We're considering an alternate housing lifestyle
missouribound
8 years ago
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8 years agochicagoans
8 years agoRelated Discussions
We're really not noisy neighbors, but....
Comments (49)I thought I would give an update. Since our chat with the neighbor in November, there haven't been any more visits from the police. We're pretty sure that he can't hear the drums anymore, because even on the weekends when we are pretty sure he is home he hasn't called the cops. There's even been one or two occassions where he and my husband have had occassion to chat about something else. Things are much more peaceful, and I'm no longer fearful every time I hear the neighbor close his door or see him outside. The more time that goes by the less and less I believe the neighbor's story about how the cops and the apartment manager all told him that they were going to tell my husband to stop playing the drums. I'm just not buying it. It doesn't make sense that they would tell him that and then not put it in their reports. I only believed it when he first told us cuz he sounded sincere. Now I'm thinking he's just a very skilled liar. Based on his claim that the manager had told him she was going to evict all of us if we didn't settle things, and a few posts from property owners here and on other boards that they wouldn't renew a lease with a tenant that had a lot of complaints against them, I got worried that we wouldn't be offered a renewal. I didn't want to accuse the manager of telling us one thing and the neighbor something else, and I didn't want to bring up his accusation that she was going to evict all of us. But I wanted to make sure that we were going to be offered a renewal when our lease comes up in April. I had mentioned this to my husband, and just yesterday he had something else he wanted to talk to her about. So, while he was there he asked her if there was going to be any trouble with us renewing our lease after all of the trouble with the neighbor. She laughed, said if there was anyone she wasn't offering a renewal to it would be the neighbor, and asked my husband if he'd like to sign the new lease right then. I'm seriously doubting that she said anything to the neighbor about evicting us. So, given the evidence, or perhaps lack of evidence to substantiate the neighbor's claims, we're pretty confident that he's lying his head off. I figure that he realized that he wasn't going to be able to force hubby to quit the drums by calling the cops all the time, cuz they weren't on his side about it. He wasn't going to be able to get the manager to tell us to stop cuz she wasn't on his side either. Maybe he was even told by the cops that if he kept calling them they might write him a ticket for wasting their time after they had told him it was fine. So he tried an approach he hadn't tried before, he tried being nice. And it worked. So there's a tip for people with problem neighbors....if being nice doesn't work at first, try being an a-hole for a while. Then when you're nice again it'll be such a relief to your neighbor they'll be happy to listen. Now, why he felt he had to lie and tell us that the cops were telling him something different than they were telling us, I don't know. I think he was counting on us not having the police reports, or maybe that they wouldn't be as detailed as they were. Oh well, I don't care. I will feel more comfortable when he's gone, but at least until then things should be much calmer....See MoreIs this an unhealthy marriage pt 2-we're both in shock
Comments (34)Worried: I wouldn't call our relationship loveless. I love him very much. I believe he loves me. He says often enough and tenderly enough. Yes he has control issues and I have issues dealing with his control. But things have changed a lot since our confrontation and he does try to listen more. As for if I'm happy well at this time we're trying to deal with this situation so I wouldn't say there is a general feeling of happiness. But we're not directing the unhappiness toward each other. When he's not working we are together a lot. Problem is he's working a lot. Lucky for me that whether he's really working is easy for me to know the reason for his trip is work. That doesn't really prove whether he could be cheating although when I've asked him if he is/has he says no. He doesn't act withdrawn but I'm aware that he still could be. I enjoy being with him and he seems to enjoy being with me. Our sex life is everything I could want and he sure seems satisfied too. But he is also very affectionate outside of sex. I pretty much can't keep my hands off him and if ever want to get him to not act angry just touching him usually does it. Doesn't change his mind much but does change his demeanor. But he doesn't speak roughly to me often anyway. Like I said in my first post I almost wish he didn't treat me in the manner that he does because then I could easier resist him. Thanks to Mkroop for pointing that out as manipulation but Lawd! It's still hard to resist him even when armed with that knowledge. Granted in the past that has been because I just let him have his way but that has changed some too. I guess I really need to look up that word narcissistic to see what else is involved other than control. One positive I have gotten from all of your posts is speaking up for myself and not being afraid to oppose him. I don't know what my fear was with that other than not wanting to be a nag for fear it would drive us apart and our marriage wouldn't last. I remember hearing one of my sisters say that he husband was the boss until she started having kids. Now she is definitely the queen bee so I guess there's hope for me yet. This post was edited by wifey1281 on Wed, Dec 5, 12 at 7:32...See MoreI KNOW our Realtor thinks we're nuts!
Comments (31)You are always going to have folks who THINK new is better. It's the way they are wired. A good many of those folks are in the real estate profession. They are looking at things from the point of the bottomline. Not always the best place to measure success from. I'd start by finding a different contractor. When it comes to contractors you generally have two types the one ones who like new because it's fast and easy and it fattens their wallets with a quick turn around and the the ones who are masters and will work with you to save what they can. Generally speaking the latter is more costly but they also have the advantage of being better problem solvers and better at their craft. There seems to be a point of pride they carry which the gut and build guys just don't have. That house has character. It has a good location and if you can afford to fix it up so it maintains that charm then I'd go for it. You fell in love with it as it is. Fixed up and maintained somebody else in the future will love it just as much if not more. My biggest rule in home ownership is go with your gut. If your gut tells you it's better to save it than flatten it them do it....See MoreAnother Reason We're Living Longer?
Comments (20)I would also like to point out how infant and early childhood mortality also plays into the factor. Infant and early childhood mortality dropped dramatically with the advent of refrigeration (both ice boxes and gas-/electric-powered refrigerators) and it was the advent of safer food. Where a healthy adult would usually recover from tainted food, an infant/young child would easily die from dehydration from. I'm sure this has improved the overall numbers over the years. With fewer young children dying from food poisoning, and more of them growing to be adults, this could be a huge factor in the "average" life span. Other common causes of death for children were pneumonia, influenza, cancer, and birth defects, and for the most part, now successfully treated thanks to advances in medicine. The last infant I can personally recall dying was that of an acquaintance about 20-years ago who became a vegan while pregnant with twins. One of the twins did not thrive, and soon after birth died of malnutrition due to the mother's diet and lack of consuming quality protein while she was pregnant, and she wasn't able to supply enough breast milk for both babies. When we lived in a predominately agrarian society, young children often died from unintentional farm-related injuries. So once again, as we moved from the country to the cities, and there were fewer families needed to feed the nation, and more needed in the cities due to the industrial age, there were more children becoming adults than ever before. These are just a few more reasons.... -Grainlady...See Morechisue
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