I think you have gotten some very good advice here from everyone. I don't have much to add in terms of that kind of advice as I have not been through all of this. However, it sounds as if you are truly wanting to make sure the estate is handled fairly for your remaining siblings who you DO care about. I know you said your dad is manipulative, but can you possibly set some personal boundaries and do this because it needs to be done, and done right for the future of your siblings, especially for your brother's sake? Think of it as a business transaction, your goals are to learn A, B, C, ask for D, E, F on your brother's behalf and see if he is willing to make those changes? Get in, get out, and don't look back until the time comes for you to be the executor if that is how it must be for you. It may not be easy or pain-free, but if you feel that strongly about the distribution of the estate, you may need to endure some of that pain for the comfort you would have in the end knowing it was handled fairly and your siblings are taken care of. I don't envy your position, it is difficult, but sometimes what is right isn't what's easiest. I wish you strength during this difficult time.

You should have your mother make a new will. Estate and prbate laws change all the time.The most important thing you need to do is have her signh powers of attorny, especially for health care You said your brother lives far away so you are going to be the care taker weather he likes it or not. You need the power to handle anything that may come up. I will never understand why most parent make THE son executor. Just because they wear pants dosan't mean thay can walk on water. I lost my mother just a year ago and one of the greatist gift my parent ever gave me is the power and the knowlage of thier affairs to handle everything without having to bother my father those first few monts after the funeral. All the trust papers were in my posission, all the powers in place, they even had pre paid funeral arrangements. It has been the hardest year I have ever had but because of their caring for me they made it easier to deal with. I also have a brother and a sister who are lurking in the wings waiting for the final estate battle. My father was so conserned about this that he recorded the visits with the attorny naming me as the final word, we made copys and sent then to brother and sister and they have been rather nice to me since. I guess what I want to get across to you is to get everythong on the table now befor you need it.One thing that really helped me during my mothers last few months was the authorization papers she signed with all the doctors, medacare, insurance company so I could make phone calls and talk to her doctors. With the new privacy laws you really need them. I have them for my father now and it makes my life easier. Is your brother going to be there to take care of you mother?? Of cource not, you live closer,and that's what daughters are for. Good luck to you

The point I was trying to find out is whether he's dead or alive. It'll make a difference. As said, some counties record Wills and some don't. Ones that record them don't require a Will be recorded to be valid. If he's dead, I'd contact the Administrator of the estate or the attorney handling it. Sounds to me like he wants to get a copy of his still alive father and that's probably not going to be done through the court. Then he should ask his dad. Sorry, but here's another situation that's impossible to give much good advice without some information. Hope all works out. One question though, how do you send a "not to exceed $__" check? I've seen purchase orders handled in this manner all the time but in my state it's illegal to alter a check so they can't change an amount but I suppose you could put a statement in a memo, but I don't think a memo is enforceable. When I dealt with agencies they'd always give an estimate on the amount. For instance a trial transcript would be ordered, they'd estimate the transcript to be, for instance 100 pages at $1 per page so you'd pay $100 deposit and balance if there was any when it was prepared and ready to be picked up. I used to have all my checks printed with "Void after 90 days" printed on them but that too is dubious on enforcement. It would help for procrastinators though. They did cash them quicker!

First, I do suggest that you work towards having a real lawyer draw up wills for you. We had ours done through the State Employees Credit Union, and it was only $250. Look around and see what SIMPLE forms would cost. The lawyer who did ours asked SO MANY QUESTIONS that got us thinking, prompted the right discussions, and we feel secure in our choices now. For example, suppose one of your children pre-deceases you. Would you then split your estate 3 ways, or would you still split it 4 ways ... and divide the fourth "portion" among that deceased child's children? Would the monk son WANT to inherit, or would he rather see his portion divided among his nieces and nephews, perhaps to be put towards their educations? What if one of your children comes to live with you in your elderly years? Would you want to give that child a larger portion of the estate as a thank you for the time and effort he gave you in your final years? These aren't easy questions, and you want to KNOW that your wishes are followed. You can BOTH be buried in the Veteran's cemetery without charge. My father-in-law was military, so a plot is reserved for him. His wife died first, and she was buried 12' down. When he dies, he'll be buried 6' down. You're legally married, right? Yes, if one of you were to die, the other would automatically own everything. You can /should make your kids (or one kid named as executor) beneficiary on your bank accounts. Even if the accounts are small, you want them to have your money (not the state!). Beneficiary trumps will. If you died tomorrow, the person who's named beneficiary on your checking and savings accounts could walk into the bank (with your death certificate) and leave with every penny in the accounts -- before the will goes into probate. If one of you were to die, leaving the other alone, would that spouse want to remain on the property? I ask because my parents live in similar circumstances, and I strongly suspect my mom will "come to the city" to be nearer us kids/grandkids and nearer to services she uses ... after my stepfather is gone (which is the likely scenario, given the state of their health). The tricky thing is, What happens when the second spouse dies? I do think you should talk to the children and see if any of them are interested in the land ... or would they prefer to see it sold /split the profits? You should also consider a "back up plan" in case one or both of you cannot continue to live on your property. That is, if one or both of you need medical care that isn't compatible with your current lifestyle. I don't know if you've considered this possibility, but I think this is your nightmare scenario: You're living frugally but comfortably now on your land. Suppose one of you becomes ill and needs serious care, even nursing home care. The state'll pay for that person's care, but not until you've sold the land and exhausted your resources. Where is the the still-health spouse going to live? The state doesn't care. To prevent this relatively likely thing from happening, could you put the land into one of the children's names now? That isn't a risk-free choice, of course, as it gives them power over your lives; if their children are eligible for financial aid for college, it could affect them too. As for the two of you dying at the same time, it's very unlikely to happen. Even if you were to be in a car wreck, the likelihood is that one of you would go first. Even if one of you lives an hour longer than the other, that person still predeceases the other. Consider, too, writing a letter to your children -- be sure they know where it's kept -- that'll let them know your final wishes. Ours includes a note about being fair and generous with one another during this time, remembering their faith, and then notes about how I'd like them to divide things that we value -- but don't really have much value -- like my wedding ring, my husband's tools, my grandmother's china, and certain pieces of furniture. Of course this isn't a legal document, but it's something you can easily change and update as time goes on. My husband and I have "a rule" we go over our estate information and the letter to our girls every year when we do our taxes. It works because money is already on our minds.