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I Don't Like How My Boyfriend Babys His Son

Rose Martinez
7 years ago

When I met my boyfriend we clicked instantly. We also each have a son. My son is only a year and a half older and when they met, they clicked as well. Things were going great so we decided to move in together.

When I first met his son I was speechless. He was 4 years old and was still wearing diapers. He also ate like garbage. Breakfast usually consisted of him eating the chocolate frosting off a donut from Dunkin Donuts, a slice of bread with Nutella or a hashbrown from McDonald's. Lunch and dinner were either a microwaved personal pan pizza or a chicken nugget happy meal from McDonald's. He was allowed snack and candy even after breakfast. The only thing he ever drank was Sprite. I swear none of this is an exaggeration. He was always dehydrated. So when we moved in together I decided I would help him to eat better. I'm no health nut but I don't believe children should be taught bad eating habits. Remember when we all asked for cake for breakfast and got looked at like we were crazy? Well it's been a slow process but now he eats cereal or yogurt for breakfast, lunch and dinner vary but never the same thing twice in one day. And he drinks water more than anything. The problem for me is that I've had to fight my boyfriend the whole way. Whenever I questioned why he found it acceptable to have a personal pan pizza for lunch and dinner literally every single day it was a fight. He would say that it was what he liked. So his son would eat as much as he wanted and would say he was full and asked for dessert. When I would say "you can't have dessert til you finish." My boyfriend would always jump in and say "it's ok he ate a lot." A little while later, right before bed, he would tell his father he was hungry and ask for a snack. After a while I got frustrated and told my boyfriend he asks for dessert right after dinner because he is still hungry. He needs to eat what's on his plate so he can be full an not want two different treats in one night. It caused a fight.

He also treats his son better than mine. If they do the EXACT same thing, and they have, he will scold my son but he'll coddle his own. This has caused the most fights. He'll make my son do what his son wants to do when he's over, and his son knows that and will complain when my son won't do as he wishes.

He doesn't even know how to get himself dressed, like at all. Everyone always dresses him. He's 5. I've tried to teach him a trick on how to put on underwear, etc, but if daddy's home he'll get frustrated that he can't, go cry to daddy and daddy will do it for him. Today I asked both our sons to dress themselves after I gave them a bath. I gave them each a t-shirt and underwear. His father was out of the house. A few minutes later he came in and we went to check on them. As usual my son dressed himself. His son tried to put on his underwear, but couldnt get them up all the way and accidentally put them on backwards and he looked visibly upset. His father walked over to go take them off, I was about to show him how to put them on himself but his father proceeded to tell me not to worry about it and did it for him as he told him "it's ok I understand, you're tired." I went to go show him a trick on how to put a t-shirt on. His father grabbed it and proceeded to do it for him. I got frustrated. He's 5, about to go into Kindergarten in a week and not only does he insist on never wanting to dress himself when his father is around, his father insists it's ok. It caused a fight tonight.

My boyfriend and I encourage my son to read or do his workbook. His son has never touched his workbook and doesn't know how to even hold a pencil or write his own name. I've tried to teach him how to do so but my boyfriend insists I do it only out of spite for him asking my son to put his tablet down and read a book, because all his son does is play on his tablet and play video games, nothing educational.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to help this poor child out. And I'm getting frustrated with how he baby's him. What can I do? My son has even gotten to a point where he asks me why his son gets whatever he wants and my son doesn't. I don't even know how to answer him. My boyfriends excuses usually pertain to the terrible mothering job his ex does. (She feeds him chocolate chip cookies and donuts for breakfast and a sprite or water to drink. She'll let him eat straight out of a jar of Nutella as a snack.) I've told him he can't control what she does with him but he can control what goes on in our house. He tells me I don't understand...Am I missing something?

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