I've been reading this post with interest, and have been tempted many times to chime in -- but thought I'd wait until my thoughts settled a bit first. So here goes: - This is a time while your entire identity is changing -- your whole self-image. I'm not sure how you thought of yourself before, but "the new you" will be at least somewhat different, possibly very different from "the old you." And the new you should live in a place that fits the new you, not the old one. - Staying in your current house seems like a "same life, but minus the husband" type of choice, sort of "less than before" -- even if it's actually a good change. Staying put seems like "hanging on" instead of grabbing something else, of being "divorced" rather than being "single" again. - Moving has the whole attitude of moving forward, of changing your life in the direction you want to go. What direction? Only you get to decide. You get to redefine your whole life -- a precious opportunity. Weed's point about financial flexibility is also a fabulous one. While money can't buy happiness, it *can* make all sorts of annoying problems go away. While I don't advocate "throwing money at" every problem, it at least makes almost every problem solveable, so you then have the choice for how you want to solve it. Flexibility is exactly what it is. So I'm in the 'move on' camp --

Yes, I think you are correct in that I'm usually very trusting of people. It's not my nature to look for the worst in people and I'd like to think that people will treat me the way that I treat them. However, in the past few years my husband has taught me a valuable lesson in what happens when you are too trusting. When I look back on some of the different situations that have happened I can't believe that it totally slip past me or how deceitful he is as a person. I trusted him to move money out of my checking account to pay monthly expenses until one day when I was trying to make a purchase and the clerk informed me that my debit card was declined. My first thought was my account must have been hacked. On my way home to figure out what had happened I remember how during the past few weeks he kept reminding me that I was spending a lot of money. I only spent what I knew that I could afford to spend and never more than what I was making. His statements should have been a clue. When I went online to view my banking account I saw where he had transfer more than $30,000.00 out of my account over a period of year and half without consulting me. Hence the "you're spending a lot lately". I never really checked my account because I always knew that I had a pretty good cushion for what I wanted to spend. My spending was nothing more than a visit to Walmart every now and then and I knew with the amount of money that I make (retired Federal employee and now a government contractor making six figures) that I really never had to worry about my card being declined. When I confronted him about it the first thing he yelled was "I pay the house note out of my check'! There was about an ounce of truth to his statement with the exception that the money was first transferred from my account to his account and then of course he paid the house note but using my money. What a snake in the dirt! At that point I really just wanted to know what was going on with him so I was willing to sit down and discuss the situation with him but he got angry and slapped me across my face. He told me that I had repeated to him that I didn't really need to know what was going on with the budget just as long as everything was paid and on time. That was his excuse for not telling me that he was taking money out of my account. Well needless to say when he put his hands on me I used his cane and beat the crap out of him. No one, and I mean no one is allowed to touch me in that way and every since that night we have not shared a bed. I knew then that the marriage was pretty much over for me. That happened last March and I'm still trying to figure out how to get out. It can't be that difficult because people do it all the time. I think I need a some sort of life coach to help me to navigate all of the changes that I'll need to make. The other thing that I noticed is that he no longer takes his mom and sister out to dinner and movies anymore and he's not offering to guy rounds when he visits a bar. REALLY?? When I look back at the time that I've spent with him and various situations that are questionable I realize how he's been lying to me all these years. I've had people question me about his comments and how they say he bashes me behind my back. Oh well, I'm sure you're probably bore and have heard enough of me. Thanks for your time. Pam (forgive all errors in this almost book that I've written. I'm writing this while on my break so I don't have much time to proofread.)

I'll get flamed for saying this, but... Divorce is SOOOOOO much harder to deal with than death. My mom always told me that and now, having talked with several women who experienced both death of a spouse and divorce of a spouse, I have no more doubts. When they die, you get sympathy cards and tasty casseroles and warm hugs. When they divorce you, there's very little sympathy. When they die, you have to learn to live alone and cope the best you can but you have memories of good times to sustain you. When it's a divorce, you have to learn to live alone and you ALSO have to deal with the agony of rejection, abandonment, disappointment and figure out how to make peace with the fact that the marriage you invested your heart and soul in - failed. When it's loss by death, at least you have sweet memories to hang onto. When it's a divorce, all those memories through all those years get injected with a toxic hit of poison, with comments such as, "You know, I don't think I ever did really love you..." My mom was divorced after 28 years. It was very very hard on her but she survived and the rest of her long life was happy and joyful and sweet and good. My dad did the same thing as yours; walked out so he could take up with someone new. I was divorced after 24 years. It was very very hard but I survived and now I'm married to a good man and his life's purpose is to make me happy. Took six years to get here, but it's pretty nice. My thoughts and prayers are with your Mom. I hope she gets through this okay. Rose

Thanks for sharing your numbers Jane NY. I really didn't understand why the other realtor seemed offended because I thought our offer was a good starting place! That realtor actually apologized to my realtor for the way she reacted, so that's good at least. Congrats on your purchase! Brickeye you are right that zillow can be inaccurate - they had their zestimate of our current house at $290k about a year ago and now it's at $159k with no explanation. However, they do have our tax assessment and taxes paid listed correctly. Zillow is also a good place to find out how long houses have been on the market and how many times they have been re-listed. Their zestimates mean nothing to me though. At this point I'm almost glad they didn't accept our offer because I'm so excited about the possibility of getting this unfinished house with the great view of the city and river. However, if we can't make a deal on this new house I will go back and put our final offer in writing on the first house. Thanks again to all of you for your input. Kind of makes me wary of buying from a divorcing couple!