You don't have to go with any particular builder, there's really no need. Byt you and your wife are not on the same page. Can you take a few days off to relax, and then discuss? Maybe come to a compromise you both like.

We aren't on the same page as far as time frame, we are on the same page as far as building instead of buying because as of next week our entire savings is going into the lot. She gave me 2 options, either the neighborhood where I bought the lot or a home she fell in love with in her parents neighborhood 32 miles away that needed at least $50k worth of work. I didn't have time or emotional capital to move to a new town only being home 3-4 nights a week.

There are a lot of variables to this problem.

You are not home 3-4 nights a week and don't have the time or emotional capital to move to a new town? What about your wife who has to take care of your baby while you're away. What about her "emotional capital"? Did it ever occur to you that maybe she'd want to be closer to her parents, and probably her friends so she could have some "emotional" relief from baby while you're away at work?

I think you should ditch the building of the house which will be a lot more stressful on your marriage than where you are now, buy the house close to her parents and figure out a way to put in the repairs. Otherwise, I think you may have a new house but not much else in a few years.

Sorry to be so blunt but it really doesn't sound like you're taking your wife's feelings into consideration. In fact it sounds like if she's going along, it's more because you're pushing her to agree with you.

Building is just about the most stressful thing you can do and if the two of you are fighting now and can't work together in your small space, I worry for you two if you build. Especially since the two of you have never lived anywhere else but in your father's apartment. I would NEVER recommend building for first time home owners. Buy a house and learn what works and doesn't work by living in a real house and work on your marriage too. You owe your baby that.

There is city sewer in the development, septic was part of the reason I didn't want to live in the country. Just need a water well. The fighting is a result of mood altering mold exposure, we get along just fine when not in our apartment. She says she feels like the devil when she wakes up here. They are living at her parents for the winter while I work and save for a home. I would have considered the home she liked if it had been updated since 1989 and had a first floor master, I am an avid cyclist and my knees can't do stairs. if I hadn't spent the last 13 years fixing things where I live now I'd be more open to a fixer upper. I barely have time to mail paperwork to the bank, let alone take on remodeling projects.

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/715-Edmond-St_Hubbard_OH_44425_M37765-48389

I am trying to find one single thing I like about this home, she fell in love with it. needs a kitchen, bath, siding, flooring, and the lot sucks.

I am well aware that first time homeowners should buy, I've been watching the market daily for 2 years and have yet to find anything close to what I'm looking for as far as architecture or location. the only houses my wife likes locally are $300k two stories. architecture and taste are lacking around here but the market doesn't reflect that. the only way I'll be happy is if I design to my tastes, and build in the perfect location. I only like craftsman, colonial or cedar homes and the home has to be designed to fit the lot. master tucked away in the back left corner looking at a hillside and pine trees, den in the front right of the home with a christmas tree in the window. noise was a major factor and this a quiet development. another minor factor is my 3/4 ton pickup truck won't fit in standard 7x16 garage door.

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/22-Airport-Rd_Grove-City_PA_16127_M41429-48816

this house was listed at nearly $300k and has a window air conditioner. this is why I can't buy a home in my hometown.

What I am looking for is an affirmation or rebuttal that Schumacher Homes business model is a complete scam, and any reason to ever meet with them again. the only way I'd even consider a contract would be the same house for $135/SF or less. unless they'll build the house I like for $72K less than they quoted me we've both wasted enough time.

With all due respect - if that is all you are looking for, you shouldn't have added all the drama.

Are you planning to stay for two years, with a very young child, in a home that you describe as possibly having mold or something else that is making you feel ill? You need to get your family, especially your child, out of there now if the situation is as dire as you describe. If there was any chance my child's health was being affected by staying there (not to mention my own health), I would want out of there NOW. I can understand why your wife is objecting, if the plan is to remain in place for an indefinite period of time, or as much as two years. I wouldn't even want to stay there if the building was starting today because it would still mean months of exposure to mold or other pathogens.

Maybe it's time to consider buying the house she likes, live there for awhile and, if you both still want to build later, build up some equity that will help you with that next step. If things are as you describe, you really need to get out of your current residence.

In regard to your question about Schumacher Homes, I have no experience with nor knowledge about them. However, what you describe is pretty typical of some builders who quote a lower cost for building but then increase their profit margin by overcharging for upgrades. I have walked away from similar builders, but I don't have the personal knowledge about Schumacher Homes to say what you should do. I can tell you that you probably need to spend some time learning how to evaluate properties, determine whether the property is, in fact, buildable, and what to expect in the house building process and how to find a legitimate builder. It can be a wonderful and satisfying experience, but also a difficult and precarious one as well. The more you know about the process and what to expect along the way the better prepared you will be to deal with the stress and demands of building a custom home..

"If the lot had been any more I would not been able to swing 25% down and closing costs." and "We aren't on the same page as far as time frame, we are on the same page as far as building instead of buying because as of next week our entire savings is going into the lot" -

With all due respect, from someone with a bit of financial expertise, you all may be on the same page, but you are reading from the wrong book! Your lot is under $30k and you are struggling to swing the down payment? If you can't write a check for $30k without a struggle then I don't see how you can build a $270k home. Realistically I would think $60k in liquid assets would be the minimum advisable.

I know next to nothing about your finances but those two statements alone would lead me to seriously question the assumptions you are making. Unless you are being overly dramatic, I see no possible way for you to afford to build a contractor's grade home, never mind granite counters and other accessories. I don't see how you can even afford a tract builder.

Your builder is going to have to guarantee appraisal. There is nothing uncommon in a tight construction loan situation with the bank telling you to come up with $20,000 before they will close. Let the lot go in my opinion or at least talk to a financial planner first.

If your wife is home full-time, and you are only home 3-4 days a week, then shouldn't she be in charge of fixing up the fixer-upper? Especially if that house is her first choice.

All builders will have a set list of the products that they use and charge full retail for upgrades, plus a change order fee. You won't get any better deal from anyone else. That's how the game is played. The only way to not play the game is to build full custom, and there is no way that you can afford that. You can't even afford to do a build with the tract builder that you interviewed.

Fact of life #1 is that you're just starting out, and you don't get everything you want in starter home. Fact #2 is that you may not get it ever. Fact #3 is that you are behaving like a worse infant than you have at home by whining about upgrades when you are living in a moldy barn. Fact #4 is that you can't really afford to either build or buy at the moment. Fact #5 is that the added mouth didn't help.

It's sad that you feel entitled to go from 0-60 in 2.3 seconds without even half the money that you need to do any of it.

Just to chime in here and echo the sentiments of the others: building is stressful, especially when you are living in not ideal circumstances. We are living in a school bus on the land with four kids while we build. If my husband and I didn't have an extremely strong foundation before starting this, there's no way we would have made it this far.

You absolutely need to be on the same page with regard to everything and have realistic expectations, not just "yes we want to build a house", before starting this.

We thought we'd be in the bus for a year - it's been nearly two. We thought it was going to be with only three kids - now it's four. The unexpected can and will happen. Please be advised.

You're going through a production builder. This is the way it works.

Actually I think the title of your thread says it quite clearly:

Schumacher Homes is not the solution to our problem

Your problem goes beyond what a tract builder does or doesn't do. Your problem right now, whether you're willing to see it or not, is the future of your marriage and your unwillingness to put your wife's needs first, since she is the one who is at home 7 days a week while you're on the road for 1/2 those days.

"As of next week our entire savings is going into our lot".

this is scary. So, you will have no emergency fund or cash leftover after buying the lot.

honestly, I don't want to be harsh but the way I see it you two are on the road to disaster.

Let the lot go. Even if you lose your earnest money. There will always be another piece of property when the time is right and the time is not right. You don't need a lot payment right now.

you need to move out of that moldy barn that you have put 50k into and cut your losses.

rent ( don't buy ) a small affordable house near your wife's parents so they can help with the baby.

if you really want to build a house in the future you need to do the following......

work on paying off all of your debts and saving $$$

If you don't have a budget, get on one...

your wife needs to get at least a part time job to help accomplish this goal.

seriously, building a home right now is a pipe dream.

Work together as a team, set some goals and accomplish them.

Your original post made me feel a little sick to my stomach, and as others have stated you are on a path to disaster, especially within your marriage. I say this sadly from experience with my 1st marriage.

Your post is written very selfishly talks about you and everything you have done, while talking negatively about your wife and her debt.

The barn apartment that you are only there for 4 days out of the week that is making you sick.....you wife and child are there all the time. You have grown to hate it, your wife has hated it for much longer and wants out. She doesn't want to stick around 2 years while you get your ducks in a row to build a home.

To put it bluntly you need to work on your marriage and your current living situation. I say this out of experience and can see myself 10 years ago writing what you wrote. It is difficult being the sole provider and worrying about the future and providing for your family. Currently you need to focus on the present, and a piece of property with plans to build in two years in which you only have $10K to put down while living in the barn apartment is a terrible idea and I think almost everyone here would agree.

Move into a rental house you and your wife BOTH like...and build a home you can afford. This will save your marriage and allow you to take your time building the house.

Also...think before you type. No one wants a personal history of your marriage woes, especially if you don't want comments on your personal situation. Grow up and put others first. And buy your wife some flowers!

And buy your wife some flowers!

^^THAT^^

Well I think we hurt Ryan H's feelings, went to click on his profile and says it does not exist. Pretty sure he was looking to show this thread to his wife and instead is now petrified if she was ever to find it.

I think others have already said what needs to be said regarding building and buying and renting and the financial liquidity required, etc.

I'm an at-home mom to two young children, and a husband who travels for work quite a bit. Just here to offer some softer" advice from "the other half." :)

The first few years of parenthood are SO HARD. I know it's said so often that it's a cliche, but really. It is. The first year the hormones are swirling and postpartum depression is extremely common, even in the best circumstances. The first 5 years are sometimes called "The Tunnel of Parenthood." The primary care provider can feel like she (or he) is in a black tunnel with no light in sight. Just please be gentle and don't discount your wife's thoughts and opinions too quickly. Just because they come from a less measurable place doesn't mean they carry less weight.

Calculate the # of hours your wife is awake in your home vs. you. Just for perspective.

Think of your home as her workplace. She deserves a safe and reasonably comfortable workplace NOW. Not in two years when your son (and her reproductive system for any future planned pregnancies) have absorbed whatever toxins are in your current home. If your employer were extremely critical of you AND put you in an unsafe environment with the promise of "in 2 years it'll get safer," would you sit it out, or maybe consider employment elsewhere?

Also -- does your wife have any daytime peer support? A chapter of MOMS Club, a fellow at-home mom, etc? If not, I strongly recommend looking into something like that. My MOMS Club and the amazing friends I've met through the club have been a godsend for me.

Too bad he's left the building since there was some excellent advice given. However, my guess is he's going to find someone to confirm his viewpoint and figures we're all idiots who don't know what we're talking about.

I feel bad for his wife. She and their son deserve to live in a safe environment near her support system. I'm hoping she has support but it doesn't sound as if she does.

Arialvetica, you are so correct about what it's like those first years. They are in some ways some of the most wonderful and enjoyable years, but on the other hand, it is so hard when your day consists of Sesame Street, diaper changes, and baby talk with no adult conversation. And the fact he's away for half a week must make it even harder for her.

I hope he wakes up and realizes that if he continues on his path, he may be doing so by himself.

"as of next week our entire savings is going into the lot"

Based solely on your statement above, IMO, building is not right for you or your family at this time. Just because the lot you found is a "rare and lucky find", doesn't mean you have to buy it. Don't buy a good deal just because it's a good deal. This may be why your wife just doesn't "get it". Several statements you made make it seem as if you don't get it either. For instance: "The bank is giving me the money, why can't I just go to Home Depot....." Well, you can go to Home Depot, but the bank isn't going to give you that money BEFORE you go. Instead, YOU pay for your items at Home Depot yourself, then submit a draw request to the Bank to reimburse yourself. Seeing as you have no savings, can you pay cash for these items and wait for your next draw to be reimbursed? That's where these builders come into play. They foot the bill for the items, and wait for reimbursement. They assume the risk, which you pay "interest" for, so to speak. If you want affirmations, yet you've already said that "unless they can build the home I want for $72K less than they quoted me we've both wasted enough time" - why does it matter if you think it's a scam or not? If you can't get them to this price point, you said you won't consider a contract with them anyways. My advice, walk away from this lot, consider your wife's desires for a home and find a compromise. Renting may be your best option. Or maybe you can buy the home your wife loves, build equity for the next 20 years, sell and build your dream retirement home? Good luck, I think your marriage depends on the decisions you make...

cpartist: I agree with you that I feel bad for the wife, but I also noticed that he said he is paying off her debts. It sounds like she's a SAHM, which I know it tons of work, but it also sounds like she's left him with the onus of paying for everything, even things that she bought/financed for herself in the past.

I think they need advice from a financial planner, in addition to working on their relationship.

" I agree with you that I feel bad for the wife, but I also noticed that he said he is paying off her debts. It sounds like she's a SAHM, which I know it tons of work, but it also sounds like she's left him with the onus of paying for everything, even things that she bought/financed for herself in the past."

I thought how the OP worded that was very telling. "Her" debt. As a family there is only "our" debt if partners are on the same team. We don't know the backstory but it seems the consensus is that the OP and his wife are not on the same page. I actually felt a little bad for the OP. I understand he has dreams, we all do. But with maturity we understand that we need to sometimes lower our expectations and put those dreams on hold. As we age we realize that our children's childhoods were gone so fast. But when we are young it seems we have all the time in the world. I hope the OP at least visits this thread to understand that there is genuine wisdom and concern in the posted replies.

I thought how the OP worded that was very telling. "Her" debt. As a family there is only "our" debt if partners are on the same team.

While I understand the point, I am not sure I agree. If my wife ran up thousands of dollars of gambling debt prior to our wedding, I wouldn't be in any hurry to take ownership of it either. In fact, it can be very helpful to clearly dilineate undesirable history outside the marriage.

We even do this ourselves, "that was me then, this is me now." Really it's just been "you" all along, however, we can close chapters in our lives by defining them outside of our current situation. Also, we say things like, "before I met my husband I ..." it is very common to define your, and your partner's, life in a before we met vs. after we met way.

cpartist: I agree with you that I feel bad for the wife, but I also noticed that he said he is paying off her debts. It sounds like she's a SAHM, which I know it tons of work, but it also sounds like she's left him with the onus of paying for everything, even things that she bought/financed for herself in the past.

I think they need advice from a financial planner, in addition to working on their relationship.

That's true chicagoans. Or maybe it wasn't things she bought or financed for herself but college loans. Maybe he said to her, stay at home with the baby and I'll be sure to cover your college loans. We just don't know.

I agree with you that they need advice from a marriage counselor and a financial planner.