I agree with all that Robo shared above.. also, if there are special dishes that would be surely missed, let the caterer know upfront. Some will do tasting menus for you-- many do not.

I've used restaurants and caterers-- both with delicious results. The real bonus with a caterer is presentation IMO. They do a much better job than even the best restaurants. Also, they will often do centerpieces and other flowers/arrangements as desired. Same with servers.

Even if you don't use servers (your thoughts make sense), I would consider a bartender or drink server. I've know people to hire college kids to do this.. it's a nice touch.

I think as the date approaches you will be so glad you went this route. You will be able to enjoy your guests and DH.. and not miss a single thing!

I've not used a caterer for personal parties but work often with them for professional events. A few thoughts:

-Before you call anyone, have a budget in mind and a general idea of what you want to do; sounds like you already have a direction with the 'heavy appetizers'. Be aware that there may not be a cost savings using appetizers v. a main dish because caterers often charge per count and ordering a lot of different apps can really add up fast

-Speaking of budgets, don't be afraid to ask the caterer how you can save money. Some things can be trimmed with little effect such as using (nice) disposable utensils and plates--and some things may be non negotiable such as having nice china and silver :). It's a very individual area so don't be afraid to ask where and how you can/should scrimp and where you should go big

-Be open to listening to a caterer's ideas. They do this every day, so even going in with your budget in mind and an idea of what you want, let them throw out some suggestions once you start discussing your party

-You might want to rethink having staff/servers. Friends and volunteers are nice but you can't deal with them in a 'businesslike' way and if you are already going to the expense of using a caterer, a few hours of help may not add too much to the final bill

-If you can find anyone who has direct experience, ask for names of caterers with proven track records, from friends or colleagues who used X and can confirm X did a great job. Catering is one of those aspects of an event that if done well is invisible, if done poorly will ruin your evening and be talked about for a long time and not in a good way!

Hahaha, great minds sure do think alike!

Great advice - thanks! I have some good referrals so I'm set there. I'm not concerned about the cost of meal vs apps. I just think the apps approach is a better fit for this crowd. And I don't mind paying someone to help but I know my helpful friends will want something to do. Only having beer, wine and non-alcohol drinks so I don't think I need a bartender. I won't rule anything out at this point and will talk to the catering folks about all options.

To add to the excellent suggestions above, with as many as 40 guests having a server or two could be a really good investment - passing goodies, keeping the food table replenished and pretty, picking up plates and glasses, tidying up. I sometimes also add to the scene cheese and condiments (e.g. olives) and maybe pate or coldcut trays that I prepare myself. I don't see the value-added to having the caterer doing something so simple. Rental glassware and plates also simplifies, just put the dirty ones back in the crates.

DD and SO just had a party and it was catered by their favorite Mexican restaurant which also offers a catering service. Actually, many restaurants offer a catering sevice. Here in Tx we have many Bar-b-q restaurants which offer the sevice. Most restaurants have on line sites and i'm sure catering is mentioned on their site.

My one experience was when we hosted DS rehearsal dinner at our home. We had a meal, but it was such that you didn't need to be sitting or using a knife to cut. We had apps first in a stationary location with one app (DSs favorite bacon wrapped scallops) passed. We also had a bartender located in a different room than the food to help with traffic flow. I think we only had beer, wine, soda, and water. The bartender helped with clearing dishes and glasses which we rented.

Thinking back, it was one of the most enjoyable parties I've ever hosted because I wasn't exhausted from cooking all day and could actually talk with people. One other suggestion if you don't already do this. Have someone clean your house. That was a godsend!

I would add that, even if they are highly recommended, I would want to taste their food first.

And, hire cleaning help for before, during and after the party. That person can also keep the food fresh, etc.

I use caterers several times a week... from 15 ppl to 50. It's always food delivered and then leftovers picked up later; there is never a server. What I need to tell them when I call: date of event, eat time/set up time/pickup time after, address for delivery, menu choices. I either pick exactly what I want or give a general idea. They're used to helping there. I schedule a few days ahead for most. If it was something like this, I'd just book as soon as possible to have it solidified. Finally, I need to know my general budget to make sure the selections are aligned... price per head, is there a delivery fee, etc... I ask for a price total at the end if it's not volunteered. That's about it. It's not too complicated if you already have reputable choices. In your case, you might want to inquire about decor or look at photos online to make sure it meets your needs.

I've never used a caterer, but been curious about tipping the servers and how that amt is based