I do take hostess gifts, usually--but honestly? I probably wouldn't in that situation. It was a party that was really an extension of the wedding. If one's invited to a birthday party, you don't take a gift for the birthday girl/boy AND one for the party hostess. I'm sure most felt that their gift to the couple fulfilled their social obligation. I know, in that situation, that's how I'd see it.

I have actually been to a reception given for a bride and groom that was held a few weeks after their wedding for their parents' friends who weren't able to attend the out of town wedding. I only took a gift for the young couple, not for the groom's mother (party hostess). It seems redundant, really.

I have to admit I'm naive on all the "Miss Manners" requirements on gifting and these days the policies and procedures have changed too. I'm not sure of all the etiquettes involved but I guess I was more under the assumption that attending what is essentially a reception for the bride and groom would suggest a gift for the bride and groom rather than the host/hostess. I can't recall ever seeing a time where the host/hostess was given a gift on a reception but again, I'm a klutz in these things. And if I had already given a decent gift to the bride and groom, I'm not sure I'd feel compelled to give them another gift. So I understand why people would not have brought gifts. Had it been an unthemed party and especially inviting out of town guests who normally wouldn't be invited would almost mandate a thank you of sorts IMO.

When it's a situation where someone is giving a cocktail party, BBQ, impromptu get-together, that's where I feel more of an obligation to contribute something but I usually prefer to give something that's not a trinket. Some food or drink for the occasion or as you suggested a bottle of wine or something if the host/hostess drinks.

It's difficult to buy gifts when you don't know the host/hostess well unless you go with trinkets and junk and I have a personal thing against that. Thought counts a bit but I don't take pleasure in someone bringing me a candle that stinks since I can't be around them - I choke from them. I'd prefer a 12 pack of beer to bad wine and wine is something that is very personal on taste preference. In that case something like candy, a crudite platter, some homemade breads or something. Universal gift cards are far more practical but aren't "in vogue" with many people who feel they're not as personal as trinkets.

Again, I yield to the more knowledgeable on the obligations involved but I understand how it would happen. Sorry you are bothered about it. Hope all's well with the bride & groom!

I like the idea of cocktail napkins or the like. Practical suggestion. My request is avoid trinkets like candles unless the person is really into them. Give something that won't sit on a shelf, be thrown into a landfill or just given away, although they could re-gift stuff I guess, but I have a distaste for that having to happen. Don't give a gift for the sake of giving "something". Candy, even flowers would be better than that. Unless they're severe diabetics or have allergies! The point is, today, sensitivities are so fashionable that you can't give so many things for fear that someone will be sensitive to it.

those out of towners, and other guest had already bought wedding gifts, spent money for hotels and such...i can't imagine expecting more for a post wedding gathering...

I hate to admit it, but it wouldn't have occurred to me, either. It seems like a rehearsal dinner, but afterwards.

I will NOT bring any alcoholic beverage as a hostess gift. Dealing with one (brother) I have seen the damage it can do but have taken sparkling grape juice. It was really appreciated by the person who had been an alcholic, but I did not know that. I also took a cute kitchen towell and she really like that.
I have had people bring us wine, and we just give it away as we do not drink. It did upset the person when she found out, but sorry, about that. Like one poster said, there are so many people with algeries, diets etc sometimes just a cute kitchen towel, cute stickie note pad, a small cute artifical flower arangment etc is some ideas I have used with good success.

No gifts necessary...your party was for people who already traveled and more then likely spent money on wedding presents. Your party was part of the wedding celebration and a way to thank them for attending the wedding.

The bride should thank you.

ML

I always bring hostess gifts. I try to stay away from wine unless I'm in a bind, but napkins, a pretty serving dish, something home made, etc. That being said, it wouldn't have occurred to me on this occasion. I put your party almost in the same category as a bridal shower or baby shower or birthday party for a friend. No hostess gift required. It was a lovely thing for you to do and as madielee said, a thank you gift from the bride and groom or the bride's family is possibly in order.

That gathering was part of the wedding festivities, so were I invited, I would not have brought a hostess gift.

I've possibly traveled, and presumably given a gift the the happy couple.

No other gift should be expected.

I agree, the guests have already put out enough money with travel, hotel and wedding gift. I would not expect them to also bring a gift to you.

I always bring a hostess/host gift when I am invited to someone's home for dinner, luncheon, or get together that is not associated with an event such as a wedding, birthday, etc... I think the person who the party is for should be the one to give a nice thank you gift to the hostess/host.

I love to give and get hostess gifts, but I would NOT give you one.

Because, I agree with maddielee ----

"No gifts necessary...your party was for people who already traveled and more then likely spent money on wedding presents. Your party was part of the wedding celebration and a way to thank them for attending the wedding.

The bride should thank you."

You are wrong to EXPECT them....

Why would you want a bunch of meaningless baubles, or candy dishes, or towels or whatever else it is you expect? I agree with everyone else who has stated they would not have brought a gift.

Thanks much - again - I did not expect anything - I only asked a question. I was very glad to be the hostess. I guess I am old fashioned.

I always take a hostess gift as well, depending on the individual and how well I know them. But in this case I would not take a hostess gift either, it just wouldn't even cross my mind in this circumstance because I would be gifting the bride and groom as well as spending $$$ to get there and stay in a hotel. If I were invited to a separate dinner that was not for the wedding guests I would definitely take a gift.

"I guess I am old fashioned."

So are the rest of us who mentioned that we give and get hostess gifts.

But this scenario did not warrant one....

I would like to personalize the day for you and your husband because these events are such a blur sometimes. For all the love you put in to it to make it so nice I would take some pictures of the event and send them to you in an album of some sort instead of in a loose envelope or online. That would make me happy. I always carry a camera and have been fortunate enough to get the last picture ever taken of someone or their pet as well as added something to the occasion as my thank you for being invited.

There isn't anything "old-fashioned" about giving hostess gifts at all. I do, when the occasion warrants it.

It's just that this affair didn't require them from the guests.

Once in a while I'll bring a bottle of wine or flowers. I always say "You don't need to serve this wine..." But normally I don't bother. And I don't like receiving hostess gifts. I asked you to my home because I like you and I certainly don't expect a present for that.

I don't take "hostess gifts" We do however, have a few friends that live out of town. When we are invited there we usually spend the night so I do take something to share for dinner or some flowers from my garden for the table. And we always bring our own wine even if our friends intend to share theirs. But if I were invited to a party such as yours I don't think I'd take anything.

At first thought, I did generally agree with most here...thinking this event was more similar to how you would treat a shower and that a hostess gift wasn't needed. But in retospect, it probably wouldn't have hurt to bring something. In fact, I think this post has taught me that I probably will bring something in future cases similar to yours.

I take hostess gifts when it's the first time I've been to someone's home and always take one if a weekend guest in someone's home. Usually a locally produced food item like a jelly/jam selection .. But your situation didn't warrent one as it was all part of the wedding celebrations..in my opinion.

Do I think your guests should have brought hostess gifts? Absolutely not. However, I think the bride and groom were remiss in not sending you something like a nice flower arrangement for your table. I hosted a rehearsal dinner in my home for my nephew last year for 50 people. The next day (the day of the wedding) his parents sent me a beautiful flower arrangement as a thank you.

I think Wine50 has nailed it.

Seriously? Someone invites me to their home for food/fun/party but I should run by Walgreens and buy them a package of napkins or a dusty candle?

I, for one, detest "hostess gifts". Flowers!, "How beautiful!" Now I gotta run to find a vase, the flowers for the party are already on the table. I got 50 people arriving so I really can't take the time to cut the ends in my kitchen, already full of food stuff. I'm trying to find which toilet is clean enough, out of the party trail, to put the flowers in until tomorrow.

Ohhhhhh, and the candles and trinkets. I've probably already been dusting and cleaning for days for this partay. Someone shows up with a "hostess gift" that is going to need dusting, cleaning, pruning, feeding, whatEVER! I still have to be nice.

Think about it, 50 people, say 20 couples and some singles. They all bring a "hostess gift". What are you gonna do with that "stuff" the next day even after you get done cleaning up from the party?

Since I got there, I have your address, since I have your address, I probably know your name. I would send a card after the party for a big thanks. That's about as "old fashioned" as you can get.

No, I will never "stop off" to get a hostess gift. It's the thought that counts.

Guess i agree that this occasion didn't warrant a hostess gift. When we did a lot of socializing, for a hostess/host gift I would bring some home made sweet rolls, nicely packaged or a small basket of breakfast fixings. Telling the hostess, this was for the next morning, something quick and easy to fix after the big night. It always seemed to over nicely.

I guess these answers have put me in a bad mood but here goes. Warrant? Expect? These are words that I don't believe go with "gifts" because gifts are given to make someone else happy. They are not an obligation and I feel
terrible that hosta pasta put herself outhere and we are thinking about rules rather than about feelings. It isn't about the money either. One little supportive flower with a hug is better than saying I don't owe you a thing because you don't deserve it If you ever have put something like this together there is that insecure time when you wonder if you did a good job.
Why withhold a sentiment of gratitude because you heard about a rule somewhere? Why even try and find the rule?
At our age sometimes you don't get another chance to help someone know you are greatful. I feel terrible.

Gratitude and support can come in many forms. As I had said in my previous post I would not bring a hostess gift to a wedding reception, but I sure would offer to help the hostess/host during the party. Personally I would much prefer that over a candle or flowers, but that's just me.

I doubt hostapasta really cares about the lack of "gifts" --it was probably rather the lack of thought that bothered her. This wasn't a wedding, it wasn't a shower. It doesn't sound like gifts were brought for anyone. It was simply a party/gathering/celebration and when you think about it, it kind of is surprising that nowadays hardly anyone would think to bring a gift. I mean she hosted a party. A little thought would have been nice. Your version of what exactly consitutes a good "thought" can be debated, but it can't be argued that it doesn't sound like much thought was given by anyone (except beerman). Just because rules may ditate you don't have to bring a gift, doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't.

I think if there is a dinner at someone's house, and they are not really close friends, a little something should be brought. This was not an occasion where anyone brought gifts to the wedding couple, but a private dinner for out of towners and family. A little something would have been nice. I would probably have brought a small plant in a pretty vase. We're just talking about a thoughtful gift for a very nice dinner/evening. Now if there were gifts that evening for the married couple, then no, I would only give a gift for the newly married couple, however, this doesn't seem to be the case. This is JMHO.
Eileen

I just re-read your OP to make sure I had the relationship correct. This was your husband's daughter - you were family, hosting a family celebration and I don't think this was an occasion where a hostess gift might be warranted.

At first I thought that perhaps the groom's family should have offered to help, after all this was a get together for families and guests of the bride and groom. And while that might have been nice I keep coming back to the fact that since the event was held at the home of the father of the bride and his wife that most guests would just assume this was part of the wedding celebration.

I doubt I would have thought to bring a hostess gift to this party, as I agree that it seems like a continuation of the wedding celebrations.

I'm double-minded on the issue of hostess gifts in general. I do bring them when I don't know the hosts well and most especially when i am invited to stay overnight, but with a friend or family, I'd just call and ask what I could bring. I pretty much agree with the poster who says that hostess gifts get to be a pain to deal with at larger parties, too. When I gave these parties, I always kept a water pitcher filled with water to dump the flowers in and put everything edible out on the table immediately to try to get rid of it.