On my lap!

Because of fast food places, table etiquette was lost by so many, I heard that companies had to hire people to teach them what to do and how to act and what spoon,etc. to use and so forth. They found that so many ate with their hands and many ate on the run in cars and away they would go. I was taught from time I was a child and taken to restaurants and taught what all those silverware are for to use properly and how to do your bun and butter and napkin where that goes and how to eat properly, cutting it up, etc. and no fingers allowed to use. How to sit properly on the chair at the table. And how to dress too as in those days you didn't just put on anything and go to a nice restaurant, it meant dressing up, now adays its all changed, you can go as you like. Living here where I moved too, sometimes we have paper napkins and I don't put those on my lap as it never stays and so I put it aside on table and use it as needed. The cloth napkins when we get that them, I put them on my lap as they big and stay on my lap. You wipe your hands and you pick up what I do is fold a bit and use that part to wipe and then wipe face too around mouth.

We do use our fingers like today was chicken strips to dip in plum sauce and only way was to pick it up and dip and take a bite and then put it down on plate. When we get ribs the best way is to pick them up and chew on them to get the meat off them. French fries same way to dip into ketchup. We have salad fork and regular fork, two spoons, one for tea or coffee who wants it and then other spoon for dessert if its that kind to use. We have two knives, one that is a sharp on and the other one regular one for supper hour. Then a soup spoon. A cup and saucer and then a water glass with water pitcher.

Oh, also so many do not have family meals together and are taught so many of things that I did growing up as we did sit and eat together as a family and it was learning part of those things you need to know.

I keep Paper napkins at fast food handy for wipes. Those are too flimsy to provide much coverage. At a table setting with cloth napkin, that goes in my lap and maybe tucked under my belt to maintain control of it. Having a nice, large, cloth napkin changes the rules.

I am optional with paper. In most restaurants one napkin isn't enough. I tend to keep one on my lap but if the only thing between the flatware and the table is a napkin I request extra napkins. If a server thinks to provide an extra napkin for the first course without prompting there is an upward adjustment for the tip immediately.

I eat out often with older women and the one thing I find annoying, for want of a better word is when women wear their napkin like a bib. It just looks weird to me .

I do have a bit of trouble with napkins in my lap at times. Now that most napkins are synthetic instead of thick cotton they slip. I have short legs and my lap is not flat at the table. It slopes and I've had napkins go slipping off under the table.

I am with Elizabeth regarding children at the table. My kids stayed in high chairs in public under they learned to sit at the table properly. DD has done a fantastic job with the grands. At age 2 and 4 people remark at how well behaved they are dining out. DD was very strict about butt in the seat at the table or in the highchair from the time they could sit up to eat. They also were given proper utensils and allowed to self feed at an early age. It's paid off.

I love cloth napkins but guests sometimes feel uncomfortable with them. I have been told that paper is fine or that they don't want to put me to the trouble of laundering them. Larger paper napkins seem to be the solution.

Another set of lessons taught at the family dinner table--lost. I can say I taught mine the "proper" etiquette--but I would not say it always shows. Sadly the least common denominator often wins out and as my teens spent more and more time with peers they "learned" many of my parental rules were passe and optional.

Maybe your teaching is not completely lost. There may be social or business situations that come up in their adult lives where they will need to use the good manners you taught them. As we get older we discover our parents were not as irrelevant as we thought as teens. I know I thought I knew-it-all. ( Wince )

Watch me said what I was going to, I have very little lap left and most paper napkins fall on the floor. Which then renders them useless, so when I know I'm really going to need a napkin, and it's paper, it sits beside me.

Napkin on my lap, open end toward my knees so I can wipe my fingers on the "inside" of the napkin more easily (and it keeps the food residue from transferring from the napkin to my clothing).

How about those diners who lean on their elbows at the table? We were never allowed to do so and I can remember a sharp crack on the elbow bone if remiss. To this day - I never lean on my elbows.

I remember that..no elbows on the table. I still never do. I recall asking to be excused from the table. And "please will you pass the ....". and Thank You.

And no hats (worn) at the table. And yes, asking "may I be excused now?"

I see lots and lots of people lean down on a forearm to eat and it makes me cringe. I hope my girls would never do that, but who knows, these days?

I put napkin on my chest to protect my clothing. I'd rather be ungracious with a clean blouse than proper with food stains all over my chest. I don't know if it's b/c I'm chesty but I drop food when eating. Eating too fast or plain klutzy, I don't know.

Our grown son does a great comedy routine of what it was like learning table manners in his father's strict household - first scan the table then find the salt and then identify who is sitting next to the salt, then after waiting for a break in the conversation say "John will you please pass the salt". He can expound on any and all of 'learning your manners' details. His nieces just loved his routines when they were little :) And now his 8 y/o son has good table manners as well as all around good manners and so do all of our 6 grandchildren.

Sounds like the boy was brought up "right"! I always told my children that if they were well educated and had proper manners, they could dine with the Queen at Buckingham Palace and not be intimidated. They never got there, but my son (at age 18) did get invited to have drinks with an English Lord in the House of Lord's private sitting room. He said he was completely ready for it - knew how to dress, shake hands, ask how the Lord should be addressed (I didn't train him for that as we live in the US!) - the Lord said "Harry" would be fine, and generally comport himself properly. What a disservice our "casual" way of life is to our young today.

old...in the lap...and no elbows on the table, lol...when my dd was n=in job's daughters ( a masonic org for girls) they taught them how to set a table...wonder if they do anymore??

"I put napkin on my chest to protect my clothing. I'd rather be ungracious with a clean blouse than proper with food stains all over my chest. I don't know if it's b/c I'm chesty but I drop food when eating."

I think everyone drops food when eating, but for most folks it doesn't show because it drops to their laps. Unless they are wearing white or very light-colored pants/skirts, no one will notice a food stain because most folks don't stare at another person's crotch area when speaking to them. A woman's chest area with food stains doesn't need a neon sign -- it stands out like a sore thumb all on its own.

I'm right there with you, Bossy -- I can't even tell you how many times I've made it completely through a meal unscathed, only to drop food on my chest from the very last bite I take.

I wish I could post a photo of the cloth napkins that are used at the restaurant at the Francis Ford Coppola Winery in Geyserville, CA (Sonoma Valley). The restaurant is named Rustic, Francis's Favorites. I can (and will) add in a photo of a portion of the patio dining area of Rustic and you can see the napkins folded on the tables. The napkins are HUGE but the best thing about them is that in one corner there is a buttonhole (edged with red thread so it stands out). So, if you're wearing a shirt or blouse that buttons, you can put the top button through the buttonhole. The napkin is held in place that way, and your clothes are protected from spills/drops. I love these napkins! And, you can purchase them in the on-site gift shop (along with lots of other cool stuff).

Yes, ive seen those buttonhole napkins, even on airlines.