3rd grade is hard--for parents
10 years ago
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- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
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Do you/have you rewarded your kids for good grades?
Comments (24)This reminds me of Accelerated Reading and sending kids to the AR store for earning points in reading. In my opinion, this awful program has single handedly caused more kids to dislike reading than just about any other factor at our school. Is rewarding a child for good grades similar to rewarding a child for reading? I don't know. Red lover, I'm laughing because Accelerated Reader was a big fat pain in the neck here at our house. Both my kids and I love to read. Accelerated Reader and another program the school had where kids kept track of the pages they read were nothing but a drag most of the time. For us it was like telling people they could eat all the ice cream they want, but they have to count the number of bites and be tested about the flavor. The teachers told me Accelerated Reader helped some of the kids, although clearly not mine. The program was just an inconvenience to my kids, though; if it dinged my kids' desire to read, they had plenty of reading love to spare. I think paying for reading and paying for grades are essentially the same thing. And I say if paying for reading helps some kids, and if their parents and teachers think that's a useful tool and want to use it, then go for it. I didn't pay my kids for reading because they read without it. Instead, I had to look at motivation to get them to occasionally put down a book and interact with the rest of the world. I think parents have to take a look at what motivates their kid and what works for their family and make the decision they feel is best. This post was edited by daisyinga on Wed, Nov 20, 13 at 12:49...See MoreHow much should parents expect the other parent to help out?
Comments (22)"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her....See MoreAs a parent...wwyd?
Comments (10)"What in heaven's name would prompt a 7 yr old to even think of saying that?" He has his mom's support. His mom is immature and making it a game for him. He thinks it's fun & probably has no idea what it really means... but he's getting a reaction, isn't he? His mom is reacting with laughing along with him.. dad is reacting by telling him "that's not funny", but to him.. it is funny. He is controlling mom & dad with what he's saying. He has 'power'. I'd suggest dad practice saying "that's nice" or "okay" and change the subject. Unless dad really thinks he's drinking alcohol (which he may... a mom like that would think nothing of giving a kid a sip) but the more power he gives it, the more they will do it (trying to goad/engage dad with their funny little game) Playing those games, makes them feel like a team.. them against dad. In the end, it will be destructive for mom because she is going to lose her son's respect. Mom is on his level, not the parental level where child has respect for parent. Dad needs to stay on the parent level and not play the game with those two. As for his self esteem, when you try to convince someone who thinks they are ugly or stupid or whatever that they are not, all it does is makes them think you're just saying that. I wouldn't give it any attention at all. When he says "I'm so stupid", instead of telling him he's not, ask him to help do something you know he can do... like say, "well, I don't know about that... you think you can help me find my keys?" or something along that line. If you're going somewhere, get him to help find landmarks or street signs and when you get to the destination, thank him for all his help i finding the place/keys, etc. It might help him to see that adults don't always have all the answers and know everything and him helping you will make him feel smart/brave/etc. when he accomplishes it. As for holding him back, you have no control over what DH and BM do. It seems the more DH says he needs to be held back, the more adamant BM is in saying no way. The teacher should be the one telling BM because she is the one that is there day in & day out with SS and she's a third party. If I were your DH, I would stop pressing to hold him back and maybe suggest that he might benefit from a learning center (like sylvan) and tell her how much her half is going to be. I'd probably say something like "I've been thinking and maybe you're right, our son shouldn't have to be held back and be embarrassed as the oldest kid in the class next year... however, I know you are as concerned as I am about him keeping up and succeeding in school so I guess the best thing to do for our son is to share the cost of a learning center. It's going to be $XXXX.XX. What do you think?" and see what she has to say... I think her egging her son on to say the alcohol thing is a dig at DH for making her do the evaluation. As hard as it is... I'd try to ignore it. Document it, but ignore it. It WILL come back to bite her in the ass... eventually. Karma!...See MoreBasement vs. 3rd Floor
Comments (18)Thanks to all those who responded :) With 3 kids under 4 and 2 on the way (twins), it is important to us that all the bedrooms are on one floor, with the rest of the living spaces on the Main. I know 60 x 60 might seem boxy, but we are quite pleased with the designs, and it gives us enough extra room on our lot for a back patio/lanai, a pool and enough green play space for 5 kids and 3 dogs. We currently live in PA and only ever had homes with a basement so I wasn't aware that would be a challenge in FL. I'm a bit anxious moving thousands of miles from my elderly parents for the first time, and was hoping we could find a way to accommodate them (a detached option isn't possible with our plans), hence why I was hoping for a basement or 3rd floor suite... (exterior model of our home)...See More- 10 years ago
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