[Warning-long] I was ready to jump in and say your husband-her son-should be doing more UNTIL...you mentioned he sees his mom every day! I'm in a similar situation; my MIL just turned 90 last week. She lives a couple of blocks away and has dementia; her short term memory is completely shot. She doesn't overtly demand attention as yours is doing, but she has no friends, no activities, no life at all really. So she sits alone all day long. Visits from my husband who stops in twice daily and his brother who comes by weekly are her only contact with the world. What has worked for us is that we divide our commitment to MIL into 'operations' which is my husband's role and 'logistics' which is mine. So for example, he sees her every day, visits, talks, listens to her repeat the same question or phrase, literally, every 2 minutes for the duration of the conversation. I handle the administrative end of her needs: I was the one who figured out how to order copies of her birth certificate needed for ID renewal because she is far too gone to even know she needs one, much less get it. I was the one who advocated for her care, and figured out the billing and financial fallout from the hospital and rehab facilities when she broke her hip-my husband was the one who visited her every single day. I also went to see her but I knew he wouldn't miss a day, and he knew I wouldn't let her be gouged by incorrect charges that would have also freaked out her depression era mind. This balance takes care of her needs and perhaps as importantly it allows each of us to give what we can give best. I am not a patient woman so the dementia-fueled nonsense conversations drive me nuts--not to mention that as her social filters erode she regularly tosses zingers my way with no shame: "Are you wearing THAT to work?" "What happened to your hair? " "I've just never liked professional women". My husband is her adored son and a male. MIL is one of the worst throwbacks to the men-are-gods mindset I've ever met so she never says anything snarky to him. While he doesn't mind answering the same silly question repeatedly, and he is happy to sit and watch tv with her while explaining the plot over and over and over and over, he is terrified and inept at navigating through online or telephone customer service portals and deciphering administrivia paperwork. We also stay in touch with BIL/SIL and try to balance the caretaking with them. Luckily they are both decent people who also want to be sure MIL is ok and it's such a relief not to have it all on our shoulders, although because we're so close we tend to more for her on a daily basis. My husband is a saint, in my book! At this point for your own sanity my advice is pretty simple: stop answering the phone every time she calls. If her own child is visiting *every* *single* *day*, then she isn't left all alone. If she wants or needs more socialization or stimulation then you are actually hindering her taking control of her own life and getting that somewhere-because you are allowing yourself to be used by your MIL in that role. If you are at the point at which you cannot give as much as she is asking of you with grace, it's the sure indicator you need to step back and allow your heart to refill to the point at which you can. Don't try to pour from an empty cup. Just figure out what you can do without resentment, do it and then know in your heart you are doing your best. And please don't lose sight of just what a caring and loving daughter in law you are. Millions of elderly folks live without anyone in their lives. Your MIL is blessed no matter how much or little you handle, whether she knows it or not. Needs also change over time and with elderly relatives the changes are usually more demanding not less. Don't let yourself be drained now because she may well need you at some point for much more than errands and companionship. Taking back your life is going to help her too and taking care of your home and family is going to help your husband, of course. It's not being selfish, it is being wise to stop spreading yourself so thin you are disappearing! Ann

hi there--i just wanted to say that we are about to put in a bigger window and eliminate the corner cabinet, and have an off-center sink. I really want the light and also the coutner space, as you said. It should be done in a week or so--I will try to post pix! Our stove/sink/window layout is the same as yours. also, I don't want to muddy the waters...but just wanted to throw in the idea that maybe no one ever uses your kitchen table in the current setup because of the peninsula, which blocks it off and makes it seem far away. The peninsula seems closer to the action and homier. But I think in your new setup you will have plenty of room for a table, if you want to consider going that route. A nice big table would fit on the wall where your hutch setup is going...if necessary you could make the french door one wider door, maybe with sidelights, to increase the usable space there. You could make up the lost storage from the hutch by having an island with more cabs, and maybe even have some hutch type cabs still on the wall behind the table, with a built-in seat in between. (sorry I am not drawing this like all these software whizzes!) keep in mind that the new island will be more in the middle of things than the current peninsula...and so will the people sitting there. Depending on your cooking style that may or may not be a problem. You could still have a spot for a couple of people to perch at the island, and actually eat at the table (and save your knees!). Just a thought.

Hi winorchids, with that forecast I doubt it would have made it past tomorrow! Definitely keep it protected, if possible bring it inside during the hot part of the day in the lightest part that doesn't have direct Sun. Oops, I just saw that is today, not tomorrow's forecast, so I guess this suggestion is late. You live in a humid place this week. I'm not a big supporter of getting leaves wet in that sort of place, but I'd make an exception tomorrow and lightly spray pure water on the plant to give it a leg up. The box is fine, I use a paper bag loosely around them. I would take the three tomatoes that are blushing and put them close but not touching in the center and then arrangle closely and concentrically the others. Ripening is contagious. You can put a couple of bananas or ripe apples in there too, they all release the same gaseous ripening hormone. "Or do so gradually starting with letting it have only morning sun and increase?" Use your judgement and trust yourself, we might not pick up on what's going on as well as you seeing how it is responding. Watch how it responds and act accordingly. You have the general idea right about getting turgidity and hydration again and then over say 2-3 days getting things back to normal, or whatever it takes. As you say, morning Sun is best. An you have very humid mornings so it doesn't need to be wet then, only around 2:30pm to give it a little boost if you decide to do that. Fine spray, not a drenching works best. Good luck, any other questions just post them. Even if the plant crashes and burns, which I hope won't happen, please let us know. It's really a nice touch to follow up because it won't be long till the next nice gardener in the shadow of Mt. Diablo Googles up your nice pictures and is relieved to see what to do with the same problem, and then actually gets to see the results of your passionate efforts. Cheers PC

This thread has been a fun read (with the exception of Elmer's uncalled for comments) and a sweet trip down memory lane. We had a cafeteria in elementary school but I don't remember meals being served there, just milk or fruit. Lunches were brought from home, wrapped in wax paper or served hot in a thermos. Mother always packed some sort of fruit or treats, too. In junior high, we experienced the cafeteria food for the first time and I have to say it was pretty darned good! My siblings and former classmates all agree wholeheartedly and reminisce fondly about the homemade soups, pot roast, chili, chicken and dumplings. Their deserts were unreal; it was torture as the aroma of homemade gingerbread, apple pie, or chocolate chip cookies wafted through the halls in the late morning. I was close enough to walk home for lunch in high school and sometimes took friends home for grilled cheese and tomato soup. Occasionally, I took my tray to the art room, my home-away-from-home, where a little collection of like minded classmates gathered for our meal. After lunch, we played music and danced in the halls, great fun.