Must be more than one HH around. There was not a single Paph to be seen in their greenhouse. John Leathers and Gary Meyer focus on Dracula and Masdevallias. John may have one of the better coccinea collection in the country. Gary and John together probably know more about Dracula than anyone in America. (J&L are pretty much up to speed on these also). The third partner, Bob Hamilton's special interest is Odontoglosums and their hybrids. At this time of the year, when they are in bloom, it is not safe to go there, a spectacular display. Brought a few these home, another reason to stock up on dog food. The only safe way to go there is to leave your cash, check book and plastic at home. Nick

Rave, I feel for you! My father's mother was the same way with me and my brother and sister. Nothing to do with stepchildren or anything but our entire family! My dad has two sisters and a brother who all have children. They all have lived out of town since I before I was born. We were the only ones who stayed in the same town as Grandma. From the very beginning my Grandma would always tell us how wonderful her other kids and grandkids were. It never fails, if we are visiting her or even she comes over for our birthdays, all we hear about is her other wonderful grandkids!! Eventhough they rarely call and often years elapse between their visits! If we give her pictures of ourselves they get placed behind all the other grandkids so you can barely see them. For the life of me I will never understand what her problem is or why she doesn't seem to care about us. We always visited her despite her attitude and always helped her out around the house and yard. My parents are always over there fixing stuff for her and they never get any appreciation for it! My mom has always been very angry and upset over this treatment and has often complained to my father but you know how men are when it comes to their mothers!!! My dad is finally starting to get upset by her behavior, but it is kind of late considering I am 24, my brother is 29 and my sister is 34!! The damage is done. We will never have a relationship with this woman! My advice to you is however you do it, you need to talk to her soon! Your children are young now and they probably don't notice it, but they will grow up and it will hurt their feelings!!! Oh, when I was 15 or so my grandma bought my cousin sailing lessons for her birthday and my brother and I got $5 beach towels! Sweet eh? When my sister gave birth to her first daughter who was also the first great granddaughter, my grandma didn't come to see her for over 3 months until my uncle told her she should be ashamed of herself! She lives 5 minutes away from them. Thankfully my Grandma on my mom's side is the most wonderful caring woman in the entire world!

I kind of agree with both halfdecaf an kailuamom's perspective: first, I think that we can't really fault the original speaker because we don't really know what he said. There are some versions of what he said that make perfect sense to me, others that don't, lets give him the benefit of the doubt and not attack a "philosophy" that he, himself, has not explained to us.The original post's vesion of the speaker's words made me think of how annoying rote "sorry's" are *especially* when they've been demanded of a child, given, and then abandoned. I'm thinking of the kid who spills something at your house and never says sorry except that the parent demands they do and then...nothing...they run off and play and the parent cleans up. Or the kid who viciously pushes your kid in the park and says "sorry" when told to but then the parents and kid walk away from you and your sobbing, snot smeared child. I think we would all be in agreement that a coerced sorry is not sufficient and that an educational method that relied *only* on coercion to produce the word but not on coercion or serious practice to change the behavior would be at fault. I'd like to read the speaker's words in the most generous way and figure that he's saying that sorry alone is not enough and that we have to work, long and hard, with kids to make them the kind of people who can realize that they have hurt someone else and take affirmative steps to make the hurt right. It sounds like kailuamom and I have the same kids, or the same parenting strategy. Neither of my children has any trouble saying they are sorry--and really meaning it. I don't mean "sorry for stepping on your toe" or "sorry for being a jerk" but like this "I'm sorry, mommy, that you are having to take me out to my friend's birthday party when you aren't feeling so well. Thank you for doing it." Or "I'm sorry that you had to make me soup and crackers (because I"m sick) when you already made a different dinner for everyone else." In other words, their sense of what they are doing, their duties towards other people, extend far beyond "don't step on people's toes" to "don't inconvenience people" and "don't take other people's kind actions for granted." I remember another mother in my baby group with my firstborn asking me "how I *made* her so empathetic?" and I just cracked up, you can't make someone empathetic. but you certainly can work on them, and have to work on them, to make them attentive to those around them. So sure we start out, even when they are babies, saying "oh! I'm so sorry you fell down! let me kiss it" and saying to them "oh, say sorry to little dulcibella for grabbing her toy." But as they get older our strategies for working with them and modeling for them have to get more sophisticated because they are more sophisticated. Modeling the behavior you want is the first thing you have to do but how many of us are even more self centered than our children? How many times do we demonstrate to them that we take the actions, gifts, griefs, etc...of other people for granted? IF the only "sorry"s they see are ungracious they will be ungracious. If they see their parents courteously deferring to each other, to the grandparents, to strangers they are going to learn (eventually) that "Sorry" goes a lot farther than just a word said after an incident, its a whole way of thinking about the situation and the other person. If you are still ordering at ten year old, or a fifteen year old, to say sorry you need to rethink your educational strategy because its not working. By the time they are fifteen most social behaviors should be pretty well engrained--or else they are rebelling against them for reasons that need discussion and airing. At that point they are also old enough to experience the natural consequences of failure to observe social niceties, as well as failure to be empathetic. If you are a jerk to your cousins or your friends, well, they won't play with you. If you are a jerk to your older relatives or older people, well, they won't do whatever things you've been counting on them to do. If a ten or fifteen year old kid behaves badly and doesn't say they are sorry--or even behaves selfishly and seems unaware of it--then just forcing them to say sorry (though it may be necessary) j ust isn't enough. So I guess I'm saying that I can see situations in which the original speaker is absolutely right--of course if he really said what was described I think he's an idiot. But there has never been a shortage of idiot motivational speakers. abfab

Iam going though the same thing. He complains about everything my daughters do. My 2 daughters 20 and 30 and my 7 Grandbaby. He does not talk to them for days. Every night when we go to bed he starts to bitch about them from they eat all the food, they r lazy and wht doesn’t my oldest get child support I tell him that is her business not ours. Well a couple week ago he told them to start paying rent 300.00 a each. They only make 9.00 my 20 pays To own car payment insurance and credit cards, my 30 old pays her bills and the day care bill of 400 a month. I told him they can’t afford that he don’t care and if they don’t like it they move out. He get mad if I buy anything for them. He says u always get defensive I tell I don’t I just don’t know why u treat them like that. They don’t disrespect you. In the other hand they stay in there rooms to not bother you. If they come to talk to me he starts asking wht do they want. He like making fun of my granddaughter( calling a cry baby) and my 20 (making fun of her weight)I tell him to stop and plays it off like I am kidding. Well two weeks ago my daughter told me she can afford the 300 she said I can afford 150. I thought buy telling her to go speak to her step dad he would listen and respect that she came to him and. It to me. I was listening to her explain the situation well he said that’s not my problem and just kept repeating it. Well she started crying and she told him. Why do u treat us like dirt. W you hve never like us and I hate the way u treat mom. Yes she did get load then I stepped in. He lost it and told to pack her stuff and get out. Then told me it’s them or me in front of her. She apologized to me saying she does not what to ruin my marriage. Well my girls r moving out at the end of the month but that is still not good enough. Now he is saying I don’t want them to come over. I was really. Now my son came to visit and he is telling me he is not staying here. I told him he is staying this week to help her sister with daycare. He was who gave him permission I was what. It turn into a huge fight. He said they do what ever they want to do. Mind me he has not spoken one work to him cause he is still mad at my youngest for the fight they had. He told if u don’t tell him to leave buy Sunday Iam going to. I was wtf. Those r my kids and this is my house. He said again Iam tried we should separate i was like look if that’s why u want go ahead. I know u hate my kids. He stayed quite and goes into the room and sulks. Iam i wrong for defending my kids. They have never disrespected him. Iam so over this fight with him.