It's a personal thing for me, but I do believe that you are over-sharing with these people. They will never be happy, and I'd cut way back on how much you actually tell them. Back off a bit. You are sending them somewhat mixed signals.

But they will never be happy. Don't make excuses or give reasons. just say no. Be sure that you both are on the same page here, a united front. If you are close to your parents, then don't talk to the in-laws about what interactions your children have with other grandparents. Don't discuss sleep-overs or details or anything.

I feel for you, but you are doing your best. Just back away from them.

I dont discuss my parents to them, however my husband does unfortunately. As for the friend sleepovers I think thats exciting to the kids thats why I shared it. I understand what you mean by maybe there being mixed signals, but I feel like its my way of being comfortable in helping them bond without saying here have my kids, you know?

Yes, but you are just giving them fuel. Be more judicious about what you say. Back off. Doesn't mean that you cut it off, just add more filters and edit more. And get your husband on the same page.

BB, I don't see any problem with risk to the kids, but I did see a huge problem with boundaries. The grandparents have been continuously pushing the boundaries that the parents are most comfortable with. I think boundaries are entirely appropriate in this case, and the parents deserve to have their wishes respected.

I think BB made some good points. Sure, in-laws provide unwanted advice and can be critical. (Ask me how I know.) That's what they do.

Do you and your husband feel that his parents would be adequate babysitters? If you have no reason to believe they wouldn't be able to provide good care, why don't you let them try? Because you are punishing them?

I don't believe I would let two children AND a two-month-old baby stay, but I don't see a problem with the older two. They are the kids' grandparents, for heaven's sake. I assume they love the kids. By the way, how do the kids feel about them?

Do your kids stay with your parents? And has your husband told them that?

How does your husband feel about this overall? They are his parents, after all.

The OP seems to feel bullied by these people. She has every right to set boundaries and avoid escalation.

I'm not sure if she is being bullied or if there are just misunderstandings based on communication and the grandparents overeager desire to be involved in their grand children's lives. It depends - wanting to babysit, mistakenly assuming the child would be baptized and wanting to stand up for them, wanting to have more one-on-one time with the kids alone would not constitute bullying in my view. To me, as an adult, the OP should take it upon herself to call a meeting with them and discuss her preferences or requirements for how they communicate. If she doesn't feel prepared to handle that alone she can enlist a counselor or coach. If they are calling her names, criticizing her as a bad mother for her decisions, or undermining her relationship with her children then I agree boundaries are very important. However, even then I would consider whether it was possible to communicate directly with them (or offer to meet with them with a counselor or family coach to support communication without escalation) so they have a chance to change and grow. If not, her responsibility is done.

Mothers know that children have a right to have a relationship with their grand parents, and that these relationships are very important (research bears this out, as well as human kindness). I had to sort out where I needed to take care of my feelings versus my son's need to have a positive relationship with my father at times - I was just thinking the other day of how glad I am that I generally chose in favor of their positive relationship (within reason of course). Of course, if grand parents are putting their DIL down to her children or not being caring in their interactions with the children or violating family values that is another matter and I am ALL in favor of boundaries in those cases.

Don't know everyone involved or all the dynamics, so can't give a definitive yes or no in response to your question. Does your husband feel the same way you do? Why? Is he close to his parents, or has he gotten more distant since you started a family together? Certainly don't want to push grandparents who were loving parents away too much, nor do you want to influence your husband to exclude his parents in any way. (From your description, it doesn't sound like you've done that.)

On the other hand, there's a difference between one child going to an overnight party with friends and shipping THREE kids to grandparents (with whom they've never stayed before, I presume?) for a whole week. Having them four hours away would be problematic, if they should be uncomfortable, scared, homesick, etc.---which is not uncommon at your children's ages. Also, having a babysitter come and stay with the children in their comfortable home environment is different than sending them away for a week. If you would consider allowing an overnight visit, if there truly are no safety/well-being issues involved. I would suggest maybe just one night. Perhaps your family could go for a visit and the kids could spend the night with grandma and grandpa while you and your husband enjoy a little time away and stay in a nearby motel. That way you could be available if any problems would come up, plus it would be an opportunity to see how it goes. As they get older, perhaps some longer stays would be acceptable, depending on how shorter stays go. Assuming that the grandparents are normal, loving people that just have some problems with boundaries and unsolicited advice, they could be a wonderful resource for you and your husband, as well as your children, and your kids could have some good memories of extended family.

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Have they done anything to harm or neglect the children?

Sounds like you feel they are threatening your "control" issue.

What does your husband, the childrens father, think?