No never. We tend to hang out for a bit before, but our get togethers are very small and intimate, so not an over abundance of snacks and food to fill up on first.

I try to have everything ready, heating rolls might be last minute. We do have a table set up with some appetizers, I usually have a platter of boiled peeled shrimp.

I usually try to have everything ready except the rolls before guests arrive since my stress level rises steadily with each arriving guest.

Grainlady, I enjoyed reading that along with most everything you have written here and on the Cooking Forum. You always pass along the greatest educational information in a kind, considerate manner.

We do not eat right away. Family arrives a couple of hours earlier, and we will have wine or champagne or son and DIL will mix a cocktail for all of us. They love to try different cocktails, and some are yummy and some are not. I fell in love with mojitos from their cocktail served before a birthday dinner. We like to visit, and finish preparing the meal together often. Often immediate family members will spend the night too.

Usually it is ready on time. But I think grainlady and I had the same MIL. One year there was NO turkey which my children wanted. If we knew she had no intention of roasting a turkey would have gone to my parents. If I remember right it was hamburgers for Thanksgiving. ham or a roast would have been fine It was like Thanksgiving was an after thought for her. Or I would have cooked for her and my FIL. Even her son was so disappointed. She was a great cook. I told my husband I was right the neighbors brought her dinner in in the past. Maybe she couldn't cook after all. She is gone now and took all of her wonderful pie recipes with her. I asked her how to make her pies and she said a little of this and that. But her son loved her cream pies.

LOL, Grainlady! Thanksgiving means start to cook early and all day long!

No matter what the occasion we're too big a family, coming from up to an hour away in four directions (normal traffic) to all arrive at one time. We always foregather, and have something to nibble on. Crudites and chips if nothing else. That said, the food is mostly "done" and is being warmed or finished. It's a last minute gravy family, however. :) If it were at my house, I'd save drippings in the freezer, and make the gravy the day before. :) Dinner is on time, within half an hour (at which point we just leave chairs for the stragglers), but it's after the time called for arrival.

Grandmamary, if the neighbors brought your MIL the dinner, do you think maybe someone else made the pies?

Yes That was a thought I had. I searched and searched for those recipes but they were no where to be found. So one day I even asked her to make one for her son but she would not do it. She was a mean spiteful woman. I fixed her her son and I are married 53 years. She didn't think it would last. She had good cooks for neighbors. lol

No, we have a tradition of nibbling, visiting and enjoying beer/wine/cocktails over some hours before dinner. Parts of dinner get finished during that time.

Thanksgiving is an all day affair for our group. I usually make pumpkin muffins or some other danish the day before so anyone showing up before noon can nibble on breakfast type foods with coffee while we watch the Macy's parade. I put out appetizers at noon.

The main meal is served between 2 and 3, whenever the smoked meat gets finished.

Then it's the ball game in the living room for those who want it, a game table with a jigsaw puzzle in the corner, some board or card games in the dining room and video games in the basement.

When the game is over, we might put in a movie, or stand up comedy, or just visit.

Anyone who gets hungry is free to raid leftovers whenever they want.

It is my favorite holiday and actually easier for me than most other days as there is really only one meal, the rest is grazing.

I try to have everything ready before the guests arrive, for any dinner party. On Thanksgiving, the only thing that would need to be done is the gravy and that's my husband's job. He likes to do that last minute so that it's really nice and fresh and hot. This year it'll just be the two of us so we'll eat whenever we decide we feel like it.

Things are pretty much ready but we nibble ahead of time. My sister is always late. Not sure why that is. She's alone now but somehow she is still always very late. It's frustrating but we all know that she will be late. We've even tried to tell her an earlier time just for her and somehow, she is still late. It's now a joke with our family.

Funny thing with her, when we were kids she hated to be late. She was in the military for 20 years. I doubt they would tolerated her lateness. It seems that this started after she retired from the military. She says she doesn't have to worry about a time clock now. She's usually an hour or more late.

Mine pretty much was except for last minute things, so we had time for a little wine and visiting.

No, never. With all the "fashionably late" people out there I've learned to not even take the TV dinners out of the freezer until everyone has arrived and is half-blitzed!

Grainlady, I liked that story about the pork pucks. Another example proving that not everything homemade is better than "bought". My sister-in-law was told that everything "homemade" is better... and with the dried out spiral cut ham, soupy instant potatoes, still partially frozen corn and the home made pie of a prepared pie crust with canned lemon filling dumped in and Cool Whip spooned on... well, let's just say that I really WOULD prefer a TV dinner to one of her "meals"!

I consider time to socialize before the meal to be an essential part of hospitality. Guests get a chance to greet each other, time for a glass of *something*, time to catch breath after braving traffic to get here.

I make it ahead of time, always. We're so big though, usually, each attendant group brings a dish to add to it. So it's all brought in, set out and we gab a bit (like 30 minutes) before it's time to eat.

grai lady, wondering if they were parker house rolls? usually cut out with cutter and folded over? mom would often add a tiny dollup of jam in the fold...

"My mother-in-law never had much of a plan and was always hours late, no matter how early she started."

I hear ya, grainlady! I can't tell you how many times we'd finally sit down to eat at least a couple hours after my MIL said we would eat. It got so bad that my FIL started shouting at her about it. That was pleasant.

Finally, there came a time that she invited us for 11:30 lunch. We accepted, but warned her that we had to leave by 1:00 come hell or high water to get to an appointment across town. We show up at 11:15 and, sure enough, the kitchen is dark and she hadn't even started cooking. When she sat down to chat, we reminded her of our 1:00 departure time. She just kept chatting. At 11:45, we looked at each other in disbelief while glancing at the time. FIL caught our look and shouted at her. That made her jump up and skitter into the kitchen. We asked if we could help but she said "no". Despite lots of pots and pans banging, another hour goes by and there's still no food on the table.

Finally, at 12:50, she brought out lunch. We basically stood at the table shoveling in some food while getting our coats and boots on. At 1:00 on the dot, we walked out the front door.

My SIL later said that my MIL cried out of anger and frustration at how we just "ate and left". Fortunately, my SIL stood up for us and asked what she expected considering we had told her we had to leave at 1:00. MIL just expected that we'd push back our leave time if she put out a nice meal for us.

Nope! That broke her of the habit somewhat. She still has difficulty getting dinner on the table on schedule, but she never tried to manipulate us again like that.

Since I am getting older, it takes me most of two days to cook a big meal, but when it is noon on Thanksgiving, all will (or should be) done except for the rolls....never put them until guests arrive.

I wish. I never can manage to have T. dinner ready by the time everyone arrives. But I don't have to worry about it this year as we're going to the other family's house. Yea!

No! We all sip, socialize, snack while we finish up with the stirring, slicing and serving. Fun time with family and friends.

I haven't had to make Thanksgiving dinner the last several years but w hen I did we always ate at 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I usually had house guests so had to get everybody breakfast and a snack before I could settle into serious cooking. We also enjoyed a cocktail before dinner. Sometimes I wonder how I got dinner on the table after that martini.

I remember one year when my sister, BIL ,and my mother came . The turkey was done and nice and brown. I told my husband I was going to play a trick on them so I had him watching and when they turned in the driveway, I hurried and took the turkey out of the elec. range and put it in the wood cook stove that was in the kitchen and burning. We were standing in the kitchen and I said " oh, I had better check to see how the turkey is doing!" I pulled it out, looked...of course it was done, and my sister said "you didn't really cook it in that wood stove? I said, well here it is! They thought that was really neat!! Can't remember if I ever told them the truth! Lol!! It certainly would have cooked in there but harder to control the temperature.

It seems others are thinking about this topic too! See the second letter in today's Miss Manner's column: http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2015/11/12/let-others-respond-to-emails-when

I read the Miss Manners column and must say I was surprised, by the letter writer and her adult children.

Is that what people consider normal? A huge family get together celebration is only to last for 2-3 hours?

So people should spend hours or days preparing a big meal so everyone else can basically eat and leave?

I have NEVER gone to a celebration, family affair, etc and only stayed for 2 hours, that just seems rude.

Unless it is Christmas with gifts, we don't hang around a long, long time. We see each other often and we stay and help with the clean up and then go home. We don't have that many in our immediate family. In the summer if we have a family reunion held outside, then it can be longer. When you are older, you don't feel like hanging around for a long time. :)

Sue

<A huge family get together celebration is only to last for 2-3 hours?>

Miss Manners is saying that guests shouldn't be asked to tolerate 2-3 hours of pre-dinner socializing (hors d'oerves and drinks) before the meal. She's not saying that 2-3 hours is the most a host should expect guests to stay.

jewelis- I wasn't referring to her response but to the letter writer who said by the time dinner is served (when they've been there for 2-3 hours) they are all ready to go home.

Marilyn, I'm going to chalk it up to different people behave differently. It was my grandmother who instilled in me the belief that it was rude to "eat and run" so to speak. It's worked out okay for me since my husband's 101 year old grandma never wanted us to leave right away either. She always wanted to see her great grand babies. Come to think of it, she may not have cared if WE were there, just the babies. ;)

Texas -- Ahh! Agreed. For special event days, it does seem like 2-3 hours does seems to be a bit skimpy.

Honestly, I think all my older mother can take is 2-3 hours. She's very ready to leave by then. I don't think she can handle all the young ones now that she lives alone. She's the one I have to gauge. I cook it all and have it ready so that people can leave if they have somewhere else to be, work, in laws, etc., but I'd love it if they did stay!

I don't think there's any one answer, many factors drive this. Do the family members and other guests live in town or out of town? Do the hosts see them often or not? Are they staying with the hosts, in a hotel, or do they have to drive home after the meal? Are there little kids who need to go to bed and stay on a schedule, or who get unruly, or not?

Any of these these factors will lead to different answers. And as others say, different people behave differently and every family has its own traditions.

Yes, there are a lot of different reasons people will not stay a long time. In our family we see each other every week and many everyday. All the men in our family work everyday and some do a lot of overtime so they are tired too. Some have to work on the Friday following Thanksgiving so they need to get some rest. We do not include aunts, uncles, cousins. It is just us and our children and their families. I know I am ready for some rest after all the cooking and baking :) It will be longer than two or three hours though.:)

Sue

It does seem that there's a different sense of timing for an annual family event or a special holiday.

For such gatherings, I always set a time for sitting down to the table, but invite people to come a couple of hours early. The chatter, visiting, a little munching, a little imbibing....all part of the fun.

I like to serve those meals in the mid-afternoon so that there's plenty of time afterwards for games, family stories, pictures, a walk, and lots of talk.

I LOVE grainlady's stories about her MIL. And jewel! Good grief, lol.