Disowned

11 years ago

My 26 year old son got married in 2014, we truly loved his wife.They datedfor 8 years and She even lived with us for a few years.They had a baby 6 months ago and we've only Seen her for 3 short visits the last before Easter, about 3.5 Weeks ago we got into a big argument over this, they are Very involved with Her family & see them all the time.Weve offered to go there to meet somewhere we've invited them here, we've offered to babysit ...there was always an excuse. So now my son won't talk to me at all.we were always so close. He's deleted me from All social media Sites,blocked my phone number I've even writtena big apology letter taking au the blame even the itwent both ways. It is killing me not having with my son or any access to my baby granddaughter. I've been crying for weeks.I feel like I'm In mourning. People say give it time but the longer it goes on the more I'm Just numb to it.IM at the point that even if he did call, things will never be the same .With us -1 just need to hold and be able to gram to my grand daughter, I feel like I can't even cry anymore now I'm hitting anger and dont knowhow he could do this to me.I dont know what to do I am so hurt a angry. Does anyonehave any advice or understand at all? I need help. I literally feel like my heart has beeupped out of my chest, Thanks for listening.

Featured Answer

stir_fryi SE Mich

11 years ago

I suspect there is more to this. It seems odd that your son would react so strongly to your request to see them. What's REALLY going on?

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Comments (6)

eld61
11 years ago
So sorry you are going through this. It does seem odd that after all these years of having good relationship that now you are disowned.

You seem to have done everything you could to try to patch things up. For whatever reason, the couple might be overwhelmed with the baby and your requests to see more of the baby is felt as pressure on their part.

You have offered to babysit. Not sure why they don't jump at the chance for a little free time.

Can you speak to your daughter in law or is it always through your son?

You could use some counseling to work through your feelings and and come up with a strategy for coping.
tfitz1006
11 years ago
Has your husband talked to your son?
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veronicasgrandma
11 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I do understand, been there done that. It's heart wrenching. It's the daughter-in-law that's calling the shots here. I've seen it with friends and family. There doesn't have to be anything else going on as other posters eluded to. I know an elderly couple who could easily get the Sweetest Couple of the Century award. They are truly the nicest, kindest people I've ever known and sacrificed so much for their kids. When they weren't in a position to give $35K to their son for his business venture, the daughter-in-law wouldn't let the son or their children speak to them anymore. She threatened to leave their son if he did. The mom passed away last year and the son's wife wouldn't allow him to go to the hospital or funeral. This is more common than you think. Talk to your son, have your husband talk to him. Don't give up and don't let the daughter-in-law win.
BB Galore
10 years ago
Parents tend to assume issues that were either dropped or never brought up after their kids grew up are issues that don't exist. Aging parents may never get a straight answer (or any answer) for the reasons that led to estrangement. To do so would require the adult child to put themselves in a position of vulnerability that they are clearly no longer willing to endure.

We reap what we sow. If you look back on your child-rearing years as a time of responsible nurturing, transparent affection, healthy boundaries, loving discipline, and parental dependability, you are not going to end up estranged from your adult children. If you have a lot of "I did the best I could" excuses, then please realize when your adult child severs their ties to you, they are also doing the best they can, for themselves and their own children.
lookintomyeyes83
10 years ago
I'd add to the above that being a parent doesn't automatically give you the right to be a grandparent. If you want to hold babies, there are opportunities to volunteer at a hospital, or offer to babysit for your friends' children. Special bonds can be formed with children that are not necessarily by blood.

Disowned

stir_fryi SE Mich

Comments (6)

eld61

tfitz1006

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BB Galore

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