I am 50 now and have been single my entire adult life, which is about 32 years if you start counting at 18. I've had a few relationships, but only one of any substance even though I was in love a few times. Yes, sense of humor does always seem to be high on the list. I don't know about men, but I don't think women mean they want a comedien or joker for a partner. They want someone who is good natured, doesn't get all bent out of shape at every little thing, can laugh at himself and what life throws at you as a couple. This quality has been invaluable for me in my current dream relationship since I have been midly sick most of the time since we met. I was coughing so bad during our first date that other people I didn't even know in the bookstore cafe were coming up to me and saying, "Are you OK, my you sound terrible!" Did I say he was tenacious?! :) Actually, if you are interested in a long term loving relationship, I would say tenacity is a very important quality. Abject subborness is what has kept my parents together for 51 years. Neither one of them was willing to be the first one to blink, lol! Having dated my share of losers, I would say that what is needed besides what I have already mentioned, is good character. All the standard things we know go into that quality--kindness, concern for others, being a problem solver instead of a whiner, responsibility, integrity, common sense . . . (No wonder I never married, lol!) My honey is very patient, I consider that to be a godsend! He listens and takes my point of view into consideration. I can't abide by smoking for my own health's sake. Having someone who at least supports and encourages healthy habits is pretty important. I wouldn't want to get too fond of someone who smoked and drank, didn't exercise and ate junk food all the time. The piper will need to be paid at some point for those kinds of folks. I'm a very active person, and I'm finding I need someone who understands my need to be out and about and social. The don't always have to go with me, but don't expect me to sit at home too much. I like to nest, but only to a point. But that's just me. You don't have to have the same personality type or interests but you do have to be able to meld and mesh the differences together into something workable. You need some bottom line shared values. And . . . you need some things in common. Not all things, but some things you can enjoy together. As for physical attractiveness, that's a hard one to quanitfy. None of my boyfriends have looked anything alike. I can't say exactly what it is, but it is a combination of a person's physical features but also how they carry themselves and how their personality plays out into their appearance. Some people you don't much notice at first, pro or con, can grow on you as you get to know them. There are a lot of very physically attractive people I have met who have such a jerky or blah personality that I don't really find them all that attractive. On the flip side, there are some men that I have known who have all the great personality qualities I describe but I just haven't clicked with them. That one is always a mystery to me . . . One thing I always advise my male students if they confide in me or ask me for girlfriend advice is do not underestimate the power of desire, and I DON'T mean sexual desire. If a man wants to be with you and is willing to do what it takes to make you happy and make that happen, it is a powerful aphrodisiac. But it's a thin line to walk, because it is easy to do overkill and you look desparate and clingy. Women appreciate a man with a sense of forward momentum, who appear to be going somewhere with their lives. Desire mixed with a modest amount of confidence and sense of self is a potent mix. Not enough or too much of either spells jerk. What's a poor boy to do, lol!

....take over her bill paying, and then giver her an allowance. Not knowing whether or not a financial Power of Attorney has been conferred, I'd be hesitant to recommend taking the responsibility of discharging another's debt. What would that mean? Paying out of your own pocket? Sign her checks for her? You can't legally sign another's checks without the granted power to do so. Perhaps the least intrusive and easiest thing would be to have her son's name added to her checking account. Even though my brother had my Mother's financial POA and took charge of asset management, etc., I had the responsibility of keeping up with the everyday things. I simply had my name added to her checking account when she was beginning the slide into Alzheimer's and getting farther and farther removed from taking care of her affairs. I seem to recall it was nothing more than a quick visit to the bank, signing a paper providing my SS#, etc. and ordering a new set of checks. I also understand what it is to try and engage a senior in other activities - sometimes it's just not in the cards. Either they're not joiners by nature or as they age there's a certain fear in trying new things that are a little outside of their comfort zone. My Mother gave up playing golf with the local ladies league at age 85 and we never could come up with something/anything even remotely close to replacing the enjoyment she got from that. From what the OP has written, it does seem her MIL is just aging and that bad habits are becomming magnified; she doesn't quite recognize her spending habits as unusual or that she's being taken advantage of by her sister. It might not be any one of the dementias one could put their finger on right now. It could be in the future.

I love the box idea. Must get one soon. DH of 26 years leaves things everywhere. Right now there's a coffee mug on the bedroom nightstand, socks on the chair, newspapers in two locations, TV and computer parts still in boxes in the dining room. I will get that big box, pick up and place everything in it. Then just wait for him to ask "where's the TV satellite tuner that came the other day?" In the box,darling. When we were first married, he'd get home from work and remove and toss his clothing as he walked in and up towards the bedroom. There would be a tie in the living room, shirt on a chair, undershirt in the bathroom, shoes and socks in four different spots. And, being a good little wifey, I would gather everything, launder as needed, then place in the closet or drawer where it came from. He didn't seem to notice,but he did expect the maid service to continue. After a while, I was exhausted from taking care of him AND two kids AND working 52 hours a week. So instead of picking up after him, I went thru the house and stuffed all his clothes under the bed. After about a week, he ran out of socks and underwear. He asked me if I had seen his stuff. Look undewr the bed, dear. That cured him, at least partially. From then on, he'd put all his clothes on one chair. (I tried a hamper,it was too much effort to lift the lid,I guess.) But at least the mess was confined. And when I did laundry all I had to do was take everything off the chair. Now I must get a BIG BOX.

Good for you Sunflower! I've been thinking about your situation over the past few days, and had an epiphany a few minutes ago, and wondered if that might apply. You seem like a sensible and reasonably mature (though young - under 30) person who's goal-oriented. All good. And you talked about moving forward with your relationship -- and I get that. Moving forward in a relationship is generally what we like to do. It's the normal and logical progression of life: High school, some high school boyfriends, college, some college boyfriends, graduate, get a job, set up life with an apartment, career, more boyfriends. Then you find a BF you especially like who especially likes you, and you move forward -- maybe live together, then get married. Then you have kids, raise a happy family, etc., etc. You spoke of moving in together as 'moving forward', and I'm wondering if in your mind, is somehow is. Like it's 'advancing to the next stage of life' -- moving your game piece forward, or 'growing up' another degree. And in a sense, it is. It is moving to another stage of life. But viewing it from that angle makes it sound like it's automatically a good thing -- a step ahead, a move forward. And in reality, it isn't at all! (Does the teen mother who marries her high school baby daddy somehow 'win' by going through her step-forwards quickly?) It certainly can be a move forward -- with the right guy at the right time in the right circumstances. But it can be every bit as much the learning and growing experience to say "No" as it is to say OK and move in together. Laying out your ground rules -- the way you did by specifying that he had to get his finances in order -- That's a very empowering thing you did! If it turns out we were all wrong and he is a reponsible guy, then he'll respect you for taking a stance now. And if he's a weak link, that'll become evident too, and probably a bit sooner now. You're doing the right thing Sunflower! And that's really a step forward.