Roses, I am reading that book, too. It is so well written if ...harrowing.

It is tragic that some people have to be sent to a nursing home to recover after a hospital stay, to protect them from the neglect of the relatives with whom they live. The same relatives who put their foot down about the nursing home and want the patient "home" to keep receiving his or her paltry SS check. Or who refuse to take an elderly family member off life support long after it is clearly the thing to do (even to them) because of their hopes of possibly getting that check back. Or who steal their elderly relatives pain medication for themselves or to sell. Or....or.....or

Human nature is not very pretty. I had never heard a parent use the F word to a child until I was well over forty years of age and did not realize just how sheltered I had been.

And then there are my neighbors.....in one (under 2000 sqft) house we have a Grandfather, his disabled brother, his 19 yo granddaughter, who raises her 2 nephews, one of whom has a severe growth and seizure disorder. Grandmother was there, but died last year.

kswl, don't think the trouble ends with the transfer to a nursing home. DD is an RN in the ER and the stories she can tell about the elderly and their care and abuse would curl your hair. Even our elders are not immune from drug abuse, thus ignoring their relative in the nursing home and then the home itself not providing care with no one watching out for them.

I know it doesn't, outside. There is horrendous abuse in some nursing homes, even on isolated shifts in "good" nursing facilities because of bad employees. But, often a nursing home is preferable to the neglect that happens at a relative's home.....or in the patient's own home taken over by a grandchild or great grandchild and his/her friends, who are stealing that SSI check and spending it on drugs.

there are endless ways people can hurt each other.

I'll play devils advocate -

When adult children take advantage of their elderly parents however that may be defined, I do wonder what kind of an upbringing did they have - were the children given love and guidance or were they neglected in some way, were the parents themselves neglectful and/or did they abuse alcohol or drugs. Some elderly parents become verbally abusive as they age and become unpleasant to be around and their adult children may not have the knowledge or emotional stamina to deal with that situation on an on-going basis.

Let's not put all the blame on the adult children.

Stealing SS checks and starving people tells a good story but I hope that it is a minute part of the population where that occurs.

Nursing home abuse is a different category. It is really hard to find a good one that doesn't cost a fortune and with government funding cut-backs for everything over the last decade elderly care has suffered. With us baby boomers coming into that age it is only going to become worse. The only person I can count on to take care of me is me. My DH and I figured that out years ago and all our financial planning is geared to that situation.

Even the OP's post, I'm only reading one side of the story.

I read Behind the Beautiful Forevers, and was reminded how lucky I am to lead the life I live. The book was a real eye opener as to the conditions that some people are forced to live in.

With regard to nursing home abuse, I mentioned on another thread, that I am a Volunteer Nursing Home Ombudsman. The federally mandated State Ombudsman's office is an independent agency that is required to visit every long term care facility in the state at least quarterly. Every state ombudsman office offers training and certification for volunteer ombudsmen who work to identify and resolve a wide variety of facility issues ranging from serious abuse/neglect problems to issues about the food. We are a watchdog and advocate for residents' rights.

blfenton - It did occur to me to think about the situation: I wonder if the old guy is a real a-hole? I decided it doesn't matter if he is. His son should have walked away if he didn't want to deal with dad rather than live in his house and not feed him. The daughters have told the son he has 30 days to find new living arrangements because the house will be sold.

As in Behind the Beautiful Forevers, there are men (and women) around here who don't work if they can figure out how to get what they want (which is not much) some other way. Cars don't leave drives until gas money has been scrounged from somewhere. They'll work a day or a week or two until they have enough money to get by for a little while. I don't understand living like that but they probably think I'm a sucker for working 40+ hours a week year after year.

I don't think nursing home abuse is as bad as elder abuse in a private home, one's own or a relative's. There is something dispassionate and removed about abuse by a stranger....more intimate and painful by family. And family abuse is, from what I have seen with my own two eyes, vastly under reported. I have also seen relatives try to sue nursing homes as a source of income.