Help with my preliminary drawings! I dislike them
Candace Stevens
8 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (12)
Candace Stevens
8 years agoRelated Discussions
My son dislikes his friend but I still like the parents
Comments (10)One of my closest friends lives two blocks from me and has a daughter just a few months older than my DD, they are both 9 right now. Of course in the beginning we thought how fun for the four of us to do things together. We'd get together at each other home for coffee and bring the girls to play together. Always invited the other's daughter to birthday parties. Finally we recognized, these two don't click. Yeah, they *can* get along, and play together respectfully, there is no conflict. But they would not initiate playing together, after a while they get bored with each other, have nothing else to talk about, and generally think the other is "strange." My friend planned a party for her daughter's most recent birthday. At some point in a conversation she just said to me, "I hope you aren't offended, but B didn't put C on her guest list." She considered inviting C (my DD) anyway, b/c of our friendship. But decided the girls are old enough to choose their own friends. I was absolutely NOT offended. I see as well as she does that these girls do not click. My own DD would not be interested in B's party, she would declare the whole affair "too girly." Sure, she'd behave and be polite, but she'd be disinterested and want to leave as soon as possible. I agree that kids must learn to get along with all personalities and special needs. You never know what surprises await in new people, and you have to get to know them to find out. My kids' friends reflect different cultures, religions, and special needs and just plain quirks. One of DS#2's closest friends is deaf, wears cochlear implants, and it can be very frustrating to communicate with him. But the boys are together almost every day and make it work. We had some neighbors who drove my kids nuts, but I talked to them about how to make it work for at least a little while from time to time. I didn't make them play every time the boy rang our doorbell, but I didn't let them avoid the boy if they were all outside. Despite the fact that he could trip while walking, I encouraged my boys to give him skates and sticks they've outgrown to let him play street hockey with them... b/c he just wants to learn what they're doing. He had some learning disability and didn't socialize well, either. I did give my kids instructions on how to talk to him, to be direct and clear, literal with their words. He didn't get "between the lines." They needed to learn that, but when playing with him was all work on their part, they don't need to develop it any further. They did their part, but don't need to be responsible for his socialization. At the same time, kids deserve to have their feelings respected. If they say they don't want a close friendship with a person, it need not be forced for the purpose of life lessons. Especially when it is based on having spent time with the person and learning that they don't have a lot in common. We can learn to get along with everyone, but that's not the same as investing emotions and time into a friendship. Mom2emall's DS can learn to make it work when they are together, but should have his feelings respected and not be pushed to host playdates. Also, no kid needs to be the object of a "pity friendship." The other child deserves to be in a friendship with kids who have common interests and have fun being with him, who like him for who he is; not with kids who are with him so parents can teach them to be friends with people who are "different." That's condescending. The friendship my DS has with his friend who is deaf works b/c DS really has fun with the boy, not b/c DS is being charitable. It works b/c of mutual interests and complementary personalities... the way friendships are supposed to work. They really are quite a pair! Incidentally, the met b/c his mom and I were friends first, too. However, the boys' friendship as surpassed ours! They just hit it off the first time they met. Picking your own friends and getting along with (almost) everyone is not mutually exclusive. When the families are together let your DS know that it is a short time and they can find something to do that works for everyone. Regarding requests for playdates, I would agree to have the boy over if it helped my friend out with her schedule. But I think I'd just be honest, decline and say "I really wish our boys hit it off better, and maybe they will when they get older."...See MoreRE: I dislike my stepchild, may even hate him at times
Comments (5)Jujube, you are absolutely right, you are entitled to your feelings. Criticizing you for them and telling you to feel different is no help at all. If you don't like being a parent to someone else's child, then you don't, and you are entitled to feel that way. It's certainly not for everyone. BUT. The child is also entitled to something. And that is to live with adults who will care for and protect him, and, if they can't quite love him, at least try to like the child the best they can, not see him as nothing more than a "burden." You wrote, "Choices were made either by ourselves or others that put us in this situation and I am aware that no one is completely blameless." If it's true of anyone that "choices were made" (and do note the passive voice) by others that affect them, it's certainly true of the children. They didn't choose to be born, they didn't choose for their parents to split up, they didn't choose for their parents to remarry. The adults in the story are the ones who have to make the adjustments and compromises, not just because they made the choices, but because they are the adults. Fair or not, that's it; children can't be expected to sacrifice their childhoods for a parent's or an unrelated adult's expectations of romance and marriage. And your husband is entitled to something, too. You may not have a mother's duty toward your son, but you have a wife's duty to your husband. His duty to his son is non-negotiable. How do you support him in fulfilling that duty and feeling good about it? I know it isn't easy. But look at it from his point of view. What is it like for him to feel like he is always trading off his wife's and his son's interests in a zero-sum game? You write that you love this "wonderfully amazing man." Try to let that love guide you in this situation and think of what he needs from you; don't make him choose between his son and his wife. Thus, the solution to the dilemma is NOT for the child to go away or be rejected or pushed away by his father. If you don't want to be involved with a man with children, then don't be; there is nothing wrong with that choice even though others choose differently. I won't blame you, the same as while I admire people who adopt children with serious handicaps, I don't blame those who decline to do so. But anyone who makes those difficult choices and accepts those challenges has to step up to the plate and do her best, not focus only or even primarily on her "entitlements." Good luck to you; I know it's really hard....See MoreI dislike my preliminary drawings!
Comments (21)Mush We really don't have a choice, we need to relocate all the plumbing. I need 5 bedrooms and 3 full baths upstairs. There is an unfinished basement where the existing house is now but we will be adding a basement also under the new extension. We have sewers here. JDS Thanks for your words. I just spoke to the architect and discussed my concerns with him and he is going to do another rough sketch. MAMA took your idea and presented it to the architect. I also dont really need a formal dining room so that works for me to move it there. I will make it more of my everyday eating room....See MoreI need help decorating my drawing room
Comments (28)When I saw "drawing room", I immediately pictured a room just like this. It is so interesting to me that we see the world so differently, even though we all live in houses/condos/whatever. I don't see this room as "dated", I just see it as "different". To the OP, pick your overall color palette and then go look at rugs, lamps/artwork. Take a few photos/create an idea book, then come back here for brainstorming. (You may need to ignore any grouchy responses to your brainstorming/questions)....See Morerosesstink
8 years agodesertsteph
8 years agodesertsteph
8 years agoCandace Stevens
8 years agoUser
8 years agoCandace Stevens
8 years agorosesstink
8 years agoCandace Stevens
8 years ago
Related Stories
LIGHTINGYour Guide to Common Light Fixtures and How to Use Them
Get to know pot lights, track lights, pendants and more to help you create an organized, layered lighting plan
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDES7 Major Decorating Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
Gain confidence to start your interior design project with this advice from a professional designer
Full StoryGREAT HOME PROJECTSPower to the People: Outlets Right Where You Want Them
No more crawling and craning. With outlets in furniture, drawers and cabinets, access to power has never been easier
Full StoryBATHROOM WORKBOOKStandard Fixture Dimensions and Measurements for a Primary Bath
Create a luxe bathroom that functions well with these key measurements and layout tips
Full StoryENTRYWAYSHelp! What Color Should I Paint My Front Door?
We come to the rescue of three Houzzers, offering color palette options for the front door, trim and siding
Full StoryWORKING WITH AN ARCHITECTArchitect's Toolbox: 6 Drawings on the Way to a Dream Home
Each architectural drawing phase helps ensure a desired result. See what happens from quick thumbnail sketch to detailed construction plan
Full StoryMOST POPULAR4 Obstacles to Decluttering — and How to Beat Them
Letting go can be hard, but it puts you more in control of your home's stuff and style. See if any of these notions are holding you back
Full StoryMOST POPULAR7 Ways to Design Your Kitchen to Help You Lose Weight
In his new book, Slim by Design, eating-behavior expert Brian Wansink shows us how to get our kitchens working better
Full StorySponsored
More Discussions
rosesstink