Thanks again for the grounding - and don't apologize for being harsh as it can be good for me to hear. I do feel that I am a peacekeeper way too much at home, but I constantly go back to my own two children and I guess I'm trying to protect them from heated battles in front of them or worse - a divorce. I'm to a point now where I seriously wonder whether a divorce might be better on everyone given the angst involved. @ annkathryn: I realize the stipulations of the 529K. What I would do would be to drop his $12,000 into my younger kids' 529 funds which I started for each basically when they were 1. The idea then would be to stop funding those two accounts for a while and pay my SS the amount per month that would normally go to those two accounts until he reaches the $12K. To add insult to this injury, both SS and my wife feel that's too long a time to get the money and would insist I take it out of savings and pay the savings back over time. Seriously, I look back over this stuff and I say to myself "How is it that I can even consider that I'm NOT in the right here". As right as I may be, my wife is so narrowly focused and impervious to reason that she literally goes haywire when I push these buttons. But this is a stepfamily forum and not a divorce forum so let me throw another question in there. My wife and I had a real blow-out this morning over the SS again because now her contention is that her SS is the way he is because I have been a failure as a father to him. She'll admit I was great to him up until he started failing college, but from there I've not been his buddy like she would have hoped. She wants me to take him golfing, to take him on a trip with me somewhere, and to basically put my arm around him and say, "Hey buddy, what can I do to help you in your life." Without the full-on story with this, fact is I have been the one that has tried to help him map his life, and he doesn't ever seem interested. I WAS the one taking him to court, dealing with lawyers, etc when he's had his recent troubles. But I see the way he acts with the money issues above, I see him flick his cigarette butts around the yard and not care, I see his trash he leaves by the driveway every other day because he does not want it in his car, and I still have his texts demanding the child support money because it is his. Frankly, I have no desire to hang around with a person like that. I guess I should be the better person and try harder to mentor him, but I just feel such anger with the way he feels the world owes him stuff that I find myself uninspired. Am I wrong? Do I need to suck it up and be better about this? Is my wife correct when she tells me that I am failing him? This has even more emphasis today - the day after Father's Day. Stepson said nothing to me the whole day. I know I'm not is bio-dad, but in the past he has thanked me for basically fulfilling the role. Guess I shouldn't feel too bad - he said nothing to his bio-dad either.

Thanks everyone for your insight and input. Your comments fit right in with what friends tell me but I kind of wanted to get an unbiased opinion from people who don't know me. I have to agree that the whole thing is creepy and fishy. I cannot imagine not seeing or contacting my children for such a long time in the first place, but of course he says that is all my fault. I can't imagine not wanting to spend every second with them if I hadn't seen them in such a long time. He is such a creep. I have heard over and over again that I had no right to "take his children" away from him and that because of ME he has no relationship with them. Ummm...not buying that one buddy. When I was growing up I had one Grandma in the UK, one across the country and both of them managed to create and maintain a relationship with me back in the days when there was no email, no free/cheap long distance, and certainly little face-to-face contact. I seldom saw them but when I did we were comfortable with each other because we had a long-standing relationship. Why were my Grandmothers able to do that and my ex is not able to do so with his own children?? Because it was a priority to my Grandmas to nurture a bond and it obviously isn't a priority for him. He takes the easy way out by blaming it on someone else. Unfortunately what this entire situation has taught me is that the legal system is really, really messed up. Even though he has abused and stalked me, I CANNOT keep him away from his children because he has never "harmed" his children. I was warned of that in court by the judge who oversaw our case...my God, how could his behavior have NOT harmed our children? So the option of not allowing unsupervised visits is really not an option. As many of you already know, the court will not back me up until AFTER something happens. That really sucks. Anyway, I've decided that I will email him and tell him that his plans are not acceptable. I will drop the boys off and pick them up...haven't decided if it will be at the hotel or at the police station. I'm going to stop by the station this week and find out what the police would be willing to do...actually I had already planned on explaining the situation to them in advance of his arrival but I need to check if I can do the drop off/pick up there. My boyfriend has already insisted that he be with me no matter where the exchange occurs, even if it is the police station.

Well, I just got OLD in a hurry!!! They are a handsome handful!!! Thank you so much for posting..I'm printing the pictures to replace some that I had from when Kamren was a little boy. It has been so much fun watching them grow up! Do you still have Jillian the pup???? I saved a cute picture of her too :^)

I attended a country 'one room' school in a rural area. [And yes, I and my sister did walk 2 miles to school!] All grades were taught by one teacher and in the same room. However, not all grade years were present at a time since the school enrollment varied from 2 to 10 students. WW2 broke out during my 1st grade year. That had a profound effect on the rural countryside. Many young adult males were drafted, and other renters and share-croppers who were poor, flocked to the cities to war driven jobs. In 1942, there were only 2 students at my school, my sister and myself. Much of the southern Illinois farm population had not recovered from the great depression of the 1930's when war struck. This war was the main driver that changed the mix of the population in the countryside. Listed below are some of the changes that occured: 1. Rural areas were stripped of males aged 18 through 28 years old. 2, Rural population was reduced almost overnight. 3. Most commodities were rationed. Many food items were rationed as well as rubber products. Spices particularily peppers, coffee, and sugar were rationed. However, popcorn was not rationed thus the Saturday matinee had an ample supply of popcorn. 4. 45 mph speed limit on national highways. 5. Governors put on private trucks over a certain size to insure compliance to the speed limit. These govenors were set to no more that 50 mph. Ever try to execute passing a slower vehicle when your vehicle was governor limited - It was a nightmare. 6. Railroads were replacing steam locomotives to diesel units. The war delayed complete replacement, but the replacement process was completed by 1945. I remember seeing a steam locomotive being used as work engine to make up grain trains between two small towns up to 1950, and then these were gone. 7. Copper was considered a strategic material and was seized. The REA electrification of the countryside was put on hold until after the war. That is why city ice-plants continued to exist until 1945 and then were quickly abandoned as electric refrigerators began to populate the countryside. The first electric appliances purchased by a farm family were a refrigerator, electric iron, and vacuum cleaner (listed in order of importance). 8. The one room country grade school was phased out in the 1950s. The first step was consolidation of 2 or more school districts into one. Bussing of students became necessary because the average maximum distance from home to school grew from 2 miles to 5 or more. In the early years of consolidation, the bus service consisted of 'soccer' moms with a station wagon. The school system became totally dependent on having passenger vehicles whereas before, this was not a factor. 9. The use of penicillin and vaccines became available and popluar. 10. Polio was a dreaded disease and infections were active. 11. The horse and buggy largely disappeared by 1925 and the last ones were gone by 1940. Horses as draft animals were mostly gone by 1940. Some farmers in remote locations continued to use horses during the war and these poor souls went broke. 12. Barn constuciton changed. The old style, large 2 storey barns gave way to large shed styles. If you see an old style barn, photograph it. These are disappearing and will not be replaced. Many are now approaching 70 yrs of age, and a number are 100 yrs old. (The exception to this are religious groups who shun modern equipment and continue to use draft animals.)