I know you said an afternoon wedding in the fall, so I am assuming a reception afterwards,

. I would then look at dresses that look good and comfortable while dancing.

i like the Burberry the best ,second the Galvan.

I cannot see if the "ruffly stuff" is ugly or not...but this dress is a cute, different shape, and has some fall color..

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Haute-Hippie-Long-Sleeve-Embroidered-Silk-Shirtdress-Buff-Dresses/prod186390296_cat46520808__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.jsp%253FitemId%253Dcat46520808%2526pageSize%253D120%2526No%253D0%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod186390296&cmCat=product

What I find so interesting about all of this, even when ignoring price, fiber content, location, etc. why should it be so hard to find a dress that strikes the right note? Let alone anything that's actually a color. I mean if you went looking for something like bat wings in a neon green brocade, I could see that might be difficult. But you are simply asking for something chic and classic, dressy and elegant with sleeves of some sort and a not too full skirt, maybe in a fall color. Seems to me you should have dozens to choose from. But instead, it's like all of them are off for one reason or another. I've struggled with this for a number of years as well. (Thus why I go to my closet.) The more we have to choose from, the less choice we seem to have. Go figure.

That white shirt that Magda posted is perfection.

It can be worn with an elegant skirt or a pair of jeans. I seriously need to hide all devices until they sell out :-).

Hi Walnut,

Thanks for the link. A few things though, I detest red. Absolutely detest it. I had the landscaper remove any flowers from the PO that bloomed red. So red in any form is non starter for me, sorry. Plus I am have pretty much ruled out sequins and lace.

I think black is fine, just not 100% black. And even that I personally would not give a fig about, but I know some people do so I'd avoid all black. Black and nude, black and white, black and cream ... all totally fine in my book.

I'm also a big fan of navy. But it has to be a really good dark shade of navy and the right fabric. I've always had a navy blazer in winter weight and summer weights. To me, navy is absolutely classic.

I don't see dark colors as funereal when the bride has chosen a dark autumnal palette IMHO.

Magdalena Lee,

And you are good at it! I practically worship at the alter of a well tailored white white button down! I think white button downs are to women what black velvet is to diamond jewelry; the perfect foil. You would never see a jeweler takes his wares out of the case and lay it on a Tartan plaid! I think it is the same way with people; we are rarely advantaged by prints.

I love what I am going to call the "Sharon Stone" look. I might even go with a chocolate satin skirt, ruched like hers. I'd trust a bridal salon to make that for me.

HEY, I made a dress-making joke. It should be altar, not alter

You might have to go vintage then...sharon stone's white shirt was from the gap, her satin skirt from vera wang, 1998. The back of the skirt...

ETA: the shirt is a men's shirt.

Chocolate brown skirt with a crisp white shirt ... OMG!

*****UPDATE*****

First of all, I named this thread the way I did because these clothing-search threads kinda drive me crazy. It seems like whenever I played, people didn't want what i posted even though they should have! LOL Y'all are much more even tempered and nicer than I am. This has truly been very helpful to me. The process has helped me more clearly define what I want, and showed me options I didn't originally consider.

In no particular order, here are the current contenders.

1. Hat tip to Holly Kay for this simple sleek gown (can you say "Spanx"?), that I had passed over without noticing the lovely cuffs. It is also in stock, and not wildly expensive. A bit curious about bras, but it looks doable.

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/David-Meister-Embellished-Cuff-Ruched-Gown-Navy/prod185390190_cat57300743__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat57300743%2526pageSize%253D30%2526Nao%253D0%2526refinements%253D721%252C4294893434&eItemId=prod185390190&cmCat=product

PS and an honorable mention for the Marchesa gown, just fabulous if I had AA breasts!

2. Hat tip to KSWL, for the Galvan.I can't find it in my size so Id have to have it copied; I might go for a chocolate skirt for this one, too.

http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/Galvan-Colorblock-Layered-Front-Slit-Gown-Galvan/prod111080150___/p.prod?icid=&searchType=MAIN&rte=%252Fsearch.jsp%253FN%253D0%2526Ntt%253DGalvan%2526_requestid%253D80653&eItemId=prod111080150&cmCat=search

3. Hat tip to Magdalena Lee for the "Sharon Stone" look. (see above)

First, a striking white blouse...

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/prod188850120_cat13790832__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat13790832%2526pageSize%253D30%2526Nao%253D0%2526refinements%253D729%252C718%252C731%252C4294893481%252C4294896047&eItemId=prod188850120&cmCat=product

There are so many gorgeous designer white blouses, and I can have the skirt made in a color of my choice, or use one of these lovelies from St John:

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/St-John-Collection-Liquid-Satin-Draped-Asymmetric-Bow-Skirt-Caviar/prod173820115_cat17740750__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat17740750%2526pageSize%253D29%2526No%253D0%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D4294966032%252C4294965940%252C4294893509&eItemId=prod173820115&cmCat=product

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/St-John-Collection-Classic-Cady-Gown-Skirt-Caviar/prod185210010_cat17740750__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat17740750%2526pageSize%253D29%2526No%253D0%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D4294966032%252C4294965940%252C4294893509&grpId=prod185210010&eItemId=prod183230326&cmCat=product&focusProductId=prod183230326

4. And lastly, dress pants and a Chanel-type jacket,

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/St-John-Collection-Jennifer-Pants-Pants-Shorts/prod128100052_cat17740752__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.jsp%253FitemId%253Dcat17740752%2526pageSize%253D29%2526No%253D0%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod128100052&cmCat=product

I was thinking a cream or camel tweed Chanel look, but look at this from 1stdibs! Cool

https://www.1stdibs.com/fashion/clothing/jackets/1980s-chanel-brown-blazer/id-v_481592/

ttytt, I'm not crazy about any of the dresses. Most of them are too formal for the occasion and the prices...sheesh, nothing seems worth those prices to me. I like the dress that jlc posted, the wrap around in rust but I don't like the color at all. That's really the only dress that appeals to me of all of them.

I do apologize for not noticing your statement about not liking red. Here is a skirt that might be nice for the wedding.

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Carmen-Marc-Valvo-Floral-Metallic-Jacquard-Ball-Skirt/prod181340219/p.prod?eVar4=You%20May%20Also%20Like&RST=CategorySiloedViewCP

I think lace can be pretty:

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Elie-Saab-Long-Sleeve-Sheer-Embroidered-Lace-Gown-Evening/prod180440370_cat48730734__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.jsp%253FitemId%253Dcat48730734%2526pageSize%253D29%2526Nao%253D0%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod180440370&cmCat=product

ok, I know $$$

but I like this too:

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Rickie-Freeman-for-Teri-Jon-3-4-Sleeve-Lace-Overlay-Gown-Navy/prod169100182_cat48730734__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat48730734%2526pageSize%253D29%2526Nao%253D0%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D721&eItemId=prod169100182&cmCat=product

I like the white shirt, full skirt look too, but it is cliched now, as is the Sharon Stone Gap shirt look. Been done, and highly recognizable.

Chiming in to say that I LOVE the white shirt and skirt look. Really fabulous and would seem to hit all the right notes...quiet elegance, fashionable, event-appropriate, not so "you", not part of the catering crew, not the MOG or MOB but the uber-cool SMOG. Perfection!

Edit: Bumblebeez and I posted at the same time but it sure gives you two completely different perspectives! I see it as cliched as a LBD, but it is interesting to see how others view the same looks :).

I know they make backless bras & I would at least look into & try one -- the floral embroidered one holly jay posted is a show stopper!

I know that the color and length are all wrong on this dress, but I love the bodice and sleeve length. I can see it either midi or full length in a beautiful bronze color.

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Talbot-Runhof-Colly-Half-Sleeve-Cocktail-Dress-Imperial-Blue/prod186540531_cat56900747__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat56900747%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D90%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D4294890295&eItemId=prod186540531&cmCat=product

Hmm, it looks like it's available in a longer length and possibly other colors?

http://www.talbotrunhof.com/en/Clothing/Long-dresses/Goccetto1.html?lang=1

Clearly facebook hasn't missed that I've been looking at dressy skirts. This ad popped up.

Victoria Beckham matte satin black skirt

I have always loved a long skirt look-- love the RL and the vera ruched skirt is divine!It would be gorgeous in a bronze or brown but, personally, I'd go with a metallic or shimmery platinum gray or a steely blue similar to SS's. I would probably leap frog from the sharon stone button down to a waist length cashmere sweater with 3/4 sleeves. It is an equally stunning look.. classic, not at all froufrou.. and a perfect backdrop for stunning jewelry. It's the kind of look that will stand out for it's simplicity, elegance and luscious fabrics-- you will shine without being in the spotlight.

There are so many variations on formal separates. love Nicole Richie in the turtleneck-- but I love turtlenecks (even though my nieces claim they are out out out!)

And do watch out for the Fall 2016 collection from RL.. I think his formal looks fit in well with what you are asking for. Check out his grays from fall 2014. Lovely!

Funky, I love turtlenecks too. My DD wore one with the cutest J Crew nubby tweed mini for her school interviews (https://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/skirts/mini/PRDOVR~C9135/C9135.jsp) Love the photo you posted above. But on me, I like the v-neck of a white blouse, and I have two south sea pearl chokers to choose from that I like with that look.

I love this line "you will shine without being in the spotlight." Perfect. And yes, I much prefer interesting, quality fabric well made, to patterns. I'm starting to think about the long skirt in a slubby chocolate silk.

Annie, I know it's so weird, isnt it. Don't you feel like telling them "it's not me, it's for Mtn!". One of my kids is doing a slide presentation for school with video links. When they click on the youtube link, they are getting banner ads of a near naked woman... because I was doing a search on spas in Philly! Goodness.

Terriks, yes! That faux wrap thing with 3/4 sleeves; a look that flatters everyone IMHO. But have to ask you, WTH is Talbot Runhof and where did you find it. I LOVE their stuff. I actually love the dress w the black skirt, houndstooth bodice, and big purple flower! TDF. I am guessing I don't want to know how much it costs.

Eandhl, but doesn't a bra either need to tether around your back, your waist, or your neck? What is left?

Bumble, Oh yes, lace is definitely pretty! But it just is not me. The SS look is a bit BTDT at the Oscars, but I can guarantee you not a this lil ole wedding.

Rubyclair, touche, you got exactly what I am trying to do. Be a little bit classic, but elegant, yet understated, and with just a whiff of "cool".

LOL, Walnut that's ok! The brocade is very pretty but the skirt is a bit too full for me. It doesn't help my hips!

Arkansas, I love the wrap dress. In fact I started this quest certain I wanted a real, DVF wrap. But there are precious few in long. None are right IMHO. ANd the color of this other one, i am not sure it would flatter. Reminds me of a bad fake tan. As far as formality, the bride sets the tone there, and her dress is very formal, as are the bridesmaids, and DH will be wearing his tux. DS will rent one. So I could skew formal if I want to. But if you see my "update" post, the first two looks are formal yet very simple, the last 2 are less formal.

thx again all!

I saw the blue Talbot Runhof dress on the Neiman Marcus site, and thought I'd take a look at what else they did. What is this houndstooth bodice dress you speak of? Link?

Terriks,

I went to their site and found this.

http://www.talbotrunhof.com/en/Lookbook/lookbook-fall-winter-2014-15-pret/

BTW, I just googled images now and found more wonderful dresses by TR (though not the colors id use). Lots of more interesting ones, just fab, but I am posting a few that relate to this quest so as not oi go off on a tangent. BUt look at all their stuff; such fun!

https://www.google.com/search?q=talbot+runhof&espv=2&biw=1872&bih=985&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjjiJSn0enKAhXBXB4KHXYNBHYQ_AUIBygC#imgrc=r-bjK-qgBTWiWM%3A

https://www.google.com/search?q=talbot+runhof+fall&espv=2&biw=1872&bih=985&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwil1M3n0enKAhWPth4KHdFED2EQ_AUIBygC#tbm=isch&q=talbot+runhoff+pre-all+2016&imgrc=74jOaj4hujSk9M%3A

I went through the MOB/G dress NIGHTMARE last year. I must have looked at a thousand dresses and have never seen more lace and fou-fou in my life- not for me! It was a formal wedding, I opted for a long skirt and white blouse, and loved it! Have you considered olive green as it's an autumn wedding?

I couldn't disagree more with the notion that the shirt/skirt combo is cliché. It certainly isn't overdone and really, I think it's a classic look. Evocative of Katharine Hepburn. Sharon Stone made the look iconic, but it's not even close to being "played out."

I know you love white blouses, and I was thinking your dd might say the same thing about you wearing another one. You might want to switch it up with the long black skirt and then use the colored blouse on top...I'm sure it'd be easier to find a fall color in a top as well as one with longer sleeves, maybe something in silk.

Grace Kelly, 1957. Just had to share.

I love that look, Mag. I love the nipped in waist with the generous skirt. I used to think that a big skirt like that hid sins, but on me I just look like a mobile mountain range.

Maddie, thank you for your input! And olive green is an excellent idea! I am a dirty blonde and with blue eyes and I like olive green with that coloring.

Annie, That was her comment about black slacks and dress jacket. They both were very enthusiastic about the white blouse with a silk or satin skirt in a color.

I like the idea of separates. Could you have something made like the Galvan, in two pieces rather than layered, in a different color combo?

I know you are looking at white blouses, but I'm not sureI like how this will look in the photographs.

The bride is nice to give you free rein, but if possible, I would want to know at the very least if the other key players MOB, MOG will be wearing long formal dresses.

Ellendi,

Bride told me long, short or in between. My DD"s bridesmaids dresses must be long, though,and the men are all in tuxes, that's all I need to know. For all I know one of the MOG or MOB could be asking if she could please wear short. I don't care really. And if the bride cared, she would have said so.

in re photos, I do want to be mindful, but really I expect I will be in one photo, with the b,g and our family. It's not like I will be popping up again and again like Zelig.

• Wish you were here to borrow (or buy! ) my St. John's. Long knit skirt with side split, matching jacket and sleeveless top. Gold and shimmery,( crystals??) tailored, yet evening. Couldn't find similar on their site, but it's several years old.. Look on CL!! I love the Sharon Stone look. A long straight line silk skirt and matching shirt/ blouse and fabulous neck piece.. Find a look you love, if it were tweaked, and send pic to several higher end stores's personal shoppers with changes you'd like. Let them hunt for you.

Wow, we all like spending your money!! I didn't click on all the links but sort of skimmed and see you are considering a blouse and skirt or pants and that there were a few Carolina Herrera items linked. Not sure if this one was, but I think it's gorgeous, as are a few that show up at the bottom of the page...my apologies if someone else linked to these already.

http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/Carolina-Herrera-Belted-Silk-Wrap-Blouse-Ivory/prod92170116/p.prod?eVar4=You%20May%20Also%20Like

http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/Carolina-Herrera-Shirtwaist-Taffeta-Ball-Gown/prod80390031/p.prod?eVar4=You%20May%20Also%20Like

I think you said no to velvet, but...

This one came up with the first Tadaashi Shoji dress (Black and white gorgeous) and it's back to navy and simple but I think would be nice and figure falttering (and bra friendly). Way under the megabucks too.http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tadashi-shoji-asymmetrical-ruched-mesh-gown/3129719?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=2762

I'll bet that navy ruched Tadashi is flattering. That's a great choice if you decide to go with something simple and classy. And I love that Carolina Herrera belted wrap blouse. I also like these Tadashi navy pants if you are still considering pants:

http://www.tadashishoji.com/nz2113-navy-tie-waist-pant

I like this silhouette and color, but maybe too sparkly?

Mtn. my NM catalog came yesterday afternoon and the David Meister is featured. It shows up very nicely in the catalog. The sleeves add a lovely touch though I don't think the model looks particularly good in the dress.

I love the idea of a black skirt with white shirt, you would get a lot of bang for the buck with that combo as you would get a lot of wear from it. My first and best love though is the first dress I posted!

this is a long thread! i didn't click on pictures, but for a formal wedding, i really like the last 2 pictures! although, unless the wedding is in late fall- latter half of nov or in dec- i think velvet is too heavy...

i think something like gray, browns, navys might look better in photos than olive green-- can be a gorgeous color, but could possibly clash a bit with others... will you be in many group pictures as the stepmom??

HollyKay, Yup, that blue Mesiter one is in my top 4. And I agree with you about the first one, but I don't think there is any way I could get enough support in that one, and I know that a good bra makes such a big difference. If there is anything I think ruins a look it's an ill-defined chest.

I'm pretty sure I will do a custom skirt in a color if I do a white button down w a long skirt. Chocolate, olive, grey. somesuch but with a bit of a sheen or slubbing and some ruching.

Terrkis, I love most of what you posted, but TBH that dress is exactly what you get, over and over, when you type in MOB or MOG (no one has a SMOG category of course!) I might like it if I had never seen it before, but now I am so so tired of it and its variants. I also don't like the lack of structure (on me) and I have discovered through this long meandering post, I am just not a lace and sequins girl. Back to Talbot Runhof or whatever it was, LOL!

Peacamp, Those are great pants. Good to keep in mind if I go with option 4, Chanel-esque tweed and dress pants. Only I do want pants that show off my shoes.

SalonVa, I agree that that dress looks easy to wear and flattering. I didn't chose it because I am not crazy about asymmetry. It always feels to me that an FIT student's nod to creativity, IFKWIM!

Oly, That velvet IS very pretty, and simple. I do feel more comfortable with the choices Ive made, which are "me" enough to feel comfortable while still a little bit different.

As for the CH numbers, they are all gorgeous. Skirts are fiuller than Id like, but CH sure is lovely. And no wonder, the price! I may have to go CH to get a white shirt that I feel is truly worthy of a wedding. But I hope I can get the skirt made for a few hundred.

MartinCA,

Your St john sounds gorgeous. How elegant. I like the fact that the knits are comfy too. I had a niece who I sponsored in a recital, and I got her a short, cream, St John knit suit. She was 16 iirc. 10 years lates and she still wears it. Talk about timeless.

Busy, No, I don't think I will be in many photos.

DEAR ALL, Just so you know, I have narrowed it down to four choices. "See update" above if you are curious. I am going to start looking around in person to decide amongst them. So you can post but I hate to see people waste their time when I have decided and the post is so long now that people are repeating dresses that appeared and were dismissed upthread! We need to bring back the 150 post limit. Thank you all again!

Just want to throw in my 2 cents. Of the four you posted Mtn I offer this portrait collar blouse look as an alternative to the Sharon Stone. I simply would not do an actual button down even if it was the $1000 one. Its a wedding and your DD has it right.

The black wrap skirt with the bow waist would be good but something about a scrumptious brown for a fall wedding in satin or crepe.

Portrait collar white blouse Sorry can't get just the one picture to post. I Just want you to consider a dressier shirt...no need to be edgy for this wedding.

Missy moo, yes, the third one down? I consider that to be exactly the type of thing I am looking for. The key points to me are; collar, v, and cuffs. I am fine with button down but I consider the one you posted to give pretty much the same look. I see your point.

Lol. I think that I just love wearing a drop waist. It's early here...

Mtn said: "I'm pretty sure I will do a custom skirt in a color if I do a white button down w a long skirt. Chocolate, olive, grey. somesuch but with a bit of a sheen or slubbing and some ruching."

Sounds absolutely perfect!

The nexus between this and the other thread somehow led me tothis blog post which I thought was apropos, especially about what's missing...brown, sleeves, jackets, decent fabrics....

Annie - it is so true about how difficult it is to find nice clothes for those of us over 40 or 50. Clothes that not only look good but ones that feel comfortable and make us feel good.

Just reading through the posts, there are a lot of beautiful outfits posted. I dont have any suggestions but just curious about your strong dislike for the color red, even removing red flowers from your garden. Is there a reason, or just because? BTW it is my favorite color!

No good reason at all , Rose. But a lifelong dislike of the color. My husband likes to joke that perhaps I suffered a bloody death in a prior life.

And there's one exception. About the only color I like for a pedicure is red. Kennebunk"port" is my favorite shade.

PS My step daughter in law to be does not know about my red aversion, which, not surprisingly my daughters now share. Guess what colors their gowns are to be? Of course we haven't said a thing. But in ensuing decades I have a feeling it's going to come up that we all hate red.

I have the same dislike of red.. it's almost visceral. I won't wear red lipstick, clothing or shoes.. no red in my house (though burnt orange and dark pink are fine). HATE red roses.. never went so far as to remove red flowers in the garden (but now I might!). It's like bold text in all caps to me. It screams that it wants attention.

Funny though.. I will wear Kennebunkport red nail polish (sometimes) too.. my favorite was a cranberry with another new englandy name .. but they aren't true reds. They are very blueish reds.

That makes three of us. No idea why, but I have disliked red as far back as I can remember. I thought I was the only one. Nice to know I am not! :)

Cyn and Funky, I forget who it was but there was a very famous designer and I was reading about his garden, and he also said that he could not abide by any red. I felt vindicated.

Funky, I think we may have been separated at birth. You know how they find long lost twins with the same quirks? Like I recall one set of twins who both had the habit of wearing rubber bands around their wrists. Go figure.

Anyone seen Aunt Elsie? She was here a minute ago....

She sure is a good sport.