What do woman really want?

8 years ago

I have been married for 6 years, and have tried many different approaches to making my wife want to be intimate. I guess it's hard for me to understand how woman truly work. I remember our first years of marriage, she would put different (I call) excuses, as to why she didn't want to be intimate. Here are some: "you don't help me out around the house, I'm overwhelmed, and I am frustrated", "the kids got me all over the place", "I'm tired from working all day".... Then I gained a little weight, and she used to hint that I was chubby when I took of my shirt. You might think, damn that's kind of harsh, I thought so too, but I was determined to give her no excuse. So I addressed the issues. I Clean - wash dishes and clothes, clean floors and vacuum, and even cook. No not just once, til this day, I do it at least 2 times a week. As for the kids, I give them bathes and get them ready for bed, some morning when I'm off I cook breakfast, almost every night I cook. Work- she cut down from 5-6 days to 4 (has her own business). Lastly my weight, I dropped the fat and now am pretty shredded (let's say other woman don't have a problem complementing me). At this point guys would be like, too much work, but I thought she is worth the battle. I figured these changes would be the key to my success, but sadly I'm writing this post for that reason. Funny thing, when I say "your beautiful", she takes it lightly; but when some random dude, says the exact same she gets all hyped and tells her girl-friends. And for the woman who say, "what's your approach on sex?" I don't ask, like I used to, I try and deliver food to her at least once a week, send flowers every change in season... My point is I Persue her. Everything I do just turns-on woman around me, but I feel like I'm wooing a rock. Lol. So woman please tell me where I'm wrong?! In my eyes divorce is not an option, I believe in marriage (period).

Insight >> woman who do this to your husbands, be careful. if I didn't have my beliefs, let's say it wouldn't be hard to get someone else to show me what I'm lacking.

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Comments (3)

jakkom
8 years ago
I respect that you believe in
marriage. But your wife apparently doesn't.
Even given we can only hear your side and not hers, it sounds like she's got a great helpmate without having to give out
any intimacy.

Not just sex, but CLOSENESS. Someone to talk to, laugh with,
argue with, share with.

Some women actually do not have a high sex drive. But this
sounds more like she's just not
interested in you. You can't make
someone love you. And honestly, that's
a terrible example for your kids. If
in fact you cannot face divorce, you may have to at least consider separation.

Your first step should be
counseling, however. If she won't
go, go by yourself. You need someone to talk to and vent. A Net forum is a
lousy substitute for a neutral third party.

You may feel it's worthwhile staying together, at least for a
while, for the kids and a comfortable home. There's
nothing wrong with that. Marriage is an economic institution and divorce very
often impoverishes both parties.

Not all marriages are alike. You
may have to be flexible about what your marriage is going to be, going forward.
And if you do things, do them for yourself, not for someone else. You live in
the house, you share the jobs. You have kids, you share the responsibilities.

Don't
be afraid to say - without accusations or snideness - "Hey, let's work out a schedule. I'll
cook dinner Sunday through Tuesday. You cook Wednesday through Saturday."
If she flakes and orders take-out pizza, no big deal. The kids will be thrilled
and nobody's going to die of malnutrition.

If she doesn't
want a husband, you can't make her
want one. What you CAN do is be a good father. Don't
let bitterness fester into divisiveness. Kids grow up so fast, take joy in
spending time with them while you can. They can love you both, in different
ways (trust me, my mother had five marriages - kids are more adaptable than you
think, LOL!).
izaiahjunk20 thanked jakkom
Beverly Hills
8 years ago
Have you tried just outright asking her what's wrong?

Until she reveals it to either you or a counselor, you have to guess: low sex drive or just plain not interested too much in her husband. What are the ages involved? Was there ever a time when she acted differently toward you?
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chefmom
8 years ago
What you listed are just that...excuses. It seems like this has gone on for most of your marriage. When did kids come into the picture? Early and before marriage or just after? How many kids and what ages?

How has intimacy been from the very very beginning? Was it ever there?

I am a woman of low sex drive, I made those kinds of excuses a lot for a very long time in my marriage. In a few months we will be married 25 years and I still have very low sex drive compared to him.

We have always had two very different views on sex, I could leave it easily, he could not. He thought marriage was having sex all day, every day and I didn't think that. I also had a lot of internal anger issues and depression.

I agree with talking straight up about it, but your approach can't be to allow her to give excuse after excuse. Look at yourself first. Are you a good lover? Does she feel satisfied and pleasured? Do you connect with each other or are you just two people "doing it"? Do you ask her to do positions and places that she is uncomfortable with? Is she in pain, any kind of pain during?

How does she feel about herself? If you compliment her and she blows you off, her side of it could be..."He's just saying that to get me in bed..." where if a stranger says it...it's because the stranger MEANS it. It is a warped way of looking at it, but it is also something that a depressed person/self hater thinks inside their head.

Does she have a past history of sexual issues or abuse? Does she have "self" issues with her weight or looks....even if they are only perceived issues and not truth to you as you see her.

If its a constant...I'm tired, so you help her with work so she isn't overwhelmed, you cook, you clean, you step it up with the kids etc etc. At the end of that, it's still another excuse...there is SOMETHING else going on that she isn't saying, and you aren't picking up on. And then she says it's because you put on weight? That's the kicker. If she can't point out your lack of housekeeping or fathering, then its picking on your physical appearance. Yes, darlin...it's something inside her and she needs to be upfront about it.

What do woman really want?

Comments (3)

jakkom

Beverly Hills

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