You're obviously dealing with a designer who is looking at his bottom line and is not too concerned about what you want. I would set him loose immediately. He is making his money off the items he buys for you, and the more you buy the better for him. Frankly, I think you're better off asking for advice here, with lots of pictures and comments about what you want. People really care here and have nothing to gain other than the satisfaction of helping you. When I had a much grander house that was custom-built I hired a designer and it did not turn out well. I soon realized that with the help of lots of interior design magazines, and cutting out pictures of what I liked, I found my style was and was able to steer salespeople in the right direction to help me find what I wanted. Ethan Allen had designers on staff and so did a local upscale furniture store (sadly no longer in business), and it was much less stressful without having to deal with the personality of the interior designer.

Put the designer on C.L. with a "free & local pick-up only" sign on him! ;-)

How are you being billed? If you have paid an hourly rate for ideas and suggestions, the designer is now trying to bully you or make you feel guilty for not spending more with him.

If he did the consultations for "free", expecting to be paid by a commission on purchases, then that is were his attitude is coming from, specially if he did not have you sign a contract and take a retainer from you.

Wow. Sounds like the opposite of my experience. Our designer helped to incorporate what we had and only recommended pieces we needed new to fill in gaps or to replace pieces I didn't like any more. She'd make suggestions, I'd tell her what I liked and didn't and she would come up with a new plan based on my opinions. When we disagreed she'd back up her reasons and let me make a choice with all the info. She gave me her discount at lighting and furniture stores so things actually cost me less rather than more.

When I call our ID I am pretty much turning the project over to him. He bills ethically and meticulously and is much better at interior design than I am. If I want my own look (early hodgepodge) I save money but the finished product is never as lovely, or as finished :-)

Every time I read one of these stories about a crooked/rude/unethical designer I wonder if client's expectations were realistic. All interior designers aren't bad, as would seem the case from testimonials here. But, I guess people who have happy relationships with IDs don't frequent design sites.

Best interior designer is GW. And we're free. I'd skip the designer altogether. Waste of money, IMO.

I've worked with several IDs with mixed results. One looked at all of the pale neutral inspiration photos I provided and suggested a screaming red for the living room. In another house, a designer I planned to pay by the hour for help in selecting wall colors and tweaking my existing stuff showed up on three different occasions and "forgot" her fan deck every time. She sold me $17k worth of drapery, rugs, reupholstering, slipcovers, and a very uncomfortable custom sofa, and I never did get those wall colors. Shame on me.

This obviously isn't an indictment of all designers, but you do need to be very clear from the start about want you want, and stick to your plan. If you feel pressured at any point, find another designer.

I've tried to work with designers twice and the sense I got both times was because I obviously wasn't Rockefeller, they weren't interested. I live in a typical middle class suburban colonial style house....not a McMansion but not shantytown either. Doubt I will ever try again. I'll either muddle through on my own with inspiration pictures or use the designers at the better furniture stores.

Thank you all so much for your comments. It's helped me to get a better handle on this. I've told the designer that I need to either stop here or take a break to rethink my priorities. He wants to help, so we will regroup in a couple months. In the meantime, I'll post some of my design dilemmas separately to GW.

I paid the designer a flat fee for his design. I am under no obligation to purchase any items from the designer; however, I can recoup a portion of the fee through his discount (40-50% on items that are direct from the manufacturer, but 5-10% on retail items).

I have used designers previously - a flat fee to a kitchen designer, an hourly fee for bathroom remodel, and have also used designers from retail stores.

The designer I've hired this time has the perspective that he's sifted through many options to develop a design that is unique to my home. He has many years of experience and can better visualize how the plan will fit my space.

While I think that the result would be beautiful in my home, it matches neither my life style nor my budget. I don't yet have prices for everything he recommended, but I'm estimating that implementing the first phase of his plan (living room, dining room, and family room) would cost at least $60K, which is well beyond my budget, and seems excessive for my home. (I have a modest home, not a mansion, and I'm not replacing everything).

The designer has provided floor layouts and tear sheets of recommended items. He advised that I not "pick and choose" various items from the design, as it will then just be pieces of furniture and not a thought-out plan.

For most of the items he's recommended, he's offered few or no options. For example, in the family room, there's a leather couch, coffee table, sofa table, area rug, and lamps - with no options on any of these. Only choice that's up to me is which fake tree to select for that room. I've never purchased a fake tree - I can buy a real one for $125; the fake one is about $900.

Unlike a retailer, the designer does not have a showroom where I can try out the seating (couch, chairs). I've never bought furniture without having seen it previously. When I was remodeling my bathroom, I crawled into about fifty different tubs in showrooms before choosing my tub (I ended up with the floor model, so I had in fact crawled into the actual tub I purchased.)

When I asked about the return policy, the designer was evasive - saying he was certain I'd like everything. Some items would be custom (upholstered couch, area rugs), but even items that are not custom are likely to be "special order." My local lighting store charges a 25% restocking fee plus return freight for special orders, and I'm guessing that the designer's return fee would be similar to this for non-custom items.

I'd like the designer's help with the living room and family room. But I need to stick to my budget. And I want to avoid having to return items that don't work out.

Don't buy an upholstered piece without sitting on it. I learned this the hard way. You've been very clear here about what you want. Sounds like he is not hearing you. I'd find someone who will give you what you are asking for. After all, you are paying, and you have the right to define the scope of the work.

A fake plant for $900???? Your description of what this designer is doing would scare me. You seem to hardly have any say about your home, and you say it's not your style. I would be very leery of going further with this person. Buying an expensive couch without first sitting on it seems like a recipe for disaster. They're all so different and you won't know if this is the right one for you.

I bought a very expensive sofa (Hickory Chair) and went to a store that sell HC and sat on many of the HC sofas and they were fabulous and wonderful and exactly what I wanted and I went ahead and ordered my sofa....and it is nothing like the sitting experience I had in the store. The cushion sinks into the back of the sofa (didn't in the store), has no support...it's awful. I was furious. I had made a huge stink about the cushion while in the store (because of a lesson learned), so to have had this happen really angered me. Of course HC would not help in any way, take responsibility, explain why the store cushions/seating is so different. I had to fortify this cushion by purchasing foam to stuff in there along with material to put down under the sofa for support and so that it wouldn't sink into the back of the sofa.

I don't get it at all, but I'm at my wit's end with retail and corporate America. The stuff I bought on Craigslist is all SO much better than anything I bought retail/new. I wish, in fact, that I had bought an antique sofa on CL and had it reupholstered. I'm going to have to pay my fantastic upholsterer to make a new, good cushion for the sofa at some point...adding to the cost of an already crazy-expensive sofa.

Oh wow. I'm having flashbacks to a landscape designer my DH and I hired 5 years ago. That was our first and only experience hiring a designer for anything. I actually did, for the most part, like the plan she came up with, however after we paid her by the hour (her standard fee) for the plan that took her more than twice the estimated time to come up with, she then got an attitude a year later when we didn't purchase ALL of our plant material through her (we did use a company she partners with for our hardscape changes and some of the plant material, plus other plant orders through her for harder-to-source plants). We were VERY clear with her from the start that we wanted to purchase a plan only, and we would implement it as time and money allowed, but apparently that is just not the norm and some designers think that once they hook you with a plan, they can then pressure you into purchasing everything in the plan through them.

I don't regret our experience using a landscape designer (we were making significant changes and didn't want to make big mistakes that we couldn't reverse), but I also don't regret severing ties with her when she became unprofessional and implied that we were somehow cheating her by not purchasing everything through her plant company so she could make commissions for every purchase. I would advise you to do the same (sever ties) if your interior designer is putting that kind of pressure on you after you have already paid him what he is due for the plan. There's nothing wrong with taking the plan you paid for and modifying it to suit your lifestyle and priorities. If he can't accept that and respect your priorities without taking changes as a personal affront, which it sounds like he can't, then it's probably time to part ways. Definitely take some time to get perspective, but don't feel like you are then obligated to go back to this designer who doesn't sound like a great fit for you and your home at this time. Good luck!

I hired an ID at an hourly rate long ago. I needed help purchasing furniture for my home. It started out fine, she took me to the Seattle Design Center and got an idea of what I liked and what to avoid. We got a price on a sofa that seemed high to me. When I wanted to shop around she got irritated and tried to pressure me into the sale. I asked her for my final billing, which was inflated, paid her and left it. About a year later I decided to start looking again, and I found the same sofa for about 40% less and bought it. I always hear you save money on purchases by using an ID but that was not true for me.

I also would never buy furniture without sitting in it first.

I have hired color specialists to help me choose paint colors and have had good experiences with that.