Awe, the hardest times of all to be a Mom is when our babies are suffering and we can't fix it. I know it is devastating for her but Jewels, you wouldn't want him to actually stay with her feeling the way he does would you? At least they aren't married, she's young and has her whole life ahead of her. A year from now she will look back and understand it was a learning experience, something everyone goes through and things turned out the way they needed to turn out. In the mean time, give her lots of hugs, encouragement and positive up beat talks. Let her know that this too shall pass.

I am so sorry that your daughter is going through this. But, it happens. It looks like she is on a professional track. You say he moved to be near her. What does he do?

Your daughter wants to apply to Denver for nursing school. What did she envision for their relationship if she got into this school?

No question that break ups are emotionally hard, especially after three years. I'm wondering why he couldn't express his concern about her moving out of state? Maybe,this was the excuse he needed to move on.

These things happen. There is no right or wrong when feelings change. She, of course should not blame herself.

Being independent or not, your daughter was part of a couple for three years. It will take time, but, she will get over it.

Sending caring thoughts to you and your daughter.

Oh jewels, I'm sorry your baby girl is hurting, which means you are too. When our kids are in pain it is almost unbearable. She will get over this. Do not let her take any blame. Do not let her question herself and say "what did I do wrong?" What's wrong with me?". You can't make anyone feel the way you want them to.

Only time will heal her pain. Let her cry and scream and be pissed and cry some more whenever she needs to. I'll be thinking of you both.

I know exactly where you are coming from. The same thing happened to our daughter. She started going with the boy in her sophomore year of high school, went to the same college and then got an apartment together. He was a year older then her. They were together 11 years when he cheated on her. She ended it. We knew for a long time that he was not the right fit for her but at that age they have to make that decision. They even bought a house together. She cried for weeks and weeks. We were really scared for her. The guy married the girl he cheated with and it ended in divorce. Now, for my daughter. After about a year she met a fellow through some friends and they are married with 3 kids. I know now it is hard to see what is ahead for her. Try to courage her on her wonderful nursing career. There is a good reason she wanted to go to Denver. I wish her well. Hang in there, Mom, it will get better!!

I always tell young women not to let ANYONE distract you from your dreams. If he really loved her he would have been supportive of her going to Denver.

I see this differently, maybe in a way that might help her.

Sometimes people connect to a boyfriend or girlfriend who are extremely supportive and selfless. They become an enabler to help the other person pursue a dream (whatever it happens to be). Sometimes it's the opposite, the partner becomes baggage, an obstacle blocking the path the other wants to pursue.

It sounds like your daughter has a direction, something she wants to achieve. Her boyfriend added no value or help to the process and tried to redirect her.

You add the words that fit - he's immature, or selfish, or rudderless himself and jealous of her ambition, or inflexible and a small thinker (20 or so and unwilling to move to the next door state?). She's honestly better off without him.

She can focus on her future and forget the past. She will realize her dream without having to deal with the turmoil of an unsupportive partner. Better to have found out sooner than later. Good luck to her.

It kind of sounds like he doesn't want to be an adult. Your daughter has adult plans, a career path and he doesn't want to disturb his life for her. Better she find out now than down the road.

Sons go through this heartbreak devastation as well for those of you with daughters who do the breaking up (just so you know). The last time that happened with one of my sons, I was up at 3 am consoling him as he cried in the warm milk that I made for him. He thought she was the one. His current girlfriend is a gem but who knows whether or not this is the one. If not, you know what I'll be doing.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. You have given me a few more words of wisdom to pass on to her. I'm getting ready to send her a care package before the 18th because I know that day will be hard. He went to a community college for one semester, left and worked construction. He is waiting until he is 21 and trying to get into a police academy. He moved to Lawrence to be closer to my daughter, rented an apartment and just recently got a job with AT&T. I know that things will get better for her, but it will just take time.

As I would ask my daughter after a break up...."Want me to beat him up?" It all ways brought a smile to her face.

Some day when Mr. Right comes along your daughter will be happy that this fellow is gone; however, we all know how hard it is to get from now to then. All the best to you and her.

Similar thing with my DD.. They dated 3 years, talked about getting married. He was in grad school 2 hours away. She was working full time and in grad school (6 hours from us). It was abrupt and in the middle of her huge Capstone-like project. Fortunately, like your DD, her friends rallied around her.

She can't be totally sure, but she thinks he had reconnected with someone he dated previously. Well, it didn't last because two months later he was texting and facebooking DD's friends asking about her. This went on for a few months. She finally received a text from his SIL saying he missed her and wanted to talk to her. She replied " he knows where to find me." He emailed saying he broke up because wasn't sure what he wanted, yadda yadda. Her answer..." Thanks for clarifying" and that was it. I was so proud of her for not going back with him, and we really liked him and thought they were a good match.

She's been seeing someone the last few months but seemed a little ambivalent about the relationship. I advised her not to date just to have someone around and she said " don't worry mom, if I don't see potential I let 'em go."

It will take time but your DD will be just fine.

Free at last! Free to grow independently!

Few HS romances continue once kids separate for different colleges or different paths. They are maturing into different people than they were as teens.

(I have know a few people who started dating in junior high and eventually married -- happily, AFAIK. That's not common, though.)

send her back to school reassuring her she's a winner in the long run...let her know we sure admire her strength of attend nursing school, and expanding her horizons by going out of state...besides, i'm betting there will be a professional man (aka a dr??) out there for her who will sweep her off her feet, and treat her as she should be treated...any guy who's afraid to leave Kansas (for one state over) is a looser...lots of hugs and support ....

I'm sure many of us thank the heavens we ended up not marrying a person we once thought was "the one." But you can't tell her that now; only time and experience will heal the situation.

So sorry to hear that. My daughter was with her boyfriend for four years, and they were engaged. He broke up with her. She was devastated, but eventually met Tom --much better choice. They have been married now for four years.

Aww, I'm sorry Jewels, my daughter's had quite a few boyfriends over the years but only cried her eyes out over one. I heard her after he left and broke up with her. It was awful. I wanted to punch his lights out. They now go to the same college and she's seen him here and there, even once opening the door for him before she knew it was him. She always texts me when this happens, don't thinks she's gotten completely over him even though it's been a few years now.

Well he texted her today and said that he was sorry about how this happened and that he was going to miss her. She texted him back and said she had one question...Are we over? Officially and forever? And he said yes, I think so and that he was sorry. She then asked if there was another girl and he said no. She then said okay and well this is it. She said I'll miss you, goodbye and he said the same. Of course I got all the tears. She was in her apartment with a paper due tomorrow and a big test on Thursday. I told her that she had to get out of the apartment (all roommates gone) and go to the library or the union. She needed to be around people to be able to study and not only think of him. Her younger sister called her about an hour later and she was at the library. I could just bopped him over the head (I am being nice) for getting in touch with her and getting her all upset again. School and grades are very important to her and she will be even more upset if she gets bad grades from this ordeal.

My son's ex-girlfriend, who broke up with him after almost 3 years, used to do that as well. She would text every couple of weeks and ask how was he doing, was he doing ok, so sorry for the break-up, I still miss you....blah, blah, blah. And every time the scab would be just ripped off yet again and like you, I'm getting the tears and the heartwrenching question "Do you think we'll get back together?". I finally told him to stop responding to her texts and to tell her to back off and then he also limited the facebook interaction as well.

Tell her not to respond if he texts again. Yes, I get that they had a relationship and have a history but you (in your DD's case her BF) called it quits, so he needs to leave her alone. It's important for her to now keep the relationship severed so that she can begin to heal, become strong again, spend time with girlfriends, and get to know herself as she is now.

She's been with this guy for 3 years and has grown and changed in that time, it's important for her to get to know the new her and to figure out what she now wants for herself and any future relationship.

Oh, man, the midnight conversations I had with my son. I don't envy you.