Must be more than one HH around. There was not a single Paph to be seen in their greenhouse. John Leathers and Gary Meyer focus on Dracula and Masdevallias. John may have one of the better coccinea collection in the country. Gary and John together probably know more about Dracula than anyone in America. (J&L are pretty much up to speed on these also). The third partner, Bob Hamilton's special interest is Odontoglosums and their hybrids. At this time of the year, when they are in bloom, it is not safe to go there, a spectacular display. Brought a few these home, another reason to stock up on dog food. The only safe way to go there is to leave your cash, check book and plastic at home. Nick

I think this is fairly typical behavior for some gtandparents. The older child is ignored because the new baby is here. It doesn't always have a thing to do with whether or not the older child is blood or step kin. They may not be aware of what the older child may feel. Perhaps you do need to say something like, "you don't seem to be paying as much attention to _______ as you once did. She is puzzled and can't understand it. Can you help make it easier for her?" Perhaps they would be willing to take her to a movie from time to time. If they ignore your request, then you need to try to make things a little easier for her with a little extra attention when they come to visit. Explain that many adults go nuts over new babies.

"but verbally I am finding he can be mean and yells at them unnecessarily" Remember this. He can be mean, and he yells at people he loves. With you, he may still be on his 'good behavior' -- but you can be sure he will revert to THIS behavior with you if you stay with him long enough. "So my question is, would I be wrong in speaking to him about this?" Wrong? No - But I'd suspect it would be pretty pointless if affecting a change is what you're after, and you'd be likely to get a pretty nasty response for your trouble. Might be worth a try, just to see if he's capable of recognizing the error of his ways. "I am starting to lose respect for him the more I see him overreact and I would hate to walk away from a great relationship because of that. " The first part of this sentence is so clear -- but the second part sucks! If he's verbally mean, the relationship is unlikely to stay 'great'. He's showing you a very valid reason for walking away. "One more thought about BF... his childhood was kinda lousy, mom died young, has an unemotional father and had to grow up fast having a kid when he was 18 in high school (among many other things)." I get it -- It's not his fault... Actually, my Ex had an almost identical back-story, and I cut him a lot of slack for that reason. But at the end of the day, the *reasons* for Ex's jerk-hood don't matter -- it's the unchanging, continued existence of the abusive behavior that's the problem. My current (wonderful) husband didn't have a decent father either -- but instead of repeating his own father's bad behavior, he set a higher standard for himself -- an idealized one, but one he constantly strives for. You've seen a *very valuable* glimpse into your BF's character. Please DON'T rationalize it away or excuse it into insignificance. If your goal is to 'get This Guy to marry you' -- then fine -- leave it alone. (Repent at leisure...) But if your goal is to someday enjoy a happy and loving marriage to a wonderful guy, then *remember* what you've seen, make a mental note that This Guy has 'Strike One' against being that Mr Wonderful, suggest a need for a change, and watch carefully for signs of *real* change before moving forward with this relationship.

When my husband and I married, I brought one young child into the marriage and he brought 3 older ones, although one left after eight months to go to university. We bought a 5 bedroom home together, 50/50. During the years that we were together, his two kids lived with us about 80% of the time, and my daughter was with us about 60% of the time. We split all the household costs, vacations etc. For several years, I made more money, so I bought most of the groceries and all the clothes for the entire family. I also paid for some of his kids' activities. When my income dropped below his, I asked him to contribute to the groceries, and take over the costs of his kids' clothes (although I still bought some). In retrospect, I am glad that we shared the house price 50/50 because a house is an investment that can be recovered. However, I do have some resentment over having paid a greater amount of the other costs. I could use that money now that I am separated to build a better life for myself and my daughter, and his kids aren't the least bit grateful for the wonderful life that they had when we were together. Of course, I'd probably feel differently if my husband had gotten his kids under control, and the marriage had survived.