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momnipotent

Potluck question

11 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago

As potluck host, am I required to provide the main dish or should I expect some of my guests to bring something a little more substantial than a salad? A friend of mine threw a birthday potluck for herself once and no one brought any main dishes, not even my friend, lol. Soooo, what's the etiquette/expectation here? I posted the invitation on evite and asked people to bring a variety of foods and to post what they are bringing and one by one, the guests are all posting some salad variation. :)

Comments (25)

  • 11 years ago

    I think your part is to provide everything that isn't specified. So, if 6 salads are on the envite, make plenty of main dish(s), bread, and sides. The way I handle things anyway! However, if any of the people were good friends, I would call them and ask if they could bring a potato dish, that sort of thing.

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  • 11 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Thank you! I indicated that we were providing the sliders and hot dogs for the kids, non-alcoholic drinks and paper goods as well as a main dish to share so I was hoping that some people would bring a few substantial dishes as well (it's a themed potluck). Last time I threw a similarly-themed potluck, almost everyone brought a main dish with only a couple of people bringing sides! I was counting on people bringing more meat-based dishes, but alas, not happening.

  • 11 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I'm with Bumblebeez. If it's lopsided, just ask some people to bring what's still needed.

    For Potlucks in general:

    It's harder when there's a hostess rather than at a meeting or something, but there are various strategies. The hosts are expected to provide either all the ancillary stuff like tableware, drinks and coffee/tea service OR the main dish, but not both. The trick is to set up the rules ahead of time and make sure they're understood. Sometimes this is easier to do by e-mail than any other way, but you can do it by phone if you're clear.

    First off, write up a basic menu that you know you could make all by yourself if this weren't a potluck. Knowing that it's going to be a potluck, however, there should be at least three proteins.

    Sample Planning Menu

    Appetizers

    • Endive boats with mushroom and cheese (vegetarian)
    • Smoked trout salad with toasted baguette rounds
    • Guacamole and crudites

    Proteins

    • Grilled chicken fillets
    • Beef skewers
    • Black bean pasta a la vodka (vegan)

    Sides

    • Green salad
    • Steamed broccoli
    • Tomato salad
    • Carrot salad
    • Roasted fingerling potatoes
    • Rice pilaf

    Desserts

    • Chocolate cake
    • Raspberry sorbet
    • Meringue cookies

    Drinks

    • Table wine
    • Party Cocktail
    • Soft Drinks
    • Coffee/tea

    If you ask people to bring enough for 6 portions, the above should feed 12-18 people, if they're anything like my friends. Add a little for a lot of hungry men. Subtract a little for mostly old folks and kids.

    Strategy One: Armed with your sample plan (yours might be quite different from mine), tell your guests that you'd like them to bring a dish for half a dozen servings. Ask what they'd like to bring. Find something on your list that's sort of like it, and write in the new thing to replace it. For instance, John says he'll bring his famous whiskey ribs -- put it in place of the beef skewers. As your list fills up, start guiding people when you ask what they'd like to bring. Example, "Mary, we really need a colorful salad to go along side the green salad Susie and Mike are bringing. Is that something you could do?" If she says she does a great succotash salad, put it in place of the carrots (both are sweet). That kind of thing.

    Strategy Two: Instead of the specific name, such as "trout salad", put fish spread, or fish dish, or paté on the list. Do that for all the items (cheese app, paté app, vegetable app, chicken main, meat main, vegan main, green salad, side salads x 3, potatoes, rice, cake, sorbet, cookies, wine, cocktail, soda, coffee). Send the list to the whole group by e-mail and have them claim what they want to bring. Send it around again every day or so with the filled in items. You can put a theme with this kind of thing, such as Mexican, or just let people bring what they want.

    Strategy Three (best when the same group have potlucks together regularly): Divide the menu by sections and assign each person/couple to a section, and have the people in each section coordinate who's bringing what, or let it be chaos. Just make sure that if they're in the proteins that they agree to bring a protein, and don't let them all bring salad and dessert. Also make sure the list is saved so that people are assigned a different section next time.

    Strategy Two works really well if people are cooperative. Strategy One gives you the most control over the chaos, which is sometimes necessary. Strategy Three is the least controlled and relies most on people accepting the rules (I've been to all dessert/no food on Strategy Three parties--it's best not to share what the other sections are when you invite people...and they'll still bring something they baked.) Three is also the least work for you.

    Good luck! Have fun!

  • 11 years ago

    Wow! Potluck around here means people bring what they want; we never ask in advance or suggest...it's only one meal, for heaven's sake and if it's all salads or mains (or better yet, desserts), it will still be fun and delicious. I guess we take pot luck more literally!

    The host usually will state that they are making such and such, which in my crowd would likely be grilled salmon or maybe fresh spring rolls, or in the winter a roast turkey. Sometimes I make a salad or an appetizer or a vegetable side dish that I hope complements the main, or at least is delicious on it's own.

  • 11 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Probly too late now but... when we have potlucks @ work, organizers post a list of categories for people to sign up for, like sides, salad, dessert, drinks, etc....

  • 11 years ago

    Olychick, I'm sure it's a regional thing. Here in Southern California, we have people who love to bring scrumptious baked goods to potlucks to show off their skills, but more importantly because their households don't actually eat that kind of dessert. And we have people who bring salads (often bought) because they don't know how to cook, but they're not really fond of vegetables so the salads have more pasta and cheese than anything else, and all the we don't eat dessert bakers won't eat the pasta or cheese either. And we have vegans who will gladly bring something vegan just for themselves so not to be bothered, and will happily bring something vegan to share with the whole group, but it's often some kind of quinoa and chard thing with too much olive oil, which is nutritious, but not very yummy compared to pasta and cheese salad and dessert, so those who would really rather eat salad pick at (just a taste!) the pasta salad and cake.

    Throw men into the mix and there's a big issue of "Where's the meat?" Not that there aren't male vegans and salad hounds, but unlike the ladies, they won't pick at things they like but won't eat a full portion of. If they're not going to eat it, they're not going to eat it. So the vegan guy will eat the quinoa dish, but the meat eaters will get surly if there is none (meat in this context including chicken and fish).

    It gets rather tiring....

  • 11 years ago

    Pillog, I get what you're saying and have been to some potlucks like that (usually organizations rather than circles of friends, tho). I just don't get too worked up about one meal that's unbalanced or where some guy doesn't get meat to eat. It's not like Americans aren't going to eat again 4 hours later!

    My grandson attends a small school where some of the kids are being molded (forced?) into veganism by their parents (the kids are kindergarten - 2nd grade) and a couple have gluten free needs. Sweet treats are discouraged because they usually involve things those kids can't eat (and it's a granola -y group anyway). At the last potluck, I made deviled eggs which were gobbled up before I could set the plate down, and some rice crispy treats made with vegan margarine and vegan marshmallows and organic brown rice gluten free krispies, so all the kids could eat them.

  • 11 years ago

    It's lovely that you've adapted and are making "normal" treats for the kids. Since a 100% vegan diet without bugs or supplements is deathly, I worry about kids who are made to be vegan. According to studies I've heard the results of, most adult vegans "cheat" unless they're part of a specifically vegan religion, and can't go more than about two years on 100% vegan before they have medical issues. Someone who is conscientious about nutrition and supplements would be the exception. Still, vegans are a part of life, here, and most of the weird diet people will eat the vegan dish, so having one is always a plus. :)

    I agree with you about being accepting and just being there for the company, but then people squawk in public, or spend weeks grousing in private. I've found that if someone will just step up and be the leader and coordinate the meal, people enjoy it more. With my outline, I didn't mean that it has to be adhered to 100%. You might end up with five proteins and two large salads, but if there's enough meat/protein, vegetables, starch and dessert to go around, it doesn't matter. It's more about having a plan and making sure that the basics are covered. Even if Nancy ALWAYS brings her seven layer dip (and everyone loves it), you can plead with her to bring her enchilada casserole either instead or as well. If she says she can't, ask Bill if he would be willing to bring one the sides of salmon he smokes. It's just a bit of management to make it a good meal.

    I actually care about it a lot less when it's an organization. If there are 15 desserts and no vegetables, we'll just go out after the meeting (though many use that as an opportunity to
    snark, er, critique, the dishes, which I find uncomfortable). Organization meetings usually break up after coffee/business. It's not like a home party where the guys' stomachs are growling when they're supposed to be lounging back and telling stories, and all they want to do is leave so they can drive through the nearest In-N-Out.

  • 11 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I must live near olychick. lol! A group "potluck" is exactly that and there isn't a host. However, if I were to host a potluck I would definitely provide a substantial 'main dish' -- minimally. I'd also let the guests know what I planned to serve.

    Remember, not everyone cooks! lol!

  • 11 years ago

    OP here. I know all of these families and all of them cook. I guess I was just surprised that this time around there were almost no main dishes being brought - 90% of those bringing items were bringing salads and so panic set in. Everyone is a meat-eater. And I let them know what I was making (a veggie/meat stir-fry). Where we live, potlucks are a chance for everyone to get together with good food - almost all of these people are foodies and like to show-off their cooking skills. So, maybe it's just a change in seasons, kids are getting older so there's less time for them to cook between soccer games...I don't know. Definitely a shift.

    pillog - I like your potluck planner - very organized and handy! Thanks so much.

  • 11 years ago

    Our family dinners are more and more potluck, now that Mom is gone. One SIL usually hosts it a couple of times/year and she'll do the main course. Ham, lasagna, etc. 2 other members don't cook at all, and they always bring a leafy green salad and wine. I help fill in the rest......side salads, dessert etc. I'm taking a Southwestern pasta salad next weekend.

  • 11 years ago

    Well, if I had a bunch of guys grousing about there being no meat, I'd
    tell them to get off their duffs and BRING some next time! I think most
    people bring something they themselves like to eat. I have no sympathy
    for people who don't.

  • 11 years ago

    olychick, I agree, I'd be telling the complainers to bring whatever it is that they are complaining there is none of, sheesh.

    Here a potluck is exactly that, a potluck. If hosting one, the hosts usually provide a main course and then everyone else brings whatever they want. Usually the people I know have a "specialty", whether it be au gratin potatoes or pavlova, and they can usually be counted on to provide that. I also usually know who will not cook for any reason, and they'll always ask if they can just bring soft drinks or paper products or whatever. Potluck, though, means you take what you get. My very favorite potluck was one where the entrée was lake perch, the hostess had a husband who fished. Big fish fry with 3 bags of potato chips, 2 chocolate cakes, a lemon meringue pie, some brownies, banana pudding and a big ole' bowl of coleslaw, LOL. It was delicious and I enjoyed it very much, all the fish I could eat with a side of coleslaw and dessert. Then some more dessert. And I brought the coleslaw because I like it instead of tartar sauce! (grin)

    Annie

  • 11 years ago

    Annie, I get your point. I think the difference is here people bring what they want others to eat, rather than what they want to eat themselves. :)

  • 11 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Is it Dolly Parton who sings the song with the memorable line "never ride a roller coaster when you've eaten pot luck"? LOL We're going to a pot luck BBQ with the difference that the hostess told me what to bring. Makes life easier that way.

  • 11 years ago

    As a host, I would make sure I provided a main and a couple sides. I think as a host, you should pull more weight and anchor the meal to ensure you've covered bases and not leave it to chance that the meal is too one note.

    From there, whatever anyone brings is gravy.

    So to speak.

  • 11 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    OK, thinking more about this. I guess this is more of a cultural/regional thing. When I was growing up and we went to potlucks, everyone brought what they wanted other people to eat - each dish was usually a main dish type of thing (ex. casserole, curry, spaghetti, stir-fry) and when I was in college - same thing, everyone brought main dishes and once in awhile someone brought a bag of chips. Now that I'm older, I've been approaching it the same way, but I think there is a definite cultural difference - my parents are Asian, most of their friends were Asian and so the parties were mostly Asian and it was more a gathering of people, coming together to share food - the great uniter. :D That's what Asians do - they feed everyone! :) There was really no "we are providing roast beef, everyone else bring the sides" - not at all. When we go to potlucks, I always make sure my dish is something substantial. No iceberg salad and Kraft dressing (not dissing that, it's just not what I do). There was no "main dish" to speak of - everyone's dish was a main dish. So, I'm approaching this thing with the same mindset - why wouldn't people want to feed everyone? Didn't think of it that way until now - and now it just makes more sense. That other potluck I had a couple of years ago where most people brought a main dish was an anomaly. So, now I can sleep better, lol, and relax.

  • 11 years ago

    Momnipotent, you've really made me think too. The kind of "potluck" that Mimipadv and others talking about wouldn't even be called "potluck" here. That's called a (casual) party. Everyone brings dishes anyway. If they ask what they can bring, I might say a category, and usually they'll tell me what they're bringing whether they've asked or not. Some foods just show up. Same when I'm taking something. I'll think of something interesting and run it by my hostess.

    When it's called "potluck", the most that the hosts provide is a basic protein (e.g., a roast or barbecue or hotdogs) OR papergoods and drinks if it's picnic style. If it's barbecue and the protein isn't provided, the invitation will usually say, "Bring something to grill and something to share."

    Interesting how different cultures interpret it differently!

  • 11 years ago

    Last year we had a reunion at our youngest daughter's home. We did not tell people what to bring, but they sure pitched in. We provided tableware, drinks, grilled chicken, hot dogs, pork barbecue for sandwiches, baked beans, desserts and I don't know what all now. Everyone truly enjoyed themselves and there were a lot of us there. I usually fix most of my food for when I am planning a family dinner. Sometimes, I will ask if one of our daughters can bring something special they like to make, but not always. They don't even have to bring a thing, but they always do. This year at another reunion, different folks, they provided the meat, drinks, and they had the tableware too. I took brownies, pies, and baked beans. I never take just one thing :)

    Sue

  • 11 years ago

    If it's over planned or assigned it's not potluck. It's simply a contribution to the party. Potlucks are supposed to be random. Seems the term potluck has been hijacked like so many other things have today.

  • 11 years ago

    I always thought the point of a potluck was the emphasis on "luck." Like "the luck of the draw." Attendees brought food, but there was no guarantee that there'd be a balance of food items. Sometimes too many pasta casseroles or salads. Sometimes too many desserts. That was the "luck" part. Also part of the fun.

    Many church potlucks assign meal courses alphabetically: Last names beginning with A-F bring a main dish; G-K bring salads, etc. But you still could end up with 4 tuna casseroles. Sometimes the host announces a theme like Mexican food or soup. If you get 3 enchilada casseroles, you just grin & bear it. Or the host tells the invitees that the main dish will be provided and guests should supply salads, side dishes, and desserts. Again, there's always the possibility of lots of duplicate dishes or too many of one kind of dish.

    Unless the hosting party makes it clear what is expected of guests, I always figure I can bring whatever I want. I could go all out and make a complicated Greek dish like pastitsio or baklava or I could pick up a cake from a local bakery.

  • 11 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I don't have attribution dates here, but I believe the original use of potluck was a spontaneous invitation to join a family for dinner, where whatever was to be served would be "potluck", as in whatever was in the pot, rather than the kind of formal, planned meal that even the smallest entertainments used to have.

    I've never been (been invited to) to a potluck where it was supposed to be random. The ones with too many desserts are usually the by the initial ones that Shambo described, where people bring whatever, or choose a different category by their middle names, instead of following the rules.

    I don't think that just because there are regional variations or cultural differences in how it's done, that it means the word has been hijacked.

  • 11 years ago

    To the extent that we are looking for general definitional agreement rather than local understanding, I believe wikipedia, with its continual and wide ranging editing, is the perfect source. Looks like plllog may have scanned it at some point. Here it is:

    A potluck is a gathering of people where each person or group of
    people contributes a dish of food prepared by the person or the group,
    to be shared among the larger gathered group. Synonyms include: potluck dinner, spread, Jacob's join,[1][2]Jacob's supper, faith supper, covered dish supper, dish party, bring and share, dutch, pitch-in, bring-a-plate, dish-to-pass, fuddle.

    The word pot-luck appears in the 16th century English work of Thomas Nashe, and used to mean "food provided for an unexpected or uninvited guest, the luck of the pot."[this quote needs a citation]
    The sense "communal meal, where guests bring their own food," appears
    to have originated in the late 19th century or early 20th century,
    particularly in the Western North America, either by influence from potlatch or possibly by extension of traditional sense of "luck of the pot."
    To the Irish,
    a potluck was a meal with no particular menu. Everyone participating
    brought a dish for all to share. The term comes from a time when groups
    of Irish women would gather together and cook dinner. They only had one
    pot so they cooked the meal together with whatever ingredients they
    happened to have that day.

    Potluck dinners are events where the attendees bring a dish to a meal. Potluck dinners are often organized by religious or community
    groups, since they simplify the meal planning and distribute the costs
    among the participants. Smaller, more informal get-togethers with
    distributed food preparation may also be called potlucks. The only
    traditional rule is that each dish be large enough to be shared among a
    good portion (but not necessarily all) of the anticipated guests. In
    some cases each participant agrees ahead of time to bring a single
    course, and the result is a multi-course meal. Guests may bring in any
    form of food, ranging from the main course to desserts. In the United
    States, potlucks are associated with crockpot dishes, casseroles (often called hot dishes in the upper Midwest), dessert bars, and jello salads.
    Traditionally, potlucks were a simple combination of dishes brought
    together by event attendees without a general theme. However, recent
    times have seen the growth of themed induced dinners for parties or
    special occasions.

  • 11 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I agree that Wikipedia is a good source for the reasons you described, but I didn't look at it. I was regretting not paying for the OED online and debating whether it was worth going clear across the house for my print one, and not finding anything useful in the free dictionaries. I just know a lot about words and have been to a lot of potlucks. :) (I was also wondering if there was a potlatch association. :) ) Thanks for posting that, Chas045. Very interesting!