This seems like a very individual distinctive situation. Perhaps your son could best advise you?

I agree about asking your son, and time is definitely running out as the first night of Hannukah is Sunday. My husband is a Messianic Jew and the rest of his family is Jewish. We celebrate both Christmas and Hannukah. We light candles all 8 nights. Sometimes we open gifts on the first night but save the majority of the gifts for Christmas. Any gifts that come from his side of the family we let the children have on Hannukah.

I think a card recognizing an important part of her heritage is wonderful, no matter how they celebrate it.

I would ask the girlfriend. I think it is really thoughtful of you to go the extra mile to make her feel welcome and a part of your family in this way. Asking her directly will take out all the guess work.

I agree with arcy. What she participates in, does or doesn't do in following the religion, will be personal and specific to her.

My guess is that for each home that celebrates both Christmas/Hanukkah there are slightly different ways of integrating the two holidays.

My bf is jewish and my family is catholic. He grew up in the Jewish Reform church and is non-practicing.. he lights a menorah to honor his parents (who have both passed) and he has joined my family for 3 of the past 5 Christmases.

Other than our first year together when Hanukkah just happened to coincide with the delivery of his gift (a special guitar), The years we were not together, I've sent him homemade baklava and smaller gifts (books, warm socks, etc) for Hanukkah and his regular gifts on Christmas. That was my choice -- he didnt care when he got gifts LOL. I wanted to recognize Hanukkah while continuing to celebrate my holiday. He does not get me Hanukkah gifts-- he gets me Christmas gifts (and fills my stocking!)

I do the same with his siblings.. I send a food item (homemade baklava, specialty chocolates, teas/cocoa) to arrive during Hanukkah and we exchange gifts when we get together over Christmas. Last year he was here for both Hanukkah and Christmas so we spent the first night of Hanukkah with his famiiy and had a menorah here at my house through the remaining days. (We usually we see his family over the Christmas break because that's when we all have time off).

That sounds wayyyyy more complicated than it is in reality. The bottom line is that your son and his fiance will figure out how they will celebrate each holiday-- I'd just ask them what works best for them!

I agree with ellendi in that I think you should ask the girlfriend. What better way to make her feel a part of the family? Open communication is so important and asking her to teach you about her celebrations (or lack thereof) would be so thoughtful.

Hanukkah starts Sunday, yes, so not much time. Send flowers! Always appropriate and appreciated!

There are holiday cards with greetings for both Christmas and Hanukkah on them. I'm Christian, and my DH is Reform Jewish, which is a liberal form of Judaism. Some of our friends send us those dual-themed cards. Some people send only Xmas-themed cards, and some others only Hanukkah-themed cards but always addressed to the both of us. We are fine with each choice.

Hanukkah is easier in terms of scheduling than Xmas since it's celebrated for 8 days. In our circles, a Hanukkah holiday party can be held on any of those days. The gifts and cards can be given any time during Hanukkah.

I would give her a Christmas gift since that is the holiday you celebrate. my Jewish friends don't mind receiving a (Christmas) gift from me... that I the holiday I celebrate and it is a gift from me! I send them a Christmas/holiday card... i don't send cards with a 'religious' saying or picture, etc. when i see them during Hanukkah, i do wish them a happy Hanukkah...

for a future d-i-l, i would send something at the start of hannukah too, but probably wouldn't send something for each day of hannukah...

I would just ask her. I'd say since you're important to our family, we would like to respect your holiday traditions. What are your most treasured traditions that can we incorporate into our traditions?

I don't mean this to be rude but why adopt an idea from an Internet forum if it has no particular meaning to her? Through your posts, you've shown yourself to be a very kind, thoughtful person so I'm sure she'd feel comfortable telling you what she feels is important.

Thank you all for your thoughts on this. Hhireno, that makes a lot of sense, as many of you suggested, I should just ask her. I will talk to her about it as soon as I can. Yes, Hanukkah did sneak up on me. I was thinking the start was another week away. But, I do have to add that each of you have given me good advice and ideas on how to recognize her culture, now and in the future. I'm also bookmarking this thread to refer back to. Such good ideas.

I am Jewish and am married to a non-Jew; my first DH was Jewish, as are both our sons. They are also inter-married. We've worked it all out over the years!

First, I don't think I'd call her. She might well feel obligated to say "Oh please, don't do anything." I can't imagine her saying, e.g., that one gift would be nice. You are receiving excellent suggestions here!

I would send a card to her. As some one else mentioned, this is an 8-day holiday, and cards and gifts can arrive at any time. I'd also send a gift, something simple, wrapped in appropriate paper (blue or blue and white). That would be very nice for someone who is non-practicing, but enjoys reminders. Then carry on with everything you do for Christmas (a holiday I love).

At some point in the future you could consider sending them a menorah (I am thinking that theirs is really simple) for Hannukah. There are beautiful ones available and they get prettier as the designs advance. Our menorahs are part of our decor.

Mazal Tov on the wedding!

Thanks, Sable. I read this too late, as I just messaged her and she said exactly what you thought she'd say (LOL)! We like her a lot and have let her know that over the years. We've also let her know that we except her 100%, and look forward to having her as our "official" daughter-in-law someday soon. I've just sent off something to her from the florist for Hanukkah. I'll get their his, hers and couples gifts out to them soon. And thank you for the great advice. As I mentioned earlier, I'm bookmarking this thread, so that I can refer back to it. I want so much to be a good MIL, as mine was to me (I so enjoyed her), and as my own mother is to DH. He thinks Mom is the best MIL in the world.

Lynn, I have a feeling that your future daughter-in-law is going to think she has the best MIL in the world :-).

I never minded getting gifts on Christmas from my non jewish friends. In fact my husband (who is also Jewish) and I exchanged gifts on Christmas for decades. I also never minded getting Christmas cards. However, I especially appreciated when someone would send me a Hannukah card. It is just an extra special thought.

Another Hannukah gift idea is a glass drip tray. My in-laws bought us one last year and I had been unaware of the existence prior to that but it is wonderful to have something easy to clean the dripped wax off of.

Awww, Marlene, that meant the world to me! Thank you. I will definitely send a Hanukkah card from now on, as well as a Christmas card. Gosh, I wish they lived nearby instead of in Georgia, but that's where my son's very specialized work took them. Lucky for them, her family is closer, as they live in Boca Raton, Florida.

Tish, are those glass drip trays made specifically to go under menorahs? That sounds like such a nice, practical, needed gift! I'll do that. Thank you.

Yes, Lynn, that is exactly its intended purpose, to catch the drips of wax under the menorah. It is so much easier to clean the wax off of than other things we had tried in the past.

Lynn - LOL about your soon-to-be DIL. She responded as most of us would, I think. BTW, there are some very cute and tasteful cards for mixed couples avaIlable; I enjoy both sending and receiving those.

Tishtoshnm - Thanks for mentioning that drip-catching glass plate. I googled it and found one at BB&B. Put it in my cart and looked at their Hanukkah candles, saw a set in pretty pastels, so added that, and sent in my order. Then went to the closet to take out two candles for tonight, knowing that we'd have at least one box. And lo and behold, not one box, but five! All different! Looks like I collect them. Now we'll have six. Due to you, Thank you again!

I didn't expect her to say I want a gift on X day and Y day but did she at least share other traditions that she enjoys? If she can't share a few things she has always looked forward to, then she can't complain later that you're not respecting her traditions. It has little to do with religious choices, every family I know, practicing and non-practicing, has different experiences that make their holiday their holiday.

It's exciting to think about the blending of families and the creation of new traditions. What the world needs now, is love sweet love.