. Check in to see if I need anything, but then just go away. To be honest, I'm often like that when I'm well, if I'm working on a project or reading a good book.

A couple years ago I had a pretty good fever for a day or two. I remember laying in bed and planning all sorts of colorful, creative, artistic projects (that I still haven't got around to doing). I wonder if there is a connection between fevers and creativity?

Lucille, still keeping in mind the original thread to which you referred, what I meant was that sometimes when things aren't going the way a poster intended or hoped, she will then pipe up with "I'm not feeling well" as an excuse for having been less than truthful in her earlier musings.

I mostly like to be left alone in my misery with the tv and/or a book for company. But, sometimes I feel like whining about how unfair it all is and how sick I am and woe is me. When that happens, hubby is happy to lend an ear and commiserate.

Lindsey I see what I think you are saying now, that in some cases the illness is an excuse or maybe there is no illness, the claim was used to perhaps save face because of certain posts.

I think in those cases, future behavior is critical. I think it is healthy to be forgiving and if there is no repeat, forgiveness helps restore balance. At the same time, we can share our feelings with each other and that is as important to us as it was to the original poster, especially because we do not know if there will be repeats. Of course if the behavior continues, that is altogether different.

One of my behaviors when I am ill is to eat 'sick food'. Depending on the nature of the illness, this can include corned beef hash with a sunny side egg on top, chicken soup and crackers, cranberry juice, or ice cream. Of course I eat these things sometimes when I am healthy too, but they are favored 'sick' dishes. I have quarts of home made canned chicken soup in the pantry just in case.

I don't get sick often, but I am headache prone and get them almost daily. I really really try not to take it out on anyone or let it interfere with my daily routine, but sometimes it's very hard.

I don't know how my husband manages to be as kind as he usually is. With the Myeloma, he's always in pain and often times it's quite severe. Medications help but it's a crapshoot. He never misses work and seldom ever makes a fuss about it, yet, sometimes he'll come home with an itchy throat or sinus drainage and act like it's the end of the world. Behavior wise we're quiet people naturally, but both of us can be rather grumpy when we're not feeling our best. On those days, we tend to cut each other a lot of slack and not take it personal.

I get irritable right before a headache. Having a cold makes me grumpy too so I hide away to avoid spreading it and to recover fast I rely on raw juices and fresh fruits and veggies,lean protein, and high fiber carbs. As long as I have a good supply of these things and tissues and can have quiet to sleep as much as I can, I'm ok on my own. I've seen people with colds rely on symptom suppressing drugs still eating sugary food and fast/junk food. That's only prolonging the misery and sharing it out in the world. Eating grapefruit helps heal sinus tissues and steamy frequent showers kill the bad bugs camping out there.

Some say massage is good because it circulates lymphatic tissue to clean out toxins. I have a little trampoline and gently bouncing gets lymph fluid moving. Ladies having chemo and were weak were seated on a trampoline and gently bounced by another showed an improvement in symptoms as their lymph moved around. I have shortened headaches by gentle bouncing while swinging my arms.

Sleep is huge for mood......just ask any baby. Also watch for carb related mood swings. If my guy eats a bunch of crackers or bread he's up while he eating it and just after. Then he gets a little energy slump a few hours later and finally a hungry tired irritable state about four or five hours after eating a big serving of simple carbs. Some people instinctively fix this with caffeine or more carbs, sugar or chocolate or all at once. When you're sick, you really feel these swings. Lean protein, high fiber raw fruits and veggies and low portion complex carbs really help so you can get through it with the minimum of discomfort.

My next door neighbor uses the excuse of 'bad reaction to medication' to excuse herself of saying really ugly things to others. Last year, she told the entire neighborhood that I poisoned her dog. Yep, a few weeks later when no one would talk to her because they know me (and know that I am not a poisoner of animals) she again called on the excuse "I had a bad reaction to some new medication". She went on the attack because I told her that her gossiping was an ugly trait.

I think that some folks just use illness as an excuse for bad behavior.

I am on some medication that sometimes really upset my stomach, when this happens the thought of food of any type makes me gag. What I hate is when people try and force me to eat. My DH especially, he pushes me to eat and gets annoyed when I can't. Even when I say no, I don't want it, he'll bring me a plate with a huge portion size. My friends do it to. I know everybody is trying to help me but I hate it