If you explained your water situation to them and/or they did some testing, all of the folks you've talked to are, quite frankly, incompetent. You have ferric (particulate) iron. None of them addressed it. You have varying iron content that is sometimes extremely high, or it's a high amount of fine sediment. In either case, none of them addressed it.

The Kinetic won't handle the ferric iron.

The Water Right won't handle the ferric iron if particle size is small (which it most likely is), and you don't need your pH adjusted. This option could be fine IF they actually analyzed the particulates in your water and it meets the specs for their media. From what you've said, however, they failed to do this.

The Fleck dealer at least sort of addressed it by saying "if for some reason it doesn't take out all of the iron . . ." The tiny softener they recommended will become fouled with the ferric iron very quickly and will be hard pressed to removed the ferrous iron. The Birm would be absolutely necessary. However, Birm requires high oxygen content in your water (not that likely in well water).

You need dedicated iron/sediment removal, then a softener downstream if you want soft water. A softener on its own, even one with Water Right's (zeolite) media cannot and will not do the job.

Here is some information about iron removal:

Oxidation/Filtration: An oxidizer such as ozone, air, or chlorine may be used to react with the iron and force it to become particulate iron that can then be removed via filtration. This will also remove most sulfur compounds. A typical setup would involve the oxidizing unit, a holding tank, then a media filter. This type of system works quite well, but takes some expertise in sizing - you would want a water treatment pro that you trust to help you with this option.

Oxidizing filtration media: This type of treatment consists of a sealed tank filled with one of several media. Water passes through and is oxidized and filtered by the media. Most will remove sulfur compounds as well as iron. These are relatively easy to operate and what I would recommend for the average homeowner. There are several different media that can be used:

1. Manganese greensand: water runs through for treatment. The media must be regenerated with potassium permanganate. Care must be taken with dealing with potassium permanganate as it readily dies organic material, such as your skin, a purple-brown color. Some people are quite comfortable dealing with the chemical; others are not.
2. Synthetic greensand: This is essentially the same as option (a) but consists of a coating of greensand on a silica sand core so does not require as much backwash flow. Service flow rate is 2 - 5 gpm/sqft. Backwash flow rate is 12 gpm/sqft.
3. Birm: This media acts as a catalyst to force oxidation of iron. While it does not need to be regenerated, it does need fairly high dissolved oxygen in the water. If your water does not have adequate dissolved oxygen (and it probably doesn't since it is well water), air injection would be necessary prior to the birm. Additionally, birm requires a minimum pH of 6.8. Service flow rate is 3.5 - 5.0 gpm per sqft. Backwash flow rate is 11 - 20 gpm, depending upon water temperatures and desired bed expansion.
4. Pyrolox: an ore that oxidizes then filters the iron out. It does not need regeneration, but needs to be backwashed (to rinse out the iron) at a high rate. pH range is 6.5 - 9.0. This type of filter works very well, but backwash is critical. Service flow rate is 5 gpm/sqft. Backwash is 25-30 gpm/sqft. Backwash daily.
5. Terminox: Similar to Pyrolox, but a proprietary formula . It does not require as much backwash flow rate and is more resistance to a low pH. The particulars are only available from the company that sells it. Backwash daily.
6. Filox: Also similar to Pyrolox. pH range 5.0 - 9.0. Backwash flow 12-15 gpm/sqft. Service flow 6 gpm/sqft. It must be backwashed daily.

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it! I had the Culligan man here tonight. He echoed your sentiments that what his competition was providing wasn't going to get me far. He offered his Iron Cleer system as something that would take care of Ferric iron for a bit over $2k. I'm a bit wary of being tied to something proprietary. But it does seem to perform a similar function as what you described above. If I can find a water treatment pro (I don't seem to be having much luck here) would the price be similar and do you feel that Culligan's solution would work for me? Thanks again for your time.

If you like your Culligan guy, their product works well. The one issue I've seen with them is failure to store resin in heated buildings in northern climates - just ask how their equipment/media is stored if you live in an area that freezes.

An independent dealer will likely have prices similar to Culligan for the same size equipment.