I'm so sorry....in your last conversation did you communicate that you would be there to support him through this crisis? Is it too late to communicate this now? He may decide to get back in touch with you when his life settles down...or maybe he was having strong feelings just a few months in and was confused and used the crisis as an excuse. You may never know but I wouldn't be saying all this if he were a schmuck. Since he does seem like a great guy, it might be worth contacting him in a month or so via text or email with just a " was thinking of you and hope things are going ok" and see what happens. If it's really over.....don't give up! So many people have made great matches on dating websites. And it could happen when you least expect it. My divorced coworker then in her mid 50's met her guy standing in line at Borders..they've been together almost 10 years. Hang in there and stay open to anything.

Thanks for sharing your numbers Jane NY. I really didn't understand why the other realtor seemed offended because I thought our offer was a good starting place! That realtor actually apologized to my realtor for the way she reacted, so that's good at least. Congrats on your purchase! Brickeye you are right that zillow can be inaccurate - they had their zestimate of our current house at $290k about a year ago and now it's at $159k with no explanation. However, they do have our tax assessment and taxes paid listed correctly. Zillow is also a good place to find out how long houses have been on the market and how many times they have been re-listed. Their zestimates mean nothing to me though. At this point I'm almost glad they didn't accept our offer because I'm so excited about the possibility of getting this unfinished house with the great view of the city and river. However, if we can't make a deal on this new house I will go back and put our final offer in writing on the first house. Thanks again to all of you for your input. Kind of makes me wary of buying from a divorcing couple!

"so the wisdom of his decisions is his own business." ???? Generally, a 401k is considered marital property and is divided in divorce proceedings. Any decisions about withdrawals from it in the middle of a divorce certainly aren't just "his business." Anyway, if he really is intent on doing this, you need to talk to a lawyer. In the divorce, a judge will have to issue a qualified domestic relations order specifying the division of the 401k. If everything is done properly, you will get a 1 time opportunity withdraw money from the 401k without the 10% penalty. You would still have to pay taxes on it though. Don't encourage him to do this outside of the actual divorce proceedings. Once that money is out of the 401k, things can get much trickier. Depending on the state, that penalty and taxes may be part of your marital property, so you could end up having to pay for his decisions.

"he continues to have personality conflict issues. He has no filter, and further fails to take responsibility for the problems he thinks isn't his fault." Without a strong will and a concerted effort on hos part to change this, it will always be the same. Does he want to change? Is he willing to go to counselling? If not, I can predict with a large degree of certitude that this cycle of getting a job, then being unemployed will continue until he retires. " I do everything around the house (cleaning and yardwork) in addition to my full time job." Even now that he is unemployed? IMO when you are both working, jobs should be divided equitably (not necessarily equally, but according to who likes and is good at doing particular jobs and how you _both_ feel happy with the division). A non-working partner's contribution to the partnership is, IMO the lion's share of the household chores. This is as valuable as the other partner's monetary contribution. " I don't want to kiss someone I have to tell to brush their teeth and take a shower." Yuck. While not exactly physically abusive, it's not the act of a caring partner. Yes, he may have let his personal hygiene slip due to depression caused by being unemployed, yada yada, but if he's depressed he needs to get counselling and _fix_ the depression. How will he get a new job if he's dirty and smelly? " But there is still a fear that I will be alone forever" And if you were, would that be worse than continuing in your current situation? You probably won't be, though I wouldn't rush into another relationship for its own sake though- you already know how that plays out. I guess your decision will hinge largely on counselling. You need it for yourself to work through your own thoughts and decide what you want out of life. He needs it to work on his depression and other issues. If you want to save the relationship, you need it together to work out how you're going to do that. I wish you luck.