"All uninvited children will be sent home by taxi collect." (I'd say Uber, but I don't think you can do that.)

I think it's so rude to ask to bring your other kids.

I had this happen at one of my DS bowling parties. The boys were 10 and one of the dads came with the little sister. I thought he was going to drop off the son like the other parents did but he stayed with the little girl and they just sat at the next lane looking at the boys bowling. I know the boys were completely uninterested in her but I felt obligated to invite her to bowl and eat the pizza that we ordered. She was only about 5 so did not fit in with a bunch of crazy boys. I had to keep reminding them to not plow her over.

On my town FB page there was a huge contentious thread about this issue. People say, "Oh little sis won't eat anything" or "She'll feel left out" or "I'll watch her".

IMO, people who insist on bringing uninvited kids to parties are the same type of people that jack their airline seat all the way back.

The pesty mom just texted me back ten minutes ago after I reiterated my reasons for no siblings. she says her younger child cries when big bro goes to a party with out him to which I just replied than," you can tell "big bother" he will have to skip the party and either way one of your children will most likely cry, you get to choose which but I have already told many other moms no and will not make exceptions when saftey is a concern."

I am furious that she had the ability to make me feel like a witch when she is the one crossing the line! next moving on party will not be including everyone...

I do not even know this family very well they were included so no one felt left out! Ida, you are most likely right I am going to need a bouncer!

D GW I was typing before I read your response! The left out crap is just what she texted back, like I give a hoot, I have to get ready for sixty kids to safely enjoy their milestone while my younger kids are feeling left out too!

My little ones are not even invited to this shindig because my ten year old wants the day to be all about the new middle schoolers.

Exactly!

When the younger kids get to this milestone they can have/attend their own parties.

I think that these moms just want some free child care.

And kids need to learn to be disappointed now and then.

Good for you roarah! You are 100% in the right here and should absolutely stand your ground.

With these insistent people I would have an adult with a list of invited children. Check off the names and just say for safety I can not accommodate anyone else.

I would hate to embarrass a child though. A clueless/rude parent? Wouldn't think twice about that. ;-)

You are planning such a lovely party- you've put great thought and care into it- please don't let anyone make you feel like a witch. The witch is the person who is setting her child up to think the world is all about her desires. That child is growing up with some pretty unhelpful expectations.

And I would send an email out letting the parents know that due to the lifeguard situation, there will be a bouncer ;-) at the door checking names. It would be a shame if a child showed up to the party and had to sit on the front porch sipping some water while waiting to be picked up.

O.M.G. HOW CLUELESS IS THIS SPINELESS WOMAN? I do not call her a mother, because a mother would be able to tell her little snowflake, "to suck it up".

And I would not hesitate to "embarrass" a child. Someone has to teach them that the world is not going to cater to them for the rest of their life.

Roarah, what a gracious offer to host the party for your son's entire 4th grade class AND to provide lifeguards for every 10 kids. It astounds me that some parents do not understand the safety factors involved, EVEN for their own children if you open it up to siblings. And It would ruin the party for the 4th graders.

I think it is in the best interest of all, for safety reasons to stand firm. You are not being unreasonable. Those who are asking you ARE!

Please report back if extras showed up at the party.

Good for you for not backing down! When I had a 7th birthday party one mom wanted to bring a 3 year old brother because "they like to do things together". I allowed it because I didn't know the family well and figured that mom may be staying for the party anyway (not a problem for me since I know 7 is young for drop-off birthdays, especially when you don't know the parents well). Anyway, I had about 20 boys at my home who I was trying to keep entertained. Then the mom came to me in a panic because she couldn't find her 3-year-old! Really?! You're here and you want me to watch your toddler, who wasn't really invited, even though I'm up to my eyeballs in 7 year old craziness!! Stick to your guns.... no exceptions on siblings when it was clearly stated in the invitation.

Wow. I can't believe the presumptuousness. when I read that she texted you that her daughter would cry, I thought "what a good opportunity for you to teach your daughter some independence."

Yeah that parent is acting very ... childish.

We also have annual end of year parties,for all three kids and their classes combined (tho their classes are not as large) and for many years now we just gave in and explicitly invited the entire family. It is quite a commitment; I think my wedding was smaller. And even with lifeguards and help, it is a bit of a zoo.

This year, one of my kids is away, so it will be smaller. I also feel that, with my youngest now a teen, parents should not want to stay and kids do not want them to, either. The invite was adjusted accordingly, but as we have been doing this very same event (here in this house) for 6 years now, there are a lot of repeat guests, and I do worry that people assume it is the same rules. I'm not going to worry about it; I always but lots of extra food because I just take it right to a homeless shelter (they take open food, thank goodness, if they know you).

This week is devoted to blowing up swans and beachballs, LOL.

There are almost always party attendees who will make you roll your eyes, no matter what it seems. Keep some sangria in a hip flask! Enjoy!

I don't know why people can't follow rules. You stated very clearly -- "no siblings" -- it's almost like the old "what part of no siblings do you not understand"? But I think today that there are no rules -- you may "say" no siblings but you don't really mean it and Little Sis would cry so she needs to come . . . she may cry, but I also bet Big Brother wouldn't be happy about her coming! You know little brothers and sisters are a pain in the behind -- especially at a party of all of his friends -- who would want a kid sister there -- he would be so embarrassed!

Keeping saying no! A pool party is NOT the place to make an exception on the number of children attending.

It doesn't matter what the party is celebrating - and I will repeat A pool party is NOT the place to make an exception on the number of children attending.

On this mom's behalf, her son was in my DD's kindergarten class where every year I have had a class party with 18 or so children and have upon request welcomed siblings to stay with a parent. Parents did take advantage of the with parent part and would drop all the kids off and pick up kids half an hour after finishing times but the numbers were still manageable but annoying. This is the whole grade not just class and the moms are aware of this but there is always that one....

again thanks for helping me realize I am not a party nazi about this.

I'd bet she wants to drop the kid and leave?

I don't know why people are so ignorant and pushy.

You really do need a follow up email. A reminder that parents will need to check their kid in FOR SAFETY'S sake and that additional kids can NOT be accommodated. Safety safety safety.

I've had parties for my kids where children show up that had not RSVPed WITH siblings. Arrrrrgh.

I think you are being more than reasonable and quite gracious to the pushy mom. Not sure if there is time, but perhaps you could issue "tickets" with the children's names on them, those who are actually invited. No one gets in without their "ticket".

I like Oly's idea. Just don't cave in or feel bad, Roarah. The graduates should get their own exclusive party!

Not really the same thing at all but it kind of reminds me of my wedding where my husband was insistent that we have no children, then his estranged uncle and aunt called us and several members of the family and basically insisted that their preteens be able to come. I gave in to keep the peace but I was thinking that an awful lot of my cousins would've brought their children if they knew it was an option.

roarah you are well within your rights and this is an issue that family will have to deal with sooner rather than later. I know with my godchildren, if one gets invited to a really fun party then the other gets to do something fun with her mom or dad. This is something the family should easily be able to problem solve.

I have a drop off story (one of many):

One day a very ill child was sent to my clinic (I was a school nurse) with an extremely high fever. I called the mom who said she knew the child was ill, but she had a court date and had no one to keep the child so she just decided to send her to school so that the school could take care of her while she was in court.

I told her the child was too ill to be in school, she said that she wasn't going to come get her child until sometime after her court appearance.

I told her (as sweetly as I could muster) that I understood that she was in a predicament, but that in 20 minutes I would call Child Protective services to pick up her child so that they could place her in a medically safe environment and see to it that she would see a doctor.

The mom was there in 15 to pick up her child.

The story was not to suggest drastic solutions but just to point out that some parents will get an idea and go with it without fully thinking out the best interests of all involved.

Lucille, wow just wow!

Robo, your idea is right. If one sib is jealous of the other sibs plans, it is for the parents to solve, not the host!

Oly, that idea is not only cute, but effective!

Roarah - I hope that woman has cease and desisted. Do remember that, even though it is a lot of effort, these parties are really special. Not just for your kids, who will long remember them , but for their classmates too. It is so nice of you to do that for the community.

At this point I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said. Roarah, I think it's great you are even volunteering to host this group of young kids for their milestone event. Tattoo that big 'NO' on your forward and keep insisting on no additional siblings for legal and safety reasons. You have more than enough to worry about without additional small ones running around. You've made your plan and should stick to it.

A bouncer is really not a bad idea to have at the end of your driveway to make sure no additional 'attendees' don't show up. Check the real students off the list, and put any others right back in the car that brought them. Their parents can deal with the tears.

Thinking back, in all the years that both my DD's were invited to parties, and they are only two years apart, they never thought they should be included in the other's invitation.

I really suspect it is more the parent than the child in this situation.

OMG I am so sorry! I would be annoyed too! I have a 12 year old and his parties are only for his friends. Not their younger siblings. It sounds like some of the Moms are trying to use you for free babysitting which is absurd because its a pool and dangerous for the younger ones.

Keep a stiff upper lip, talk about self absorbed. You are doing her a favor, the world is not equal and fair. Someday it will be her younger child's turn to go somewhere without big brother.

Everyone gets a gold star. And this is what we get. Be strong.

Can I add my voice to the chorus who really want to know how this turns out?

Oh yes - me too. When is the party scheduled? I hope that pushy mother gets the message and the party turns out the way you planned it.

Time for the kid who's going to cry to start learning there will be disappointments in life. Something you need to learn to deal with when the issues are minor so you're prepared for bigger ones later in life.

Ya know, it might be a good idea to be sure you have a parent phone number for every single kid that is dropped off, too. You need to be able to threaten misbehaving kids with removal.

Thanks again for advice and ideas! I actually always have a sign in and sign out station for my pool parties and any parent leaving fills in a cell number on that sheet. Back in the day I was a teacher so I will always be a head counter and I treat pool parties like I treated field trips.

I have not heard from PITA mom since last text. She has also not indicated weather the invited child will or will not come. Two days before the gig I am sending a group message for a final head count and to reiterate the due to size warning that this is an invite only affair.

Robo, I never understand why so many parents want to bring their kids to weddings! I love going to weddings sans the kids! Even if mine are invited my DH and I still go stag!

I will tell you all how the party turns out.

Xo

She just wants to drink wine with her girlfriends or the pool boy. ;)

A mother who would expect that all her kids would be invited to a party when the invite is for one has no idea about parties.

Any chance you have had parties before when all the kids were invited?

Maybe she's just clueless? (I kinda feel sorry for her)

Younger kids at this type of party will take away for the reason for the party, tell her it's not a family party, this one is to celebrate the kids moving up.

Maddielie, the last time her child was in my daughter's class they were only six years old and I invited 18 classmates and did say on that invite, for I would not want to drop off my six year old at a large pool party, that siblings were welcome with a parent. Still had one mom, a different one, drop all three children ages seven to four off and she ran out the door!

That party which most siblings stayed was forty kids, 18 of which my daughter actually knew. So when we invite sixty kids, most have at least two siblings, we would be looking at over 120 children, she knows we invited the whole grade but maybe hopes we can fit just one more;).

I do not think she means to be difficult, she just thinks how lucky we are to have a pool and a large enough yard to host at home parties and both of her sons had a great time at the class party a few years ago. She did stay and visit at that party and has invited my DD to her son's birthday gathering a few years ago. My DD does not like the little ones to go to her parties she relishes the time away from them so I did not ask to bring siblings but I think she would have said yes if I did. The party was a a park.

I hate to say no once so it was the multiple requests that sent me over the deep end.

This woman sounds like my late husband's cousin. His family planned a family reunion in Bermuda. It was to be for the 3 siblings, their spouses, their children and their spouses. This made for a sizable group - about 15 in all. The siblings were paying for the entire thing - airfare for all of us and villas at a lovely resort that included all meals. No, it was not easy finding someone to watch our two. Normally, my parents would have done it in a flash but they lived out of town and my father was having daily radiation for esophageal cancer at the time - they just could not do this. So we made a deal with friends - you take our 2 for 7 days and we'll take your 3 another time.

We get to Bermuda and there is DH's cousin with a baby and a toddler. She would not come without the baby as she was breast feeding, and she couldn't leave the toddler behind as he "cried" when she left him. Everyone was furious at her. The baby we could understand but her bratty toddler (and yes, he WAS a horrid little brat) was just too much. Even her parents had no idea she was doing this.

She still thinks the rules are for others, never for her. So does the bratty toddler, now over 40!

roarah, Just agreeing with everyone else. You are not being a witch. That mom is being totally unreasonable. I would be so mad at being put in the position of having to say no over and over. Hope you have no gate crashers and a fabulous party!

I didn't read all the comments. I wouldn't ignore her or anyone else's repeated texts asking though. Keep saying no and mention the safety issue, etc. Some people are bold enough to show up with the extra kids. I just don't get this mentality at all. What the invitation says is what it means whether the person likes it or understands. If you can abide by the invitation it means you don't go. So simple!

I hope the party turns out well and your daughter and friends have a wonderful time!

I have been following, but didn't comment because I can't get beyond the idea that one would attempt to add other children/siblings to an invite that is CLEARLY very specific to one population. This ASTOUNDS me. Anyway how did the party turn out and did people respect your invite?

A girlfriend of mine was just telling me a similar story over the weekend. Their party isn't for another two weeks, but she is astounded at how many parents are asking if siblings can attend. While this particular party isn't a pool party, they are on a budget and can't afford to add a dozen or so more kids.

Again thank you everyone for the moral support! School is still in session so the party is in two weeks but I will certainly follow up with how it went! I am now more concerned with weather issues. Ct. has had nothing but rain lately, hope the weather Summer's up soon!

Update?

It was years ago but the Mom came with little brother in tow I gave him a cookie and said see you two at pick up and they left. However she returned an hour early with son in his suit and pretty much stayed till the last family left. She asked to use the swim vest we had at our kindergarden party even to which I said no if her child needs a swim best he should not be in the pool with out her and she would need to go in with him. She was out and out scowled at that but I just walked away.

I have not invited her child to any more parties but we have not had a milestone during covid.

On a very bitter sweet note, I am so glad we had the party. Two weeks later a wonderful classmate drown in our local river. It was the last time the grade was all together with the friend they lost.

Oh roarah - how sad. How devastating for all. The classmates will never forget their friend and I wonder if that's ever any comfort to the parents. A friend of mine died in grade 3 and I still think of her (and I'm 69) and hope that parents realize that people do continue to think of their children.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of a classmate, but at least they had that wonderful memory! I'm tryin to plan back to back parties (Sat/Sun) for my girls' teams and I have no doubt parents will want to invite siblings. My thought is to invite "Coaches and team members" and hope that will help with any invite questions....but I figure some will show up with others in tow since it's a ppol party. Thank for for the update, and again, so sorry for your loss.