No

No

I wouldn't think of it . When you say you have met them twice in over a year... is that the only time you have met them in your lifetime? I usually don't buy strangers wedding gifts.

I'm trying to understand why you would be included. This is a niece of your DIL.

Unless you have always been included and know them well, I don't think your connection of being the DIL's inlaws for her sister/brother's daughter would warrant an invite.

Add me to the list of nos.

Thanks to all. We have met the parents of the bride many times, in their home and in ours. Extended family, you know. Now I don't feel so guilty.

NO

You're totally in the clear. Now if you'd received a wedding invitation then I'd feel like it was more like a gift grab on their part, and unless you went to the wedding itself I'd say no to a gift then too.

What's to feel guilty about? You barely know them, haven't been invited, shouldn't be invited. No reason for a gift.

no

No gift. You don't know them well and you weren't invited.

No invitation...no gift necessary.

No.

Another no.

Nope.

Nope, and if you hear about it later you can send a card. If you feel like it.

Add me to the list of no's.

Thanks to all. We are new to this side of the family, DIL's side, and they have been very nice to us. It is a new question for me, so I thought I'd make sure.

Another no but just as they are new to you, you are new to them so it may be reason you weren't invited.

The plot thickens a bit here. I think I understand your hesitation. You have been welcomed into the fold, which is a good thing.

I think the next time you see the inlaws you can offer them your best wishes. You don't really have a relationship with the niece, so although a card would be nice, would they really care one way or another?

ETA: Bossy and I posted at the same time. I agree. Things might change in the future, but for now, the relationship is brand new.

I may not send a gift, but I would probably send a nice card to acknowledge their happy day and wish them the best.

I'm the type of person that leans on the side of giving something when in doubt, but in this situation I would also say no. I wouldn't even do a card tbh.

I would not send a gift or a card. If you send something they may think that they made a mistake by not inviting you to the wedding. Give your best wishes the next time you see them.

Only if you really want to.

Of course, after posting a different question in re giving I am now very worried about precedent-setting whenever I give a gift. I hate the feeling of being locked into giving and giving a specified amount ... to me that feels like a "tax", not a gift. So if this neice has a sibling, for example, giving this time may obligate you next time.

so agree with you MtnRdRedux.... you have to be aware of precedent....but the more i think about it, if u see the parents often, i would feel awkward if i didn't acknowledge their daughter's wedding. its one of the biggest events in our lives...

i probably would, more so for the parents than the daughter. give half of what u normally would. in my mind, its not what/how much u give but that u acknowledge it.

we got gifts from people that we didn't know, but knew our parents when we got married. and u do know the parents and less so the bride and groom.

I would not send a gift. I would just congratulate them or the parents next time you see them.

I can't tell you how much I hate being invited to an event for someone I barely know esp. when they know you can't or would not go to the event. We just received an invite to my DH's cousin's son's high school graduation. DH has not see this cousin in 20 years, I have never met the cousin, DH has never met the kid, and they live 500 miles away. This is someone we have never even exchanged a Holiday card with. It's a gift grab pure and simple. I told him to just toss it but still think he should send something.

Ohhh don't get me started on those graduation invites. Just don't...

On occasion I have been invited to a wedding of a relative of my husband's, sister's, husband. My BIL, I always RSVP no, but send a small token gift from Home Goods. I usually send a salt and pepper grinder set. However when I am invited by someone who I barely know and that is obviously a gift grab, I RSVP no and that is the end of my responsibility. Unfortunately this has happened to me many times and I find it annoying.

I don't understand why you are even considering it?

I think I understand why you are considering sending a gift. You have felt welcomed by this family on the whole and want to find a way to reciprocate that warm feeling. I would caution against sending a gift or even a card, as it could look like you are reproaching people for not including you in the wedding. I am sure there will be other occasions to show your appreciation for the welcome you have received, if that is what is driving this question. (Can you tell I come from a family with a lot of passive aggressive people? If there are only sane people in your life, please disregard my thoughts completely ;-)

If you wanted to gift this couple, b cause you know and like the parents then do so if it won't strain your budget. Send them a check for half your usual amount of $50. If you feel ok with that. I'm ok with gifting even if you are not close with the recipients as long as you feel close to relatives of the beneficiaries.

I'm sure that the young couple will not be wondering why they didn't receive a gift from someone that they have met twice and was not invited to the wedding.

I think that if you send a gift or even just a card, the wedding couple will feel guilty about not inviting you.

Oh I hope not. I have made it very clear to my good friends that I am not to be invited to the weddings of their children that I also know.. Invite another friend of the bride/groom or another relative but don't invite me. Presumptuous perhaps but I know how expensive weddings are these days. I do send something as a wedding gift and so far have received very nice handwritten notes.

The two weddings which I did attend were those of my niece and nephew and I got generic printed off the computer T-you notes with no personal comment in them..

You all wouldn't send a card? Really? I wouldn't think twice about it or worry about how it might appear. I'd probably just get one that was blank inside and congratulate them on their day in a way that doesn't hint towards any guilt. If this is the beginning of a new relationship, as a receiver of the card, I'd think, wow, that was a very nice gester.

Seriously, I wouldn't send a card. I/you/we must know dozens of people who get married - work friends, children of work friends, shirttail relations, neighbors down the street, nieces of DILs you've met twice, etc.

Actually, ESPECIALLY because this is a niece of a dil, I think sending a card with or without a gift would look like the op was expecting/hoping for an invitation. As the bride I know I'd think, "Oh no! I guess they think we should have invited them, but I would have felt like it was a gift grab if we did because we don't really know them. Gee whiz, this is so awkward. Should I apologize for not inviting them when I write the thank you note? Or should I wait to apologize until next time we see them?."

You weren't invited to a shirttail relations wedding. Don't rub it in.

I agree with Sheesh!

In fact, when I get graduation invites from kids I have Never seen whose parents are relatives of friends from another state that I never call or get together with or have any kind of correspondence with...I just ignore it. If I send a congratulation card with no money I'm sure that would not be appreciated. If I ignore it they can wonder if I received the invite.

I'd really hate to think that someone would second guess my motives for sending a nice, congratulatory card. Can't we do something kind for someone else without dramatic expectations being raised?

Haha IdaClaire, one would think! It's just that when an invitation is involved it gets tricky.

I think that congratulating them the next time would be the way to go. Maybe the wedding already happened and you can share the exciting details.

The thing is, you just don't know HOW someone thinks. Especially, someone, you do not know.

If you send nothing, would this couple even have you on their radar? I think not. If they did, you would have been invited.

I suspect that as the years go by, you will be officially included. But until then, I wouldn't worry about it.

All the points mentioned are very valid.

However, as a society, how sad we are so materialistic (gifts, invites, etc.) that we second guess a simple good intention, and we avoid doing something kind and thoughtful, like sending a card.