Goodness, Cynthia, you read my mind (or I read yours). Those three were the very things I was going to say, just in a little different order.

#3--OOooooh, how beautiful!

#2--Oh, no. I'm sorry. Oh, no. Oh, dear.

#1--(in an unfortunately loud voice, I say the following): @#$%^ you stabbed me. @#$%^you scratched me!! @#$%^let go!!

Diane

"Oh, NO! Not again?!?!"

"You poor thing..."

"C'mon, you can do better than that"

"I'm sooooooo sorry"

"Oooooh! I'll have to take a picture of you (before I cut you and put you in a vase)"

"So you don't like me???"

"You get ONE.MORE.YEAR, then out you go..."

"Wow!"

and of course, "OUCH!"

My father bought a new Ford the day before I was born, "umpteen dozen years ago". He used to joke every time that car acted up, every time it appears to notice he was looking at other cars, he would make comments around it about trading it in, and the thing would straighten up and 'fly right'. Taking a cue from him, my most frequent comment to my plants is, "see that compost pile over there...?" They straighten up and fly right, or I have more compost.

I tend to say, "Why don't you do something about these god damn weeds all over you?"

I have one rose that is only a little thing. Scepter'd Isle own root cutting. I say come on come you can do it. Its not listening to me very good. I remember Karl rosenut said don't call the roses babies.

I say often, "Hey! You BIT me!!!"

Carol

Ouch you %*^@! lol

Anymore blackspotted leaves and the shovels coming out! %*^@!

You got one more chance to bloom better or I'll choke your stems until they turn blue! %*^@!

On a good note:

Great looking bloom you have produced today!

Wow your leaves are still looking great!

Opps sorry I broke your stem... (slowly walking away %*^@!)

Wow what amazing branch structure!

Oh I forgot one!

Oh you poor thing what has the heavy rain with strong winds/hail, snow done to you today.

Carol :)

Fun comments everyone! Diane - it is scary to be reading your mind that well, but I see these are widely common rose conversations. Fig Insanity, I like the "c'mon, you can do better than that" for when roses put out those piddly little excuses for mangled blooms. Kim - I love the Ford story and we have several examples where the threat of compost has made a rose indeed straighten up! Streisandfan - I dearly love the implication that the roses should take care of their own weeds - after all, if they can bite us as RoseCanadian noted, they should be able to scare away just about anything (including the bunnies, BTW). Patty - your comment made me chuckle too - I tell the roses they'd better appreciate it as well when it's 95 degrees and I'm watering them with my sweat while checking them over. Sam- good job cheering on your little cutting, and hopefully it'll grow big enough to hear you. Jim- I'd be more likely to carry through on the shovel threat than the choking threat, since if they've already bitten me it may hurt me more than the rose. Carol - I do admit to feeling sorry and saying "you poor thing" to a rose, unfortunately more often because of my error than the weather though!

Thanks for chiming in - I can relate to them all.

Cynthia

I have been caught on numerous occasions talking to my roses.

I work in a greenhouse, I know, lucky me. LOL I found a little rose growing amongst our discards, all that I saw was this little orange blossom, no bigger than a quarter amongst all the discards. I pulled it out of the pile and immediately began talking to it and telling it how I was going to trim it all up pretty and give the poor thing something to eat and of course a nice long drink of real spring water. I have it sitting on a sunny window ledge at work and every day I go in I show everyone how much better my little rose is doing. The roses name is Orange Triumph, it is living up to its name, it has triumped all the odds and survived.

I love to walk around and look at my roses and comment on how beautiful they are today and ask them if they are happy or need any help. I look for bad bugs and tell my darlings that mommy will fix it.

Oh it is pathetic the way I go on to them.

Valerie

I've probably said most all of the above at one time or another. I've definitely taken the shovel out and waved it at a rose telling it to straighten up or it's outta here! Sometimes it works but not always. Maybe I missed it but one I didn't see above was, YUM, you smell good!

I am so glad to read this and if you all are not crazy then all is well cause I talk to my roses too. Mostly I just say 'you are so pretty' or 'uhmm, what a lovely fragrance you have'. There is the occasional 'oh no, what is the matter - what do you need'. Then, I have a challenge and seek help.

What a great story about your Orange Triumph, Valerie! I hope your work lets you keep it and take it home, as it deserves a spot outside after overcoming all that adversity. Sharon - I sure wish I could say "yum you smell good" to more of my roses, but in my case the problem is more with the gardener than the rose. And Nancylee, if we're all crazy, then it's a good kind of crazy, and more people should join us (BWA-HA-HA).

Cynthia

"Oh my gosh, look at you, you lovely thing!" along with a sniff of the blossoms.

When they prick me, I usually apologize to them for bothering them and leave them alone. Or when I'm deadheading, I ask kindly for more blossoms.

I say hang in there, summer's almost over and hopefully, we get some rain.

I think my most common is: Hey, that is not nice after everything I have done for you! Followed by: Sorry! I didn't mean to do that.

most of my roses are first year roses so I usually say, "Come on sweetie, let me see just one more little bloom" , or I can often be heard saying "ouch, don't do that, you know you shouldn't stick the hand that waters and feeds you!"

"I've missed you" - seeing some favorites during the 1st flush

"Oh, sorry" - accidentally broke off something

"Oops" - accidentally cut a bud instead of a bloom

"You're so pretty" - any strikingly pretty rose

Haha what a fun thread!

Positive thoughts:

"Oh you're doing so well! Look at that foliage!" - I was careful in my selection this year to get healthy roses. It's been paying off -- I've said that a lot!

"Oh, please survive!" I said this to Tineke ... it didn't *cries*.

"Mmmm" - about the scent.

"You're so much prettier than I imagined, and you're doing so well! Ok, you've made it on my favorites list" - as every good rose does.

"Come on, you're tough, you can survive this!" - normally said when I have to clip off a cane due to damage, or when they're eaten by "the beetles", or when I'm just worried about them. I said it a lot to Tineke *cries*.

Negative thoughts:

"Oh come on, you're supposed to be better than that!" - this I said last year, mostly to Hot Cocoa and Iceberg. They were shovel pruned. I say it now sometimes to encourage the other roses to shape up or shovel out.

"Goodness you're thorny!" - this is usually when I've forgotten how many thorns a rose has, or when a band puts out their first big cane and I underestimated how many thorns they had.

"Stay away from my roses!" - ...well, ok, that's to the Japanese Beetles.

"Oops, sorry. Oh well, you'll survive; you're tough" - I think you all know when I say that! I'm such a mean rose moma...

...and that's pretty much it. I try to think positive so my roses do too ;).

My rose garden is just getting started, so my roses often hear:

1."Grow, baby, grow!"

2. "I hope you're making roots under there."

3." When did you grow THAT?"

and because this is a VERY different gardening situation for me:

"How the heck did THAT happen?" and it's companion phrase, "What did THAT?!?!?"

Your so gorgeous oh my goodness your leaves, the flowers,and your shape. Guys I gatta get out of here before I jinx ya all.

Don't wilt on me little buck-a roo....

Oh you're doing so good, you are awesome!

Yeah, only when you know I'm about to get rid of you do you bloom out huh ... hmmph

Why don't you just die already!

Thanks for all the inspirations, guys! JoeMoose - you're so polite to your roses, maybe I should try asking them nicely to put out some more blooms when I deadhead and see if they listen. Kittymoonbeam, I think your roses are chiming in with you in a croaking "water, water!!" voice - I pity you out in CA. Countrygirl - I can relate to the guilt trips for our roses - if we put all that work into them they need to shape up after all! Beth - that's the perfect guilt trip in fact - don't bite the hand that feeds you/deadheads you/ waters you. "I've missed you" - ah, what a nice sentiment KentuckyRose and it definitely expresses the nice side of "well, FINALLY...".

Rosecandy - I've definitely begged my roses to survive and gotten more desperate as they dwindle over time, and I talk to my resident rabbits all the time (including a baby one we've named Norbert) to stay away from my roses (but he just looks at me smugly and keeps eating). Patty - I'm not letting myself think that I might jinx the roses - if the best fertilizer is the gardener's footsteps, I'm thinking that talking has to count for something too. Jim - of course, the sad second part to that one is "Don't die on me buckaroo!" Msdorkgirl - I had to laugh at the last one. I keep asking Fimbriata every year why it won't just die and put us all out of our miseries, but even though it's horribly chlorotic at the moment, it's also totally winter hardy and I just can't kill a survivor like that without just cause.

Holly - you've captured the surprise of rose growing well - "what on earth is that" or "where did that come from" - when you check your roses every day or so it's still amazing to see how easy it is to be surprised. Unfortunately, I'm often surprised by "where did that go" with the bloom that just opened yesterday and is already wilted and fading today.

Cynthia

Everything worked out with Tineke after all! See my thread "Never underestimate a determined rose bush...". It lived!

This has been a fun thread ^_^

I sent a link of this thread to a friend of mine that talks to her 750 plus roses all the time. It made her feel glad she isn't the only one. :-)

Oh how wonderful, RoseCandy! See all those tears and talking to must have done some good. Tineke knew you missed it and came back home.

Jasminerose - glad your friend enjoyed this! She's definitely not alone and I'm sure she could contribute some choice comments as well. Now with 750 roses she is most heartily invited to drop in here at GW and show us some pictures and share her insights!

Cynthia

Thanks, Cynthia. I'll let her know.