Gosh, I was really touched by your story. First of all, let me tell you how very sorry I am about Toby. My lab just turned 11, so I know I might have a few years left with him if it is in God's plan. He is my pride and joy and I know I will be devastated when he has to go. That said, what I came away with from your list of dear loved ones that have passed on...is that you have lost so many dear to you..but when you flip that around it means you have been so blessed to have that much love surround you your entire life. Many people don't have anyone or hardly anyone in their lives that mean so much to them. I know it doesn't make the hurt any less. My mama has been gone for close to 2 years and hardly a day goes by that I don't miss her so much it feels the world is crushing me. But I take one day at a time knowing she wouldn't want me sad all the time. And I have had several signs from her. I can imagine her shaking her head and saying 'what else do I have to do to let you know I am okay?' LOL> They have been pretty strong signals. Anyway, thanks so much for sharing and I hope catalogueing all of the love you have been shown through the years helped and was a little therapeutic for you. Duane

Have you made any decisions about the cats yet? Three cats are a lot for a one bedroom apartment - on the other hand . . . . I foster dogs for a rescue, and I was on my 15th dog that had come through for fostering - I only own one and thought it would stay that way - but she was in a simliar situation where she hadn't had a good life and was making small steps day to day here and we couldn't stand the thought of her having to start all over again elsewhere - so she's ours now - Now we own two and are fostering one - but we're NOT going to own more than two! Good luck with your decision - go with your instincts, you (& they) know when they have found their home-

I'm so sad for you, Shey. You are NOT a failure; I'm amazed you keep trying in the face of such a lack of support. It is not failing to not be able to achieve the unachievable...would you consider yourself a failure if you tried to fly by jumping off the roof, and didn't fly? You should also show your BF this post, it is so articulate and sums up the disconnect between your attitudes well. But I was thinking of some answers you could give to BF's accusations as well. I've regrouped them a little as some pretty well fall into the same territory. You don't hug the kids enough, you're not affectionate with them. Why don't you treat my kids like I treat yours!?! You were really quiet with them today, what's wrong with you? - Because they don't care to be hugged by me, talk to me or even to spend time with me. This is evidenced by the fact that they never initiate conversation with me, ask me not to be at their events, and ask to be alone with you. I would love to be more affectionate with them but since they don't like it I try not to irritate them by offering unwanted hugs or chit chat. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in my own home, but I do it because I know you want to stay close to your children. But they're picky eaters you know that, I don't want them to go hungry! -Well, I don't want them to go hungry either. If you have a better idea of what they'd like to eat, why don't you cook while they are here? I'm trying my best to make meals they will like, but clearly it's not working. Let's try a different tack. I'm going to have 'family time' with the kids separate as that is what they have asked for... You always wait for me to suggest something, don't you want to see us? Let's spend less time together because they need me. -I would dearly love for us all to spend time together but if your children prefer not to then I am content that they should spend time alone with you, since I don't want to upset them. It's hard to suggest things to do when I know they would prefer I was out of the picture altogether. Well, I can't do anything about what she says or does can i! -No, you can't, but it would be nice if you were more sympathetic to how it makes me feel so that I felt you were on my side. They're struggling with their mother, what am I supposed to do, lose my kids?!? -Of course not, but I feel this issue is driving a wedge between us that is going deeper and deeper. I feel you think I've failed somehow and I don't know what else I could do to encourage your children to like me. What would you suggest? If this situation doesn't improve, I feel it's going to eventually turn into our discussing whether our relationship is worth continuing with. I am very unhappy with things as they are and would dearly love for things to improve but for this to happen we both need to be on the same side and working together toward the same goal.

She ended up with the perfect parents for her after all! her story is inspiring! Amazing girl! See if there are any volunteering opportunities that might work with her physical limitations by looking online at volunteer match. Maybe answering phones or sitting at a receptionist desk for an organization could work. Joining a book club or how about taking her to bingo? Churches might have some young adult activities. Many have websites now so you can check on those. I'm not really sure, but hospitals seem to have volunteers running the visitor desk. She might like that atmosphere since her dream was to be an MD. Not sure if being there would be risky health-wise? Micheals offers craft , cake decorating and sewing classes.