A sad day not only for David's family and friends but for Hoya lovers across the world! I have through the years ordered a few times in group orders to David and also emailed him with questions about this Hoya or that one. David always emailed back with gorgeous pictures and an in depth answer to my question. Possibly after grieving Iris Marie will feel like continuing with their Hoya dreams.,,,,Debbie

>> I'll try, errrrrrr, I mean, cry if I want to :), Hmmm...did you happen to read the article I wrote for Northwest Hort Society? Btw, the IPS forum DOES have PM options and it's time for you to join! I have a young woman (psych major who recently graduated) who helps me around the house about 3-5 hours a week; weeding, dusting, whatever needs starting so I'll finish it. I asked her today if she could give me a number of days I'd feel like roadkill so I could check them off. She informed me that true depression has no "ups." Well, I still have hearty laughs out loud, half the time through tears, so I guess I'm doing okay. And it is wonderful to be in touch with people who were important to Robert Lee Riffle, because we all have some traits in common. It might take awhile to figure out exactly what they all are, but they're there. I thought I wouldn't be able to bear going to the IPS board again, but he told me about so many of the people that it's like being in a gathering of his friends. And I remember him talking about this board -- he tried to post links to his photos and the former owner/manager thought he was trying to promote his book, so whenever anyone clicked on the link they went to Disneyland! After the first consternation, he thought it was pretty funny. What saves me is that years ago, I got over my biggest fear: that all that tropical plant knowledge in his brain would die with him. When I first held The Tropical Look, I was so happy for everyone who would enjoy it. His greatest fear was that he wouldn't be able to get the palm encyclopedia published. That was a rocky road but it's out there. He would have liked to have revised it, but it's there and 90 percent of the information will be timely for years to come. I'm lucky that my grief is for me and his friends and family because we won't have fresh Riffle-isms, and not because of regrets. There are little things I wish I'd done, but it's not realistic to live every single day trying to tie up every loose end. We do have to have faith that we have a future so we can live part of our lives in our dreams. Btw, Bob's 81-year-old dynamo neighbor took her digital camera over to his house and took some pictures of his palms. I'm going to forward them to Mike Burnett on the IPS board; he'll tidy them up a bit and we can post them. I think he really only started planting a couple years ago. It's good to see most of them still in good shape. I thought about our conversations the other night and realized we talked over 10,000 hours. We knew a lot about each other. Off to the garden. I still have plants in pots that I bought in June! tsk. Here is a link that might be useful: It's My Garden & I'll Try if I Want To, Page 5

I sympathize, rosies. You have not failed in any aspect, at all. You have done everything in your power to maintain your mother's health in the face of many obstacles. You must be very tired. I'm in year 3 of caretaking, too. Mum is losing her mental faculties now. Short term memory is waning, though physically she is quite healthy and fit, despite a stroke in '04 (did the mental damage). She has gone from an independent old woman, to one that must be really "cared for"... I get her up in the morning, see that she dresses herself, washes her face, fixes her hair. I prepare her breakfast, helpmeet does lunch, we split dinner. I put her to bed, see that she takes her pills, schedule the "bath lady", all the things that you have to do for an elderly parent. It's really hard! and you lose your own freedom. I haven't been out for dinner with the helpmeet "on the spur of the moment" for over 2 months now. I can't visit a greenhouse/nursery after work... I have to go right home, make sure the urostomy pouch is emptied, she has a glass of water, and that the sign is on the toilet reminding her NOT to empty the pouch again until it's time for bed. From the time I wake up until I go to bed I think about Mum and the next "chore" on the list... You have done as much as you can be expected to do. You've done it well, with love and commitment. It's OK to feel sad about what is changing in your life. But don't spend too much time feeling guilty even though it's part of the deal. (Tell the facility you would rather not have them shove so much garbage food into your mother. You are paying them to take care of her and you have every right to expect them to follow your wishes with respect to diet!)

Clare, I missed seeing this earlier. I'm so sorry. Even though you weren't close physically, you had a connection. Emotions are not something we can always predict. Grief can hit unexpectedly. It did so with me when a friend passed away that I wasn't super close to, as in best friends, but we sang in choir together as altos, and I admired her greatly. Her death from cancer hit me much harder than I ever expected. It's natural. It's unfortunate you can't express it openly. I'm sure you miss being there with your DH, too. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you. Sally