My BIL had a jeans, cowboy hats and boots wedding where the guests primarily wore jeans. I recall the bridesmaids wore cowboy boots with their short dresses-I think the bride was going to wear boots too but didn't for some reason (I didn't go to that wedding). At the time I attributed the attire at that affair to the trashiness of the whole spectacle (that's a whole other story). But a friend got married at her parents back yard and the groom wore a similar set up-he was big into horse activities, and guests were very casual. My eldest DD got married at a lakeside place where guests could tent camp if they chose to. Neither the wedding party or the guests wore jeans, but every one was dressed in what I would describe as urban casual attire. If the wedding is going to be a casual theme, then no big deal IMHO. My younger DD was married in a ballroom at an opera house-had anyone shown up to that affair in jeans I would have croaked. I like the dress you've shown, I think it would be very appropriate.

I'll bet you are glad you went. It sounds like such a nice get together, with the one exception. Linda

Very nice, I love both of your quilts, the one for your son and this one too. Beautiful work. bopeep

The short answer: No, you don't need to bring a shower gift. A shower gift is tied to a shower you were invited to. If there was no shower, or you weren't invited to one, there's nothing to make up for. You didn't skip anything — the event simply didn't happen on your radar, and that's not a gift obligation you owe. The longer answer, for context: Traditionally these are two separate gifts for two separate events. But that rule assumes two things — that a shower actually took place, and that you were invited to it. Neither applies here. Etiquette doesn't require you to retroactively gift an event you were never part of. A few things worth noting for your situation specifically: You're traveling from California to Maine. That's a significant expense on its own, and any reasonable couple understands that. Travel costs are widely considered part of your "gift" in spirit, even if no one says it out loud. A monetary wedding gift is completely appropriate — and honestly, for a nephew you're close enough to travel cross-country for, it's a generous and welcome choice. Don't double up out of guilt. Bringing an extra "shower gift" to the wedding itself would likely just confuse the couple, since there was no shower to attach it to. It could even read as an oddly large wedding gift rather than a thoughtful gesture. If you want to do something extra, a nice card with a personal note means more than a second gift. Something about welcoming your nephew's new spouse into the family, or a memory from when he was growing up, lands far better than an extra box. One caveat: If it turns out a shower did happen and you simply weren't invited, that's a different situation — but even then, the polite response is to let it go, not to compensate. Being left off a guest list isn't a debt you owe. So: bring your wedding gift, enjoy the trip, and don't give the shower question another thought. Hope the wedding was lovely, Vicki — and if anyone else is in a similar spot, feel free to share how you handled it!