I can honestly say that I know how you feel, Noni... I didn't admit to myself that I was so damaged until I started going to the chiropractor, to try keeping some kind of alignment to relieve the extra pain. After hearing him "ooh" and "oh, my" my films, I asked him how bad he thought it all was. He said I won't ever be fixed, per se, but we can maybe slow down the degeneration a bit by fine tuning on a regular basis. I don't know what I would do without my doctors, and without my very understanding husband. They said "no" to steroids, "no" to anything that doesn't truly help, and "yes" to diet. So, I maintain through a mostly organic, natural diet, and I use a heavy duty pain mask. That's it. No newfangled medications with more side effects than good effects. I detoxified my body of the poisons associated with today's commercial food source, and I eat only natural, organically grown foods. It does help... a lot more than you might think. I also take food grade DE, which helps... and purified fish oil. It sounds like you are at the point my husband was at many years ago. He had been through everything possible, including spinal cortisone shots, which are only temporary... and moved on to nerve block shots. The nerve block helped his neck, but did nothing for his back. The only thing left is surgery, and the odds are not good enough to think about it. The odds include permanent paralyzing. His problems are from massive trauma, though... where yours and mine are from incurable issues... yours, specialized arthritis... mine, lupus plus trauma results. There's nothing to be done. We have to learn what works the best for us, and for me that's maintaining a natural diet and covering the pain. I just do what I can do, and try hard not to think about things negatively. I only do what my body allows me to do... though I sometimes can't help overdoing it to get things done. And I enjoy as much of life as I possibly can... I stop to smell every rose. :-) I know my issues aren't temporary, but I don't have any time line stating what will happen, either! We are certainly lucky that we get to enjoy Mother Nature's bounty, aren't we?! Nothing is over until we say it is... and I'm not quite ready to give up! I suspect you aren't, either! :-) I admit that winter is a bit depressing... and I'd be frustrated by greenhouse loss and deer damage, too... but I just keep plugging away at it, one thing at a time. I have faith that good karma will, indeed, wash over us... life can't be all bad. I do know how you feel, though... I struggle every day, too. We're not alone, and we are lucky to have our families, who understand us and help us so much... and such great friends who share their gardens and bulbs and help us get through the cold months. I hope you're getting the good vibes I'm sending, cause I'm sending tons... :-) Can you run a dehumidifier and extra fans in your greenhouse? That might help a little more. I know I have some modifications to make to mine before next spring... the fans I have are not enough, and I need a mist system, or something resembling one. I have all winter to figure it out. We've reached those dark, rainy, depressing days signaling that autumn is almost over and winter is right around the corner. I still have to roll up a few sections of soaker hose and get them stored, and I still need to dig up my Colocasia bulb and store it. I also need to dump some mulch on certain areas of the beds, and put the potted roses inside the garage for their dormancy, but that needs to wait until temperatures dip lower. I think we're both wrestling with the inevitable fact that we can't do as much as we once could. It's so frustrating, I know. I feel betrayed by my own body. I can't lift, can't move certain things, can't even open jars which were so easy only a few years ago. I feel weak, and I don't like to ask for help. It seems silly, when I should be able to do all these things myself. Right now, at this very moment, I'm having my breakfast of coffee and meds, and I'm useless until they take effect. Then, the pain resides, and I have a false sense of normalcy for a while... so I'll use that time to get as much work done as possible... until it's time for the next dose, and so on. And I'm thankful that modern medicine can help to some small extent. I wish we lived closer, Noni... I'd love to help you with your Dahlias and Hippis, and you could help me with my roses... and together, we'd conquer the issues that plague all gardeners! :-)

I'm old enough to remember when Twinkies first came out and they had a REAL cream filling! My Twinkie story is from a home magazine, of all places. They were highlighting loft conversions, when this was still an emerging trend. One was a beautiful, high-ceilinged industrial loft in an old factory - that used to make Twinkies. I admired the brick walls, the giant windows, the clever remodeling they had done to turn it into a home. But it wasn't until I read the text that said: "...And we just left the pipes up there exposed. Those are the old pipes where they used to move the Twinkie cream filling across the building. When they closed the factory down, they just left the filling, still in the pipes. Who knows, maybe it's still good after fifty years?" Holy cow! They live under gallons of Twinkie cream filling?!? (These were very big pipes, several of them crossing through the length of their apartment) All I could think of was, "Boy, I hope they never have a fire there - think melted fake cream filling, smoke and water, making an oozing mess all over your living space!"

Peren.all - Astilboides is one of my favorite plants! I'm a sucker for big leaves :-). I usually cut the flowers down pretty quick as they are a distraction from the leaf display! These Astilboides in our north alley garden bask in water delivered by a (buried under the path) pipe from the end of a downspout at the back corner of the house. The neighbour next door also directs water to them from one of their downspouts. I have another Astilboides elsewhere in the garden that doesn't have a source of extra water and it is pathetic in comparison to these ones: What are you other favorite big leafed plants?

Here's my deer. He sits on my living room hearth most of the time, but on our dining room table, as well. Brass. Heavy. 20-inches long. 20-inches tall. Most likely from India. I saw his twin on EBay last year. The seller had it priced at $500. As much as I love mine, I don't think he's worth $500!