My daughter, my brother, and I just closed out my parents' house. I brought home a small box with a very few items to keep. We all remarked how sad it was to just toss aside all the things of parents' lives. My son has already told me that I am to be taking care of my things because he WILL NOT spend his time going through my stuff. I am a purger by nature, so he will certainly not have much with which to concern himself. Besides, my daughter says that is the task she will do. It is freeing to know that if I'm tired of something, I don't have to hang on to it for the next generation. Easy in, easier out. I will admit that it would be fun to know that someone cherished something of mine after I am gone, but I won't be around to worry about it. Funny how we can get attached to our stuff.

Sammy, I don't think it will be important to them; if they don't want the stuff, they are certainly not going to figure out how to store it for 20 years. They are divorced and are polar opposites about stuff. My dil, since their son was a toddler, will periodically purge things, including his favorite toys that she feels he's outgrown - he looks for something and it has just disappeared. My son's life is total chaos, where my grandson complains to me that he can't ever find anything "because Daddy's place is such a mess." My grandson spends a great deal of time here and because of what his mother does, and the chaos with his father, he want's everything to remain the same here, no changes, keep even his baby toys. He remembers everything. I've packed away toys so they are out of sight, out of mind, but then 2 years later he'll ask what happened to them and I haul them out again.

I have no illusions that either of them will make room for any of my stuff, even for him. I'm leaving him a nice tidy sum when I die; he's going to need a lot for therapy :-/

Agggghhhh, timeshares. We inherited two. We were lucky to be able to sell one. I still have the other one. I need to try to give it back. I asked once before, but they weren't interested. Maybe I can talk to someone else.

"I know that traditional style isn't popular, but I'd rather see a young person spray paint a wonderful vintage item and use it than to see the same well-made piece thrown in a landfill"

And one of the reasons I adore my DIL is because she has taken and used a lot of the pieces from my MIL's house--including brown furniture she's distressed white and turned into amazing country chic decor. I kept telling her she should never feel obligated, and what she picked out she's really made her own. My son was his grandmother's favorite and spent a lot of time with her when he was growing up so I know it makes him happy too.

We're almost finished clearing my MIL's house. For us it's perhaps even more stressful because she's still alive--but advancing dementia has robbed her of not only the ability to live at home but the memory of what home even is. She is at the stage at which when she talks about home she is referring to the place she lived as a child. Still it's wrenching to take a room full of her furniture to the dump then continue to the ALF to have dinner with her!

However, the house has to be rented out so she can stay at the very good facility in which she's living. And as my own father pointed out, it's not that we won't have to face this task someday anyway, so we are getting it done now and someday we won't be doing it while mourning her at the same time.

I posted a reply early this afternoon that has vanished into a black hole. I'll try again...

It is very possible for people to use the same words for VERY different things and this is one case. What some people call "antique" are just old, vintage furniture. It's not really an antique (which must be at least 100 years old, and if English, should be 19th century at the least old).

The key words in that article are "mass produced". Yes, most of our grandparents - even parents - bought mass produced furniture, even if it was quite expensive. Yes, the salesman assured them that they were buying "tomorrow's antiques". He lied... The Drexel china cabinet that was Grandma's pride and joy (and filled with her beloved Lenox china) is nothing more than "used furniture" and no one wants it today, sentimental value or not.

The same is true of china and silver. If Grandma had bought a classic pattern such as Fairfax, Francis the 1st, Buttercup, Grand Baroque or any pattern by Tiffany, it would still be quite valuable and desirable. But if she bought a "sweet" pattern by International, no one will want it. Same with china - "sweet" china is nothing anyone wants, but Herend, Royal Crown Derby, that's another story altogether.

In a generation or so, no one will want the Kate Spade dishes that today's bride bought either.

I have lots of friends who are downsizing and their children and grandchildren very much want their period English antique furniture.

So, in the end, it depends on what Grandma had. Ethan Allen maple dining room furniture? Solid bright red Cherry dining room furniture? No takers.

I guess it depends of how well off the kids are? When my parents died a few years ago, everyone took their furniture to their homes and were very happy to have it. Some things went to the goodwill and a bunch of stuff, the couple that bought the house took to use and are still using these things. My parents didn't have fancy stuff, but it was quality.

I'm sorry to hear that, Olychick. Your grandson sounds like a neat kid. Actually, his attachment to certain toys and the interest he shows in the history of your items reminds me a lot of me as a child. :)

I had to move my mother from Florida to California. She was supposed to sort through her things in advance and did not. I didn't realize how fast she was declining; It was a nightmare. It's all fine and nice to be sentimental when you don't have to deal with it. Fortunately, she had a friend who was involved with a shelter for women starting over in life. I'm glad someone is using the china now.

I have been finding that my taste changes over time. I am on my third pass at decluttering. I no longer collect anything. I used to be sentimental, but not anymore. I've been to a couple of estate sales and they really brought home to me that you cannot take it with you....and if your current living arrangement with your things prevents you from enjoying life (packrat) then free yourself and let it go. I think that after a certain point people just can't physically declutter and don't trust others not to steal, not realizing that thieves care about cash and tech-geek stuff not silver, crystal, etc.

We are currently in the throes of clearing out my late FIL's home. Step-MIL moved to another place and took her things. (only her things--or so she said)

Amazed me how a man who had an established home before they married had only a 1/2 closet of clothes and a few shelves of books when he passed.

In a way, I'm angry she took so many family pieces and in another, I'm glad it's gone and we don't have to deal with disposal.

God have mercy on her children when they have to go through all of her things.

Practical gal...I would say it is a normal process of aging to be ready to de-vest. It is hard wired in us, the knowledge we won't take it with us. The more ready we are to go and leave this world behind the less STUFF we would keep near. Everyone is on their own time line in this area. My confusion is if you don't want it--how could anyone taking something be "stealing". Being ready to let go for me means not really being concerned about the worth or distribution of said stuff. I don't agree that things taken from dumpsters, garbage cans on the side of the road etc could be called "stealing". It drove me INSANE when my MIL attempted to give her things away--only after a lecture on what they were worth and how so and so wasn't good enough to have it...ummm it is your trash LET IT GO.

I didn't read the article at the link and skimmed the posts, as I recently went through the clearing of my own Mom's house and at the time felt I did what was needed. Finally it's all sinking in and guilt is creeping around. ugh.

Lifestyles are so different now. My mother has bedroom walnut furniture that is beautifully made, but the pieces are so large. I live in the city with a typical city-sized home, and my sister--whose kids are out of the house--has downsized so she doesn't have to do so much vacuuming and pay so much for HVAC. Neither of our homes can fit our mom's beautiful bedroom furniture. We hate to sell it, probably at some cheap price, but what can we do.

On this line of thought, what do I do with my mothers original oil paintings? I have about 15. No one wants them. I am keeping 3, but I can't just store the others due to space. They are just not my style and no one in the family wants them. My mom was very proud of them, but truly, they are not anyone's taste and I feel stuck.

Arcy_gw I am not talking about people stealing from me. I am talking about some of the little old people I have met who are absolutely certain that the help is out for the family silver when that nothing could be further from the truth.

I worry about this with my own things. My husband and I don't have children, and I'm 48 now and he's 60. I have a lot of china, and we use it. I also love furniture, and we frequent antique stores and estate sales and have picked up some nice items. But I know that no one is going to want it when I'm gone. We have about 20 nieces and nephews, but they are of the Target and Ikea generations like the article mentioned, and do not care one little bit about my 12 place settings in multiple patterns. There has been a big shift in how homes and families work and are set up just over the past twenty years, but I think it started even before that. The new lifestyle doesn't include fussy things like china and crystal. It's a Yeti and Tervis world now.

This is the same article that prompted my "brown furniture" thread.

My attitude about stuff is that I enjoyed it while I was here but when I die or move to assisted living (not any time soon!), it will be time to let it go. I don't want my sons to be burdened with it. I still have to face my own very elderly mother's home. I am going though papers and trying to at least get her finances in order. Getting rid of her furniture will be a headache, but there is very little that I feel emotionally attached to. I hope my nieces will take some nice tings, but maybe not.

My mom has so much beautiful china (Limoges and Spode), a full set of silver, silver candlesticks, jewelry, Herend pieces and Boehm birds (I want the Herend and Boehm). It will be harder to part with these things.

My sons and nieces are the perfect examples of the generation that does not want their parents and grandparents stuff. They are all very outdoorsy and would rather have a good tent or bicycle or snowboards or kiteboards than stuff. One niece sold everything she owns and she and her husband are traveling the world in a jeep. They are currently in South Africa. Frankly, I think they have the right idea.

decormyhomepls, if no one in your family wants the paintings, I would advertise them for sale, even through craigslist. You might be surprised at how many people are looking for original art, in all sorts of styles. You would then know someone who WANTS them will have them and appreciate them. Same with donating to a favorite charity with a thrift shop. If not goodwill, so many places run little shops. Our local children's hospital has one and they might be thrilled with original art to sell. We also have a thrift store that benefits senior services. I love going there when looking for something special because so many people donate when they are downsizing their senior parents or from their estates.

Yes, but there are also the issues of people who use things to manipulate others and people who place so much value on things that it effects relationships.

I don't think we can expect that a majority of our population has the intelligence, energy or resources to purchase and maintain "nice" things. In general, we are pretty sheltered bunch here in the decorating forum.

Pinkmountain, I totally agree! It is SO wasteful. We had a thread a few months ago here on how often people replace their sofas and I was flabbergasted that it was just a few years. I have sofas that are far older than many of the people on these forums! The "youngest" sofa is 50 years old!

I can't help but wonder if the lack of sentiment over ones grandmothers china/silver is perhaps due to the fact that families don't see one another very much anymore. When I was growing up, only the very wealthy took a "vacation", i.e. going someplace and staying in a hotel. A few of the more affluent had a summer cabin somewhere - nothing fancy. But for most, summer vacation was about getting in the car and going to visit relatives for a few weeks. That's what people did.

Most of my friends are all too well aware that if THEY didn't spend the money to go see their children and grandchildren, they would see them very rarely. Can't afford to come visit but can afford a trip to Disneyworld or the beach etc. If one has no memories of Sunday dinner (or a holiday meal) at grandmother's table with her lovely linens, china, silver and crystal, then they are far less likely to have any desire to own it.

Parents no longer guide their young adult children in making purchases for first apartments, as those "firsts" usually occurred in college, not when one got ones first job. Even when my daughter graduated in 1995, I was the only mother of all her friends who made an effort to help her pull together an apt inexpensively, but still looking quite nice. She loved that she had a "real" home in NYC - all her friends loved to come there as they had mattresses on the floor and their clothes in plastic milk crates! And these were girls from wealthy families (which we are NOT!)! When parents couldn't care less how their children live, they are not teaching them how to wisely spend their money on the first furniture they buy. Even when my son got divorced (in his 40's), he needed some guidance on what to get in the division of furniture. He's done a great job and made his apt a real home for his children, not a sort of post-college bachelor pad the way many such men do.

When children are not taught to use and appreciate nice things, all bets are off.

Four years ago this Spring, three of my siblings and I flew down to Florida to pack up our parents and their Winter home and either dispose of, divide up between we 9 siblings, or move what was left that my mother wanted to keep, to our Atlanta sister and BIL's home in Georgia. Our parents were moving in with them. It was incredibly frustrating and a real wake-up for us. The following year, we moved our parents from their Georgia home to a senior living apartment back near the majority of my siblings in Michigan. Another wake-up call and all that stuff had to again be purged or moved with them! The following year, we sold their Summer home in Michigan for them and had to go through all of that stuff! Last year, both our parents passed away within six months of each other. Again, we had to go through all that was left and it was just so stressful. We all had feelings of guilt at not wanting things we know our mom had loved and prized. Yes, we did take the majority, as there are nine of us and all of our adult kids. But, a lot of things did end up being donated. I shipped some things back home here, and now look at them and think, "I have no use for these. What was I thinking?!".

DH and I came home, looked around at our own rather large home, our extensive art collection, our furniture, our many sets of dishes, inherited silver, antiques, holiday decs, etc. and we had a bit of a panic attack. We have two adult kids, neither of whom lives here in New Mexico now. Our son wants only a few pieces of art, and nothing else. Our daughter loves our art, and many of my inherited pieces, but she told me that, although she'd take a number of them, she doesn't want her home to become a miniature of our home. She wants it to reflect her and her own tastes.

As yet, neither of our kids have children of their own. We'd like to downsize someday in the next few years, whenever DH decides to retire. I understand and accept it, but it also makes me sad that many of my own "treasures" could/will become burdens instead to our children. I don't want to do that to them and so I'm starting to purge now. It's painful, though.

Why purge now? Your husband is not even retired yet! Don't get rid of the things you prize and enjoy! Yes, do clean out the basement and garage - those jars of old rusty screws are of no use to anyone. Perhaps your Brownie uniform needs to go. THAT is the kind of stuff you should be going through, not the possessions you love!

Haven't we done enough for our children already? Now, we're supposed to live in what might look like a furnished apt just so cleaning up after us won't be a problem? Please! My mother had to go through her mother's house - family had live in it for 50 years. My parents had to go through my father's old family home - family had been in it for 90 years. First husband and his family had to go through a summer home that had been in the family for over 100 years. Second husband and his sister had to go through a very large house with a full basement and huge 3rd floor attic, that his family had lived in for over 50 years, and all his grandfather's "papers" were still in the boxes from when he had died 50 years previously. I had to help my father (a packrat) clean out her house before selling it. Later, I had to clean out her apt and dispose of/move things. It's a right of passage.

I have no intention of parting with things I cherish and still use from time to time just to make it "quicker" for my children. They can danged well do what my parents and I have done.

No one should feel guilty for not keeping others' treasures. The original owner loved and enjoyed the whatever during their life, one hopes, and some new owner will love and enjoy it in the future. I just wish that all younger people understood and appreciated fine craftsmanship. You would think with the emphasis on being green and recycling that the younger generations would apply that to furnishings, too.

I think it's presumptious for the article to assume that no one wants the stuff. The stuff may not be popular, but that doesn't mean that someone won't want it and won't find a way to make it aesthetically appealing in their own home.

There are entire industries that revolve around recycling and repurposing stuff. I think people need to be willing to give it away though. When you sell it yourself, or try to find someone to give it to, you are severely limiting your audience and causing yourself extra stress. If you can find peace with giving it away to a recycling charity, then it's likely that it will find its way to a new life with someone who appreciates it.

I recently discovered the value of thrift stores and consignment shops for housewares. They are a goldmine! I found about 30 things I love and can use. When they are cheap, it's easier to choose to buy them. While some are not my core "style", I can create a beautiful vignette with them for a change of decor. For example, the Williams-Sonoma bowls I bought for 40 cents each are not my style, but now I can create the tuscan table setting that has been in my head for years whenever I feel like it. Those same bowls are priced at $100 each at replacements.com. I now think of the thrift industry as a recycling service. I donated a truckload of stuff recently and I certainly got my money back by buying different stuff that I wanted for almost nothing. There are a lot of other customers who understand the value too.

I recently gave away a traditional piece of furniture that needed a little work on nextdoor.com. You know who took it? A person in a creative profession. A lot of free stuff offered on nextdoor.com gets multiple inquiries. When I look at photos of houses for sale, nearly all of them have traditional looking furniture. I guess they are not staged. Those homes sell for a good price anyway.

Stuff doesn't need to be owned "for life". It can serve a purpose, furnish or stage a house, satisfy a hobby or interest, for a short time, then move on and serve someone else's needs.

I think the more creative someone is, the more likely they are to find a way to reuse something traditional, if they can get it at a no-brainer price. The more people share creative ideas on media, the more likely they are to invest effort into recycling something into a piece they love. The older some people get, the more creative skills they have. So people just starting out may not have the time or energy to put into creating their own style, but there are lots of others who seek out those creative opportunities. With time, you get better at mixing traditional and modern to create your own style.

"With time, you get better at mixing traditional and modern to create your own style."-that's true. with time, you generally get better at almost everything..except for some important things where you get worse and worse..:)

it might be cultural as well..on a broader level, or level of a certain's family culture

for example it's very natural to me to wear/ buy/ furnish with second hand. i don't feel ashamed, i don't feel bad, i don't feel poor because of that..it's just the way of things for me. that's how they were, i'm used to that. even though of course i love new things too lol. but if i can't afford them-i'd rather buy something old and good, than new and cheap. i also am very superstitious but somehow i'm not superstitious about older things, I have warm feelings toward them. unless I know for sure the story. say my DH keeps a bathrobe that belonged to his roommate in the dorms. that roommate died really really young. he had cancer, and it all happened really fast..the guy was alone in the country. My DH that always takes care of everybody took care of all the things..funeral, paying the medical bills etc, going through the stuff-there wasn't much..

he took this robe. i think it's been many years since he keeps it.

i shudder when i look at it. it reminds me of merciless death. frankly, i don't want it in the house

but i realize that for him it's a memory.

when my Grandpa was gone-I was very attached to him-oh how I wished to have something of his. just something to hold onto.

but he was a person of extremely modest lifestyle. He had one suit-you can guess where the suit went..

we were left with literally two things-old eyeglasses, and a stick he used to walk.

i slept on his couch for sometime after he was gone. i wasn't afraid. it made me calmer. like i still had something to cling to.

when it's many many things that are left maybe it's a problem

believe me when almost nothing is left-it's not easier.

There's a difference between stuff you use and enjoy and just "stuff."

I know people who buy every book they read and KEEP THEM ALL--even though they will never reread them. These people's families will have the job of clearing out their family member's hefty "library" of junk novels when the family member could have saved them all the back pain of donating heavy boxes of books by just using the library.

"I'm going to be the curmudgeon or devil's advocate. How wasteful of the world's resources and how "first world" we are to constantly be buying cheap things and then constantly throwing them out. "

I truly don't think that is the real meta issue here-- as several have pointed out, it's the fallacy of the idea that because one person valued his/her stuff, someone else has to then take on the burden of keeping it because it held memories or meaning for person a and then person b has to be custodian forever. I say absolutely not! Doesn't everyone have the right to accumulate their OWN store of stuff that reflects their memories, good feelings and taste?

Also for those espousing the many varied ways of disposal--a lot of us simply do not have the time available to spend on lengthy efforts to find interested takers for someone else's stuff. And when it's a household quite literally stuffed with thousands of objects-forget it. As mentioned we are going through this now and it's been literally days worth of long hours culling and sorting and touching every single object, from the sterling silver to the drafts of college papers to the box of 60 year old baby teeth to the pictures of people nobody knows to the framed picture that a junior high school student in a school my MIL subbed at painted that she thought was so pretty she had to keep it to the box of blank giveaway bank calendars from 1978 through 1994 to......you get the idea.

I think the issue is cyclical. My parents grew up during the Great Depression. They had nothing. When they married and were able to acquire things, they did. More things than they needed. They prized their things, loved them, and bought more and more. That's what I grew up with - too many things.

Today, I don't want so many things. I buy just what I need, and I certainly didn't want theirs when they died. No more stuff!

my sister wanted "everything" from both mom's home and her inlaws, that was 25 years ago and she's begging us to take stuff now nobody is volunteering...very sad... my daughters are fighting over which pieces they get from our home....not everything of course just specific things the girls are 43 and 34 they have their great grandmother's china from both maternal and paternal sides of the family and both have "their china" on display in hutches....i don't know, maybe is's a matter of not being able to afford a lot on their own....

I've had to deal with clearing out a parent's home. It was not fun, but the thing that made me sad was more that my siblings really didn't care about any of her things, unless it had monetary value. Some seem to pride themselves on not wanting mementos to clutter up their homes -- I shouldn't have been surprised, though, because that was how they treated her at the end anyway.

I don't mean keep every stick of furniture, every bowl, every candlestick for heavens sake! But isn't there something in every home that will speak to you about who that person was? And doesn't that have some value?

I hate it when I go to an estate sale and see very old family photos for sale. I think of the people who are combing the internet hoping to find a photo of a great-grandparent (I am one), and yet these will likely end up at the dump.

I feel strongly about this because I know that when I was a young hippie chick I didn't place that much value on physical mementos of people. But now, I would so like to have even just a photo of some of my ancestors -- a physical item that they used (like a walking stick) would be fabulous! I still mourn the necklace that was stolen from me in San Diego 30 years ago, that had belonged to my great-grandmother.

I had two tasks in quick succession that convinced me to de-stuff. First, I cleaned out my parents' house pretty much by myself. Then my friend had her entire house recarpeted, and anything that touched the floor had to be packed up. Holy cow, that woman can pack a closet. By the time these two events were over, I was very eager to clean up my own world.

We don't have kids, so anything left will be the job of .. someone. I'm pretty sure we don't have much that anyone would want, so I'm gradually cleaning out. We will downsize in a few years, and I don't want to move it all!

So here's a question: I have my mother's silver serving pieces. Silver plate, I assume. The tea service, trays, chafing dishes, etc. I used to use them when I had holiday parties, but haven't used them in years. There are only two nieces, and they don't want them. I doubt Goodwill would want them, any ideas? I'm not necessarily interested in getting anything for them.

My parents weren't rich but we're sleeping in the king-size bed that was almost new when my mom passed away and my dad got a smaller bed for his apartment. We used their nice couch in our TV room until the cushions wore out and tore and we still have the metal and glass coffee table that will never go out of style and their round oak dining room table with the claw feet. We could have afforded to buy everything new but why? It's been a challenge to blend their things with ours and to have the satisfaction that we've recycled perfectly good items.

My biggest concern is what will happen to my collection of antique Chinese porcelain which all together is worth quite a bit and will keep its value. I've decided that as I get older I'm going to begin selling it off because I'm the only one who knows what all these things are and can properly label them for sale. My husband can tell a 1500-year-old pottery horse and rider from an 18th century bowl but that's about it. He's five years younger than I am and I don't want to burden him with something so stressful. I very much believe in gradually downsizing as you get older and especially getting rid of small clutter that will be overwhelming for the next generation to sort out.

aok27502 Goodwill or a charity thrift shop would surely want them. I think you should try craigslist, too. Even if you don't want much for them, I'll bet you would sell them. It's certainly worth a try.

My MIL placed sentimental value on everything and occasionally would remind us that we were not to sell any of her belongings when she was gone. When she passed away my DH (an only child) and I had to sort through 80 years worth of belongings. Her house was not large but she created storage like you wouldn't believe.. Because it was all kept even when the clothes no longer fit, things got shoved way back in the closet. She had incredible style. We found 125 pairs of shoes from the 60s-70s that were amazing and a vintage treasure trove of dresses, coats, purses, gloves and cashmere cardigans. However - they were damaged beyond repair by mold and moths and even mice. It was so sad to throw these items out. She could have given these through the years to nieces/granddaughter or even sold them and enjoyed the money. The very saddest part is that my daughter loved to look at her things and hear Grandma tell her stories about them, and MIL loved those moments together, but things were shoved and stored so far out of reach that we never knew they were there until she was gone. In the end we tossed or gave most of it away. We brought home some furniture that I like and my son wants and still we are dealing with a crazy amount of guilt and stuff.

My husband can't let go of things that his mother was attached to even though they mean nothing to hiim because he fears disrespecting her wishes/memory. That is a horrible burden to put on someone else.

I dont understand why people feel the need to purge things, they still love and use. I am 78, I have cleaned out my parents house, and my inlaws house and yes it is a lot of work. It is just what kids do. I dont care if my kids put everything I own out by the road to give away when I am gone, but, I hope I can live in my own home, with all my own things, that give me memories and joy, until I am gone. I do declutter papers etc on occasion, but, most certainly not my furniture and other items that I like, unless, I myself am tired of something and replace it with something else.

This thread reminded me of something I did a few years ago. I tried to preserve a memory without being attached to the thing And it didn't offend my MIL's hoarding mentality. I actually posted here for advice about it. DH's siblings appreciated it, my girls thought it was fun and I didn't hear a thing from my out of state mid twenty year old nieces and nephews. I guess they can always reuse the frame if they didn't like the framed paper.

http://ths.gardenweb.com/discussions/2658024/any-ideas-old-this-is?n=8

My mom, too, made me promise not to sell or get rid of anything. I think towards the end she realized her mistake.

If everything has equal sentimental value and attachment, then nothing does.

I have trouble getting rid of stuff. I'm better than I was, but still need work.

Who needs a Reed and Barton silver service? Nobody I know. It is truly beautiful. I wish I knew how to incorporate it into daily living so I could admire it often but I just don't know what to do with it.

Every time I cook, which is near daily, I think of my mom and sister and dad. Most of what I use in the kitchen were gifts from them. I like the feeling I get and the items are probably nicer than I would buy for myself. But I just can't incorporate everything.

Good luck to everyone who struggles with this.

d_gw, thank you for sharing the old thread..so funny this story with" aliens"!

"If everything has equal sentimental value and attachment, then nothing does."-jn, your phrase resonates with me, but i don't know how yet, lol. from what i observed-people are born somewhat predisposed to be more sentimental towards things, or less so. for example my DS reminds me of Olychik's grandson..and of me myself I must say. He easily forms attachment to things(I must say to people too)..they hold much bigger value for him, than for my DD for example. Together with this, he doesn't need a lot. Doesn't want a lot. But what he has he really loves, and it's harder for him to separate with it. While my DD might get infatuated with more stuff-yet she'll easily share it, give it away, or gift it, or throw it on the floor instead of hanging it nicely-all while appreciating the thing. She is attached to some things of course-it will just never reach the degree with which my son gets attached to them. They were born like this-different. My sister is like my DD-when I was a young girl it drove me crazy that I'd be picking a present for her which I knew she'd love-and she loved it all right but then for example a friend saw it and liked it too-and she would immediately give it to them. She's very kind, my sister, very generous, as is my DD. But it also helps that she's less attached to stuff, less sentimental about it. It's very hard for me for example to re-gift a present, even when I don't like it. I think some have more blurry borders between people we love or respect or feel obliged towards them or (insert your own)-and things that represent them somehow. And for some, these borders are more defined. I give my relatives just as an easiest, closest to me example-but I saw it with many other people.

I tend not to accumulate stuff, yet some things are very hard for me to part with-old letters for example. I could never tear a letter, or a drawing..tearing a photo feels sacrilegious:) and I know many people do it when angry, or wanting to forget. I-physically-can't. I tore once a paper someone was scribbling on before-just a piece of paper-I tore it because I was so mad at that person, and that was the best way to express it without this person even knowing that. I feel guilt until this very day. I dared to do that-but it was obviously more than I could handle with myself. And it wasn't a person really close to me. Work relationship. And it wasn't a drawing, just scribbles.

This burden we feel..we feel it partially because some if us are wired to feel it. Some, is nurture. Your family influences you, its history influences you. But some, is nature. We realize by the certain very young age things are not really alive; but do we all, and do we fully? I'm not that sure.

Gosh this thread is fascinating to me. I was only 35 when my mom died suddenly, followed 5 short months later by my dad. It was awful. They owned a small business, and we three kids had to deal with disposing of the business, the house, and all the contents while grieving.

Both my parents grew up during the depression, and they did not dispose of anything useful. I was young enough that some of the furniture was better than what I had so I took it, but we gave so much away to church fairs and thrift stores and just setting things out by the curb. My sister got the silver, my brother a Gustav Stickley bookcase and table, but none of use wanted the many sets of china/stoneware.... Franciscan Rose, and two patterns of Johnson Bros., carnival glass, engraved highball glasses, and and and. I was young and so kept more things than I needed or should have no doubt, but I missed my mom! In the intervening years many of those items have gone to Goodwill.

I did keep many of her cooking tools, which I still use. A set of lightweight stainless mixing bowls, her measuring spoons and cups, her pastry blender, a wooden cooking fork worn down on one side from stirring countless meals. These are the things I am glad I kept, I think of her every time I use them.

We recently moved and did considerable downsizing, and I will be doing more as time goes on, especially since we plan on moving again in 5-6 years. I'm still hanging on to a few things, such as her wicker laundry basket. I have no children of my own, so that will make it easier for them, but I won't be too worried about leaving some work for my step-children. At least they'll be able to load up the laundry basket and use it to carry stuff out!

One of my favorite things of my mother was her rolling pin and sifter. I've had different ones over the years, but when I got hers, mine went to Goodwill. The rolling pin (which she used everyday until my father died, making buttermilk biscuits), is perfectly balanced, and the sifter with the old turn handle is easier on my arthritic hands than the kind that must be squeezed. Yes, I also have all her lovely things ( only child) but these were her very essence.

This thread reminds me of Aristophanes' Plutus. Kierkegaard quoted from this play when he wrote "Either/Or"; Vol. I: THE ROTATION METHOD:

"You get too much at last of everything, of love, of bread, of music, and of sweetmeats. Of honor, cakes, of courage, and of figs. Ambition, barley-cakes, high office, lentils." (alternately spoken by Chremylos and Karion; Karion made the food references)

Kierkegaard went on to talk about how people always want change and tire of what they already have. I think this is part of the reason that people always want something new and are not interested in keeping possessions from their parents. I was more interested in what my grandparents had collected, but today I do not think millennials are as interested in what their grandparents have.

If you want to read more of Kierkegaard, I recommend the anthology edited by Robert Bretall, as it has the best translations.

I have no heirs, other than my younger brother, and he also has no children, and so we are not sure what will happen to our possessions after we are gone, but I am not particularly concerned. However, we do have a large collection of art and paintings - mostly done by my brother - and so I think nieces and nephews might be interested. We also have some mid-century furniture that we have collected that someone could easily sell at an estate sale if they did not want it. In fact, we bought our dining set at an estate sale down the street.

With all my respect to Kierkegaard-some people can never get too much. Some of love, some of ambition..and I'd say it is especially true of high office, lol

Too much of lentils? Never!

I thought of something else. When my MIL died, my husband at first thought he needed to keep EVERYTHING of hers - everyday pots and pans, rug outside the front door, her clothes. His reasoning? "My mom used these things!" My response was "Yes, she walked on that rug everyday AND walked on this gravel where she parked her car every day too! Do you want to keep the gravel?"

He began to see my point.

I have a lot of my mothers "stuff" 2 sets of china, silverplate bowls, platters, candlesticks. etc., silver flatware, crystal stemware, hummels, assorted collectible knick knacks,punch bowls, you name it she had it and there is a LOT of it.. These things were very popular with her generation. I am more of an informal hostess and never use these things. My adult children don't have room for them and although they've taken one item each of grandma's for sentimental reasons, they don't want the rest of it either. I keep it all for sentimental reasons, although much of it has been in boxes for years. Young people just don't seem interested in this stuff either, their taste does not tend towards the traditional. I know someday I will have to find a way to dispose of it. I don't want to leave it to my kids to just clear out though.

I'm a millenial (I hate that term because I squeaked in there being 35), and I am interested in some of my grandmother's things. Part of that is my love of history being a former archivist, and I'm sentimental. I think I'm the closest grandchild to my grandma because I am the most like her personality wise. She makes sense to me when others think she's finally gone senile.

I was telling her a couple of weeks ago that if she has things that are special and wants certain people to have them than to do it now so she can give the story behind it. I think my sister's and cousins though are so materialistic and are very IKEAish that they wouldn't appreciate her things.

For the most part we do not have many antiques in my family, but there are things my grandpa made in WW2 when he was on a battleship. Those things and my grandma's nursing school yearbooks during the same period are special. She also has some wooden spoons and paring knives her mom gave her as a wedding present, and I think I'm the only one that knows that story.

I made her a quilt several years ago in which I made pictures of her farm and nearby lake out of felt and embroidered her name when she had to have surgery. We were afraid she was developing dementia so I wanted her to look down and see her name. She keeps that quilt next to her bed and wants me to take it back when she's gone. It was the first quilt I made, and the only pictorial quilt so far.

My grandfather was a jeweler and when my mother died, we found his box of jeweler's tools. Hundreds of little files and tools, everything was hand powered in those days. Also in the tool box were sketches he had made of jewelry designs and a 1937 Christmas catalog from the jewelry store he worked at. Those are treasures to me and my kids do appreciate the history of it, even though they never met their great grandfather, as he died before they were born.

Iowacommute, you are truly a blessing to your Grandmother.

Hi Iam702,

I would frame those sketches and display them in your home. They would make for some very interesting conversations, and maybe provide some comfort for you.