I much prefer having my or our vehicle for that very reason. If I am ready to leave I can. I have a hard time getting into and out of some vehicles. We go to dinner with our neighbors frequently and swap off driving. Her husband is a good driver but he has extremely long legs, very tall man, so his seat is pushed all the way back so sitting behind him is painful. But if I sit on the opposite side behind her he parks the car so close to the car on that side that I actually could not open the door enough to get out. She could because her door was not at the other cars front it was before it and she is the size of an ant - tiny! . He does this every time so he has ample room on his side to get out comfortably. I feel bad for the people in the car beside him because no way they can get in their passenger side. They all got out and were half way to the restaurant door before my husband realized I was not beside him. I was stuck in the car. He had to pull up so I could open the door and get out. But did he move over no he did not. I had to have him pull out so I could get in when we left. I prefer for us to drive our vehicles have more room anyway.

I fully expect to see the side of their car keyed on that side some day. I have specifically told her that I have panic attacks about being trapped in places, due to my lack of mobility, and she knows how upset I have been when this happens.

Sorta on the subject

Leaving gym, this afternoon, asked couple, close to my age, if they would like to swap cars. They looked at my Buick, and smiled with a "no thank you" I wonder why. This is almost identical to their Porsche parked right next to my car.

At the moment, I can't think of anyone that I wouldn't drive with. One friend drives a bit fast for me, but within reason.

Raven, you would think that your friend would catch on to your personal situation and make sure you get out before parking. Maybe you can remind him, in a humorous sort of way?

I drive myself. I like to be able to leave somewhere when I want and not have to worry about someone else. I don't know that there is someone that I would "refuse" to drive with unless the obvious like they were under the influence or something. I've been a single for so long that I'm not used to be driven around by others.

Would you ever tell someone you didn't want to drive in their car because you felt their car wasn't safe????

I think you're right about being cautious, alisande, when you have particular gripes about specific drivers you know. You have a few years on me, I haven't yet reached the age when trying to avoid riding with older drivers has become an issue.

As for eating my heart out with your Chevy, you can be happy with it without my feeling any torment. My first car (that I purchased with saved working money while still in high school) was a Chevy. After three years of driving it, I switched to a European car and I've stuck with them ever since. Today's most exciting brand is probably Tesla, arguably an American brand, but they're not of interest to me.

raven, your friend sounds like a self-centered jerk for not giving thought to the comfort and convenience of his passengers.

"Would you ever tell someone you didn't want to drive in their car because you felt their car wasn't safe?"

Put another way, would you expose yourself to an avoidable risk if you thought the car or the driver put you in potential jeopardy, only to be polite? My answer is No, never.

I'd say - "do you mind if I drive, I'd feel safer in my (newer, larger, or whatever) car". I always offer to drive when going places with others, because I prefer driving to riding. And, I'm the safest driver I know (Of Course!). .

I definitely prefer to drive my car as I too have great difficulty getting in and out of most cars. (I have a minivan.)

Most of my friends are older than I, and believe me, I'm no spring chicken, so I end up being the driver, which is fine with me. However I can't help but wonder who is going to drive me when I am unable to safely drive, and will I be able to get and out of their car?

Also, I have in the past said no thanks to someone who offered me a ride because I considered them to be a bpoor driver.

Can't refuse my DH driving our car, but when I'm going somewhere alone I get there MUCH faster. OTOH, DH is a *very safe* driver. Oh my, yes he is. Our DS drives fast, but well. My days of throwing money away on depreciating assets are long over.

I don't know of anyone I would refuse to ride with. We never go out so no worry about drinking and driving. I think the answer to Ravens problem would be for him to drop the ladies off at the door before he parks.

Yes, very much so. I feel perfectly safe if my dad is driving, he was the one who taught me to drive, and we operate much the same.

My mom isn't a bad driver but I really don't like riding with her, she takes forever to get up to speed and tends to brake harder than I do.

Hubby drives harder than I do, speeds up faster and brakes harder, if we are going somewhere as a family, I'm the one driving.

I have one friend I will ride with, we drive the same way, and one friend I absolutely won't ride with. I love her to death but she's just a bad driver.

I won't let my kids ride with anyone but me, hubby, our parents or that one friend I trust.

That's exactly what he should do and what my husband does when we drive if a close handicap spot is not available, drop us off . I even started taking my handicap placard with me when we go with them and I point out the handicap spots near the door but he doesn't feel right using them. Hello I can't walk well ! You can park there or drop me off choose one. I really should be making him drag my wheelchair in and out but I try to walk in these cases since it's usually close to the door .

A friend drives too fast with no regard to weather conditions. I've had to tell him to slow down. He also takes up 2 spots even though his pickup is 3 or 4 years old. I fume every time and remind him that he could be keyed.

There are people I refuse to ride with, simply because they're crappy drivers. I also refuse to get into cars that are filthy, or full of trash, or covered in dog hair, or that smell like cigarette/cigar smoke.

I'm the best driver I know (36 years behind the wheel with zero at-fault wrecks (rear-ended twice, t-boned twice; ZERO moving violations). I was taught to drive by two racecar drivers, and it shows. I took a defensive driving course through our Mercedes club about five years ago, and it included a four-hour stint on an autocross track. The instructors told my husband that I'm "a natural" on the track and behind the wheel. lol Maybe it's genetic...

Since I don't have any friends within 500 miles, it is not a problem with me. The missus will defer to me. I vacuum the car every week, cannot stand crud.

Would you ever tell someone you didn't want to drive in their car because you felt their car wasn't safe????

Their car or their driving? I'll assume you meant the latter, Always1stepbehind. I'm guessing from all your question marks that you would never do that. Most of the time I've finessed the situation; it isn't hard to do. But I did have to address it once.

I have several friends who enjoy jazz and ethnic foods, and we go out together from time to time. One of them lives between me and most of the venues, so for some time our practice was for me to drop my car at his house and go in his car, with him driving. I was the designated driver on the way back.

But a couple of years ago I had to tell him from now on I'd meet him at the venue. I didn't want to ride with him anymore because his driving made me uncomfortable. Of course he wanted to know why, so I told him. He holds the steering wheel with one finger--just one finger hooked over it. (I once lost a wheel at about 50 mph, so I know what a bad idea this is.) His speed is maddeningly erratic, ranging from passing everyone in sight to going dangerously slow if he's involved in conversation and gets distracted. He has managed to avoid accidents, although the last time I rode with him he backed up out of his driveway into another car, doing some damage.

He's a nice person who lives a free-wheeling lifestyle. He probably thought I was being neurotic about car safety, but he never said it, and we're still friends. I think my instinct for self-preservation is healthy. My husband was very safety conscious, and I'm grateful for that. He had seat belts installed in our vehicles in the 1960's, and we had smoke alarms (at $115 apiece) in our house before most people even heard of them.

I have kin that ae forever talkin or texting on their cell phones, an I will call a cab before climbing in a car with them.

I love my sister but the way she accelerates then lets the car coast then accelerates again makes me queasy on a long drive. I prefer an even speed and a slower stop, not a race up to the light and jam on the brakes as so many people like to do now. Why do people hurry up for those red lights? I used to have a friend who turned left at the last minute before oncoming cars. It made me crazy so I quit riding with him. He always said that car could outperform anyone else's but why test it?! For heaven's sake I'd be the first one to get hit! I also dated a guy who got mad and leaned out the window to pound on the window of the guy in the lane next to us. I'm driving on the freeway and this fellow is stretched out past his belt buckle yelling at the top of his lungs. I couldn't do that again so we stopped dating. It was terrifying.

Being a passenger with my ex husband driving was a nightmare. I still have flashbacks!

DH is a great driver-very comfortable with him.

There are some people I won't ride with. Those who drink, or who text, even at red lights. People who "weave" at high speeds in traffic.

I was with a friend who was checking his phone while we were merging onto the freeway. I told him to put it away and he got angry with me for "implying he can't handle himself." I will never, ever drive with him again and I just pray he doesn't kill someone someday. Despite a hefty ticket, he still uses his phone while driving. Drives me nuts.

Yes, I have a friend who drives as an afterthought! Has totalled one car. Can't trust her at all.

I asked at the senior centre as they have volunteer drivers if they are good and do they know if they are? One lady I did drive with her and oh, my goodness it was awful, then she phoned up to tell me on and on and on about this accident she had and police had to come. And also how another place she put her name on for volunteer driving told her she had to go see this doctor and go back on her medication? This other member told me she and another lady went in the car and she went all over the place, I said yes, she goes her own way and they were scared. They said they will no longer go with her.

I mentioned to this person that we go to alot of appointments etc. with and that he parks like my dad where I can't find room or barely get my foot down on the street due to the curb too far away and don't want to fall. And yes, I have had to say I can't get out and can you pull back and I will get out and then when come out, can you come back so I can get in.

I had to many times go and sit in drivers seat due to my dad and his hearing and scaring me that I would get by a car coming straight at me with dad turning left. He would go in somewhere and I would be sitting in the drivers seat with spare keys and he said you driving, yes, I am. I was ready to take away the keys from him to not drive at all and then he finally decided to go and get hearing aids and it was good but then he got the old age reflexes and he couldn't get the car in completely into a parking spot and I told him he is doubling parking and taking up two spaces. And just other things and the scary thing is riding with him all the time I picked up his driving habits and started doing it myself. Its a very hard decision to tell you own self to give up driving as you age, there are tons of appointments to go too and groceries, errands and such. Yes, there are for elderly certain things there is taxi savers but heard they aren't much, then bus passes and handy dart if you qualify to go on one. Here where I live they do appointments certain days, drop you off and then pick you up but you have to work those times though. And take the bus trips to malls to pick up drugstore items and food items you like on hand and other things needed. They go on other trips to places too so it gets you and about and with others. But so many are stuck with not those things and no help. Here they do have volunteers to drive you to places,etc. and so its up to you to find out about their driving skills.

Kathleen, that's a good point about volunteer drivers. I hadn't thought about that, although we've had concerns about one or two school bus drivers over the years.

I'm comfortable with most of my friends and family as drivers, but I generally am the one to drive for some reason.

My mother's driving scared the life out of me and I never let my DD be in a car driven by my mother, ever. DFIL (now passed away) got a little erratic towards the end and family outings became a little nerve wracking for me so we'd offer to drive. I've also had a couple of friends whose driving scared me to death so I would always get in first and offer to drive. If they tried to insist I'd just say, "I'm such a control freak I make a poor passenger, really it's just easier if I drive" with a smile.

I hate DH's driving (too casual an attitude for my taste) but I'll never change him.

Nearly 36 years ago I was being given a ride to my car by someone whose driving I had always trusted. Have you ever been a passenger in a car that ran into a concrete wall? I have, and I don't recommend it. (And, needless to say, I was never again a passenger in any car driven by that person.)

Since then I have been the passenger in cars driven by my husband and my sister, and feel "somewhat" ok, but I will never not be a Nervous Nellie passenger. I am much, much, much more comfortable when I am driving. I love my car and love driving it, so it works out just fine. :-)

And if a situation arises where someone whose driving I haven't experienced (or I have but didn't like it), I am not at all hesitant to say why I won't ride with them as a passenger. I don't even have to bring up their driving ability (or lack thereof). All I have to do is be honest and say that I am a lousy passenger and cannot take the stress of being a passenger.

Yes, I have a friend that I occasionally ride with because I don't drive much at night anymore. Her driving makes me nervous. A couple years ago I rode with someone from my church. Her driving made me very nervous and I decided to never ride with her again. That will never happen because she had a bad accident, was in the hospital with a head injury and now her children wont let her get another car.

Forty years later, I remember riding with a driver who accelerated/coasted/hit the gas again. She was a realtor who was showing me houses. I gave her the benefit of the doubt once, thinking she was distracted by business. On our second -- and last -- outing, I smelled alcohol.

Our county's newly elected coroner has raised five kids. He's initiating talks in our schools, trying to prevent the "accidental" deaths he's sees daily. Distracted driving is the #1 problem killing and maiming young drivers, their passengers, and other people sharing the road. Heroin is right up there, too. Yes, you can become addicted after 'just one time', and that 'first time' can KILL you. These two things have overtaken drunk driving as a teen killer in many places.

I drive a lot. I used to put about 50,000 miles a year on my cars. I am home more now, but I still put about 30,000 miles a year on one because I am so far from everything. I don't like riding with anyone. That includes my husband. Fortunately, he doesn't like to drive, so if we go somewhere together, he is fine with me driving. He isn't a terrible driver, but he speeds up and slows down constantly. Like he is pedaling a bicycle. Really sets my nerves on edge. If I go somewhere with anyone, I usually drive....if I don't, I wish I had. My best friend....my junk friend...and I go to the big antique show and sale in Warrenton twice a year. It is like a flea market that goes on for miles. The one time I rode with him, he put his truck on cruise control and would fly right up behind someone. That is my worst pet peeve about riding with anyone....following too close. Yes...I will tell people I don't want to ride with them. I usually solve that though by offering to do the driving....or meeting them at the destination.

I seldom ride when others are driving, but don't usually worry with some that I do ride with, e.g. to the monthly investment meeting.

But ... I hitch-hike occasionally ... so I guess you'd have to say that I'll pretty well ride with anyone.

ole joyful

Raven, some idiot parked their car so close to mine I doubt any passenger could have gotten out. And I could NOT get back INTO my own car to leave without climbing in on the passenger side. This was not remotely easy, as I am six foot one, with two bum knees, and all the driving mechanisms situated between the passenger and driver seats. If I were the type, I'd have loved to key his (her?) car. If the cretin had shown up while I was going thru these painful contortions, I'd have let him have it full verbal.

It wasn't like the parking lot was remotely full, either.

Years of driving with my husband has left me gun shy and I always like to drive if I can.

This reminded me. I had a niece who lived about 3 hours from me, in east Texas. She and her husband used to come see us every now and then. (They've both passed on now). She had never got a driver's license. Never had driven. But when they came to see us, when they left, I found out, he couldn't see well, so she steered and he worked the gas, changing gears, etc. Holy cow! I remember one time after they left, we needed to go to town for something, and my husband said, "Do you think they have already gotten on down the road?" Meaning, we didn't want to be on the road with them anywhere near by.

Some of these stories are truly scary! One of my girlfriends recently found out her FIL and MIL were 'sharing' driving duties. Just as in Marilyn's tale - he drove but couldn't see well so she steered. At least it was an automatic. My friend and her husband took the keys away and sold their car.

I can honestly say that there's only one person that I'd prefer not to have drive. Actually it's the same friend I just mentioned above. She's fine as a driver but she grew up in Philly and has no qualms about honking the horn if she gets annoyed with another driver. That's fine if their car is veering into your lane or pulling out too close to you but she'll honk if another driver won't let her merge in front of them - and we'll talking about the suburbs where if she just waited a moment she could readily merge behind them. And she's been known to lower her window and yell.

Well I guess I should admit that when I took my DS to Ireland a few years ago I hired a driver. I wasn't keen on driving myself or being a passenger when driving on the opposite side of the road - or even worse - when entering one of their numerous traffic circles.

Since I got my license I've often been the person who drives. I got to the point I was very uncomfortable when I wasn't driving. Much was just that I was fidgety and didn't know what to do with myself while riding. Riding is boring to me. I'm better now and can ride with a good driver but there's so many bad ones out there. I got stuck 20 miles from my car one time when I rode with someone (they left without me) and since then I've always wanted to have my own vehicle. Plus, often, when I "caravan" with others, I've had to help them out when they have car trouble. They wouldn't even carry tools with them or extra oil, antifreeze or wash fluid. I've saved the day countless times by being prepared.

I have even been driving myself to the ER when needed. And I know I won't be asking my sister for a ride there if it happens again. Middle of the night, nobody around and she's sitting waiting for the light to change to get onto the freeway entrance ramp! (SMH) I just yelled GO! "Well the light is red!" I told her there's nobody around, it's the middle of the night and we're not going to the mall, we're going to the emergency room so either go, or move and I'll drive. There were also some choice words going through my mind at the time.

As I get more crippled in my old age, I will say I've been fortunate with (most of) my friends being very considerate about offering to drop me off at the door or something to accommodate needs when we're out, whether necessary or not. If I'm hurting real bad sometimes I'll take my cripple card so we can park closer.

However, I'm about to the point where I'm considering refusing to ride with anyone who has a smartphone unless they've proven themself to be responsible.