I wouldn't bring a gift, but it is appropriate to send one ahead. See if she has a registry. We had a similar event a couple of years ago and I did send a gift ahead of the celebration. If you prefer to write a check, they most likely will have a basket for cards.

Honestly I would try and get in touch with someone and ask.

Sounds like it's the reception part. Is the place they're having it fancy? I would dress up but to what degree could be tricky. I know, no help! I was going to say bring a gift but since it's not the wedding I'd say send one if you want.

I would wear a summertime cocktail dress or dress slacks and dress top or skirt and dress top. I'm not sure if this is correct but I think you should gift at least $75 a head. Like I say I could be wrong but I would want to cover the cost of me being there eating, drinking, being waited on and dancing to a band or DJ music. Of course this $ amount depends on where this shindig is at and how generous and happy you are for the party of the union.

Thank you, all! Terrilynn, we are definitely not close enough friends with the daughter (or even mom) to give that much $. I can text my friend for more information.

Donna

I found this online from a so called expert on wedding gift giving etiquette and amount per single person.

If you’re a co-worker or a distant family friend or relative: $100+If you’re a relative or friend of the bride or groom: $100 to $125+If you’re a close relative or a close friend: $150+

How about if I’m invited with a guest?

There’s no hard-and-fast etiquette rule on this one, but it’s customary to give a bigger gift since the couple is now hosting (read: paying for) two guests to eat and drink rather than one.

So, I think $75 each (per person) for a couple is about right in your situation and the type of celebration.

I also read and was surprised to learn that evening cocktails/ hors d'oeuvres / dancing entertainment wedding receptions are not always cheaper than a sit down to fund. It all depends.

If you are not close enough to offer a gift, then you might want to consider declining the invitation and just sending a congratulatory card.

I'd contact someone to inquire about dress and give a token gift.

When we got married it was at a JP's house. The following year when we went home to visit dh's parents they had a celebration gathering at their house. It was very casual. Most people brought gifts, but nothing elaborate. My motto is keep it simple.

In this case if I were close with the daughter and sincerely wanted to attend and offer her congratulations I would bring any amount gift that fit in my budget. If I were not close and did not want to bring a gift, I would personally likely decline. If I weren't close and wanted to attend, I would bring a gift.

If the invitation reads cocktails and dancing, to me that says cocktail attire. Your location could mean less dressy than big city cocktails, but still more than dressing for dinner out, certainly more than lunch. I'm past the point (age) of calling to see what others might be wearing ;0) Better to be a little over than under dressed if you really aren't sure. People won't remember your pearls and evening top. They will remember your culottes and seersucker blouse.

I would absolutely send or take a wedding gift if accepting an invitation to celebrate a wedding. The amount should fit your budget and feel appropriate to you, the equal the price-per-plate rule makes no sense to me at all. I'm not entering into a bargaining agreement, I'm a guest attending a party.

Exactly what Robo said.

There is NO formula for the cost of a wedding gift. One gives what one is comfortable spending and it should reflect how close the relationship is with the bride/groom/parents. Even then, if ones means would mean a $20 gift, that is what they should give. I don't expect to "pay for my dinner", especially since I have no say in how elaborate the hosts may choose to be!

I agree, and am shocked that an 'expert' would specify amounts to give. Friends and acquaintances come from all walks of life, no one should feel as if they should not attend a wedding because they are of modest means.

The wedding couple themselves should not in my opinion start their lives together by spending way beyond their means. A celebration can be both memorable and beautiful without being expensive.

Of course if the couple or the family has the means to do so, a large wedding with the best in food, drink, and decorations can be spectacular, but no young couple should feel obligated to spend money that they don't have, and no guest should feel obligated to give a gift they cannot afford.

I hope no one comes in jeans!! I am really done with this level of casual. Shorts/jeans for wedding/funeral just don't sit well with me. Gifting is totally your call. I would assume everyone attending will have a gift of some sort either sent a head, in a card or brought with. Respond with how that motivates. In this situation I too am most likely to decline and just not go. You seem happy to be invited so gift according to your sentiments.

You can go if you want, certainly no obligation. If you go, bring or send a gift. If you decline, no gift necessary. Here, too, people don't dress super formal.

I just went to a wedding yesterday. I brought a gift (card with gift cards since I took a flight) , and found out my friend's son is getting married in November. I don't plan on being invited, but I'd still like to send him and his DF a gift. For our wedding, this friend gave us a platter which is hanging on my wall.

Even though the wedding was in a large tent, people still dressed as to how they would dress for a daytime wedding. Women wore dresses and men wore suits.

People have different budgets and life circumstances and that should direct what they give for a gift. It means more that people are there for the day, at least for me, but I realize there are people who put on events specifically for a gift grab.

I think the so called expert was just giving an "idea" of money amounts. However, I think some people getting married actually do expect giving to be around or close to the experts suggestions. In fact I actually witnessed a conversation of such a few years ago. That couple did a fancy reception at a private club and pretty much stated they expected at least a hundred dollars a head. Sheesh!

I recall some friends having a similar celebration, since they were married in a civil ceremony & the bride's parents had been out of the country @ the time, so they put on a big party a month or so later. It was very much like a wedding reception, but since it was not on the same day, I assumed that's why they did not call it that.

I just posted this on the other thread by arcy:

As I understand wedding etiquette, nobody is ever obligated to provide a wedding gift. A nice card conveying good wishes is perfectly acceptable. Are they registered anywhere? Many couples put a lot of effort into a registry & the obviously easy (& respectful to the couple) thing to do is check the registry for an affordable choice.

We just attended the wedding & reception of our neighbors yesterday & their registry included a number of lower priced gift cards & other items($25 & under), along with more expensive selections, so it covered many budgets.

After all, any gift - no matter whether it's large & impressive or modest - is supposed to be gratefully & graciously accepted, not judged or criticised.

Here's a good list of wedding gift advice from a trusted source:

http://emilypost.com/advice/choosing-a-wedding-gift/

I got some more information from my friend (mother of the bride). The couple has a website which has information about the venue and their registry.

The attire for the party is "summer cocktail chic", whatever that means! I told DH to wear a dress shirt and tie, and if nobody else has a tie he can take it off. I told him I'd wear whatever I can fit into. :)

They are both in their 30s and have established households to combine, so their registry list at Macy's is very short (maybe a dozen items). They are also registered at a site called Wanderable, where monetary gifts can be made toward different parts of their honeymoon. They are going on a Bahamas cruise and guests can give toward the cruise, their passport renewals, shore excursions, etc. I haven't heard of anything like that before, but think it's a good idea! Better than getting lots of china or silver you really don't want.

Donna

That wedding expert who shared the monetary "expectation" can pound sand. I've never heard that one is expected to give a gift in reciprocity to the assumed cost of attending the event -- or if I have heard that, I rejected it outright because it seems so absurd to me. That's not gracious living at all, IMO.

The invitation does sound to me as though the couple has already wed, and this is a party to celebrate their union. Friends who were married in Scotland did just that when they returned home, so that all of their loved ones who were unable to attend the wedding were still included in an evening of fun.

"Summer cocktail chic" sounds like a fun dress code! A cute, summery-but-dressy dress and strappy heeled sandals (that you can dance in!) are what I'd probably wear.

Go, and give whatever you feel like giving. I hope you have a wonderful time!

"Summer cocktail chic" for my husband would be a blazer, no tie, open collar shirt. For me it would be a full longer skirt (like a gypsy type) and Pretty knit shirt with a terrific necklace.

Like this, but the skirt not so long and the shirt a boat neck.

I might do this when I get married. My last older friends wedding the specified no gifts because they were combining households so not necessary. I got them a gift certificate for Blue Apron anyway, thought that was fun and not too costly for just three day trial. Turned out they are meat and potatoes people and didn't eat very much of what was sent. Oh well. I think it was a nice gift idea but only if you know the people's taste. She works for a catering company so I assumed they were foodies, but I was kinda wrong. I would go and get something comestible, like good bottle of wine or fruit basket, and not spend too much. Nothing worse in these "de-cluttering" days then folks having wedding gifts they can't use.