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The Kitchen Table
cherryfizz

A Sad Update

9 years ago

We got a call Monday morning my sister had a bed waiting at Hospice and to be there by noon. we had a first good day, the place was beautiful, the volunteers and staff were wonderful but Marjorie started to decline as they tried to find the right mix of medications to give her. I was concerned at her rapid decline since leaving my house and had concerns over one of the medications they were giving her that I asked to speak to the Doctors on Friday. They said they had found the right mix of medications they would start that evening on a continuous IV, since we weren't able to go to the Dec 12 appointment at the Cancer Clinic I asked about the results of her previous scans and the Doctors said she had more than one tumour on her lungs which did affect her breathing but did not have cancer any where else in her body including her brain. They said she could live 3 weeks, 3 months or even longer. The night before I had cried for 2 hours over how much my sister changed in a few short days under their care which is why I wanted to speak to someone and they answered my questions and I felt they were doing the best for my sister. Hospice is a beautiful place, my sister had a suite, an outside patio if the weather was nicer a huge picture window beside her bed, a seating area with an electric fireplace and pull out bed for family, a kitchenette with refrigerator, huge walk in bathroom and shower and a bird feeder outside her window, leather lift recliner and the use of an Ipad. Marjorie went into Hospice on Monday and passed away on Friday December 9th at 6:00 p.m.

The first day was a good day and the last day was a fairly good day. She was more alert and talking, I was able to give her some porridge, then for lunch a few spoonfuls of broccoli soup and we turned on Murdoch Mysteries and she mentioned how short the main character was. Earlier as we were sitting there my sister in law said there was a cardinal at the bird feeder and I said I didn't know if that was a good sign or a bad sign. Shelley had never heard that cardinals sightings can mean the spirit of a loved one is visiting you. My sister believed in things like that.

My cousin's wife had called Marjorie from St. Louis, MO but we had left the room because they were mopping the floors so we talked to Christine in the hallway. When we went back into the room we called Christine back and put her on speaker phone so Marjorie could talk to her and Marjorie was happy to hear from her and hear about the poodles that my sister loved. She visited family in St. Louis frequently. Santa and Mrs Clause came in at 5:30 and Marjorie had her picture taken with them haha which she probably didn't like because her hair hadn't been coloured in a while and was meant to be done on the weekend. After they left Marjorie's dinner was brought in and it was mashed potatoes and gravy, she wan't able to eat the ribs. I fed her because she was so shaky from the medications I was pleased she ate it all. Before each forkful I put in her mouth I asked her if she had swallowed her food and she jokingly stuck her tongue out at me twice. She asked for a sip of coffee so I put a straw in the cooled down coffee and she took a sip but nothing came out of the straw so I said take another sip which she did. I took it away from her mouth, she got this funny look on her face so I thought she was choking but she wasn't, she was breathing and able to whisper something which I didn't hear, she wasn't turning blue but I told her to cough anyway but she didn't. I told my sister in law to call the nurse and Marjorie just put her head down on her chest like she just fell asleep and I knew she was gone. The nurse rolled her on her side and patted her back but I knew because Marjorie had a DNR they wouldn't try anything to revive her. She was just gone like that. Of course I started crying and believing something I did caused her death because I gave her that sip of coffee. They said she hadn't choked so it wasn't my fault, she just went peacefully. It is all too shocking. Shelley said, "see that cardinal came to take her away to be with her loved ones" She said I knew then when I saw the cardinal that something was going to happen.

We went back to Shelley and Raymond's afterwards and my 2 nieces stayed home and my 2 brothers came over and I made phone calls to other members of my family to let them know. The girls went to the LCBO so we had something to toast Marjorie. She would have loved being with us as we told stories and laughed. The girls sobbed as I gave them Marjorie's ring to share. My older brother said "let's spin the bottle to see who is next because it was only a few years ago my sister Lizzie passed away. I am the last sister standing. Won't be the same with 4 brothers like it is having sisters to call and talk to.

It is a bit overwhelming for me at the moment. We had made arrangements for her cremation the day before because Hospice wanted to know where she was to go in the event that she passed away. We have to clear out her apartment by the end of the month, she left no will but really didn't have any assets. I will have to talk to a lawyer about what we have to do next. We just had her sign papers so we could file all her back tax returns that I have been pestering her to do for years because she would have been receiving rebate cheques all that time. So there is money coming from that which will now have to go into an estate account and be probated. I am her beneficiary on her life insurance as she was on mine so that money will go to pay for the cremation and burial costs when that happens in the spring. My cousin has extra family plots that my Grandparents bought in the 1940's and I asked if I could have one of them to put the cremains of my Mom, my sister Lizzie and Marjorie. haha only 3 per plot so I will be left out somewhere by myself. At least I can laugh. Things will just be messy for awhile until we get it sorted out and my sister in law has been a great help.

A few weeks ago Marjorie and I were talking about members in my family who have passed on and all had the number 9 in their lives whether it is a birth date, how old they were when the passed or the date of death or wedding anniversary. Marjorie found that fascinating and she always thought about that. Marjorie died December 9th. I still haven't cried since the night I was concerned about her at Hospice. It hasn't sunk in yet that she is gone. I thought I heard her calling my name the other night and I woke up. Marjorie suffered her entire life with some serious health issues, she was the strongest woman I knew. She never let any of her illnesses strike her down. Until now at the age of 77, she no longer has to fight to stay strong. Her body is at peace.

One good thing for me in all this sadness and stress. One less stress is being removed from my life on December 16. I will be free of that rental house, the roofer bought it, he will put a new roof on my house and in the new year my ceilings can be repaired. After the mortgage is paid off there won't be much left over and that is okay, I will be rid of that house. My sister was so happy for me that I was able to sell it.

Featured Answer
  • 9 years ago

    Anne, I'm so sorry to learn your sister passed away! I'm sure you hoped you might have one last Christmas with her, but it wasn't meant to be. Please be assured that you were a very compassionate and loving caregiver and I know how much she must have appreciated that her sister was always there for her, in her time of need.

    Sounds like you come from a large family. I still have all my siblings, two sisters and two brothers, and just thinking about losing one of them (if I'm not gone first) is upsetting. I can only wish you peace in knowing that you had no control over when Marjorie was meant to leave this Earth, and she knew how very much she was loved.

    I thought I'd share a conversation I had with my mother, who also passed at this time of year, (in 2002, of a stroke) if you think a little chuckle might lift your spirits. But otherwise, please skip the following paragraph as I certainly don't want to offend you in any way!

    My mother always had a great sense of humour, and two things that made her happy, were a good meal and a good sale. I once jokingly threatened her to never die near the Christmas season, saying I didn't think I could ever be happy at that time of year again, if she did. Well she laughed and said, "Nonsense, Christmas season is the best time to go!! I don't want anyone moping around when I'm gone, and when there's so much going on, you just don't have the spare time to stay down in the dumps! In fact, if I have any say, I'd like to leave on Christmas night with a full stomach and if there's snow outside, you can keep me on ice 'til you've got all your Boxing Week shopping done!" Well, I laughed at that, and the year she died, she didn't quite pass on Christmas night, but on the evening of the 29th...though it was indeed after a day of delicious meals and we'd just finished our Boxing Week shopping!

    Anne, I wish you a wonderful Christmas with the rest of your family, and I know you'll all have Marjorie in your hearts then and always.



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